Triggers and convo in lobby.

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, Bounty said:

Should you have had to witness those comments? We're they inappropriate? Should those topics be allowed in general chat?

I contacted the mods as to see if they can find a solution regarding the chat level in the Lobby. Or at least define clearly the boundaries. 
it’s prob for another thread to talk about what should be included or not in that specific group chat? 
maybe just  disallowed anything related to children or past childhood trauma to avoid any issues like this one again.

The rest it’s up to kinksters to decide if they want to stay in the chat when a conversation become a trigger. After all it’s a fetish site and we are consent adults. 

[so****]

I believe the correct term is "consentual non-consent". & This is why so many people take issue with our 1st amendment being disabled over people's hurt feelings. Feelings shouldn't play any role in 1st amendment speech. Only when threats of immediate *** happen should someone step in. Child issues too, depending on whether it's a legit threat or just people innocently chatting. But our 1st amendment is already under assault in this country. Please, let's not start censoring people here as well. Only when real danger happens & there's an actual need for it. Which I imagine is rare.

[Deleted Member]

45 minutes ago, sonofthunder777 said:

Feelings shouldn't play any role in 1st amendment speech. 

Hey, I used to believe that and still do in many ways, in the right to freedom of speech, but I also see something else now. Just because we are afforded certain rights written in law there are always other factors to consider and feelings do come into play. Empathy for me is an important factor, to feel another's *** and make a moral choice to maybe not cause a trigger, knowing full well another in the same space has a certain issue. That is just basic human decency and to do otherwise for me would just be cruel. I don't think it's an infingment on free speech but a personal moral decision. Of course it's the knowing part that's so important.

 I believe a site like this should in the main censor itself, and generally I think it does. That's why I think threads like this are important, to encourage talk especially when it's the tough stuff. Helps us understand each other better, maybe even learn a little more.

Edited January 26, 2021 by Deleted Member
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[Deleted Member]

Can we drop the child *** angle now. I haven't seen a single instance where someone on this thread has said it is ok.  its NOT ok, its vastly illegal imorral and downright fucking sick behaviour. grasping at straws to make it seem otherwise is boring....

Jen explained that she didnt stick around to read what the other person said after being triggered and 69 explained the situation. i think its now a moot point....  comments Jen saw were taken out of context. lets leave it at that.

If you want to have a rant about censorship, again look at if you are willing to be censored for something you enjoy, impact, breath play, sissification, age play, pet play to name a few examples.. all of these are just as important to the person expressing them as cnc ***play. cnc kidnapping. cnc ***d sissification is to those that enjoy that style of BDSM, i only suggest a different room to protect them from the judgements of the more narrowminded individuals that do seek to kink shame based on their own preferences.. 

I don't like hearing or reading about people having canes used on them but i understand they enjoy it. if i see it i either make the choice to leave the discussion if i think i will be made upset or to join in and talk.  whatever the outcome i dont ever expect people to take my own personal experiences into account when they re talking from their own narrative. that is closed minded and selfish. not everything is about me so why should me thoughts and feelings be more important than someone elses? simple. they are not.... its a shared space and if you cant share dont join in.

At some point we all have to act the age we are and be adult about what we expect to see when being part of a community where all kinks should be accepted... 

 

 

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, sonofthunder777 said:

I believe the correct term is "consentual non-consent". & This is why so many people take issue with our 1st amendment being disabled over people's hurt feelings. Feelings shouldn't play any role in 1st amendment speech. Only when threats of immediate *** happen should someone step in. Child issues too, depending on whether it's a legit threat or just people innocently chatting. But our 1st amendment is already under assault in this country. Please, let's not start censoring people here as well. Only when real danger happens & there's an actual need for it. Which I imagine is rare.

CNC has nothing to do with the first amendment.

The first amendment is an American law, this isn't an American site so I'm not sure it applies here.

 

There is censorship on the site, there has to be to meet online laws. Certain words are blocked and/Or flagged. It's been the same on every site I've been on.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, Bounty said:

Certain words are blocked and/Or flagged. It's been the same on every site I've been on.

 

 

As it should be. there is no space for the seriously depraved. 

[Deleted Member]

As far as I can see this has gotten wayyyyy out of hand. The chat should be a place to discuss kinks of all legal and consensual Nature. Unfortunately that means some people will find some topics distressing or triggering perhaps for valid reasons. But context absolutely matters, it has to be otherwise we end up risking mass censorship every time someone is offended or triggered. Not one person here would condone or accept harming of anyone non consensually. Peace and let this thread die. Dark x

[Annalou]

Hello everyone, I have been keeping my eye on this thread. There are so many things that trigger people, for a plethora of reasons. What triggers you, won't trigger everyone. The Live Chat is a welcoming space to talk about kinks, explorations, and yes, trauma, if it comes up within a safe and consensual space. Context is everything – some topics, when spoken in a damaging context, can cause a lot of harm. However, in another scenario, it could be very helpful for members. 

We are not in the business of silencing others. We do not kink shame. As long as discussions remain within the rules that are clearly stated, they will not be shut down. If something triggers you in a conversation, the best thing to do is leave the Chat for a while and come back when the conversation has moved on. If there is something genuinely concerning or against the rules, call a MOD. 

We could all do with being a bit kinder to each other, and come from a place of understanding. If we refuse to engage in or allow conversations whenever it makes us feel uncomfortable, how will newbies learn what they need to as they delve into the world of BDSM? Assume the best faith in others, and you might be surprised. 

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 12:22 PM, Bounty said:

It's NOT permitted in chat.

Any illegal act is prohibited. R is illegal. R fantasy isn't.

Therein lies a difference.

If R fantasy is a trigger, then I believe it's down to us to accept that, which I think Jen, you are.

 

Child *** is illegal. Not up for discussion. Trigger topics are, and I think should be within consenting parties.

 

Perfectly said and agreed. Bounty gets it and is right.

[Deleted Member]

Also this is not to diminish in any way anyone’s traumas or issues.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Annalou said:

We could all do with being a bit kinder to each other

Yes, that’s the sentiment I first thought of when I read the OP. Why would you talk about such depraved things anyway? There are so many great people on this site, several of whom I consider to be my good friends, but sadly, there are some sickos also. What on earth did they get out of talking about such depraved subjects? It’s beyond my understanding, for sure.

Remember, there’s always the “OFF” button. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. It seems wrong that people should be able to say things that are so against all norms, but the freedom of speech brigade wins out here and people refuse to be censored, no matter how disturbing their comment  is. Sad, isn’t it? I don’t know that there’s anything that we can do about it, really.

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, Fredddy said:

Yes, that’s the sentiment I first thought of when I read the OP. Why would you talk about such depraved things anyway? There are so many great people on this site, several of whom I consider to be my good friends, but sadly, there are some sickos also. What on earth did they get out of talking about such depraved subjects? It’s beyond my understanding, for sure.

Remember, there’s always the “OFF” button. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. It seems wrong that people should be able to say things that are so against all norms, but the freedom of speech brigade wins out here and people refuse to be censored, no matter how disturbing their comment  is. Sad, isn’t it? I don’t know that there’s anything that we can do about it, really.

Are you referring to anything to do with children or CNC/R-play? The first I think you’ll find everyone here agrees with you, the second is kink-shaming. And if you’ve read the entire thread, you’d realise that some people need to talk about their trauma which was the context of the original Lobby discussion.

[Deleted Member]

Trauma shaming shouldn't be a thing either. As someone said earlier, one person's trigger can be another's liberation and healing. I sympathize with anyone who has experienced any kind of ***, but at the same time it's not ones place to silence someone else sharing their own experience.
Traumas can be so life changing and ***ful, people often suppress and avoid remembering them to not have to deal with the psychological/emotional ***, but often facing them is the way to overcome them. As occurs in psychiatric/psychological treatment. 
I have triggers I get reminded of in daily life, but I understand that is my own personal issue I know I have to deal with and I understand its not my right to silence another solely because its unpleasant to me.
Although I agree a level of discretion, a warning, or another chat room specifically for it may be a good idea, but it then can and will become an issue of censorship and another kind of shaming if we silence others for sharing personal/intimate experiences that would be ok to talk about within the right context. Remember context is everything. One has to accept, there will be triggers regardless in life that are just random and often not the fault of the person expressing their own past experiences/traumas etc. The issue of "i think" "should not" is based one's own personal opinion. The point touched upon of the admins they often have to make decisions based on logic and backed by the rules not personal feelings or emotions which is never the right place to make logical decisions from. At the end of the day the real question it comes down to is... Does it break any rules/laws? Is it highly immoral? and Is this the place to talk about it? 

[Wo****]

2 hours ago, Fredddy said:

Yes, that’s the sentiment I first thought of when I read the OP. Why would you talk about such depraved things anyway? There are so many great people on this site, several of whom I consider to be my good friends, but sadly, there are some sickos also. What on earth did they get out of talking about such depraved subjects? It’s beyond my understanding, for sure.

Remember, there’s always the “OFF” button. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. It seems wrong that people should be able to say things that are so against all norms, but the freedom of speech brigade wins out here and people refuse to be censored, no matter how disturbing their comment  is. Sad, isn’t it? I don’t know that there’s anything that we can do about it, really.

I'm sorry but I can't ignore this....

You haven't exactly got the best record when it comes to triggers, have you?

 

You've stated to me, and others, that you don't want to be anybody's "therapist" and you "don't use bdsm as therapy."

Some of us have, and do.

 

The convo in the lobby was someone discussing their trauma. Maybe they got support? Understanding?

 

I don't see anyone "refusing to be censored"  I see people discussing and dealing with sensitive issues.

Edited January 26, 2021 by Bounty
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