Gender demographic of the scene

[Fl****]

Im curious as to the ratio between the genders in Submissive and Dominant Roles. I'm relatively new and im learning a lot just by interacting with the community. But this is a question at the forefront of my mind. When I looked at the men I'd say most were dom but there were a fair chunk of men who identified as submissive. And Women seem to primarily be submissive with a small few being dominant. What are yall's thoughts on this? And why do you think its the case?

[li****]

Men seem to be flexible in their roles, or even down for anything. Very often they aren't even kinky at all.
Most women here are subs, there's a few that are dominant. I've heard that in munches it looks quite different though.

[Fl****]

9 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

Men seem to be flexible in their roles, or even down for anything. Very often they aren't even kinky at all.
Most women here are subs, there's a few that are dominant. I've heard that in munches it looks quite different though.

Is that so? Gosh the world is so big, I understand that, I find it very compelling however. I was under the impression as I came into this that submissive men would be quite the popular commodity here. While it can be reductive to say, I still thought to myself "I imagine there would be lots of competition if i'm to find anyone interested in me" akin to economics. I presumed that Dominant Women would be in High Demand and low supply, while submissive men would be a dime a dozen.

I have a lot of learning to do, and I am very eager to educate myself more, thank you for your insight ^v^

[Fl****]

I'd like to follow up and clarify that as I contimued to explore the app prior to making this discussion topic, I realized that most of the women that I came across were submissive, and the men initially started out submissive, but quickly became more and more dominant and switch.

Which is why I value your input on the matter, it helps contextualize what I was finding. Much appreciated Lilith.

[li****]

6 minutes ago, FlemishGiant said:

Is that so? Gosh the world is so big, I understand that, I find it very compelling however. I was under the impression as I came into this that submissive men would be quite the popular commodity here. While it can be reductive to say, I still thought to myself "I imagine there would be lots of competition if i'm to find anyone interested in me" akin to economics. I presumed that Dominant Women would be in High Demand and low supply, while submissive men would be a dime a dozen.

I have a lot of learning to do, and I am very eager to educate myself more, thank you for your insight ^v^

"Bottoms" are indeed a dime a dozen, but truly submissive men are rare. If you are one them, you have better chances 🙂

[Fl****]

2 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

"Bottoms" are indeed a dime a dozen, but truly submissive men are rare. If you are one them, you have better chances 🙂

Gosh im a little flustered, at any ratw If you dont mind my asking. What would the difference be between a Bottom and a Submissive? Is it the intensity of service?

[li****]

7 minutes ago, FlemishGiant said:

Gosh im a little flustered, at any ratw If you dont mind my asking. What would the difference be between a Bottom and a Submissive? Is it the intensity of service?

Bottoms = someone who receives, could be penetration, ***, *** etc. He wants to be pleased and givees orders.
Subs = someone who wants to please a dominant and adapts to her desires. They're interested in some kind of dynamic or relationship, not only in playing.
Bottoms aren't necessarily submissive. If he's a masochist, he could order her to hit him and that would please him. That's why a dominatrix who charges mo-ney is never a dominant, just a service top.

[Fl****]

7 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

Bottoms = someone who receives, could be penetration, ***, *** etc. He wants to be pleased and givees orders.
Subs = someone who wants to please a dominant and adapts to her desires. They're interested in some kind of dynamic or relationship, not only in playing.
Bottoms aren't necessarily submissive. If he's a masochist, he could order her to hit him and that would please him. That's why a dominatrix who charges mo-ney is never a dominant, just a service top.

Oh wow. That actually makes a lot of sense.

Thats, like a whole different mentality that I never considered. To me, the POINT of it all was to serve someone. Like, gaining pleasure by being told what someone desires and trying to meet those desires. So for instance I wouldnt really say I was a masochist per se, more that I am attracted to sadists and want to please them if able (granted this is all theoretical as I have no experience)

It's just something I've never given thought on

[Fl****]

9 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

Bottoms = someone who receives, could be penetration, ***, *** etc. He wants to be pleased and givees orders.
Subs = someone who wants to please a dominant and adapts to her desires. They're interested in some kind of dynamic or relationship, not only in playing.
Bottoms aren't necessarily submissive. If he's a masochist, he could order her to hit him and that would please him. That's why a dominatrix who charges mo-ney is never a dominant, just a service top.

I also VERY much appreciate the last bit about the differences between a Dominatrix and a Dominant. That is very much useful information that can help me for my time here. Thank you very much :)

[ey****]

what you might find may be proportional to your community.

but, someone did a datasc*** on fetlife

And like of men - those identifying as something to the left of the slash (or switch) worked out at 52.4% of the men - i.e. Dominant

those on the right of the slash (or switch) 30.6%

nowhere near 100% because stuff like hedonist, fetishist, etc vould be either side of the slash, or neither

for women

Dominant including switches = 29.6%

Submissive including switches = 56%

 

So yeah, from the datasc*** men tend to identify Dominant, women submissive, but I'd hardly call 29.6% of women (which would include more actually) as been a small minority 

[Fl****]

2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

what you might find may be proportional to your community.

but, someone did a datasc*** on fetlife

And like of men - those identifying as something to the left of the slash (or switch) worked out at 52.4% of the men - i.e. Dominant

those on the right of the slash (or switch) 30.6%

nowhere near 100% because stuff like hedonist, fetishist, etc vould be either side of the slash, or neither

for women

Dominant including switches = 29.6%

Submissive including switches = 56%

 

So yeah, from the datasc*** men tend to identify Dominant, women submissive, but I'd hardly call 29.6% of women (which would include more actually) as been a small minority 

That was an immensily informative reply! Statistics help ***t an irrefutable picture. Thank you for the insight :)

[li****]

1 hour ago, FlemishGiant said:

I also VERY much appreciate the last bit about the differences between a Dominatrix and a Dominant. That is very much useful information that can help me for my time here. Thank you very much :)

I recommend taking a look at previous posts in Femdom, the topic of ratio comes up very often and it's always an interesting discussion 🙂

[Fl****]

4 minutes ago, liliththedivine said:

I recommend taking a look at previous posts in Femdom, the topic of ratio comes up very often and it's always an interesting discussion 🙂

Ill do that 🫡 thanks again

[Frenchies]

Our point of view is that women are instinctively submissive because of the need for procreation. Even if more than dominant in their jobs or at home, they basically accept that they are needed by males.

[Do****]

As a woman who plays both sides, the psychological/***istic aspect is the men typically want to protect and provide, and the woman typically want to nurture and please. It’s nature but that’s why we are all here exploring. There comes a point where stepping out of the traditional role becomes enticing. Naturally, I was always a sub. Now that I’ve ventured into the domme world, I thoroughly enjoy it. I think that feeling open and free enough to explore what we really want or need is the most important step. In my personal opinion, I think that everyone should experience both so that they can decide what better fits them. Once you find what you like you don’t care, like me. I’ll sub to anyone and domme anyone. I don’t care if you’re man, woman, unicorn…. It’s all about the vibes and trust

[gae]

7 hours ago, liliththedivine said:

Subs = someone who wants to please a dominant and adapts to her desires

Wanting to please your partner is not submission, it's just being a good partner, and it should go both ways ..

Submission is about giving up control to someone, it's not about giving up receiving pleasure .. Subs are not kink dispensers or self-erasing service tools.

[li****]

1 hour ago, gae said:

Wanting to please your partner is not submission, it's just being a good partner, and it should go both ways ..

Submission is about giving up control to someone, it's not about giving up receiving pleasure .. Subs are not kink dispensers or self-erasing service tools.

Definitely it's about giving up control, but I must emphasize the pleasuring part cause the average male bottom doesn't understand we don't get pleasure from topping them.

[cl****]

14 hours ago, FlemishGiant said:

Gosh im a little flustered, at any ratw If you dont mind my asking. What would the difference be between a Bottom and a Submissive? Is it the intensity of service?

Surely its about power. A bottom just wants a bunch of physical acts done to them. There's no power exchange, which is intentional, psychological and chosen.

[Fl****]

16 minutes ago, clear_spring said:

Surely its about power. A bottom just wants a bunch of physical acts done to them. There's no power exchange, which is intentional, psychological and chosen.

As apposed to a submissive who (I assume) DOES want all the points mentioned? Psychological and all?

That makes a lot of sense.

This has been very informative, thank you all for the help!

[Bl****]

14 hours ago, liliththedivine said:

"Bottoms" are indeed a dime a dozen, but truly submissive men are rare. If you are one them, you have better chances 🙂

Bottoms are just the people that like to be on the receiving end. Bottoms and tops are both a dime a dozen. As are verse people, really. When I see people complain about “truly submissive men” being rare it just makes me think of all of the men who complain about the same thing of both men and women while simultaneously calling themselves dom top. Sadly most of those guys are just massive jerks that want to do whatever to their partner and if it’s abusive, No it’s not, because they didn’t say ‘no’. Frankly, the phrase ‘truly submissive’ coming from any dom/me complaining about the lack thereof is a red flag

[Bl****]

Most men and women are socialized into their roles and take a while to find themselves in relation to the world of kink (or not). I think people are naturally pretty switchy, and most deviations from that being personality quirks developed during childhood through adolescence. As such, I think you’ll find that dominance and submission follow cultural norms quite closely.

[ey****]

15 hours ago, FlemishGiant said:

What would the difference be between a Bottom and a Submissive? Is it the intensity of service?

a lot of terms in kink... are interchangeable.  And it's often a case of like choosing a coat, picking the right one that fits you

However. A lot of people have there own views on definitions. I'd say a slight issue is virtually no one considers themselves to be a bottom.Again going back to the fetlife data sc*** - 0.9% of men and 1.9% of women.   Which is especially odd when bottom also has a specific meaning in gay sex

Incidentally, only 0.4% of men (and 1.3% of women) consider themselves a masochist - and masochist is also a term which has evolved.    So now people assume that it is related to ***. When originally, it was not. Masoch wrote more around sexual fetishes and wanting them done to him, than ***.

Regardless. 9% of men used the term sub, 2.4% slave = 11.4% - almost 9 times more than those who were masochist or bottom

The first thing here is of course using identifiers as what people have self defined rather than, necessarily, how others see them.

The bottom, or masochist, might expressly want things done to them. That serve their wants, fetishes, desires, fantasies.  Nothing wrong with that as such.  But it isn't *necessarily* submission. Of course many people are perfectly happy with playing with someone, or being in a relationship with someone, like this

Similarly. It's not true that the submissive (or slave) has no wants, fetishes, desires or fantasies of their own. But their actions should be primarily towards putting someone (their Domme) first and not just in terms of sexual needs and fantasies, but in other aspects of life.

So do these men really outnumber those whose interest lies in play/fetish/fantasy on a 9:1 ratio, or is there perhaps flaws in how people's self-identification in kink roles is perceived?

[cl****]

1 hour ago, FlemishGiant said:

As apposed to a submissive who (I assume) DOES want all the points mentioned? Psychological and all?

That makes a lot of sense.

This has been very informative, thank you all for the help!

There is plenty of info online as well about the difference between a sub and a bottom. You can dominate from the bottom.

[cl****]

33 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

a lot of terms in kink... are interchangeable.  And it's often a case of like choosing a coat, picking the right one that fits you

However. A lot of people have there own views on definitions. I'd say a slight issue is virtually no one considers themselves to be a bottom.Again going back to the fetlife data sc*** - 0.9% of men and 1.9% of women.   Which is especially odd when bottom also has a specific meaning in gay sex

Incidentally, only 0.4% of men (and 1.3% of women) consider themselves a masochist - and masochist is also a term which has evolved.    So now people assume that it is related to ***. When originally, it was not. Masoch wrote more around sexual fetishes and wanting them done to him, than ***.

Regardless. 9% of men used the term sub, 2.4% slave = 11.4% - almost 9 times more than those who were masochist or bottom

The first thing here is of course using identifiers as what people have self defined rather than, necessarily, how others see them.

The bottom, or masochist, might expressly want things done to them. That serve their wants, fetishes, desires, fantasies.  Nothing wrong with that as such.  But it isn't *necessarily* submission. Of course many people are perfectly happy with playing with someone, or being in a relationship with someone, like this

Similarly. It's not true that the submissive (or slave) has no wants, fetishes, desires or fantasies of their own. But their actions should be primarily towards putting someone (their Domme) first and not just in terms of sexual needs and fantasies, but in other aspects of life.

So do these men really outnumber those whose interest lies in play/fetish/fantasy on a 9:1 ratio, or is there perhaps flaws in how people's self-identification in kink roles is perceived?

As a domme, I'd say 90% of the messages I recieve are from bottoms masquerading as submissives. They don't center the needs wishes and desires of a dominant, not interested in service and mostly want a menu of recieving physical acts. A theory is that you need actual relational, emotional skills to be adept at creating and negotiating a power dynamic with someone. Bottoms do not have this or need this to fulfil their desires.

[li****]

2 hours ago, ***OfLethe said:

Bottoms are just the people that like to be on the receiving end. Bottoms and tops are both a dime a dozen. As are verse people, really. When I see people complain about “truly submissive men” being rare it just makes me think of all of the men who complain about the same thing of both men and women while simultaneously calling themselves dom top. Sadly most of those guys are just massive jerks that want to do whatever to their partner and if it’s abusive, No it’s not, because they didn’t say ‘no’. Frankly, the phrase ‘truly submissive’ coming from any dom/me complaining about the lack thereof is a red flag

I highly doubt that dommes mean exactly the same thing as our male counterparts when we say we struggle to find truly submissive men.
Especially not me. I have absolutely no interest in initiating or imposing kinks; not only that, but it's the submissive men the ones who desperately bombard us demanding all kinds of acts from us. It isn't very abusive when it's them pushing boundaries and me blocking left and right, is it?