Subs - handle with care?

[Se****]

Something I’ve noticed over time, and something I think newer, less experienced Doms should at least be aware of.

Many submissives I’ve spoken to carry some history of *** or trauma in their past. Not all - but enough that it’s worth mentioning. For some, choosing submission isn’t about giving up control at all. Quite the opposite. It can be a way of reclaiming agency over their body and sexuality, on their terms, while still expressing themselves through submission.

That paradox matters.

Because when someone offers you their trust in that way, you’re not just holding power - you’re holding context, even if you don’t yet know what it is.

As a trained counsellor, I’ve sometimes recognised patterns or signals that others might miss. Certain triggers, reactions, or dynamics can have roots that go deeper than the scene itself. That doesn’t mean it’s your job to analyse them, fix them, or play therapist. It absolutely isn’t.

But awareness changes how you lead.

Being mindful of this possibility can make you a better Dominant. It encourages patience, clearer communication, and a deeper respect for consent beyond the surface-level yes or no. It can also open the door to a conversation - not an interrogation, not a diagnosis - simply space for your sub to share if they want to.

And if they don’t, that’s fine too.

Dominance isn’t diminished by care. Authority isn’t weakened by empathy. In fact, understanding the person who kneels for you - what grounds them, what unsettles them, what helps them feel safe - often strengthens the dynamic rather than softening it.

Handle with care doesn’t mean walk on eggshells.

It means lead with awareness.

Would you agree?

SD

[Sh****]

As a sub who does have that kind of history, and being new to kink, I fully agree and appreciate this awareness and distinction.

[An****]

That’s a great insight, thanks for sharing

[Pa****]

There is wisdom in these words.

[ir****]

I wholeheartedly agree!

[Ba****]

VERY WELL SAID. Also as a sub I can relate

[to****]

This is beautifully said! And it is so relevant to so many subs!

[Ty****]

Excellent insight to the dynamic and have found the majority of my subs over the years have all had trauma in their past. By them GIVING and GIFTING their submission, their body, their mind, heart, safety and emotional well being they are in control of that choice and therefore it can be the***utic for them. Which is also why as a Dom providing that aftercare is so necessary and meaningful.

[Ne****]

So... regarding others as if they're People, Human Beings, and giving a sh*te about Their Feelings, Thoughts? Imagine that! Well more than *most* are willing or even capable of doing in my observance and experience.
Thank You for sharing how things *should* *could* be and I wish that level of Care, and Dominance, and simple regard for Every One.

[do****]

Agreed. Well said

[Th****]

Maybe…everyone should learn some basic psychology facts about your partner, maybe some grounding techniques or how to deal with emotions.
The responsibilities of taking care of a traumatized pet could be different from simply having fun.
But before everything, think about if this relationship is good for both of you.

Great insight 💪