How hard is it REALLY to find a dominant woman for life? (FLR / lifestyle femdom edition)

[ey****]

So, as this is copy/pasted from ChatGPT (or similar) it's littered with inaccuracies. 
Which is one of the big issues.

There are some valid points I may come up with in a follow up post, using real human words.  But seriously, you all have to stop using basic LLMs for 'research'

[cl****]

2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, as this is copy/pasted from ChatGPT (or similar) it's littered with inaccuracies. 
Which is one of the big issues.

There are some valid points I may come up with in a follow up post, using real human words.  But seriously, you all have to stop using basic LLMs for 'research'

Most likely chat gpt assisted with some modification to make it seem like it was written entirely organically

[Si****]

1 hour ago, clear_spring said:

3. When cash is involved- The more you interact with online paid experiences the less attuned you will be to the real thing.

That’s exactly why I refuse to pay.

[ey****]

To digest your sections

1) 
Finding relationships in general is hard.  Adding extra caveats (i.e. as well as someone I am generally compatibly with she also must be a Dominant) makes it harder. That shouldn't be difficult to understand.
But there's the use of "True Dominant" which is prevalent throughout this post which sets of klaxons for reasons I'll come to.

2) 
Citation needed.
But the main issue. So let's pretend the data is correct and you've got 60-75% women prefer submissive roles
That is 25%-40% prefer Dominant
It also doesn't account for switches who might 'prefer' submissive roles, but still be interested in Dominating someone to some degree.
But the first laughable thing is to then without source to then suggest only 5-10% of those who say the prefer Dominant roles are "true Dommes" and, frankly - that's ignorant and batshit.
So when you see about Male Subs outnumbering Female Dominants - especially on such a grandscale - it assumes every male sub is a "true sub" but only a small percent of female Dominants are "true Dommes" - like, honestly. That arrogance can get fucked.

"Community Data" - really, have you ever actually been involved in the community or just copy AI online?!

3)
OK. I can kinda get behind this. It ties in with point one about the extra caveats.  Yes, that does make it harder. But this is also a two way street since the Domme's looking also have their caveats.

4)
It's funny in the sense this is quite an important point and it's summarised like a foot note.
There was a lady made a much better post on that subject on the forum a while ago. I might struggle to find it.  
But there is something also missing in the sense that... often how FLRs are presented to women is more work, more commitment, more responsibility - often taking this from the man. It becomes labour.  Many men would get the FLR, or D/s relationship, or kink relationship, etc they craved if it actually benefited the other person.   But there's often a lot they won't let go of when it comes to things like final authority, control of finances, etc. and too often lack initiative.  

5)
I kinda get behind this.  It's why it's folly to only look online.  Any sub who is only looking for a Domme on dating apps or fetlife is setting themselves up for failure. Particularly if they're lacking accountability for their own development/role as a sub.

6)
I can get behind this also.  This being an issue in the male behaviour. Things if he's doing, not sure why he'd consider himself a sub or why he's counted in the "ratio"

7)
Yes. Absolutely. One can also not ignore the value of passive connection.  That is either online or IRL, people who you frequently interact with and have a mutual 'feel warm towards' 

8)
Yep. I agree with GPTs final footnote.
 

[li****]

9 hours ago, koryk said:

It's not very hard at all--but often it is very expensive. In my experience, most subs are broke losers, so paired with the domme shortage it's impossible to find a talented girl unless you're exceptionally attractive.

Personally I've only found a few "freedommes" that were worth playing with. The good ones know their worth.

Most subs are broke losers? That hasn't been my experience at all, but I guess I'm selective.
Anyway, thank you for the balance approach to the problem 🙏

[Ka****]

4 hours ago, clear_spring said:

Imho: 1. Most self described 'submissives' are sensation bottoms. They want a menu of physical acts done to them. It is agnostic who she is as long as she fits a service archetype. A born dominant woman is unlikely to monetize her sexuality and orientation because her relationship to HERSELF is 24/7 and likely to lead in her own life in a career or occupation without turning to sex work and playing a role of client-service center provider. You will attract a woman in the lowest percentiles if you have done the work on yourself and owned your submission as a psychological choice rather than needing someone to regulate hormonal impulses or sensation addictions.

2. Submission and surrender is power exchange. Bottoming does not require power exchange. FLR resembles a 'vanilla' relationship with even MORE emotional intelligence and service to center her needs and leadership. Power us given up. She makes the decisions ultimately as is a hierarchy. Sure you can manage up skillfully but a strong dominant of either gender will sense the games being played.

This. 😌

[Ka****]

Hello everybody 😉
I have carefully read every message written so far, and as a dominant woman, I want to share my own perspective based on what I have personally experienced during the year and three months I’ve been using this app, interacting with “subs” and pseudo-subs.

About 90% of the subs who message me start by sending—before even a basic “good morning, my name is…”—a long list of their fantasies (which almost always revolve around their own pleasure), a picture of their penis or abs (completely irrelevant to me as a first message), or the typical lines like “let me serve you” or “I want everything I do to be for you.”
This is empty, lazy, and honestly foolish. It tells me immediately that this person isn’t truly interested in submission or BDSM—they simply want to be sexually used or played with. And real BDSM and submission go far beyond sexual pleasure.

First and second: this is not about what you want me to do to you in a sexual context. I do not exist to satisfy your sexual desires. If that’s what you want—and you are an adult and can’t find it—then go pay a professional Domme and be happy.

The sad reality is that most “subs” think only with their penis and have little to no interest in building a connection first. They don’t care about getting to know the other person; they just want someone to play with their mind. And yes, there are women who offer that, but please—if you are an adult and want any kind of relationship, even if it’s not BDSM, even if it’s friends with benefits or vanilla, you always start from zero, getting to know the other person. Something may grow or it may not, but that’s how it works.

Most subs who write to me are simply horny in their heads. They want to “serve me,” but very few actually have a genuine interest in letting themselves be known or in knowing me beyond “femdom.”

Personally, I’m not here looking for the love of my life, but it is important to me to interact and invest my energy and my time in someone who is truly present for me—someone who can see me not only as their Domme, but also as the amazing human being that I am. Someone who is willing to submit, to obey, to want to improve, and to build a real connection.

Everyone writes: “I haven’t found anyone,” “it’s hard,” “all Dommes want ***.” But has anyone stopped to ask themselves:
What am I offering besides my penis?
Do I genuinely care, or do I just want to be fucked because I’m horny?
Am I social?
Do I really want to continue?
Am I willing to open myself up?

I’m sorry, but regardless of being a Domme or a sub, as women we have the freedom to choose one or multiple partners. A message with a penis picture or a long list of fantasies simply won’t work—we already have plenty of that.

😉 Sorry if this isn’t the sweetest or friendliest message, but I love submissive men. However, beyond that, honesty, respect, and the desire to truly create something with another person are things very few actually have. And this is a reality that many Dommes here experience.

Anyone can play with your body or your brain.
But connection is sexy and powerful.

Peace.

[Ki****]

It is hard. I am polyamorous, in 2 dynamics, but neither of my partners is really dominant. We practice kink and have kinky play, but I don't feel I have an authority exchange.

I realized I can submit and be fulfilled without a dominant partner. Another part of me, craves the disciplinarian type of relationship, and I simply have not found someone where there is connection, trust, vulnerability and kink compatibility.

In the mean time, I keep working on being a better me, and hopefully I'll meet the right person.

Getting out to munches and events is for sure the best way to meet people.

Good luck 🤞

[cl****]

5 hours ago, SissyYani said:

That’s exactly why I refuse to pay.

Its your choice who you interact with, you don't have to actively refuse

[cl****]

57 minutes ago, Kinky_Shaman said:

It is hard. I am polyamorous, in 2 dynamics, but neither of my partners is really dominant. We practice kink and have kinky play, but I don't feel I have an authority exchange.

I realized I can submit and be fulfilled without a dominant partner. Another part of me, craves the disciplinarian type of relationship, and I simply have not found someone where there is connection, trust, vulnerability and kink compatibility.

In the mean time, I keep working on being a better me, and hopefully I'll meet the right person.

Getting out to munches and events is for sure the best way to meet people.

Good luck 🤞

Munches and meetings are how you might find your person. If someone refuses to attend things in the community it says that they are dictated by the search algo and maybe limited socially

[cl****]

2 hours ago, Karmilla said:

Hello everybody 😉
I have carefully read every message written so far, and as a dominant woman, I want to share my own perspective based on what I have personally experienced during the year and three months I’ve been using this app, interacting with “subs” and pseudo-subs.

About 90% of the subs who message me start by sending—before even a basic “good morning, my name is…”—a long list of their fantasies (which almost always revolve around their own pleasure), a picture of their penis or abs (completely irrelevant to me as a first message), or the typical lines like “let me serve you” or “I want everything I do to be for you.”
This is empty, lazy, and honestly foolish. It tells me immediately that this person isn’t truly interested in submission or BDSM—they simply want to be sexually used or played with. And real BDSM and submission go far beyond sexual pleasure.

First and second: this is not about what you want me to do to you in a sexual context. I do not exist to satisfy your sexual desires. If that’s what you want—and you are an adult and can’t find it—then go pay a professional Domme and be happy.

The sad reality is that most “subs” think only with their penis and have little to no interest in building a connection first. They don’t care about getting to know the other person; they just want someone to play with their mind. And yes, there are women who offer that, but please—if you are an adult and want any kind of relationship, even if it’s not BDSM, even if it’s friends with benefits or vanilla, you always start from zero, getting to know the other person. Something may grow or it may not, but that’s how it works.

Most subs who write to me are simply horny in their heads. They want to “serve me,” but very few actually have a genuine interest in letting themselves be known or in knowing me beyond “femdom.”

Personally, I’m not here looking for the love of my life, but it is important to me to interact and invest my energy and my time in someone who is truly present for me—someone who can see me not only as their Domme, but also as the amazing human being that I am. Someone who is willing to submit, to obey, to want to improve, and to build a real connection.

Everyone writes: “I haven’t found anyone,” “it’s hard,” “all Dommes want ***.” But has anyone stopped to ask themselves:
What am I offering besides my penis?
Do I genuinely care, or do I just want to be fucked because I’m horny?
Am I social?
Do I really want to continue?
Am I willing to open myself up?

I’m sorry, but regardless of being a Domme or a sub, as women we have the freedom to choose one or multiple partners. A message with a penis picture or a long list of fantasies simply won’t work—we already have plenty of that.

😉 Sorry if this isn’t the sweetest or friendliest message, but I love submissive men. However, beyond that, honesty, respect, and the desire to truly create something with another person are things very few actually have. And this is a reality that many Dommes here experience.

Anyone can play with your body or your brain.
But connection is sexy and powerful.

Peace.

The majority are living in fantasy behind a screen and will 90% likely not meet up offline. This 'cyber' connection robs people of social skills to mingle at a munch or belong to a BDSM community ultimately which makes things dangerous as a domme because subs can 100% be dangerous and risk you and them with little experience

[Si****]

2 hours ago, Karmilla said:

Hello everybody 😉
I have carefully read every message written so far, and as a dominant woman, I want to share my own perspective based on what I have personally experienced during the year and three months I’ve been using this app, interacting with “subs” and pseudo-subs.

About 90% of the subs who message me start by sending—before even a basic “good morning, my name is…”—a long list of their fantasies (which almost always revolve around their own pleasure), a picture of their penis or abs (completely irrelevant to me as a first message), or the typical lines like “let me serve you” or “I want everything I do to be for you.”
This is empty, lazy, and honestly foolish. It tells me immediately that this person isn’t truly interested in submission or BDSM—they simply want to be sexually used or played with. And real BDSM and submission go far beyond sexual pleasure.

First and second: this is not about what you want me to do to you in a sexual context. I do not exist to satisfy your sexual desires. If that’s what you want—and you are an adult and can’t find it—then go pay a professional Domme and be happy.

The sad reality is that most “subs” think only with their penis and have little to no interest in building a connection first. They don’t care about getting to know the other person; they just want someone to play with their mind. And yes, there are women who offer that, but please—if you are an adult and want any kind of relationship, even if it’s not BDSM, even if it’s friends with benefits or vanilla, you always start from zero, getting to know the other person. Something may grow or it may not, but that’s how it works.

Most subs who write to me are simply horny in their heads. They want to “serve me,” but very few actually have a genuine interest in letting themselves be known or in knowing me beyond “femdom.”

Personally, I’m not here looking for the love of my life, but it is important to me to interact and invest my energy and my time in someone who is truly present for me—someone who can see me not only as their Domme, but also as the amazing human being that I am. Someone who is willing to submit, to obey, to want to improve, and to build a real connection.

Everyone writes: “I haven’t found anyone,” “it’s hard,” “all Dommes want ***.” But has anyone stopped to ask themselves:
What am I offering besides my penis?
Do I genuinely care, or do I just want to be fucked because I’m horny?
Am I social?
Do I really want to continue?
Am I willing to open myself up?

I’m sorry, but regardless of being a Domme or a sub, as women we have the freedom to choose one or multiple partners. A message with a penis picture or a long list of fantasies simply won’t work—we already have plenty of that.

😉 Sorry if this isn’t the sweetest or friendliest message, but I love submissive men. However, beyond that, honesty, respect, and the desire to truly create something with another person are things very few actually have. And this is a reality that many Dommes here experience.

Anyone can play with your body or your brain.
But connection is sexy and powerful.

Peace.

Thanks for the quote!! I would like to know you better!☺️

[Go****]

really?

[Hr****]

6 hours ago, Karmilla said:

Hello everybody 😉
I have carefully read every message written so far, and as a dominant woman, I want to share my own perspective based on what I have personally experienced during the year and three months I’ve been using this app, interacting with “subs” and pseudo-subs.

About 90% of the subs who message me start by sending—before even a basic “good morning, my name is…”—a long list of their fantasies (which almost always revolve around their own pleasure), a picture of their penis or abs (completely irrelevant to me as a first message), or the typical lines like “let me serve you” or “I want everything I do to be for you.”
This is empty, lazy, and honestly foolish. It tells me immediately that this person isn’t truly interested in submission or BDSM—they simply want to be sexually used or played with. And real BDSM and submission go far beyond sexual pleasure.

First and second: this is not about what you want me to do to you in a sexual context. I do not exist to satisfy your sexual desires. If that’s what you want—and you are an adult and can’t find it—then go pay a professional Domme and be happy.

The sad reality is that most “subs” think only with their penis and have little to no interest in building a connection first. They don’t care about getting to know the other person; they just want someone to play with their mind. And yes, there are women who offer that, but please—if you are an adult and want any kind of relationship, even if it’s not BDSM, even if it’s friends with benefits or vanilla, you always start from zero, getting to know the other person. Something may grow or it may not, but that’s how it works.

Most subs who write to me are simply horny in their heads. They want to “serve me,” but very few actually have a genuine interest in letting themselves be known or in knowing me beyond “femdom.”

Personally, I’m not here looking for the love of my life, but it is important to me to interact and invest my energy and my time in someone who is truly present for me—someone who can see me not only as their Domme, but also as the amazing human being that I am. Someone who is willing to submit, to obey, to want to improve, and to build a real connection.

Everyone writes: “I haven’t found anyone,” “it’s hard,” “all Dommes want ***.” But has anyone stopped to ask themselves:
What am I offering besides my penis?
Do I genuinely care, or do I just want to be fucked because I’m horny?
Am I social?
Do I really want to continue?
Am I willing to open myself up?

I’m sorry, but regardless of being a Domme or a sub, as women we have the freedom to choose one or multiple partners. A message with a penis picture or a long list of fantasies simply won’t work—we already have plenty of that.

😉 Sorry if this isn’t the sweetest or friendliest message, but I love submissive men. However, beyond that, honesty, respect, and the desire to truly create something with another person are things very few actually have. And this is a reality that many Dommes here experience.

Anyone can play with your body or your brain.
But connection is sexy and powerful.

Peace.

Thank you for the perspective

[Go****]

9 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

To digest your sections

1) 
Finding relationships in general is hard.  Adding extra caveats (i.e. as well as someone I am generally compatibly with she also must be a Dominant) makes it harder. That shouldn't be difficult to understand.
But there's the use of "True Dominant" which is prevalent throughout this post which sets of klaxons for reasons I'll come to.

2) 
Citation needed.
But the main issue. So let's pretend the data is correct and you've got 60-75% women prefer submissive roles
That is 25%-40% prefer Dominant
It also doesn't account for switches who might 'prefer' submissive roles, but still be interested in Dominating someone to some degree.
But the first laughable thing is to then without source to then suggest only 5-10% of those who say the prefer Dominant roles are "true Dommes" and, frankly - that's ignorant and batshit.
So when you see about Male Subs outnumbering Female Dominants - especially on such a grandscale - it assumes every male sub is a "true sub" but only a small percent of female Dominants are "true Dommes" - like, honestly. That arrogance can get fucked.

"Community Data" - really, have you ever actually been involved in the community or just copy AI online?!

3)
OK. I can kinda get behind this. It ties in with point one about the extra caveats.  Yes, that does make it harder. But this is also a two way street since the Domme's looking also have their caveats.

4)
It's funny in the sense this is quite an important point and it's summarised like a foot note.
There was a lady made a much better post on that subject on the forum a while ago. I might struggle to find it.  
But there is something also missing in the sense that... often how FLRs are presented to women is more work, more commitment, more responsibility - often taking this from the man. It becomes labour.  Many men would get the FLR, or D/s relationship, or kink relationship, etc they craved if it actually benefited the other person.   But there's often a lot they won't let go of when it comes to things like final authority, control of finances, etc. and too often lack initiative.  

5)
I kinda get behind this.  It's why it's folly to only look online.  Any sub who is only looking for a Domme on dating apps or fetlife is setting themselves up for failure. Particularly if they're lacking accountability for their own development/role as a sub.

6)
I can get behind this also.  This being an issue in the male behaviour. Things if he's doing, not sure why he'd consider himself a sub or why he's counted in the "ratio"

7)
Yes. Absolutely. One can also not ignore the value of passive connection.  That is either online or IRL, people who you frequently interact with and have a mutual 'feel warm towards' 

8)
Yep. I agree with GPTs final footnote.
 

you really touched all the point that matters.... especially 4.... they bring you submission as a way to make you do fantasy labor and when you test them, they show their real faces

[Go****]

6 hours ago, Karmilla said:

Hello everybody 😉
I have carefully read every message written so far, and as a dominant woman, I want to share my own perspective based on what I have personally experienced during the year and three months I’ve been using this app, interacting with “subs” and pseudo-subs.

About 90% of the subs who message me start by sending—before even a basic “good morning, my name is…”—a long list of their fantasies (which almost always revolve around their own pleasure), a picture of their penis or abs (completely irrelevant to me as a first message), or the typical lines like “let me serve you” or “I want everything I do to be for you.”
This is empty, lazy, and honestly foolish. It tells me immediately that this person isn’t truly interested in submission or BDSM—they simply want to be sexually used or played with. And real BDSM and submission go far beyond sexual pleasure.

First and second: this is not about what you want me to do to you in a sexual context. I do not exist to satisfy your sexual desires. If that’s what you want—and you are an adult and can’t find it—then go pay a professional Domme and be happy.

The sad reality is that most “subs” think only with their penis and have little to no interest in building a connection first. They don’t care about getting to know the other person; they just want someone to play with their mind. And yes, there are women who offer that, but please—if you are an adult and want any kind of relationship, even if it’s not BDSM, even if it’s friends with benefits or vanilla, you always start from zero, getting to know the other person. Something may grow or it may not, but that’s how it works.

Most subs who write to me are simply horny in their heads. They want to “serve me,” but very few actually have a genuine interest in letting themselves be known or in knowing me beyond “femdom.”

Personally, I’m not here looking for the love of my life, but it is important to me to interact and invest my energy and my time in someone who is truly present for me—someone who can see me not only as their Domme, but also as the amazing human being that I am. Someone who is willing to submit, to obey, to want to improve, and to build a real connection.

Everyone writes: “I haven’t found anyone,” “it’s hard,” “all Dommes want ***.” But has anyone stopped to ask themselves:
What am I offering besides my penis?
Do I genuinely care, or do I just want to be fucked because I’m horny?
Am I social?
Do I really want to continue?
Am I willing to open myself up?

I’m sorry, but regardless of being a Domme or a sub, as women we have the freedom to choose one or multiple partners. A message with a penis picture or a long list of fantasies simply won’t work—we already have plenty of that.

😉 Sorry if this isn’t the sweetest or friendliest message, but I love submissive men. However, beyond that, honesty, respect, and the desire to truly create something with another person are things very few actually have. And this is a reality that many Dommes here experience.

Anyone can play with your body or your brain.
But connection is sexy and powerful.

Peace.

ALL THIS ....i love when they order you to punish them , by using their own personal fantasies or telling you they will demean themself like hold on, am i the dom here or are you?

[ey****]

52 minutes ago, Godessy said:

 

you really touched all the point that matters.... especially 4.... they bring you submission as a way to make you do fantasy labor and when you test them, they show their real faces

there was a simple post I once saw which summed it all up "More women would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them"

[Go****]

27 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

there was a simple post I once saw which summed it all up "More women would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them"

ohh i see its kinda sad, i want me a cute devouted sub to love