How hard is it REALLY to find a dominant woman for life? (FLR / lifestyle femdom edition)

[Si****]

1 hour ago, EmpressKK said:

How disrespectful are you? 😳 We are called 'Lifestyle Dommes', and most of us already know our worth, we just don't see the need to charge people to play. With an attitude such as yours, I'm surprised more Dommes don't demand payment. I'm beginning to want to charge ingrates and time wasters.

'Professional Dommes' are called so for a reason, most have worked very hard and know their craft. Time and energy are very precious, and worth paying for. I hope they get every penny they deserve, and us Lifestyle Dommes get the respect and appreciation we deserve.

EmpressKK coming out swinging!!  Thanks for defending us subs!!  

Enough said.

[cl****]

7 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

Not at all!  It might simply mean their identity being known would have deleterious consequences to their life.  Maybe they'll get fired, lose friends, lose family.  It could be they don't have an acceptable option for munches and meetings.  Those don't exist everywhere.  My nearest munch is 8 hours away, north, east, or west.  And even if it was an option, not everyone feels comfortable to buddy up with randos who share sexual interests.  I could keep poking holes, but you get the point.

Community is not 'randos'. Its a place where people who have done the work to integrate their sexual identities meet, learn and vet over maybe months. People aren't discussing kink straight off the bat or fantasy pushing.

Also, alot of munches don't require you to give a name you're not comfortable with. Your professional identity is is yours to manage, your boundaries with yourself and what you choose to disclose is entirely within your own power

[cl****]

21 hours ago, Godessy said:

you really touched all the point that matters.... especially 4.... they bring you submission as a way to make you do fantasy labor and when you test them, they show their real faces

Its because its not submission. Its a sensation bottom ordering you to do things to them like a menu. It has nothing to do with centering a woman's power. It is opposite. They are extracting your energy with entitlement about their own needs.

[cl****]

30 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

Thank you for all the time you spent on this entire post.  It was helpful to me personally, and I'm sure others.  Nothing you said was offensive, in any way.  Most people are too sensitive anyway.  Truth is truth.  To all Dommes, please remain open minded when subs message you.  Good ones exist, give 'em a chance.  Frankly, I'd love a Domme to respond with a list of everything I'm doing wrong.  It would focus me, make me laugh at myself, correct some things, and then turn me on.  Uh-oh, I got sexual.  lol.  Point is, please be open minded Dommes, communicating to a stranger in one message is not the easiest of feats.  Thanks again for your thorough post!  

Dommes don't owe everyone the free educational labour of 'a list' and corrections. They also don't owe focus without consent. The lack of permission seeking indicates the vastness of entitlement and the inverse level of respect needed to engage with another person, let alone a dominant woman.

[Si****]

1 minute ago, clear_spring said:

 

Dommes don't owe everyone the free educational labour of 'a list' and corrections. They also don't owe focus without consent. The lack of permission seeking indicates the vastness of entitlement and the inverse level of respect needed to engage with another person, let alone a dominant woman.

I never said anyone owes anyone, anything... Other than subs to approach with respect and decency.  I'm asking Dommes to realize that if you want to learn someones intent, then you'll probably have to communicate with them.  If you consider that demanding then... you win.

[cl****]

1 minute ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

I never said anyone owes anyone, anything... Other than subs to approach with respect and decency.  I'm asking Dommes to realize that if you want to learn someones intent, then you'll probably have to communicate with them.  If you consider that demanding then... you win.

Dommes get bombarded with messages daily. They're not obligated to investigate intent unless something of value is offered that makes the interaction valuable to them.

[cl****]

Dommes also do not 'need' to realise things. By definition femdoms are an authority on their own lives and make decisions on who they wish to connect to based on their own criteria.

[Si****]

11 minutes ago, clear_spring said:

 

Community is not 'randos'. Its a place where people who have done the work to integrate their sexual identities meet, learn and vet over maybe months. People aren't discussing kink straight off the bat or fantasy pushing.

Also, alot of munches don't require you to give a name you're not comfortable with. Your professional identity is is yours to manage, your boundaries with yourself and what you choose to disclose is entirely within your own power

They are randos.  They are completely random people that I know nothing about, intention included.  Them sharing a lifestyle interest doesn't qualify them to be friend anymore than the next person walking down the street that shares my interest in being a dog owner.  It's human nature to protect oneself.

Showing your face IS showing your identity.  Not all of us live in big metro areas.

[cl****]

1 minute ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

They are randos.  They are completely random people that I know nothing about, intention included.  Them sharing a lifestyle interest doesn't qualify them to be friend anymore than the next person walking down the street that shares my interest in being a dog owner.  It's human nature to protect oneself.

Showing your face IS showing your identity.  Not all of us live in big metro areas.

Community is made up people. Connection requires investment. What you are describing is a lack of social skills where a bdsm or kink community space has been intentionally platformed for the purpose of supporting the culture.

[cl****]

3 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

They are randos.  They are completely random people that I know nothing about, intention included.  Them sharing a lifestyle interest doesn't qualify them to be friend anymore than the next person walking down the street that shares my interest in being a dog owner.  It's human nature to protect oneself.

Showing your face IS showing your identity.  Not all of us live in big metro areas.

This also shows a lack of experience. Munches have a code of not outing people. And unless you are engaging in illegal activities or harassing others members you are unlikely to be kicked out. Mumches act as vetting spaces so dommes and subs can filter whether people are safe to play with.

[Si****]

Just now, clear_spring said:

This also shows a lack of experience. Munches have a code of not outing people. And unless you are engaging in illegal activities or harassing others members you are unlikely to be kicked out. Mumches act as vetting spaces so dommes and subs can filter whether people are safe to play with.

These munches go on where?  At a restaurant?  A bar?  Event place?  Who works there?  You have no clue what my given situation is.  How could you?  I understand community members like munches.  Again, everywhere is different.  Please stop assuming this.

[cl****]

39 minutes ago, Godessy said:

humm, I wanted to gently correct one assumption here: not receiving a reply isn’t the same as being ignored or dismissed. It’s usually a Domme exercising discernment about where to invest her limited emotional and relational energy:
Openness doesn’t necessarly mean obligation. Autonomy includes the right to not engage, even with people who are polite, well-intentioned, or ‘harmless.’ The disconnect often isn’t that quality subs don’t exist , it’s that many underestimate how selective dominant women must be to protect their time, safety, and nervous system i ***

Whats interesting is that the domme/sub culture doesn't preclude that misogynists are also here. In my experience I have dealt with male subs who resent women, resent needing control dynamics and do not have the social skill to get consented play.
This is where femmes and dommes could do well with vetting in their community as to how men behave and treat you. Do they argue that dommes 'should' do x y z for them when the behaviour doesn't warrant it? Stay safe.

[cl****]

3 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

These munches go on where?  At a restaurant?  A bar?  Event place?  Who works there?  You have no clue what my given situation is.  How could you?  I understand community members like munches.  Again, everywhere is different.  Please stop assuming this.

Those questions are for you to discern. Not anyone else's work.

[Si****]

16 minutes ago, clear_spring said:

 

Dommes get bombarded with messages daily. They're not obligated to investigate intent unless something of value is offered that makes the interaction valuable to them.

I agree.  I think.  "Investigating intent" shouldn't be too hard to figure out.  Women are naturally better at it, too.  The 'value" offered would be a potential partner.  Your right, it's up to every person to determine how much effort to apply when searching for that special someone.

[Si****]

22 minutes ago, clear_spring said:

Dommes also do not 'need' to realise things. By definition femdoms are an authority on their own lives and make decisions on who they wish to connect to based on their own criteria.

Fair enough.  Just realize that approach is not ideal for facilitating connection.  That was, and still is, my main point.  I honestly don't know why we continue focusing on this.  We're agreeing.

[cl****]

2 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

Fair enough.  Just realize that approach is not ideal for facilitating connection.  That was, and still is, my main point.  I honestly don't know why we continue focusing on this.  We're agreeing.

Dommes don't lack offers of connection. They are looking for quality. Your posts show a lack of understanding with regards to female dominance. HER authority IS to choose how she wishes. This IS an expression of dominance. She does not 'need' to give a chance to anyone if she doesn't find it valuable.

[Si****]

23 minutes ago, clear_spring said:

 

Community is made up people. Connection requires investment. What you are describing is a lack of social skills where a bdsm or kink community space has been intentionally platformed for the purpose of supporting the culture.

This is how events usually are in smaller/rural towns.  It really, really sucks.

[Si****]

Just now, clear_spring said:

 

Dommes don't lack offers of connection. They are looking for quality. Your posts show a lack of understanding with regards to female dominance. HER authority IS to choose how she wishes. This IS an expression of dominance. She does not 'need' to give a chance to anyone if she doesn't find it valuable.

I agree with all of that!  Ain't that ironic.  lol

[cl****]

13 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

I agree.  I think.  "Investigating intent" shouldn't be too hard to figure out.  Women are naturally better at it, too.  The 'value" offered would be a potential partner.  Your right, it's up to every person to determine how much effort to apply when searching for that special someone.

Women are not naturally better. They are vigilant because the structure makes them that way. There is no value which is inherent in a partner. It is the quality offered that matters. There is no woman who owes a man attention when imshe says it does not serve her or what she wants. This is where a domme's exoerience of No means NO is ironically ***d by the very men who claim to be submissive to HER authority.

[Si****]

2 minutes ago, clear_spring said:

 

Dommes don't lack offers of connection. They are looking for quality. Your posts show a lack of understanding with regards to female dominance. HER authority IS to choose how she wishes. This IS an expression of dominance. She does not 'need' to give a chance to anyone if she doesn't find it valuable.

You can choose to interact with whoever you want.  Such is free life.  Just like you can choose what effort, if any, to devote to teaching your sub.  This is all commonly agreed upon stuff.  At least I thought.

[cl****]

8 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

I agree with all of that!  Ain't that ironic.  lol

Your posts show a mix of flip flopping and directive instructions on how dommes 'should' adapt to negative conditions on their time and labour. This is what's ironic. They are adapting without being told how to be a man or nake submissive who does not live her experience. In fact responding to every message we get is detrimental. You want that?

[cl****]

24 minutes ago, Godessy said:

All and everything you said was on point!!! angry , misoginistic coded playing sub, one of them was insulting another woman and calling her "sensitive" , when i try to get him to explain what "woke" means , he spiraled called me ignorant when i told him it was vernacular for "being awake to social injustice", he said that i was too uneducated, to stop talking and when i said how emotional of you- he blocked me , hahaha

Men who hate women can also label themselves 'submissives' if they are simply looking for a archetypal service dynamic. Both can be true at the same time. Men who pay prodommes don't necessarily respect them either, or female dominance.

[cl****]

6 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

You can choose to interact with whoever you want.  Such is free life.  Just like you can choose what effort, if any, to devote to teaching your sub.  This is all commonly agreed upon stuff.  At least I thought.

And your posts instruct dommes what to do.

[Si****]

27 minutes ago, clear_spring said:

 

Whats interesting is that the domme/sub culture doesn't preclude that misogynists are also here. In my experience I have dealt with male subs who resent women, resent needing control dynamics and do not have the social skill to get consented play.
This is where femmes and dommes could do well with vetting in their community as to how men behave and treat you. Do they argue that dommes 'should' do x y z for them when the behaviour doesn't warrant it? Stay safe.

Are you referring to me?  I really hope you aren't calling me a misogynist.  That would be a completely irrational take from the limited text we've exchanged.  Disagreeing with someone doesn't automatically make them anti-you or your identifying group.

[cl****]

8 minutes ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

You can choose to interact with whoever you want.  Such is free life.  Just like you can choose what effort, if any, to devote to teaching your sub.  This is all commonly agreed upon stuff.  At least I thought.

What a domme chooses to do with a sub may have zero to do with teaching. The implication that that labour is already there speaks volumes.