How hard is it REALLY to find a dominant woman for life? (FLR / lifestyle femdom edition)

[Deleted Member]

who educated the dom? weaponized incompetence is not the flex yall think it is , just saying .... imagine going to your boss telling him you can't do the job you applied to do... being a woman in this world sucks no matter how you look at it-
"women, free labor since 1999"

[Si****]

40 minutes ago, clear_spring said:

 

Those questions are for you to discern. Not anyone else's work.

I have... That's the point.  Munches aren't as available to everyone as you think.  

[Si****]

41 minutes ago, clear_spring said:

This thread is here for all to read with all inputs and chronology. Which is interesting considering the very limited pool of dominant women, who are more likely than not to be highly educated and lead in other facets of their life

Indeed.  I'm confident anyone objective will see I'm not a misogynist.  In fact, I didn't even know how to spell misogynist until I just read it.  lol   It's insane that me hating women is what you default to.  It says a lot...

[ey****]

Oh this has been an active thread today.  I'll give some thoughts on some general things flying around.

Munches/Community

I can appreciate the difference between munches/community in genuine small towns versus better connected cities. There are advantages and disadvantages to both.
There was temporarily a munch in the small town I lived, which I didn't go to because well - it was a small town and a lot of people I went to school with drank there and I didn't want to be distracted during a munch.  I am, however, happy to travel a little further - but it is a well connected area.

I know for example - I remember a guy I sat and helped once in the US and his nearest regular munch was 2 hours drive. A "travelling munch" did come to his town every 3 months.  A little harder to get things go with, but I guess if you go and meet people there and you vibe with people who also happen to live in/near your town there's no reason not to keep in touch rather than waiting 3 months.  Or he'd at least know someone if he chose to drive to the next town 2 hours away if these are people who travel round.  2 hours still feels like rookie numbers to me

But yeah. In essence this is people where the only thing you have in common with folk is kink.  Absolutely.  But you won't know that if you don't go.

It's somewhat funny - because the kinda logic of a "I am a good quality sub, but you won't know that unless you reply to me" is far more of a transfer of labour onto that person, than going to talk to a few people in a bar who are up for a chat.

[ey****]

The Patriarchy

As a man, I can only share my lived experience as a man. There are things I understand, and can try to understand
I once was in a meeting with a team leader at work and he then took an idea I raised and passed it off as his own. In my life this, or similar, has only ever happened to me a handful of times. I can probably recall them all.

Compare this of course to the experiences I know a lot of women have - and I've somewhat seen it at time.

While I sometimes have my own internal struggle of am I sub, am I this, what scenarios, etc - the whole ass ratio goes out the window when you start to removing male subs who aren't aware of patriarchy, and some of the cultural bias' that benefit us.

Because this is important, there is a lot we as men are used to that we need to show we can give up in order to slide into submission
That might not be that a prospective Dominant might want us to give up. She might be happy with us slamming down on the sofa and sticking sport on without asking - or taking prime control of household finances - or whatever.  

But, it's something to often digest on what makes us subs? Outside of play/kink what do we do to elevate our Dominant?  To help subvert the societal power structure?

[FE****]

Mod Note:

I have removed a lot of replies that ventured off-topic into personal interactions.

Please get back to the OP so we don't have to start giving out penalty points.

Further back and forth about these personal interactions will not be allowed.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, FETMod-RG said:

Mod Note:

I have removed a lot of replies that ventured off-topic into personal interactions.

Please get back to the OP so we don't have to start giving out penalty points.

Further back and forth about these personal interactions will not be allowed.

why do you feel like those interaction didn't serve the purpose of showing how hard it is to find suitable partners?

[FE****]

27 minutes ago, Godessy said:

 

why do you feel like those interaction didn't serve the purpose of showing how hard it is to find suitable partners?

Because they were just individual gripes related to personal conversations, not directly related to the OP.

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, FETMod-RG said:

Because they were just individual gripes related to personal conversations, not directly related to the OP.

I see. My intention was to contextualize the OP through lived experience, not to derail the thread. I didn't know that was unwelcomed. Thank you for the clarification.

[Si****]

Wednesday at 01:26 AM, DaveQuixote said:

Best explanation I’ve seen about the issue! Well, done, excellent writing.

Thanks🥰

[Si****]

19 hours ago, clear_spring said:

 

Women are not naturally better. They are vigilant because the structure makes them that way. There is no value which is inherent in a partner. It is the quality offered that matters. There is no woman who owes a man attention when imshe says it does not serve her or what she wants. This is where a domme's exoerience of No means NO is ironically ***d by the very men who claim to be submissive to HER authority.

I disagree.  My experience has shown that, overall, women have better intuition than men.  Of course they're move vigilant; they have to be.  We all recognize women are typically at a higher risk of physical danger than men.

Every person absolutely has an inherent value of intuition.  Some people are utterly aloof in life, while others seem claire voyant.

Again, I'll be clear as possible.  I never said women owe any attention, to anyone.  Over and over again, you create a straw-man argument based on misquoting me.  It's genuinely strange.  I said Dommes would find it helpful to determine intention if they were more prone to engage in communication with potential subs.  I furthered the point by saying if they choose not to communicate with subs that it would make relationships harder to proliferate.  All of this is objectively true; communication facilitates better relations.  Yet for some reason you continue to feel personally attacked by this.  It's really odd.  

[Si****]

19 hours ago, clear_spring said:

 

And your posts instruct dommes what to do.

Incorrect, my posts implore Dommes to approach random subs with an open mind and hear them out.  Keyword: IMPLORE-  Implore is not "demand."  Implore is not "should."  Implore means "ask."  Maybe we're having a simple communication problem.

[Si****]

20 hours ago, clear_spring said:

 

Men who hate women can also label themselves 'submissives' if they are simply looking for a archetypal service dynamic. Both can be true at the same time. Men who pay prodommes don't necessarily respect them either, or female dominance.

I mostly agree with all that.  However, considering I don't hate women, it's unnecessary and insulting.  That's as foolish and ignorant of a take as me saying you hate men.  What if I made the statement, "Women who hate men can also label themselves 'dominant.'  That is technically a true statement.  I've met Dommes that actively say they hate men.  But Is that point applicable here?   Of course not.  t's ludicrous to assume such things about someone you don't personally know.

I'm also unsure why you brought up paying prodommes.  No one has hinted at that here, whatsoever, except you, right now.  So let me clear the air...  I've never paid any human on earth, one single red cent in my entire life, for sexual gratification.  To be honest, findom is a hard limit of mine.  lol  Furthermore, assuming I have, is as ridiculous as me assuming you charge men for domination, yourself.  After all, you're the one who brought up paying prodommes.  Not me.  Should I then assume you're into that?  Of course not.  Making that assertion would be utterly ignorant and foolish of me.  That's how ridiculous your assumptions are about me.  Wholly ignorant, nonsensical, and spurious.

[Si****]

20 hours ago, clear_spring said:

 

What a domme chooses to do with a sub may have zero to do with teaching. The implication that that labour is already there speaks volumes.

I never implied that "labor was already there."  Anyone is free to do whatever they want with their own personal effort, or "labor" as you're calling it.  What I said was...

 

20 hours ago, clear_spring said:

You can choose to interact with whoever you want.  Such is free life.  Just like you can choose what effort, if any, to devote to teaching your sub.  This is all commonly agreed upon stuff.  At least I thought.

That means you can do whatever the heck you want.  That's your prerogative in a free society.  There is no "implication" involved.  Please read my words again.  It's becoming more obvious that we're simply having an English communication problem.  My words are clear as day.

[Si****]

16 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

It's somewhat funny - because the kinda logic of a "I am a good quality sub, but you won't know that unless you reply to me" is far more of a transfer of labour onto that person, than going to talk to a few people in a bar who are up for a chat.

Interesting... I never said it's impossible for a Domme to see a potential sub's value unless they respond.  That would be an extremely binary view and usually, those are wrong on their face.  You put quotes on that so I want it understood that I never said this.  Ever.  Rather, I said it would be far easier for a Domme to gauge a sub's intentions if they were willing to be more communicative.  This is such an objectively true, anodyne, unoffensive statement.  Somehow though, it's getting blown up into fictional assumptions, insinuations, and even misquotes.

The comment, contrasting messaging a sub versus meeting people in a bar is interesting to me.  I actually take the other side of your view.  I think it's far more effort to spend time chatting with randos in a bar compared to emailing a sub.  To each his own.

Edited January 30 by SinfulAlphaSub

[cl****]

2 hours ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

I disagree.  My experience has shown that, overall, women have better intuition than men.  Of course they're move vigilant; they have to be.  We all recognize women are typically at a higher risk of physical danger than men.

Every person absolutely has an inherent value of intuition.  Some people are utterly aloof in life, while others seem claire voyant.

Again, I'll be clear as possible.  I never said women owe any attention, to anyone.  Over and over again, you create a straw-man argument based on misquoting me.  It's genuinely strange.  I said Dommes would find it helpful to determine intention if they were more prone to engage in communication with potential subs.  I furthered the point by saying if they choose not to communicate with subs that it would make relationships harder to proliferate.  All of this is objectively true; communication facilitates better relations.  Yet for some reason you continue to feel personally attacked by this.  It's really odd.  

' I'm asking Dommes to realize that if you want to learn someones intent, then you'll probably have to communicate with them. '

Your own words. Dommes do not need or want to learn someone's intent if they see no value in it.

[cl****]

2 hours ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

Incorrect, my posts implore Dommes to approach random subs with an open mind and hear them out.  Keyword: IMPLORE-  Implore is not "demand."  Implore is not "should."  Implore means "ask."  Maybe we're having a simple communication problem.

More of your own words: 'To all Dommes, please remain open minded when subs message you. Good ones exist, give 'em a chance. Frankly, I'd love a Domme to respond with a list of everything I'm doing wrong. It would focus me, make me laugh at myself, correct some things, and then turn me on. Uh-oh, I got sexual. lol. Point is, please be open minded Dommes'

Dommes don't owe open mindedness. Their perogative is to be selective.
Youre asking for a list to 'focus you ' and then to 'turn you on'. Dommes are people. Not kink dispensers or free educational labour.

To be back on topic. A core reason its difficult to engage a domme is because of thr above. Entitled communication, disavowal of responsibility and the expectation to be served. This will little engagement precisely because the currency is emotional intelligence towards thr selector and HER needs. Not what you want from her.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

You put quotes on that so I want it understood that I never said this.  Ever.

For the sake of clarification, my use of quotation marks wasn't to imply you (or anyone else) had said those exact words - but certainly this is a common attitude (the "how does she know she's not interested if she won't talk to me" - again, quotations meant as a general attitude rather than specific quote) 

3 hours ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

I said it would be far easier for a Domme to gauge a sub's intentions if they were willing to be more communicative.

this is something which ties in a little more with that.

3 hours ago, SinfulAlphaSub said:

The comment, contrasting messaging a sub versus meeting people in a bar is interesting to me.  I actually take the other side of your view.  I think it's far more effort to spend time chatting with randos in a bar compared to emailing a sub.  To each his own.

there's often different layers.   So for example - Domme gets a message, she can probably gauge relatively easily from the message and any further investigation (senders profile, activity history, previous interactions, etc) how interested she is in continuing comms.  And likely does. The non-response is usually from a decision she's not interested.  This kinda opens and shuts things right there.

I guess, of course - if there was an increased willingness to at least see how most go beyond the first message,  there is the case of, so ok - but how many messages is reasonable before they are permitted to decide they're not interested? And is this going to be with all/most who send - because suddenly this is a lot of time messaging back and forth with "potential" (especially if it was someone who didn't initally enamour them anyway)

But there is also the issue that they may be busy, caught at a bad time - so on - so forth

A Domme friend I know - one thing she would do was simple, if she thought a sub had any form of potential instead of messaging back and forth she'd express interest and then say which munches she'd be at to agree to a chat.  It was disappointing how few then met her.  The thing was, that being active on the community, if they vibed or not she would STILL be active on the community and so whoever he is won't be enough to take her away from her friends. If this was a problem for him, there was no reason for him to message her in the first place, since he could have gauged that with utter basic research

(of course, he may not want to get into the community side, it's not mandatory - but then this comes down to profile reading and so on.  My point there is for her to message back any more was never going to go anywhere for her)

For folk at munches. They were going there anyway.  They'd already elected to spend however many hours of the night at a munch - and this probably was going to involve a lot of time with existing friends. Which is, y'know the effort communicating and getting to know people - and those friends were people who, at one point, were new to the munch.

And sometimes, perhaps people they might not have responded to do end up in conversation. There is a chance for anyone who feels they're good if people got to know them, for people to get to know them.  What it also tells people is - yep, this person aint just sitting on their keyboard (however fair that is/isn't) he turns up and turns out and that makes a difference also.  

 

[Ve****]

Expereinces i had that might give some insight…
Interacting with Livestyle Dommes is indeed a delicate thing and beside just hitting the wrong point in time where She is just not in the mood i suggest finding out what They(!) are looking for. Totally strange concept but hear me out… 
This might bring you as a sub towards the point of – what can 'you' bring to the table to be intersting ot a Livestyle Domme. This will increase your chances. 
«They» had an exclamation and maybe not for the reason you thought. I've seen male subs project Needs and Phantasy onto FemDoms but if you start seeing them as individuals and start treating them as such, not as your "they" – better chances. 
i expicitly say Livestyle Domme because what they are looking for is different from say a Pro-Domme. Maybe they are looking for a Relationship – so ask yourself how you would approach someone who searches for a relationship. Act accordingly and your chances increase. 

Some of this is obvious but it apparently is not easy for a majority of sub males looking for FemDoms. And even if those traps are avoided it's still difficult – there IS and imbalace of FemDoms to male-subs be it whatever exact number. A FemDom friend of mine showed me once what's going on on her profile – 20 to 30 messages daily. It's just impossible to answer all of them. 

clear_spring and others here have takled about the emotional investment and how it is limited. I've seen dominat Woman get overwhelmend by the sheer numbers of approaches. And they withdrawed. They built walls and filters. Some are not even online.

So my last thing is, look closer – there might be none there at first glance, you might have seen "not sarching currently". But if you stay consistent, contibute in a positive way, don't act too stupidly and from time to time show some emotional vulnerabiltiy i'm going to say that your wish might come true. 

If this helps getting a FemDom and an male sub together – i will be glad since Relationships are a beautiful thing and a Relationship with a FemDom is my personal favourite. 

 

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, VeeTee said:

Expereinces i had that might give some insight…
Interacting with Livestyle Dommes is indeed a delicate thing and beside just hitting the wrong point in time where She is just not in the mood i suggest finding out what They(!) are looking for. Totally strange concept but hear me out… 
This might bring you as a sub towards the point of – what can 'you' bring to the table to be intersting ot a Livestyle Domme. This will increase your chances. 
«They» had an exclamation and maybe not for the reason you thought. I've seen male subs project Needs and Phantasy onto FemDoms but if you start seeing them as individuals and start treating them as such, not as your "they" – better chances. 
i expicitly say Livestyle Domme because what they are looking for is different from say a Pro-Domme. Maybe they are looking for a Relationship – so ask yourself how you would approach someone who searches for a relationship. Act accordingly and your chances increase. 

Some of this is obvious but it apparently is not easy for a majority of sub males looking for FemDoms. And even if those traps are avoided it's still difficult – there IS and imbalace of FemDoms to male-subs be it whatever exact number. A FemDom friend of mine showed me once what's going on on her profile – 20 to 30 messages daily. It's just impossible to answer all of them. 

clear_spring and others here have takled about the emotional investment and how it is limited. I've seen dominat Woman get overwhelmend by the sheer numbers of approaches. And they withdrawed. They built walls and filters. Some are not even online.

So my last thing is, look closer – there might be none there at first glance, you might have seen "not sarching currently". But if you stay consistent, contibute in a positive way, don't act too stupidly and from time to time show some emotional vulnerabiltiy i'm going to say that your wish might come true. 

If this helps getting a FemDom and an male sub together – i will be glad since Relationships are a beautiful thing and a Relationship with a FemDom is my personal favourite. 

 

yep, quantity no quality

[Ho****]

8 hours ago, Godessy said:

yep, quantity no quality

Thank you for your support and your kind comments and I’m glad to use your suggestions as well as I’m absolutely cant wait much longer before I give up on my dream fantasy and just be happy with the open minded slut who wants to be fucked as I wanna be able to do so!!🍆🍆🍆👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻😈😈🫏

[T0****]

Well those statistics are quite depressing. 😞

[ey****]

1 hour ago, T0llfin said:

Well those statistics are quite depressing. 😞

luckily. they're not true

[Mi****]

Thank you for sharing this, as a femdom, I feel unstoppable, powerful, bad ass, sexy as fuck and I absolutely love seeing my subs work hard through tasks and share so much vulnerability through emotional scenes. Submissive males to me are such a beautiful gift.

[T0****]

I'd literally do anything to feel the love and acceptance that comes with being someone's, sadly it seems like the more I do the more it pushes women away and finding a woman who will even hear that I would enjoy being the sub without seeing me in a totally different light has been difficult. 😞

After doing some reading here I'm going to fight through my nerves and shyness and try and find a munches event to go to. I'll make a trip of it to the next biggest city if I have to. (There doesn't seem to be many here) Lol
Hopefully if nothing else it will give me even a little hope that I can meet my perfect queen I can work to please in and out of the bedroom one day. I could really use even just a little hope in that department right now .....