No-No's for Daddy's (good read for Littles too)

[Deleted Member]

Over time I have collected feedback from many Littles and from my own experience I have created the following list of No-No’s mostly aimed at Daddys but Littles should be aware of them as well so that they can avoid potentially bad Daddys

• No taking away communication with Daddy (can be grounded from speaking with others)
• No punishment taking away security items unless discussed well in advance (paci, stuffie, blankie, sippy, etc)
• No going to sleep mad at something. (Always talk it out)
• No discipline the first time a rule is broken. Nurture, explain, and make sure everything is clear- why the rule, what was done, future discipline for next time. 
• No discipline without aftercare 
• No naughty play without aftercare (even online)
• The Little has the choice of Daddy, but both must be okay with it. 
• Never leave your little alone if they are upset. Even if they say to leave them alone. (5 minutes rule)
• Never ghost a Little (or a Daddy). Talk to them, it’s going to hurt but both people need closure. 
• Don't offer or try to be a Daddy if you have a problem with people who suffer from anxiety/depression/ptsd/ and other forms of mental illness. Littles commonly struggle with these type of challenges. 
• Never discipline your little out of pure anger. Take a few moments to think about what happened and how the discipline can improve future behavior.

BONUS -
The 5 Minutes rule - If you are angry/upset/frustrated at something your Little has done, do not take any action to correct unless you can do so with an even and level head. If your Little needs time alone because they are upset, allow them 5 minutes before you start reaching out to them. This gives them some time to calm down a bit but not enough to where they will feel like you have abandoned them or don't care about their feelings.

[Bo****]

Dig the list. You’re obviously thoughtful and have been doing this for a long time. Unsurprisingly, many of these items could also be seen as best practices for parenting, management and relationships. I especially like “no discipline on first rule breaking,” presuming the rule was communicated previously.

The only thing on this list I don’t personally follow is the “don’t go to bed angry — always talk it out.”

In my early adulthood, I subscribed to the same idea that you should never go GM bed angry. After raising two kids and spending nearly 20 years in a , I realize that sometimes people need time to process and that means going to bed with something unresolved.

I now focus more on creating space for my partner. I’ll make sure they know I’m available to talk things through when they’re ready and then I let the issue go for the day.

Again, a fantastic list and I’d especially suggest this as reading for little so they have a better understanding of what they should expect from their Daddy or Caregiver. Littles trust us with a lot, and we should all honor that trust by providing a safe environment that fosters personal growth.

[Pinkish]

Thanx for this too x

[Deleted Member]

Great point @BoulderDom sometimes we do need space or time to process, as long as that communication is there that’s what’s important. To me it’s important to not just say “I’m not talking to you.” Explaining why (I need more time, or some space) keeps that communication open and still lets the other know that you are still processing.

[Deleted Member]

Well said and I would add that if a little isn’t comfortable with something, don’t keep doing it. Respect and trust is critical; especially with a daddy!

[Deleted Member]

14 hours ago, SanityStinks said:

Over time I have collected feedback from many Littles and from my own experience I have created the following list of No-No’s mostly aimed at Daddys but Littles should be aware of them as well so that they can avoid potentially bad Daddys

• No taking away communication with Daddy (can be grounded from speaking with others)
• No punishment taking away security items unless discussed well in advance (paci, stuffie, blankie, sippy, etc)
• No going to sleep mad at something. (Always talk it out)
• No discipline the first time a rule is broken. Nurture, explain, and make sure everything is clear- why the rule, what was done, future discipline for next time. 
• No discipline without aftercare 
• No naughty play without aftercare (even online)
• The Little has the choice of Daddy, but both must be okay with it. 
• Never leave your little alone if they are upset. Even if they say to leave them alone. (5 minutes rule)
• Never ghost a Little (or a Daddy). Talk to them, it’s going to hurt but both people need closure. 
• Don't offer or try to be a Daddy if you have a problem with people who suffer from anxiety/depression/ptsd/ and other forms of mental illness. Littles commonly struggle with these type of challenges. 
• Never discipline your little out of pure anger. Take a few moments to think about what happened and how the discipline can improve future behavior.

BONUS -
The 5 Minutes rule - If you are angry/upset/frustrated at something your Little has done, do not take any action to correct unless you can do so with an even and level head. If your Little needs time alone because they are upset, allow them 5 minutes before you start reaching out to them. This gives them some time to calm down a bit but not enough to where they will feel like you have abandoned them or don't care about their feelings.

Thank you for the list. Please can i ask what after care is? 

[xx****]

😭

[Deleted Member]

Looking after your sub after you've punished them, especially if it's very rough.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, blondeLG said:

Thank you for the list. Please can i ask what after care is? 

After care is the what *should* happen after a play session. It can include everything from making sure your sub is hydrated, to rubbing sore spots, tending to wounds, checking on their mental state. Making sure they are back to a mental state of feeling loved and protected.

You can search google for the following to find a good article on it:

submissiveguide  fundamentals series-aftercare

Edited February 11, 2021 by Deleted Member
* External Link removed

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, SanityStinks said:

After care is the what *should* happen after a play session. It can include everything from making sure your sub is hydrated, to rubbing sore spots, tending to wounds, checking on their mental state. Making sure they are back to a mental state of feeling loved and protected.

You can search google for the following to find a good article on it:

submissiveguide  fundamentals series-aftercare

Thank you!

[Al****]

Well said. There are a lot of Daddy's and Mommy's out there who are more of a dom than a caregiver. Caregiver means just that... that you care and give it to your little. These are really well thought out and pertinent... especially the part about mental health issues. I'm actually hosting some classes for littles and separate ones for caregivers if anyone is interested, just send me a message and we can discuss it. Thanks for giving this advice, I know many bigs that need to hear it. A lot of littles do too.

[pr****]

I love this list, thank you for sharing ❤️

[ra****]

I love this. 🥰 thank you

[Ms****]

Thank you for this post. Very helpful and informative. It’s can be transferred to many different relationships in your daily life as well!!

much appreciated!

 

[Si****]

On 2/11/2021 at 9:49 AM, BoulderDom said:

The only thing on this list I don’t personally follow is the “don’t go to bed angry — always talk it out.”

Same here. It's a wonderful concept and can often times be worked through but there are times when it's just not going to happen. If there's one thing I learned in my 20+ in the lifestyle and 40+ in life in general, there's rarely "always" and "nevers" because life doesn't work in absolutes.  Can you give assurances that the matter will be discussed and you will both do your best to work through on the following day? Sure can. Can you promise to always make sure you never go to bed angry? Nope. And it's okay to sometimes need that time overnight to settle down, to work through the various aspects of the situation, and to face the problem with a fresh mind in the morning. I think this concept of "never go to bed angry" is more saying: don't leave the matter unresolved thinking it will go away in the morning and never addressing it again.

The biggest thing with any relationship, regardless of dynamic aspects, is communication. Being able to openly communicate about one's thoughts and feelings is not something that comes easily to most and it's important to realize that communication doesn't always have to be a verbal conversation. I "speak" better in writing - so if there's a serious issue that I need to work through I may very well write through it and then sit with my s-type/little and read what I wrote or have them read it and then we can discuss things from there. I'd much rather get a text/email from my s-type/little explaining their thoughts/feelings than have them play the silent treatment - because that NEVER works (that's one of the rare instances where "never" is a true statement). I believe that if there's a big enough issue that can't be resolved before bed it's important for the d-type to say "there's a lot to digest and work through here, how about we wake up fresh and work through it in the morning" simply going to bed mad and having either side assume the matter is being ignored or won't be worked through because nothing was said before bed is not the appropriate way to handle it though.

[BabyGirl95]

The only thing I don't quote 100% agree with is the "dont go to bed angry". Now I'm not saying it's a good idea to do all the time!!
But this time provides a chance to think things over. Evaluate your own feelings and limits and understand what went wrong or you/your partner didn't like.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, SirJude said:

Same here. It's a wonderful concept and can often times be worked through but there are times when it's just not going to happen. If there's one thing I learned in my 20+ in the lifestyle and 40+ in life in general, there's rarely "always" and "nevers" because life doesn't work in absolutes.  Can you give assurances that the matter will be discussed and you will both do your best to work through on the following day? Sure can. Can you promise to always make sure you never go to bed angry? Nope. And it's okay to sometimes need that time overnight to settle down, to work through the various aspects of the situation, and to face the problem with a fresh mind in the morning. I think this concept of "never go to bed angry" is more saying: don't leave the matter unresolved thinking it will go away in the morning and never addressing it again.

The biggest thing with any relationship, regardless of dynamic aspects, is communication. Being able to openly communicate about one's thoughts and feelings is not something that comes easily to most and it's important to realize that communication doesn't always have to be a verbal conversation. I "speak" better in writing - so if there's a serious issue that I need to work through I may very well write through it and then sit with my s-type/little and read what I wrote or have them read it and then we can discuss things from there. I'd much rather get a text/email from my s-type/little explaining their thoughts/feelings than have them play the silent treatment - because that NEVER works (that's one of the rare instances where "never" is a true statement). I believe that if there's a big enough issue that can't be resolved before bed it's important for the d-type to say "there's a lot to digest and work through here, how about we wake up fresh and work through it in the morning" simply going to bed mad and having either side assume the matter is being ignored or won't be worked through because nothing was said before bed is not the appropriate way to handle it though.

Your last sentence is the most important and what I was trying to get across! Thank you for expressing it.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you. 

[He****]

My daddy is both daddy and Dom, we have a great relationship that gets better every day. He always does after-care never fails to. Recently he gave me a task to do while he was at work, I did it in a constrictive corset, forgot to stop and developed huge breathing problems, scared the shit out of me. I texted him to tell him I had to stop and why, he was straight on the phone, and the following days he made sure I went to the doctors to get checked out and now makes me have a bedtime ritual to calm before bed. I was married and with the same man for 38 years before he died, he was a great guy and looked after me. My daddy however takes after-care to a whole new level for me, never had care like that before, and I love it and appreciate it. He's bringing me out of myself helping me forget horrible stuff that happened when I was young. He's a true daddy and care giver. He does all on your list and more. We always do stuff we both like, and because he appreciates me the way he does it makes me want to do more and better. I totally trust him never to hurt me. We're in LDR but that doesn't matter, we talk both ends of the day for hours in total. He makes me feel like we're actually in the same room. I'm glad we've met even if it's like it is. 

[GABRIELE-7386]

On 2/11/2021 at 5:43 PM, PandaDaddy said:

 

Looking after your sub after you've punished them, especially if it's very rough.

 

It’s called aftercare. He mentioned that in the post.

[Deleted Member]

thanks for this- very good tips!!

[th****]

Never been with a little but am very curious on the topic.

[Deleted Member]

this was a tough read. I'm not in a relationship, nor am prepared to be in one, but some of these pointers can be used outside of this lifestyle, striving for a healthy relationship, be with friends, parents, etc.

Very informative, Thank you for posting it. 

[Deleted Member]

Love these rules more daddy’s should follow them.

[Da****]

Great guidance for the community. It is good to see individuals sharing and expecting more of a quality experience. Good work.