Submissive- are they born or made?

[HellDweller]

Hello People,

what is your take on this?

Greetings from Saudi Arabia...

[SammyB]

The whole nature v nature debate happens in all walks and of life
It’s always going to be the question .... is it something we are born with or is it something our environment has created

In the this lifestyle I believe there are many naturally submissive men and women

However I do believe with the right education , the right D type Domme or Dom you can be trained particularly If the D is skilled at mental bondage ... if they understand what makes you tick ..... Remembering it should always be consensual

I think there are many people come onto a fetish site very green without any kind of knowledge n understanding of the scene and in the wrong hands can be moulded and influenced as well

[Deleted Member]

Depends on how you feel at the time, starting off submissive realising its not you switch things up or take the time to invest and see if you are of that dominant nature, walking blind into a situation i know i fancied trying many aspects so yes i took the submissive role to find many aspects weren't for me, time goes by many years and progress to other aspects still have submissive tendencies and switch moments too but that's my personal choice within myself. 

Finding yourself within is you're choice and path to take ..

[LanceH]

Both. Different life events can change a person's outlook or even skew their natural tendencies.

[ca****]

Along the lines of above...

Nature vs Nurture??

Just my take - but i think it would be strongly formed by the world that is experienced by the individual.....  with certain elements of personality coming from the 'genes'.    After all I expect 'all' babies could be termed 'submissive'  to their parents / guardians.   

 

[Deleted Member]

For me, my submission always been there. My need for it has varied hugely and I suppressed it for decades. I certainly find for myself and from what others have said that the intensity and/or the role can change with the person you’re with. Dominant but submissive with one person who brings out that side.

[HellDweller]

interesting point of views thank you all.

i see my role as a dom more as someone who can help true sub in discovering themselves.

However, sometimes it happened that after few plays, the felt being a sub was not their thing and we stayed friends.

i guess some will just give it a try...

[HellDweller]

4 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

For me, my submission always been there. My need for it has varied hugely and I suppressed it for decades. I certainly find for myself and from what others have said that the intensity and/or the role can change with the person you’re with. Dominant but submissive with one person who brings out that side.

was it a Dom that helped that side to come out after so long.. or was on you?

also, how much do you need  to be mentally stimulated to raise the intensity before going physical? 

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, HellDweller said:

was it a Dom that helped that side to come out after so long.. or was on you?

also, how much do you need  to be mentally stimulated to raise the intensity before going physical? 

I don’t see that it’s anyone else’s role to bring it out in me. 🧐 At least that’s not what I’ve looked for. I tapped into my sub side by reading and watching to start and then I started playing. I would say it’s the conversations that help me to understand more than anything. If someone doesn’t engage my brain then I will never want to be physical with them.

[Deleted Member]

From a clinical psychology point of view it’s combination of epi genetics and environmental factors, therefore submissives become submissive due to external environmental factors

[Mz****]

4 hours ago, OCDominant said:

From a clinical psychology point of view it’s combination of epi genetics and environmental factors, therefore submissives become submissive due to external environmental factors

I don't think that's entirely accurate, at least not for E/everyone..by that logic I'd certainly be submissive and I Definitely am not.

[Deleted Member]

I could be wrong, but I think it's a combination of both (as it is with everything else). Preferences can be founded on either a genetic basis or on an environmental/external basis, or both.

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, OCDominant said:

From a clinical psychology point of view it’s combination of epi genetics and environmental factors, therefore submissives become submissive due to external environmental factors

Do you have any research to point to? That sounds quite cut and dried when the issue of genetics vs environment surely isn’t?

[Al****]

I'm not entirely sure how much genetics plays in this. Some people are more predisposed to being submissive, but through genetics? How does that work? I think, more likely, it's more a product of how they react to their situations. I feel that environment and reactions to those factors is the key here.

[Deleted Member]

Answer to your question is a submissive born or made for me I was made that way. I’ve always been attracted to dominant men since I was 16 which is strange as i come from a long line of strong women some who were active in the life style going back to the 60s 

Edited February 26, 2021 by Deleted Member

[subwb-5485]

I was born submissive. I'm very shy and have always liked women telling me what to do.

 

 

 

[cincy11]

I don't think I was born a submissive, but my wife turned me into a submissive.  Once I accepted the fact that I am submissive, it has improved our greatly.

What finally did it is when she started to deny my orgasms for long periods of time.  I now have more energy for housework and I realize that I love the constant pleasure of being on edge more than a few seconds of extreme pleasure.

[Deleted Member]

I think it depends on many factors. I know for me that I am able to look at some of my child hood memories and see that I was dominant back then such as tying boys up to do their makeup when I was in school . It just depends on environmental factors also. 

[Deleted Member]

There are few Doms who went through the submission stage before moving to dominance. 
some are switch 

some submissive are alpha type in vanilla life 

some Doms hold a “servitude job” in vanilla life. 
 

bdms it’s too complex to have a clean cut explanation or even a scientific foundation. 
Your question was based on the experience you had with someone which tried it. And that comes as well in the equation. Just a curiosity of the scene, Dom or sub. 

[myshaal56]

i was born submissive. 

[Alchimia]

Just a story. When I was 7 years old, we played dolls with another girl. So, we played, like someone ***ed poor dolls, undressed and roped them. Obviously, we have found laces and tied up them.
It was not me, who started that plot with barbie dolls)) Honestly. Maybe that girl has seen it in some movie. But it was the first time in my life I felt arousal.
Later I played with my dolls the same way, but my parents somehow were hot happy with that))
So, maybe, they exist, artificial subs, but I'm not sure)

[Deleted Member]

Honestly, I don't think I particularly like this kind of question - no slight on OP, I promise! Overall, I think it's a mix of factors and heavily dependent on the individual. However, my reservations for questions like this is that it's kind of an unhelpful question to truly answer...? Unless if used just for a general topic to share personal narrative and is rather rhetorical.

Take a group that identifies as having been born a sub. This can easily result in mindsets of "born" subs being better than ones that develop over time, or worse yet the dreaded "true sub" narrative. We humans love an "all natural talent" narrative - makes us feel special ().  It can also lead a person to take the idea for granted, not explore, and ultimately leave them not discovering new things for themselves. Maybe they are switch?

Speaking of people who are switch, this question kinda makes a pickle out of these types. Is a switch person born? What if a switch person never tried one or the other side because they assumed they were one way or the other? What of Doms that were subs first or vice versa? Does that make the first experience somehow inauthentic? 

But ultimately, I think the "value" we get out of this question isn't very much outside of shared perspectives so long as it doesn't dissolve into who gets gold stars. At the moment, you or the person in question is a sub. How you or they got there really isn't going to shed any light on the sub population as a whole - it's just too varied. 

Perhaps it's simply a matter of shifting the question to "do you think you were born a sub or made and what factors contributed to your opinions?" It's the larger scope of the question that rubs, I think... 

Or I'm just fussy lol

[Deleted Member]

I think this is a nature/nurture argument that we could have forever and I think both are correct. Some people have a naturally more submissive nature, some people are typically dominant and enjoy being submissive only in sexual play, other people refuse to submit and are completely dominant sexually… I find most ‘kinky’ people have some idea where it started for them so nurture is a strong contender

[Ky****]

born in my case but took a lot of nurture to realise it, yes I know its a cliche of the porn industry but in some cases we really don't know our true natures until they r revealed to us

[ChartlotteTCHarlot]

Nature v Nurture debate has been raging for decades. The answer in all honesty is both. Not certain events can make your submissive nature be called forth. This was definitely true in my case. An orchiectomy definitely has a way of mellowing a person to the point of submission. I would not have chosen it freely, but the aftermath has taken me to some interesting places and introduced me to some of the most amazing places.