Does it actually work?

[Mo****]

Yes we are on a kinknsite but I personally have to have a connection with someone I'm going to have fun with. I need to feel safe with someone I'm planning to give my body to. Lewd messages can come later. I don't object to them. I object to that being the way a man approaches me. I love when men get butthurt when a woman has standards for herself. In the bedroom is one thing, after yall have spoken and learned a bit about each other if yall are down for lewd messages then hell yeah! But don't start a convo by being lewd. Have some respect for her and for yourself for that matter. It makes men who do that look like toxic shovanistic pigs. Not all men are like that of course and yes there are women that are cool with being approached with lewd comments etc and toneach their own but have some respect and read people's profiles and respect what it says on them. If you dont like it you have the choice to move on and choose someone else. No one is forcing anyone to message anyone else.

[Mo****]

8 minutes ago, Noble-SyR said:

I wouldn't know. But I guess it's the same as mentioned receiving a "Hello, how are you this fine day?" from fake profiles...

Its dumb they dont have a way to stop bots. Ill bet a lot of men think most of us women here are bits due to that

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, vvhitelie said:

Toxic guys are really outing themselves on this post 👀

Maybe that was my evil plan all along! You’re welcome everyone >;3 (jk it’s just an expected side effect)

[Ph****]

Even as a man if the first thing a woman said to me is something about her pussy I’m not into it. I think probably most men on here are overly sexual and a bit creepy. I’ve been around on fetlife since long before they had an app and it’s always kinda had that feeling.

[No****]

il y a 20 minutes, MoonlightTemptress said:

Its dumb they dont have a way to stop bots. Ill bet a lot of men think most of us women here are bits due to that

No, we can tell. Unfortunately, as in many things in life, the right prospects happen to be out of reach...😉

[Deleted Member]

35 minutes ago, davidtafahema1989 said:

Yes it works because some women don’t take themselves as seriously as you do lol, I send lewd message, they send a lewd message back. We’re on a app to fuck, not have philosophical debates about how to approach women on a literal kink app

You seem really triggered by a question asked in good faith. I’m genuinely curious to know people’s opinions on this and your answer, though snarky, is enlightening thank you.

[Deleted Member]

I really appreciate all of the varying opinions! It’s just fascinating to hear from different perspectives :3
I will just say that I do feel like some people are tapping on a point I’d like to throw out there for general consideration. There seems to be a lack of acknowledgment that sometimes, no matter how much effort is put into a message, the person on the other end is just not attracted to you.
I have received many engaging, thoughtful messages from people but that does not change that fact I did not have any interest in them visually (if that’s available and if it’s not it’s almost always a no from me) that could be another question of “if you haven’t sent something that offends that specific person would you want a message gently rejecting you rather than silence?” Maybe I’ll make another thread sometime but yeah thanks for the responses!

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

Yeah but you can buy me ice cream next time I visit instead 😂

That seems more than acceptable 🥰

[Ar****]

47 minutes ago, Noble-SyR said:

I wouldn't know. But I guess it's the same as men receiving a "Hello, how are you this fine day?" from fake profiles...

It is absolutely not the same. Depending where you are and the content of the message one is potentially a malicious communication open to criminal charges if it causes distress to the recipient (and that's even if they don't cyberflash as well), whereas the other may be ill-intentioned but isn't actually illegal.

[La****]

2 hours ago, MisterSatisfaction said:

Maybe I could’ve said it differently. I watch hot guys send lewd messages or just “Hey” and have a success rate much higher than my success rate when sending the same messages plus messages that are thought out, done with effort, and from a place of wanting to converse and get to know someone.

Their success rate isn’t 100% because there are women who will block and report. But their success rate is still much higher than guys who aren’t hot.

Perhaps I'm unusual, but I don't think so. I don't respond to hey or hi or any kind of bland opening. I also won't respond to anything remotely sexual.

I wouldn't send messages like that either.

Do you have evidence to support these assumptions?

[Inquisitor4One]

1 hour ago, Lilacs_and_Lust said:

I really appreciate all of the varying opinions! It’s just fascinating to hear from different perspectives :3
I will just say that I do feel like some people are tapping on a point I’d like to throw out there for general consideration. There seems to be a lack of acknowledgment that sometimes, no matter how much effort is put into a message, the person on the other end is just not attracted to you.
I have received many engaging, thoughtful messages from people but that does not change that fact I did not have any interest in them visually (if that’s available and if it’s not it’s almost always a no from me) that could be another question of “if you haven’t sent something that offends that specific person would you want a message gently rejecting you rather than silence?” Maybe I’ll make another thread sometime but yeah thanks for the responses!

I think that would be a great question, that would get a lot of different responses.  I would actually prefer, that if someone appreciates the effort I put into a message, to send me a polite rejection.  But then again, I can take rejection.  Many people seem to be too sensitive, or have weak egos.  

[Lolitakitty86]

i HATE instant lewd messages. Even the people i am in relationships with don't talk to me that way unless i have consented to being their sex toy. Sometimes I ignore those messages, sometimes I toy with them till they get mad and block me. Either way i win and occasionally i enjoy myself.

[Mi****]

1 hour ago, Lady_Char said:

Perhaps I'm unusual, but I don't think so. I don't respond to hey or hi or any kind of bland opening. I also won't respond to anything remotely sexual.

I wouldn't send messages like that either.

Do you have evidence to support these assumptions?

I use a lot of different dating apps besides this one and on all of them no matter how much thought I put into opening messages or how much I genuinely try to have a conversation where I get to know someone the results are always the same. That’s why I kind of stopped sending well crafted thought out messages that showed my interest. That’s a lot of work to keep doing over and over for no return.

Meanwhile, I have hot guys friends who find partners/dates off dating apps and they legit don’t give much of a damn about connecting with women. They just want physical or emotional connection without having to do all the work of building a connection. So they will just get straight to the point in their messages, either physical (i.e. lewd-ish) or will just small talk and then quickly suggest meeting up.

I’m not speaking for everyone, but I just know in my experience I will do the things that are said to be the right way of doing something (have a decent bio, friendly pictures, find things in women’s profiles I’m intrigued by, then craft a message that’s witty and open ended), and not just because I think they’ll work but because I actually agree that that’s the right way to treat people and is how I want to treat people, and yet I have apps with close to zero matches and inboxes with unreplied to messages to the matches I have on rare occasion gotten

[La****]

15 minutes ago, MisterSatisfaction said:

I use a lot of different dating apps besides this one and on all of them no matter how much thought I put into opening messages or how much I genuinely try to have a conversation where I get to know someone the results are always the same. That’s why I kind of stopped sending well crafted thought out messages that showed my interest. That’s a lot of work to keep doing over and over for no return.

Meanwhile, I have hot guys friends who find partners/dates off dating apps and they legit don’t give much of a damn about connecting with women. They just want physical or emotional connection without having to do all the work of building a connection. So they will just get straight to the point in their messages, either physical (i.e. lewd-ish) or will just small talk and then quickly suggest meeting up.

I’m not speaking for everyone, but I just know in my experience I will do the things that are said to be the right way of doing something (have a decent bio, friendly pictures, find things in women’s profiles I’m intrigued by, then craft a message that’s witty and open ended), and not just because I think they’ll work but because I actually agree that that’s the right way to treat people and is how I want to treat people, and yet I have apps with close to zero matches and inboxes with unreplied to messages to the matches I have on rare occasion gotten

Not sure there's a way to put this delicately ... The ladies your friends are pulling, kind of sounds like tinder hook up style thing. Is that what you're after?

Perhaps hot people just do that. Find each other and mutual appreciation fuck. I wouldn't know 🤣🤣🤣

[Mi****]

On this site it's kind of a given. If it's something funny I take it as mostly a joke but luckily most guys don't come at me like that. Some of my favorite conversations have come from shy guys just saying hello

[Mi****]

30 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

Not sure there's a way to put this delicately ... The ladies your friends are pulling, kind of sounds like tinder hook up style thing. Is that what you're after?

Perhaps hot people just do that. Find each other and mutual appreciation fuck. I wouldn't know 🤣🤣🤣

You’ll probably laugh at me but I’ve just always wanted to be sexy, heartthrob to women. Knowing the only woman who finds you sexy is the one who is attracted to you based on personality traits and stability really kills my libido. Why when it’s just about sex do women go for the sexy Tinder hookup guys unless that’s what they find sexiest?

[La****]

22 minutes ago, MisterSatisfaction said:

You’ll probably laugh at me but I’ve just always wanted to be sexy, heartthrob to women. Knowing the only woman who finds you sexy is the one who is attracted to you based on personality traits and stability really kills my libido. Why when it’s just about sex do women go for the sexy Tinder hookup guys unless that’s what they find sexiest?

I think that might be the difference between me and you, then. I've no interest in anything just for the sake of sex.

I'm mental connection or nowt

[da****]

3 hours ago, Lilacs_and_Lust said:

Maybe that was my evil plan all along! You’re welcome everyone >;3 (jk it’s just an expected side effect)

Yep always the toxic chads that you still sleep with anyway 😂

[Mi****]

44 minutes ago, Lady_Char said:

I think that might be the difference between me and you, then. I've no interest in anything just for the sake of sex.

I'm mental connection or nowt

So physical appearance matters none to you?

[La****]

5 minutes ago, MisterSatisfaction said:

So physical appearance matters none to you?

Is that what I said?

The most handsome man on the planet would be of no interest unless he was also interesting.

It does not therefore follow that I don't care what said interesting mind looks like.

Additionally, I don't like "handsome" in the conventional way.

[mr****]

Honestly, when I was younger, I got hooked up with a chick because I told her nice shoes wanna fuck!!!! now that I’m older and I call women darling and I’m polite. I fucking get passed over and ignored quite often.

[Mi****]

1 hour ago, Lady_Char said:

Is that what I said?

The most handsome man on the planet would be of no interest unless he was also interesting.

It does not therefore follow that I don't care what said interesting mind looks like.

Additionally, I don't like "handsome" in the conventional way.

I was just curious if there is still a threshold for physical appearance for you.

I find it all quite fascinating. Wish I could live it out a lot more, but nonetheless it’s still intriguing even if only experiencing from the outside looking in for the most part.

So interested in how your experience goes. Sounds like you have a more than unique perception on it all. Do you always get your initial attraction from psychological attributes? Or is it sometimes also from physical attributes or a mix of the two? Is one easier to find than the other? Are there common struggles or frustrations in your pursuit of what you’re looking for?

[LadyV]

I also hate when men message me out of nowhere in a sexually harassing and desperate way. It's so unattractive. 

And before any man gets on his bullshit of, "women don't respond unless I send sexually harassing rude messages!" Or, "but it's a sex/kink site! That means I can totally ignore other people's boundaries and consent to treat them however I want out of nowhere!" Y'all are dumbasses and that's why you get ignored and blocked. 

I have a high response rate to my DMs, both when I send them and when they're sent to me. Regardless of the content I'm receiving. But the difference is that the content will determine if the conversation is friendly and enjoyable or just hostility that ends in a block. 

I have no desire to sext chat with strange men on the internet. That isn't arousing, it's boring and repetitive. 

[Deleted Member]

It seems like a filtering process. Blunt aggression separates the uninterested vs the interested and it just becomes a numbers game. Isn't that the eventual outcome of gamifying social interaction of any kind? Capitalism, bay-bee.

[ey****]

to answer the kinda question

for the best part there are no surefire formulas on what "works" - there are people who would respond positively to lewd messages, but there's a whole lot of other context that would go with that - including with it's something they find hot, or cringe - and whether they believe the message was for them, not just someone sc@ttergunning.

The general kinda trap men fall into is they see things as a numbers game.  That if they sent 100 awful messages, but 1 of them went somewhere, they'd see it as a success - with little/no regard for the feelings of the other 99 people who received their message. 

Unless there's an express reason you feel a stranger would be ok to receive those messages, it's a poor and often gross strategy.