The price of submission.

[un****]

10 hours ago, Quixote_69 said:

Honesty is very important but where I'm at in my journey there's also an element of being within the community that is needed too. I volunteer at my local dungeon and put in a lot of effort to try and help the community where I can so I expect my partners willing to be engaged in it with me. That could be from willingness to attend classes, volunteering or helping out when they can. It can also help weed out some of the undesirable people in my opinion.

Love this idea!

[Ma****]

Honesty must be the founding pillar of a lasting relation. It's saddening that some people don't want it because sometimes it hurts them

[an****]

What is real honesty though? Is it the truth you believe or the truth of reality and actions? Because these are very different in ones mind. If you don't have a test or way to evaluate your own honesty and truth (and accept and be humbled by it) I find that no one is able to provide exact honesty. This is a quick yes, but being honest is actually very intentional and difficult and comes with not being liked all the time and removing masks we believe to be true. The 'coin flip' (price of a dom) could be considered 'microdosing/dosing', being honest spoonfuls at a time based on sub capacity for truth. The inverse being give full truth (firehose) knowing the sub doesn't really understand/grasp. The first is being dishonest in a 'guiding way'. The other being dishonest by overwhelming (like a legal disclaimer that no one reads). Honesty is hard and complex, that's why it is valuable.

[Li****]

6 hours ago, ArseyRagga said:

As a Brit I'm not understanding the terminology Applebees Dom...would I be correct in thinking it's what I'd call a 'wannabe Dom'?

I was wondering the same here

[Yo****]

12 hours ago, JugoDeBasura said:

That's a long way to get to the FRIES model that I think is very good.

There's other ways to go too.

The acronyms expanded for reference...

SSC - Safe, Sane, Consensual

RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink

PRICK - Personal Responsible Informed Consensual Kink

FRIES - Freely given Reversible Informed Enthusiastic Specific

Do you follow one, if any? Why that one? Or are you a let's communicate, this is what we agree to boom and go!

I would say FRIES most closely fits but I guess I never followed a specific model. I think I play things by feel and while that's usually served me well I also know a lot of us are "going through it" and that's going to have an impact on our relationships even in these spaces. I tend to bring a lot of myself into whatever I do and while it's probably not the smartest way to play it I'm not sure I could be different. I'm not sure that word salad made sense. 🥲🤣 But I do agree that it bares considering that one might be better served bringing more method to the madness, especially the more complicated their situation is.

[fa****]

Its not that deep.

[ba****]

6 hours ago, anotherusername said:

What is real honesty though? Is it the truth you believe or the truth of reality and actions? Because these are very different in ones mind. If you don't have a test or way to evaluate your own honesty and truth (and accept and be humbled by it) I find that no one is able to provide exact honesty. This is a quick yes, but being honest is actually very intentional and difficult and comes with not being liked all the time and removing masks we believe to be true. The 'coin flip' (price of a dom) could be considered 'microdosing/dosing', being honest spoonfuls at a time based on sub capacity for truth. The inverse being give full truth (firehose) knowing the sub doesn't really understand/grasp. The first is being dishonest in a 'guiding way'. The other being dishonest by overwhelming (like a legal disclaimer that no one reads). Honesty is hard and complex, that's why it is valuable.

Very well said 😮‍💨

[Ir****]

Some of us are new and its hard to get it right and gain experience when youre just starting. Just because it may seem like their whole heart isnt into it and they are pretending doesnt mean they arent doing the thing they are aiming and wanting to do.

Also a majority of people don't want a newbie dom so its hard to start when youre considered a "great value dom"

[Yo****]

6 hours ago, anotherusername said:

What is real honesty though? Is it the truth you believe or the truth of reality and actions? Because these are very different in ones mind. If you don't have a test or way to evaluate your own honesty and truth (and accept and be humbled by it) I find that no one is able to provide exact honesty. This is a quick yes, but being honest is actually very intentional and difficult and comes with not being liked all the time and removing masks we believe to be true. The 'coin flip' (price of a dom) could be considered 'microdosing/dosing', being honest spoonfuls at a time based on sub capacity for truth. The inverse being give full truth (firehose) knowing the sub doesn't really understand/grasp. The first is being dishonest in a 'guiding way'. The other being dishonest by overwhelming (like a legal disclaimer that no one reads). Honesty is hard and complex, that's why it is valuable.

I can understand this to a point but when I'm someone who gives and asks for firehose treatment, don't give me eyedropper treatment and call it a firehose, lol. I'm the type who will ask clarifying questions to the point of being annoying because I do not want misunderstandings between the people I'm dealing with and myself. I want to know not just what a person thinks and feels but to try and understand why.

[fa****]

Also calling amateur doms Applebee doms or other words sounds arrogant and mean. :)

[Yo****]

14 minutes ago, IronNoir said:

Some of us are new and its hard to get it right and gain experience when youre just starting. Just because it may seem like their whole heart isnt into it and they are pretending doesnt mean they arent doing the thing they are aiming and wanting to do.

Also a majority of people don't want a newbie dom so its hard to start when youre considered a "great value dom"

And that is absolutely fine and I love new people wanting to have new experiences, that struggle is extremely valid. My concern is when the conversation of experience has come up and the subject of my concerns has come up and has been addressed but continues to show a kind pattern of dishonesty or faking or whatever overall I'm not sticking around.

[Yo****]

1 hour ago, fairfield69 said:

Its not that deep.

That's valid if that's how you explore kink but I can't do that with someone I can't trust because the pay off for me is enjoying myself in the letting go and pleasing someone who I can be comfortable doing that with/for.

[Ma****]

I've had similar experiences with Great Value Doms (as you call them), and even had some block me on here because I refused to tell them my personal kink within 2 minutes of messages. I mean seriously? I'm a person too, not just a kink for someone to get off on. I don't mind discussing my kinks with the right people, but that doesn't mean I have to tell everyone who messages me.

Like you, I expect honesty, but I also want consistency. I want to see they can be consistent in communication, because if they can't consistently message, then how do they expect to be consistent in a relationship? For example, I had planned to meet someone and then he stopped talking for 10 days. I thought he had moved on so I did as well. Then he suddenly messages out of the blue, saying he's looking forward to meeting me. He ghosted for 10 days. There was no meeting at that point for me.

[an****]

7 hours ago, YourWerewolfGF said:

I can understand this to a point but when I'm someone who gives and asks for firehose treatment, don't give me eyedropper treatment and call it a firehose, lol. I'm the type who will ask clarifying questions to the point of being annoying because I do not want misunderstandings between the people I'm dealing with and myself. I want to know not just what a person thinks and feels but to try and understand why.

Anyone annoyed by seeking understanding is being careless/reckless with their partner. The only thing that I caution is to those of ill intention. Giving all creates strong bonds, but in evil hands this data creates weapons and ways to puppet. You asked our price. I say, seek no other dom. And yes my language here mirrors a higher power and yes that is the point. Trust the process or exit. Seek no other guide, not social media, not family, not friends, seek them for other things, do not diminish dom role in secrecy and sabotage the plan and the path laid for you. This ties neatly back to honesty. And this whole post is a very good niche picture of just how hard honesty can be, the 'maybe they are new', 'maybe nervous ', 'trying to be what is expected' these are all real challenges for real life too on both sides. It is exactly 'zero effort easy' to just be honest, so why does it come with such cost?

[Os****]

I used to say something similar. I required totally honesty. As time went on I realized that was not actually the truth. Its not honesty I require, its transparency.

[ha****]

Wow. Well said. I am a submissive-leaning bi switch. I started as a straight Dom. Yes ma'am, it has been a wild journey.
There is no greater grift than willing submission that I have ever experienced. Maybe that's why I love giving mine to someone who checks the majority of my boxes.
Please be careful! Even Atilla the Hun could come off as a nice guy for a few weeks.
I mean, if you were my slave, you would be securely bound, a** up, and extremely, extremely *** to my every sadistic whim.
You should never place yourself in such a position without complete confidence, which takes time, that I would not use you to act out any or all of my sadistic fantasies while ignoring your pleasure...yes. even ***d pleasure.
You need to KNOW (not think) your partner will NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, exceed your limits.
Trust takes time.and honest communication.
If my fantasy is to have you set a world record and have it published in the Guinness Book of World Records of the most men to f**k a woman in a chain gain, well, you should obviously know that.

[Yo****]

Saturday at 07:54 PM, fairfield69 said:

Also calling amateur doms Applebee doms or other words sounds arrogant and mean. :)

It's not about amateurs it's about faking, there is a huge difference. I don't mind inexperience, we all have inexperience... It's faking and lying and not being a true person, it's never been synonymous with inexperience for me.

[Se****]

25 minutes ago, YourWerewolfGF said:

It's not about amateurs it's about faking, there is a huge difference. I don't mind inexperience, we all have inexperience... It's faking and lying and not being a true person, it's never been synonymous with inexperience for me.

Agreed. Even inexperienced partners can be honest and transparent about themselves, their experience, and theirs desires. Inexperience is not a negative thing, trying to pretend you are something you’re not is.

[Ar****]

Saturday at 02:39 PM, LittleSoulTease said:

I was wondering the same here

Seeing as no one has answered I'm going with 'Wannabe' 🌈

[pa****]

Part of the whole freeing experience is to be transparent and just to be yourself and to enjoy the play together it should uplift and give you a sense of self confidence on both sides and if your uncomfertable or not sure that’s what the safewords and communication are there for it’s just sad that so many doms don’t actually learn how to respect there subs before engaging in play and the subs end up getting traumatized and that’s tragic because some people use the dom sub dynamic to work three traumas and sexual blocks I myself worked threw my own sexual blocks with my sub and I couldn’t thank them enough once I overcame it threw trust and trial and error

[Yo****]

5 hours ago, ArseyRagga said:

Seeing as no one has answered I'm going with 'Wannabe' 🌈

My apologies! I did a "like" but didn't respond directly, I'm getting used to the forum here. Yes definitely wannabe...not inexperienced but someone so desperate to be something they don't bother learning, absorbing, caring...only using. That's my definition anyway.

[fl****]

Sunday at 04:03 AM, Ossie316 said:

I used to say something similar. I required totally honesty. As time went on I realized that was not actually the truth. Its not honesty I require, its transparency.

I agree, honesty isn't always the best policy but open communication and transparency go a long way to pay the price for submission

[Ar****]

i have found that honesty and truthfulness and openness doesn't achieve anything and because I respect others, it just makes rejection worse

[Mr****]

It's interesting because service only comes to mind for me when I think about the dominant part of the equation. A submissive isn't there to serve but to be served and in order to be served you have to give up power and control. The rest is really just communication.

[Mr****]

7 minutes ago, MrWrong00234 said:

It's interesting because service only comes to mind for me when I think about the dominant part of the equation. A submissive isn't there to serve but to be served and in order to be served you have to give up power and control. The rest is really just communication.

Point of clarification, cause my ADD brain just realized none of you just went on that journey with me lol. When I say the rest is really just communication I mean how the scene progresses. I'm not implying that the dynamic is as simple as the submissive just giving up power and control.