Shy dominant, learning how to be less shy

[mx****]

As a woman learning how to be dominant, I need some tips/tricks on how to be less shy and more vocal in the bedroom, I'm not shy when I know what my partner wants me to do to them, but when I have no idea I have a tough time because I'm scared I'll do something wrong.
But if you have any tips/tricks/a video/or a very short book on how to be more vocal and less shy as a domme that'd be great, any advice is welcome. 💋❤️‍🔥.

[ne****]

My advice is just to talk to them alot watch spicy movies together and discover what you both like it is 1 million percent a communication thing. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions

[Aberdeenvibesc]

There is a fine line between dominance and submission. By being submissive, you can dominate a man. In the end, he will do what you want and it is the final effect that counts, the emotions, the feelings of connection, that is important. or ***...

[Curiously_Exploring]

I recently went to a little class at a local swingers club, which was about unleashing your inner Domme.
It was great fun, and it gave me a lot to think about afterwards.
Depending on where you are and what's in your area, I would definitely recommend something similar if it's available to you.

[jj****]

If you do something wrong, just punish him for it. Like obvs he better not say anything when you still have the flogger in hand 😂

Try to remember that this is a GAME! There is no “right” way or “wrong” way to do it. The best way to do it is whatever is actually fun for you and your partner. I think some gentle encouragement from your partner when you do things that he finds exciting should give you very clear direction once you get started.

If you aren’t comfortable being mean, then be nurturing. I don’t really do insults or *** myself. It just doesn’t feel very sexy to me and that’s ok! You don’t HAVE to insult or hit someone to be a dom.

[mi****]

The art of confidence is just owning up the the things you’re not confident about. Try it on the right set of ears

[Ri****]

If you don't know, find a way to ask, your sub shouldn't expect you to be perfect, let alone a mind reader.

I think a key to confident s***ch is to say what's true, don't put on an act, be authentic and honest, with yourself first and then with the world.

At some point, you will do something 'wrong' hopefully it's sat amongst a great many 'right' things, and can be reviewed, discussed and learned from.

Be kind to yourself.

[Ri****]

I can write the word for 'to speak' it seems, that's a bit silly isn't it...

[Curiously_Exploring]

51 minutes ago, jjbeanbun said:

If you do something wrong, just punish him for it. Like obvs he better not say anything when you still have the flogger in hand 😂

Try to remember that this is a GAME! There is no “right” way or “wrong” way to do it. The best way to do it is whatever is actually fun for you and your partner. I think some gentle encouragement from your partner when you do things that he finds exciting should give you very clear direction once you get started.

If you aren’t comfortable being mean, then be nurturing. I don’t really do insults or *** myself. It just doesn’t feel very sexy to me and that’s ok! You don’t HAVE to insult or hit someone to be a dom.

Yes, one of the things we covered in our little class was the main different styles of Domme, and communication styles! We were given sheets of words and asked to pick out a handful that best described ourselves, then we looked at the different styles to see which we felt we identified with. That was super-helpful in understanding what types of roles to explore.

[be****]

It's all about communication. I struggle with reading people and social cues, and I think open communication has done wonders for me. I just ask. I'm not sure why we get it in our heads that sex is just a performance and you can't just ask. I think if anything, asking and communicating about it also communicates that you care about their pleasure.

[lo****]

Your Sub should be able to tell you how they want to be dominated. Everyone has limits, even in BDSM relationships.

[ad****]

Just have to learn eat others language, hang in there you got this

[a1****]

It takes a lot to be so honest, it all comes with experience and spending time with your sub. As you grow you naturally become more confident

[si****]

IMO write it down. You know what you want. You know how you want it. If you have a submissive it is for them to read between the lines or for you to guide them. Being in control doesn't mean a whip crack and subjugation. You don't HAVE to be controlling, just decisive about what you want and how you want it.

[Mo****]

Absolutely give yourself grace. Take some time to decide what kind of Domme YOU want to be, what it looks like for you to be in control and how it would feel to get your needs met. You can do this independently of your partner to start. I am not stating that your partners desires shouldn’t be factored in, but the decision ultimately is for you and about you and then you two meet in the middle. You don’t have to be a b*tch to be in control, and it’s ABSOLUTELY okay to not know where to begin. This is about pleasure so don’t let it become a chore. Good luck to you ❤️

[Ro****]

Be brave enough to discuss the particulars with them.
That's were communication starts.
Once I figured the ones I can discuss things with, without feeling like I'm pulling teeth or offending them are most likely compatible on other levels too. Otherwise, they are not for me. Accept that you might need to walk away, even if you really liked them.

[mr****]

Ok I read your profile and imo you already have the most important thing. great communication. Your very transparent and direct in your needs wants and boundaries. Take the time to go over all of that if you have too and make sure they align with you. AND DONT!!!be afraid to be the person who wrote your bio in real life because that’s good enough. I wouldn’t even think about making a mistake when one occurs it will be minor. Trust me The way you communicate is a huge strength you have. And I’m a stickler for that. Now confidence is the rest of it. I don’t think it’s possible to be a dom without it. But I don’t know what to tell you on this one. but fake it till you make it. 🤷‍♂️ And I think you will be pleasantly surprised how that turns out. When I was your age I was shy too. Don’t be too hard on yourself. you’re self aware and doing things the right way to learn. The confidence will come with experience. I think confidence is like wisdom and can’t be taught I just comes too you…Hope this helps…

[Se****]

Another tip is to draw up a contract! Put your expectations down. Hard and soft limits. Your Sub should do the same. Put those boundaries in writing and while the two of you do this oral communication will clarify any misunderstanding or misinterpretations. Just another avenue for you to communicate with your Sub. Hard boundaries are a “ not ever “ Soft boundaries are open for discussion! Good luck! 👍

[Re****]

Communication is always open. Talk when you're in the room. Ask how they are feeling, do they like this feeling, read body language, use safe words, ask for hand signals for *** and pleasure... This helps to be focus on the tasks your doing to them. Sometimes quiet is preferred but a closed mouth isn't going to get the pleasure they want if they aren't speaking to you.

[no****]

Honestly, and sounds silly. But practice. How I got better and more confident was with a fwb that was an actual friend and literally let me practice and gave me feedback.

[Mahlioz]

Knowing your sub is a good place to start. It’s easier to be a good dom when you know what they do and don’t like.

Also, as silly as it sounds, try pretending to be less shy. It’s a trick musicians use to get over stage fright, if you pretend to be confident long enough, your shyness will start to recede.

[Li****]

talk with your sub, when you become both confident into what you are in for. it gets easier to stop being shy and the confidence itself will come. Magic in the making

[Sa****]

It does seem like you are not naturally dominant but dominant due to lack of trust or insecurity. Natural dominance usually don’t have shyness of any sort. Confidence is the main source of dominance.

[Vl****]

communication is key. one method ive used in the past is discussing something we are going to try beforehand. if you both agree then afterwards you would both rate how much you liked it, if you wanted to do it again, and possibly any changes.

there are important things to remember when communicating as well. when suggesting things to change use language akin to 'i liked x or I didn't like x' instead of 'i didnt like when you did x'. its easy for us to internalize the negative if we feel like we have done wrong.
never say things like 'my ex used to do x and i liked it'. instead simply say 'i like x'. its a simple degree of seperation that makes sure partners dont feel like they are being compared. some people can handle it and others will internalize it and worry you are thinking of someone else