Shy dominant, learning how to be less shy

[Slaveseeker229]

I often find they shy/nervous Dommes to be the best ones. It's so easy to "go wrong" or go too far with a lot of this stuff. Being nervous and a bit shy is a huge green flag for me.
The only way to "overcome" it, or be more secure with it, is communication. Start with a conversation with your partner(s) about limits, boundaries, what you both want/need from it. Could start with just in the bedroom stuff, rather than jumping into a lifestyle.
Once things have been clearly discussed, and you're both happy with what activities you will have control over, and acceptable punishments for infractions are clear, you will find your confidence grow.
End of the day, these lifestyles are about both people being happy and secure, and that only happens with communication and trust.
But enjoy your adventure, it's magical when it comes together and works🥰

[Prostock269]

Wanting to learn more about your role is a good thang this is a pretty good audio book
It’s called the Doms guide to submissive training by Elisabeth Cramer . She puts a lot of insight into what , why , and how , for what the submissive wants or gets out of being submissive . The more you learn and understand your sub and your role as a Dominant and there role as YOUR SUBMISSIVE the easier it is the say and try ( how far you can take them ) something new

[Deleted Member]

I think you be fine and need to find someone who is willing to show you to dominate. Non verbal cues come with time but verbal ones can be established between you and your partner.  

[SA****]

It mostly about communication, verbal and non-verbal. Discuss likes, desires and fantasies. Don't be afraid to even expose ***s that could transform in hard and soft limits. The submissive has to feel secure and comfortable enough to trust that you will be there to take care of them regardless of the situation or condition for them to release control.

[Ba****]

Well „being shy“ can be reframed, it’s not much more difficult to be quiet, reserved and dominant
But if you are introverted trying to fake being extroverted then that can backfire by making you appear less confident and secure while also spending a whole lot more energy

I can’t really recommend tips and tricks but good general advice is get comfortable with yourself
Also there are a bunch of non-verbal/-vocal ways to find out what your partner is into

[ha****]

Relax. Your sub has already given you their submission. Plan out your sessions.

[bi****]

Think of all the times you've considered saying "please can we...", now change that into "we will be doing..." and you're almost fully there. Taking control isn't about being strict and vocal and strutting around in your whip and leather panties, its about asserting control, subtly or explictly works the same. Subs love that. The rest is just more communication, but directed by you normal discussions reframed slightly to be more of a "this is what I would like so I will be getting" rather than trying to *** it. Good subs will love that, and it will make you appear much more a real domme than someone trying to fake it.

[ba****]

The idea of dominance is not that you're dispensing what the sub wants, but are using the sub how YOU want. 1. Make sure you understand your sub''s limits and what they don't want (consent to). Don't do that. 2. Do what YOU WANT with your sub. 3. Debrief and after care. Talk about what they liked and didn't. You will learn about them and yourself. If you're new, it's okay to say you're new and are still learning and exploring what you like. Your sub may have ideas. If someone only wants to be with someone who's experienced or a certain kind of Dom, they will say.

[ph****]

Personally, in daddy role, the DOM is more subtle. It’s think most people think it’s all whips and chains. Slow things down. Tie them up, if you need to. Listen to what they want. But make it your own. Let everything take you.

It’s about confidence. And letting your partner check out. Little project. It’s giving.

[Ke****]

When I’m trying to dom I always channel my inner Halle berry from cat woman lol I know it sounds weird but she has the perfect amount of confidence but shyness at the same time! Another thing you can also try is mirror role play, stand in front of a mirror hype yourself up and think of things that you want to try/say and say them outloud to the mirror! It allows you to feel more comfortable saying them and with what tone you want it to come off as-Mary 😁❤️

[Curiously_Exploring]

6 hours ago, KevandMary2020 said:

When I’m trying to dom I always channel my inner Halle berry from cat woman lol I know it sounds weird but she has the perfect amount of confidence but shyness at the same time! Another thing you can also try is mirror role play, stand in front of a mirror hype yourself up and think of things that you want to try/say and say them outloud to the mirror! It allows you to feel more comfortable saying them and with what tone you want it to come off as-Mary 😁❤️

What a great idea! Thanks!

[Qu****]

Then it's not for u there is nothing shy about being dominant

[Ba****]

11 hours ago, QueenTyisha said:

Then it's not for u there is nothing shy about being dominant

True „shy“ isn’t really the best word to use in this context but that is mostly because of the implication of insecurity which isn’t guaranteed to actually be the case

„Quiet“ and „reserved“ could be interpreted as „shy“ or understood as expressions of dominance because it’s commonly associated with being observant and calculating which again isn’t guaranteed to actually be the case

Also what you seem to forget is that roleplay is a thing and the whole „shy wallflower being secretly a dominatrix“-thing is such a major stereotype that it’s been a full on cliche for a while now

Ultimately everybody has to decide for themselves what is or is not for them

Ps excuse the rant but this sort of automatic expectation linking dominance to extroversion despite the opposite being more common has been ***ing me off for decades

[Mia73]

True dominance isn’t about magically knowing every move; it is about having confidence in leading. When you don't know what they want, don't look at it as a test you might fail as you are the one setting the rules.
Demand your partner tells you how much they like what you are doing to them and remember they are there to please you. Also, silence can be incredibly dominant if it's intentional.

[ni****]

I’m so glad I found this I’m always had so many questions but I’ve been embarrassed or too scared to ask