Collar etiquette

[Sm****]

Do any other BDSM members, male or female, notice that there is a common issue on sites, this one included, where collar etiquette is not respected?
My submissive and nesting partner isn't even comfortable on here as she cannot go a few hours without being bombarded by other "doms" that completely ignore her collar or the meaning behind it.

What are we as Dominants if we can't control ourselves and act in a respectful manner toward one another and the submissives we encounter?

Thoughts?

[Re****]

They just don’t care they not respectful and just wanna touch something

[bi****]

Mind your own business as you should. . .

[Ka****]

I am collared too. It’s visible in my photos. My profile says I’m owned. But though this place is supposed to be BDSM based it really isn’t. It is just a kink meat market. Very few actually respect the Dom/sub boundary. I’ve actually been harassed and cussed at my folks on here when I say I’m not into hook ups and ONS. Been told to get off the site if I’m not here for sex. People see the word kink and think it’s a synonym for free use sex.

[TJ****]

Don't be on a dating app and then get mad when you get attention?

[St****]

Agreed.

[ex****]

4 minutes ago, TJGlass said:

Don't be on a dating app and then get mad when you get attention?

How is this a dating app?

[De****]

You’re on a dating app to find other kinky partners, I’m not sure what you expected

[TJ****]

5 minutes ago, exploring2026 said:

How is this a dating app?

You can pretend that Fet is TOOOOTALLY just a social media platform but let's be honest, it's sexual in nature with the focus of finding partners

[Sm****]

Mr. TJGlass, it's a dating app focused on BDSM. Maybe if you're going to be on a BDSM-focused dating app, learn the etiquette of the lifestyle. Unbeknownst to some, there is an overlap in ENM and BDSM. While not universal, some Dominants have multiple submissives, and some are swingers.Yet, a collar means taken; even being poly-leaning, I respect the collar and its meaning.

The submissives here will see these exchanges and it tells them who is a member of the bdsm world and who have no knowledge of it.

[wa****]

This is not a dating app you want a dating app homeless where this is about kinks, fetishes and BDSM. Ok am dom and myself and sub have a couple profile she will not talk to anyone until I feel the time is right. We do that now because we had to many looking for just hookups. I agree with exploring2026 how is this a dating app?

[TJ****]

3 minutes ago, SmalltownEnigma said:

Mr. TJGlass, it's a dating app focused on BDSM. Maybe if you're going to be on a BDSM-focused dating app, learn the etiquette of the lifestyle. Unbeknownst to some, there is an overlap in ENM and BDSM. While not universal, some Dominants have multiple submissives, and some are swingers.Yet, a collar means taken; even being poly-leaning, I respect the collar and its meaning.

The submissives here will see these exchanges and it tells them who is a member of the bdsm world and who have no knowledge of it.

Ok? My point still stands, don't be on a dating app and then get mad when people message you

[TJ****]

Because the website is built around finding partners. There's a place to look for munches/parties, a place to look for partners directly, even showing how far they are, labeling them as "kinksters" you can swipe left or right on pictures and take a bdsm test! It's Tinder but more explicit, and that's ok

[wa****]

You don’t understand what is being said. Fine you want to call this a dating app then do that but follow etiquette rules when it comes to BDSM a sub owned by their dom will have indications showing that. You want to talk to the sub ask permission but don’t get your hopes up on it being a hookup.

[Th****]

15 minutes ago, TJGlass said:

Because the website is built around finding partners. There's a place to look for munches/parties, a place to look for partners directly, even showing how far they are, labeling them as "kinksters" you can swipe left or right on pictures and take a bdsm test! It's Tinder but more explicit, and that's ok

The problem is being on a bdsm site and not following etiquette. You can look for subs all you want, but you’re going to get told off and put down if you can’t follow basic rules. You’re going to get called out and it’s only your own fault for it. Before joining ANY community you should be actively learning the rules and etiquette. If you don’t, then you are the problem. You can be mad or upset all you want, but you’re the one causing the problems, not the people who follow and respect other peoples rules and boundaries.

[TJ****]

13 minutes ago, waterloo356905 said:

You don’t understand what is being said. Fine you want to call this a dating app then do that but follow etiquette rules when it comes to BDSM a sub owned by their dom will have indications showing that. You want to talk to the sub ask permission but don’t get your hopes up on it being a hookup.

You're not MY dom, I don't have to ask you anything 😂 if somebody's dms are open, and their profile doesn't say they're not interested, I'm going to message them. If they respond with anything other than some variation of "no" I'm going to pursue further. This is how the majority of people are going to treat a dating platform because it's FOR FINDING DATES.

[Th****]

2 minutes ago, TJGlass said:

You're not MY dom, I don't have to ask you anything 😂 if somebody's dms are open, and their profile doesn't say they're not interested, I'm going to message them. If they respond with anything other than some variation of "no" I'm going to pursue further. This is how the majority of people are going to treat a dating platform because it's FOR FINDING DATES.

Aaaand there’s a reason you don’t have any subs yet 🤷🏻‍♂️ there’s a reason no one has let you collar them. There’s a reason you’re still looking for others and have basically no experience. Because you don’t care about the sub. Again, get mad and huff and puff all you want, but you’re the problem and it easily shows with how little experience you actually have 🤣

[Da****]

20 minutes ago, TJGlass said:

Because the website is built around finding partners. There's a place to look for munches/parties, a place to look for partners directly, even showing how far they are, labeling them as "kinksters" you can swipe left or right on pictures and take a bdsm test! It's Tinder but more explicit, and that's ok

I agree with you. This is a dating app. If I'm looking for the purely social side I go to FetLife.

As for contacting collared subs, yes it is annoying for others not to follow protocol. I have found very few men that actually read profiles or if they do, think it applies to them. The BDSM community has changed since 50 shades and changes on Craigslist. On one hand it's great that more people are aware of it. But unfortunately not everyone takes the time to understand the nuances of it.

[Lo****]

Many of people are day one kinksters

[TJ****]

3 minutes ago, ThickCC said:

Aaaand there’s a reason you don’t have any subs yet 🤷🏻‍♂️ there’s a reason no one has let you collar them. There’s a reason you’re still looking for others and have basically no experience. Because you don’t care about the sub. Again, get mad and huff and puff all you want, but you’re the problem and it easily shows with how little experience you actually have 🤣

I made my account a month ago calm down 😂 nobody's getting mad here

[Sm****]

Well, I appreciate all the members who show that they do care and respect the boundaries and etiquette. Maybe with this I can get her to give it another chance so she can meet more community members.

[da****]

Hitting on a collared sub is like hitting on your best friend girl, it's completely wrong

[TJ****]

7 minutes ago, DarkAngel-001 said:

I agree with you. This is a dating app. If I'm looking for the purely social side I go to FetLife.

As for contacting collared subs, yes it is annoying for others not to follow protocol. I have found very few men that actually read profiles or if they do, think it applies to them. The BDSM community has changed since 50 shades and changes on Craigslist. On one hand it's great that more people are aware of it. But unfortunately not everyone takes the time to understand the nuances of it.

You can control who can message you in your settings, this whole "wow people keep dming my sub on a dating app" is a problem only for people who don't bother to look beyond the front page

[ex****]

29 minutes ago, TJGlass said:

Because the website is built around finding partners. There's a place to look for munches/parties, a place to look for partners directly, even showing how far they are, labeling them as "kinksters" you can swipe left or right on pictures and take a bdsm test! It's Tinder but more explicit, and that's ok

Exactly it doesn’t make it a dating app just because you can swipe…it makes it a place to find like minded people who want to explore and have sex partners not life partners. Just because some look for that doesn’t mean as a whole that’s what people are looking for.

[TJ****]

4 minutes ago, SmalltownEnigma said:

Well, I appreciate all the members who show that they do care and respect the boundaries and etiquette. Maybe with this I can get her to give it another chance so she can meet more community members.

I don't even think you're wrong or anything, just naive as to what kind of people use dating apps and the notions they have of other active users