- Why?

[LatexThing]

I appreciate many different types of fetishes and practices, I don't agree with them all, but can understand the why's and wherefores of what people enjoy.

What I don't understand and for the life of me, can't seem to objectively reason with is .

I suspect this could be a perception issue, as from my observations have only seen obnoxious people rinsing *** from others.

So I should make this disclaimer: This isn't about being detrimental to what is obviously a popular activity and am not here to put anybody down who actively participates, so let's get that cleared up.

What I would like to know is why has become popular?

What is it that makes people want to throw their at another, for what I perceive as little gain?

What are the rewards from this?

I have little experience or knowledge of  this subject and only wish to expand my insight, but am looking for rational explanations to this phenomena, without inciting any malice, as I am truly puzzled by this.

Thanks in advance

[FETMOD-KF]

usual thing folks - this post is let through for discussion - so, please refrain from descending into "they're all a bunch of scammers, get a real job, etc"

[Si****]

@FETMOD-KF Man! You suck the fun out of everything (Fun sucker!) 🤣🤣🤣

[Deleted Member]

Being on the receiving end and being naturally very shy, the popularity arises from paying someone for their attention. With my limited knowledge and understanding, it is hard to form a soild and sound relationship as it takes genuine effort to maintain it and input from both sides. However, for a bit of (a lot in some cases), you get the attention you want without little effort. Just show up, pay and have a nice day, thank you come again.

For people who may find it hard to form relationships I can imagine it being quite addictive of which can be destructive because of how easy it is.

Someone please correct me where I may have misinterpreted the question, many thanks.

[Deleted Member]

There are so many profiles on here from people that say they are female and live in certain countries but in fact they may not be female and or from where they claim to be they are just out to scam people for what they can get thats why i have written in my profile that i will never give tributes, gift cards or send *** to anyone but yet some people dont take any notice and think they can still scam you

[Mz****]

@Bantaclausmy interpretation is the same as yours, I'd add, it's an option a lot of those with vanilla partners seem to like too, for them, a way to get certain needs attended to without having emotional attachments, certain risk factors and finding the time to date outside of their relationship..of course, @LatexThingmay have meant less ProDomme and more FinDomme, in which case I believe for some a lot of the attraction comes from what I suppose is a power exchange of sorts, others like to pamper and rather than do that through say service submission do it financially..though as neither a Pro or Fin Domme myself I can only offer my personal opinion through observation and hearsay.

[LatexThing]

20 minutes ago, Bantaclaus said:

Being on the receiving end and being naturally very shy, the popularity arises from paying someone for their attention. With my limited knowledge and understanding, it is hard to form a soild and sound relationship as it takes genuine effort to maintain it and input from both sides. However, for a bit of (a lot in some cases), you get the attention you want without little effort. Just show up, pay and have a nice day, thank you come again.

For people who may find it hard to form relationships I can imagine it being quite addictive of which can be destructive because of how easy it is.

Someone please correct me where I may have misinterpreted the question, many thanks.

I think that's a really valid point and can see where you're coming from on this!

You have interpreted this question accurately and this is the kind of sound reasoning I'm looking for.

From your perspective I can see why you would participate in this activity and it makes sense now.

I believe that's an angle I've totally missed, as in contrast I'm not a shy person and will speak with anybody who can tolerate me haha!

I believe also, that I've only seen a very public side to this, from social media generally and perhaps that was the wrong angle to view, as it has probably mystified me more.

Thanks for an informative response :)

[Deleted Member]

MzJax, you are right I forgot to add this and it ironically happened with me

[LatexThing]

Perhaps I misinterpreted the response instead

[Deleted Member]

LatexThing, glad I could be of assistance! Totally objective thinking I find is difficult and possibly impossible but again, glad I could help.

[Mz****]

15 minutes ago, LatexThing said:

Perhaps I misinterpreted the response instead

It's actually a nice change to see a new spin on a question that appears quite regularly on the forums, usually in quite a vitriolic manner.

I'm regularly approached by people new to kink, or with a more niche kink they're looking to get attended to, who don't even realise that not all Dommes are motivated by payments or tribute and they assume that we can all be bought, (blatantly misinformed) presumably, as you say they gain the little knowledge they have from either porn or social media stereotypes..there's way more like myself who are lifestyle Dommes, but unlike those whose job it is, we're not necessarily "selling" ourself, certainly not in the same way, our presence isn't as loud because we're not looking to make *** but connections..( well I am anyway)

Edited June 30, 2021 by MzJax
Algorithm removed words had to rephrase

[LatexThing]

14 minutes ago, Bantaclaus said:

LatexThing, glad I could be of assistance! Totally objective thinking I find is difficult and possibly impossible but again, glad I could help.

A pleasure, glad you answered my question in fell swoop and thank you also!!

[LatexThing]

37 minutes ago, MzJax said:

It's actually a nice change to see a new spin on a question that appears quite regularly on the forums, usually in quite a vitriolic manner.

I'm regularly approached by people new to kink, or with a more niche kink they're looking to get attended to, who don't even realise that not all Dommes are motivated by payments or tribute and they assume that we can all be bought, (blatantly misinformed) presumably, as you say they gain the little knowledge they have from either porn or social media stereotypes..there's way more like myself who are lifestyle Dommes, but unlike those whose job it is, we're not necessarily "selling" ourself, certainly not in the same way, our presence isn't as loud because we're not looking to make *** but connections..( well I am anyway)

Thank you.

In fairness have to agree with you, it's easy to be acerbic on a situation that doesn't resonate with you, that can be said in many scenarios.

In relation to your approaches, I fully understand where you're coming from, as it's a popular misconception that all dominants are in it for the ***, yet we know this isn't true.

As with any passion (let's call it that for arguments sake) you can either do it for the love or for tthe and from my experiences you see a lot of people become fashionistas just to mmake that, then disappear in some cases.

Admittedly, in what seems an over saturation of dominant females who want to get an OF/Twitter/FB etc page, they're everywhere it seems. Yet those who as you say, are looking to make connections and not *** are really the unsung heroes, in my opinion and demand a far greater respect, because your values are altruistic. Plus turning a kink into a business doesn't do a lot for me and (from my perspective) gives the culture a certain reputation.

Admittedly, I'm writing this tired and if it doesn't gel, will edit tomorrow. But I hope you get the gist of my message, so will apologise in advance if this doesn't read how I meant it to sound 😂

 

Edited June 30, 2021 by LatexThing
Bleary eyes and dumb autocorrect.

[Mz****]

8 minutes ago, LatexThing said:

Thank you.

In fairness have to agree with you, it's easy to be acerbic on a situation that doesn't resonate with you, that can be said in many scenarios.

In relation to your approaches, I fully understand where you're coming from, as it's a popular misconception that all dominants are in it for the ***, yet we know this isn't true.

As with any passion (let's call it that for arguments sake) you can either do it for the love or for the and from my experiences you see a lot of people become fashionistas just to make , then disappear in some cases.

Admittedly, in what seems an over saturation of dominant females who want to get an OF/Twitter/FB etc page, they're everywhere it seems. Yet those who as you say, are looking to make connections and not *** are really the unsung heroes, in my opinion and demand a far greater respect, because your values are altruistic. Plus turning a kink into a business doesn't do a lot for me and (from my perspective) gives the culture a certain reputation.

Admittedly, I'm writing this tired and if it doesn't gel, will edit tomorrow. But I hope you get the gist of my message, so will apologise in advance if this doesn't read how I meant it to sound 😂

 

Thats kind of you, thank you..but I wouldn't say I'm altruistic, on the contrary I'm quite greedy and selfish sexually..that said, when I connect with someone on that kind of level, that they enjoy the experience as much as I do is definitely an added bonus and I enjoy their pleasure, but, it's mine that really matters to me.

 

[ey****]

there's a bit of a myriad and a lot of the stuff there's people within it who don't understand either

But the folk who spend and expect nothing... or spend big for little in return... are rare.   They're known as white whales.   They basically create a great amount of revenue for a low amount of ***. So, of course, there are plenty of people who hunt these.

What they get out of it - usually they are people who are wealthy or successful or might have fantasies about being "ruined" or "losing it all" - sometimes games where there's a thrill of "how much will she take?"

and some of this can be done on lower budgets also - kinda... imagine.... getting your pay packet.  Paying your bills and commitments.  Handing every other penny over to someone - who then chooses from that how much you will "live off" for the month - to set a shopping budget, whether you can have luxuries like beer. Whether you can go out to the pub or whatever - and - in a way it's an element of control and sacrifice.

But - that, in a way, isn't nothing - because the person controlling the budget you are interacting with, it's a form of play, you might continue to check in on how your day/week is going under their rules/budget.

There's an awful lot of other examples - where - it's rarely little/no work.  Because the person spending usually has some form of goal to get out of the experience.

[LatexThing]

13 hours ago, MzJax said:

Thats kind of you, thank you..but I wouldn't say I'm altruistic, on the contrary I'm quite greedy and selfish sexually..that said, when I connect with someone on that kind of level, that they enjoy the experience as much as I do is definitely an added bonus and I enjoy their pleasure, but, it's mine that really matters to me.

Perhaps the term "Altruistic" in this context may have been misplaced, but understand what you are saying.

 

[LatexThing]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

there's a bit of a myriad and a lot of the stuff there's people within it who don't understand either

But the folk who spend and expect nothing... or spend big for little in return... are rare.   They're known as white whales.   They basically create a great amount of revenue for a low amount of ***. So, of course, there are plenty of people who hunt these.

What they get out of it - usually they are people who are wealthy or successful or might have fantasies about being "ruined" or "losing it all" - sometimes games where there's a thrill of "how much will she take?"

and some of this can be done on lower budgets also - kinda... imagine.... getting your pay packet.  Paying your bills and commitments.  Handing every other penny over to someone - who then chooses from that how much you will "live off" for the month - to set a shopping budget, whether you can have luxuries like beer. Whether you can go out to the pub or whatever - and - in a way it's an element of control and sacrifice.

But - that, in a way, isn't nothing - because the person controlling the budget you are interacting with, it's a form of play, you might continue to check in on how your day/week is going under their rules/budget.

There's an awful lot of other examples - where - it's rarely little/no work.  Because the person spending usually has some form of goal to get out of the experience.

Great response thanks, in truth I haven't seen those examples, as my exposure to this scenario has been limited. What I've generally observed is;

"I want xxx or yyy, which one of you sad losers is going to get me this?"

Or

" me breakfast/dinner etc.....now!"

So you can see why my view is fairly tainted, as I've not observed the kind of dynamic you've described.

I guess with any scenario(s) there's layers you don't see, which makes your examples more fascinating, as that's a better dynamic in relation to what I've observed so far.

Thanks @eyemblacksheep
very interesting indeed

[ey****]

there is a lot behind the scenes. this doesn't mean there aren't people who get things wrong.

I was in a AirBnb with a bunch of people - some Pro-Dommes, some not - one had been latex shopping. She posted on line something about "cover it bitches" - and someone did!  However, the person that did is someone who she has an ongoing relationship with.  She loves he nearly always covers her latex purchases - but he does so because there's a connection and part of a larger relationship.

Here's a thing.

Imagine someone posts online "who is covering my breakfast?" - 1 of 3 things is going to happen.   (1) the most likely. no one covers it.  (2) second most likely. a sub with an existing relationship/dynamic with them covers it.  (3) a complete stranger covers it.

If (3) happens, then, what do they want?   Because if you then ignore them - they're not going to cover breakfast again.  But that might be OK.  If you engage with them to find out what they want, then it was an icebreaker and it might be what they want can't be provided - so no more breakfast. Or it might be it can be and this can be the beginning of something.  Which may or may not involve breakfast.

And people have different personas.

Person a : which of you losers is buying me breakfast?

person b : there is an opportunity for a sub to get in my good books by covering breakfast

some people might warm towards (a) some people might warm towards (b) 

A lot is more transactional than it seems.  I guess like this... imagine the old adage of you see someone you find attractive at a bar, so you decide in the simplest way to chat them up "can I get you a drink?"

they can say yes - then tell you to fuck off. The offer was for a drink, not something in return.  But in this scenario, no more drinks and you maybe leave feeling a bit daft (or maybe aroused by this ***, who knows)

they say yes, and you can chat - and then it becomes obvious there's nothing in common so you bid each other farewell.

or they say yes, and you can chat - and, stuff might go somewhere to some degree.  It might be she is happy to talk to you so long as you keep her in drinks and that might or might not work for you.  It might be that, there are other mutual interests. Who knows.

[Mz****]

17 minutes ago, LatexThing said:

Great response thanks, in truth I haven't seen those examples, as my exposure to this scenario has been limited. What I've generally observed is;

"I want xxx or yyy, which one of you sad losers is going to get me this?"

Or

" me breakfast/dinner etc.....now!"

So you can see why my view is fairly tainted, as I've not observed the kind of dynamic you've described.

I guess with any scenario(s) there's layers you don't see, which makes your examples more fascinating, as that's a better dynamic in relation to what I've observed so far.

Thanks @eyemblacksheep
very interesting indeed

As with most scenarios where there's interaction online, there's scammers and frauds, wannabes taking a punt etc..look how many Ebay scams you hear about, or phishing, or royal mail scams, etc etc.. or just people not being who they are, think Catfish for example..(by the way, the UK version gave some mind blowing statistics in the first episode..68 million pounds 'romance' scammed from mostly vanilla women by Nigerian and East European fraudsters last year alone!)..we're all ***, male female, non binary, kinky or vanilla, young or old, anywhere in between.. anyone entering into these types of arrangements is even more ***..that they still look for this type of arrangement suggests the pull, the need is incredibly strong.

I'm not for one moment suggesting anyone who monetises is a scammer or fraud by the way, I'm not, there's a need for Professionals, (but, I'd definitely suggest caution when approaching, due diligence, and safeguards in place for anyone tempted).

 

[Phoenyx]

As mentioned above, this is the concept of "Findomme" (financial dominance).  I believe this stems from our modern capitalistic society, where a person's identity becomes tied to their income and/or bank account.  For some, surrendering control of one's finances can be just as personal/erotic as surrendering control of one's body.  This does seem a lot more common in the white-collar realm, than among the working-class (though not exclusive).  This fetish is fairly new in popularity (thanks to the "yuppie" movement) so it is the least understood.   Yes, there are scammers who take advantage of this---so, let's not get into that vitriolic argument.

I am sure that we have all seen the effects of tying identity to income in the "vanilla" world.  Unfortunately, more often than not, it has been in a negative light.  A good example is that one friend who enters "a successful career".  That friend may now consider themself above everyone else, better than everyone else.  They may become rude and abrasive to their former friends, or even cut of friendship entirely, with lines like, "You can't afford to do the things that I now like to do!"  Worse, such attitudes are often magnified by the echo chamber of the lofty professional fields.  Of course, not all who become so financially dominant, wish to be dominant.  Those who are submissive at heart, may seek-out someone who is more financially dominant than they are.

As a side note, consider the amount of financial power-play that exists in the "vanilla" world.  How many "successful" folks have we all known, that claim to be just as broke as the rest of us?  It is one of the sad ironies of our modern culture---that so-called "success" is often a path to nowhere.  Take for example, someone in banking, stock-trading, or high-end sales.  Too often, all of their extra income is going to expensive clothes, luxury cars, and lavish restaurant meals, just to "maintain the proper image".  Or, it could come from having a high-paying job that exists only in an outrageously overpriced area, like "Silicon Valley".  With insane rents, stiff food and utility costs, and crippling transit expenses, a six-figure salary may little better than a poverty existence.  Add-in stress, and 24/7 "on-call" demands.  With little-to-no room remaining for a personal life, those numbers on the paycheck may be all that is left of their identity.

Well, I hope that this sheds some light on the possible dynamics of this subject.  This is merely my observation, and may or may not be true.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Phoenyx said:

Well, I hope that this sheds some light on the possible dynamics of this subject.  This is merely my observation, and may or may not be true.

I feel everything you have suggested is all true.

one of the old tropes is whenever someone in the UK press used to interview a Mistress she would always talk about a whale client - the CEO or manager who has to be harsh, disciple and unfair to staff - and so wants either, to feel the same... or... to escape from their burden.

Think also, I guess, a little bit that someone can be a big earner and there's a lot of things *** can . And a lot they can't. So, sometimes if it's someone who is used to getting everything they want - to then hand over a wad of to a young pretty thing and STILL not get to fuck her...