Sex at the end of the game?

[Ro****]

How many of you had, or would like to have sex at the end or even during the gameplay? Because I know there are many peoples who basically do not have penetration and others that they want to have penetration.

I'm asking this question because for my experience, BDSM still remain a way to love, probably a different way but still around love

 

[PandoraUK]

Generally speaking, I don’t have penetrative sex with play partners during or after a scene unless I am already in a sexual relationship with that person. In clubs, I prefer to leave my bottom half covered and ‘not in play’, so it’s easier to say No and it’s more obvious that I actually mean it.

[TheBookCollector]

From a personal point, unless specifically negotiated sex is always off the table with a play partner, especially a casual play partner, if its a long term regular play partner things may be different, but normally by then we are in or on the cusp of an actual relationship.

Thats said everyone is different some play partners will have consensual pre negotiated sex during and after.

I would also suggest not using the term 'gameplay' because it isnt a game and the effects of play can have long lasting outcomes on the bottom.

[pogosotu]

I don't remember it ending in sex unless it was a regular partner with whom I was in a relationship.

[ey****]

depends where you draw the line at sex - but - in the past few years there's been very few people I've put my dick in their vagina or mouth, other than my wife

 

[MartynMentor]

I personally am not huge on penetration during play time. I'm a heterosexual Dom with a kink for holding Dominion over my play partners orgasms, something over many many years I've become very good at facilitating. I enjoy 8-16hrs sessions of creative, attentive, empathetic Domination. Having my play partner hold back on her release for intitially a few seconds, so it builds within her and equally as importantly I can get into the good position to enable me to work and extend her orgasm and able to note what I've just done physically and mentally to inspire her orgasm so I can repeat it as I get to know her more. However the downside is I'm with holding and suppressing myself 'Blue Balls' are a major issue and often need attending too after a sleep. Also I've in the past unwittingly left my play partner with self doubt as I've not come during play time. Something that I ensure its not her it's the nature of the play we are in and often battle to re-erect you put her self doubts to bed. I've been living a BDSM lifestyle for 35 yrs and I absolutely love it. To me it's about sharing, trusting, exchanging power, joint self and collective discovery. Bolding during aftercare I personally find the sub/Dom relationship the most precious intimate shared experience in life. For a lady to 'Gift' me her submission is the highest honour I can have, as her Dom I see my role to discover what her 'submissive' truly desires and to facilitate it for her in an environment of of honesty, respect and tenderness!! It's NOT a crude 'wham-bam' vanilla man and penetration is no consiquencual. Love & Light MartynMentor x

[Deleted Member]

Penetration, and sexual activity are a massive part of who I am, and what I require. It doesn't always have to be vaginal, but it's the cream on the cake at the end of a session, and I would feel unfulfilled without it.

[Deleted Member]

This has made me think because a few times I have played, sex hasn't been touched upon and then the men have anyway whilst I was restrained. The assumption being that I'd agreed. (This is a while back when I was new). I'm not sure I can separate play and sex.

[Deleted Member]

I can’t imagine a play session not ending up with penetrative sex. But it’s given me food for thoughts because I always assumed that sex was a given conclusion. I think I will be one very frustrated lady if I had to walk away not having been properly seen to by my partner 🙂

[TheBookCollector]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

This has made me think because a few times I have played, sex hasn't been touched upon and then the men have anyway whilst I was restrained. The assumption being that I'd agreed. (This is a while back when I was new). I'm not sure I can separate play and sex.

This is where the whole issue of consent starts to enter a grey area, if you agreed to a scene and there was no mention of sex, is sex always implied even if not discussed?

If not isnt that then getting into the realms of opening up the top to face allegations?

This is why there are accusations of consent ***s flying around, because the top believes its implied and the bottom that it is not, because it was never discussed or negotiated.

Therefore isnt it best to broach the subject pre-play of in or post scene sex before you start?

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

This is where the whole issue of consent starts to enter a grey area, if you agreed to a scene and there was no mention of sex, is sex always implied even if not discussed?

If not isnt that then getting into the realms of opening up the top to face allegations?

This is why there are accusations of consent ***s flying around, because the top believes its implied and the bottom that it is not, because it was never discussed or negotiated.

Therefore isnt it best to broach the subject pre-play of in or post scene sex before you start?

I agree. I've realised since then and discuss up front.

[Deleted Member]

I don't see penetrative sex and BDSM play as intrinsically linked. I actually like different level as of connection for different types of play. I love ***d orgasm and orgasm control (including penetration with a toy or by hand) but don't always need the scene to end in sex for me to get off on exploring my fantasies and quite often I put so much into making sure I'm getting the response and needs of the sub let that I don't always feel I can let go enough to enjoy fucking at the end.

Sometimes there's a cross over with rough and more primal sex for me but that tends to be more about unleashing primal energy rather than the delicate acts of sedition and control with a more planned scene.

I find penetrative sex intrinsically linked to an emotional connection for me and consider my kinks and BDSM play about making a soulful and more spiritual connection. Of course. One can always lead to another with the right partner, which, I have, so it often does too. Lucky me eh!? 😎

[Deleted Member]

For me sexual intercourse is not part of D/s play, no matter who I am playing with, to me the expectation of or the inclusion of sexual intercourse/penetration muddies the waters and lessens the power exchange experience.

[Ro****]

17 hours ago, PandoraUK said:

Generally speaking, I don’t have penetrative sex with play partners during or after a scene unless I am already in a sexual relationship with that person. In clubs, I prefer to leave my bottom half covered and ‘not in play’, so it’s easier to say No and it’s more obvious that I actually mean it.

Yes I understand, I was opening this post because sometimes, depends on her, in my case I feel some feeling for my sub, that it can go over the play.

[Ro****]

16 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

From a personal point, unless specifically negotiated sex is always off the table with a play partner, especially a casual play partner, if its a long term regular play partner things may be different, but normally by then we are in or on the cusp of an actual relationship.

Thats said everyone is different some play partners will have consensual pre negotiated sex during and after.

I would also suggest not using the term 'gameplay' because it isnt a game and the effects of play can have long lasting outcomes on the bottom.

sorry, you're right about the term 'gameplay', thanks for the advice.

[Ro****]

12 hours ago, Curvykate said:

This has made me think because a few times I have played, sex hasn't been touched upon and then the men have anyway whilst I was restrained. The assumption being that I'd agreed. (This is a while back when I was new). I'm not sure I can separate play and sex.

so do you think sex can be part or ,sometimes, even essential part of the play?

[Ro****]

11 hours ago, Sub-lime said:

I can’t imagine a play session not ending up with penetrative sex. But it’s given me food for thoughts because I always assumed that sex was a given conclusion. I think I will be one very frustrated lady if I had to walk away not having been properly seen to by my partner 🙂

but that's what I think to. It can be very frustrating especially for a lady having a conclusion without sex. Of course this depends on partner, and with my sub we decide together. So if she doesn't feel she wants to have sex fine, but in general, as I said especially for women that can be a very important side of the play

[Ro****]

2 hours ago, MistressMK said:

For me sexual intercourse is not part of D/s play, no matter who I am playing with, to me the expectation of or the inclusion of sexual intercourse/penetration muddies the waters and lessens the power exchange experience.

clear, of course I can understand that as a Mistress your role might be different sometimes than a male Dom

[UK****]

BDSM activity and sex aren't one and the same.  In the same way that impact play and any other activity aren't intrinsically linked

All play should be discussed initially so both parties are aware of each other's expectations.  Nothing should ever come out of the blue.

A bdsm checklist is good for this.  Not only are you giving the other an indication of your interests but you are able to caveat any activity and limits.

For me personally, sex is very much a part of bdsm, however I recognise that for others that isn't the case.

Having said that, I don't need to have sexual intercourse to enjoy a scene and sometimes if I'm concentrating on the control it will be very asexual for me.  My mind isn't thinking about my pleasure at that point very much as @MartynMentor said earlier.

It can cause issues as it can look to a sub that you don't find her a turn on.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, UK_Knight said:

It can cause issues as it can look to a sub that you don't find her a turn on.

This. 

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, RoyalNight said:

but that's what I think to. It can be very frustrating especially for a lady having a conclusion without sex. Of course this depends on partner, and with my sub we decide together. So if she doesn't feel she wants to have sex fine, but in general, as I said especially for women that can be a very important side of the play

I think it's important to separate sexual activity from "having a conclusion" (I love that!) Personally I play with those I have a sexual and emotional connection with, so yes there will likely be a sexual element. I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks coming is essential? Because I don't during play and I think there is this assumption that you haven't enjoyed yourself if you don't. It's not the important thing for me.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Curvykate said:

I think it's important to separate sexual activity from "having a conclusion" (I love that!) Personally I play with those I have a sexual and emotional connection with, so yes there will likely be a sexual element. I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks coming is essential? Because I don't during play and I think there is this assumption that you haven't enjoyed yourself if you don't. It's not the important thing for me.

Should read: The only person who thinks coming is NOT essential.

[Firefox_]

I do think its important to have everything laid out on what's expected, I never gave it much thought that sex possibly wouldn't be on the cards and I would feel a little gutted tbf

[Ju****]

This is an interesting topic. 

 

For me I think I could/would only have sex with someone during or after play if I was emotionally linked and/or in a relationship with them.

I am by no means afraid to reject sex if someone expects it but with someone I share my entirety with, yes I like the sex element, but it's not essential to have a good play experience.

If I had a play partner I wasn't emotionally connected with then sex would not be an option for me, but that would be discussed beforehand. The only way this would change is if I liked and trusted that person enough and also opened myself up to a FWB status, (which I currently do not do). 

If not discussed before any play session I can agree some people may not realise it won't lead to this, or feel that person isn't attracted to them entirely but a bit of reassurance with the communication would be able to help that.

[Ro****]

On 7/16/2021 at 8:27 AM, Curvykate said:

I think it's important to separate sexual activity from "having a conclusion" (I love that!) Personally I play with those I have a sexual and emotional connection with, so yes there will likely be a sexual element. I'm sure I'm not the only person who thinks coming is essential? Because I don't during play and I think there is this assumption that you haven't enjoyed yourself if you don't. It's not the important thing for me.

it is not important, I like to have a "conclusion" but if not well, It's fine too. But I think that it could be better for both but of course , that is a decision made together