Demisexual and kink

[Iv****]

I feel like being demisexual and kinky is while not being in a relationship is one of the worst experiences ever. Because while I would love to be a whore, I physically cannot do such things. currently I feel as though I could take a bite out of a brick wall, but the idea of a ONS is SO so unappealing. In theory I can flirt, I can do hypotheticals, I obviously can find someone attractive, but that’s kind of where everything ends. Ya know, so to those who are demisexual have been into kink for a very long time or just longer than I have, is there like a secret code or like something I haven’t unlocked yet that you know makes that less of a barrier? Or easier to navigate maybe?


[Sw****]

Its the absolute worst. Its so hard finding people that understand sometimes. Like truly understand. That its like nails on the chalk board feeling kinda to try and *** ourselves to be like everyone else. Atleast thats how I feel. If u find the cheat code share it girl. I wish you so.much luck but I understand ur ***.

[Mu****]

I feel this deeply.
The only thing that broke my first “random” experience was simply giving someone an opening who showed real interest in me and agreeing beforehand the intention was just to let the sexual tension go and if it’s awkward simple talk and part ways or hey maybe a new friend and if it goes great for sex then there were no expectations.
It’s really about being ok with yourself knowing that if you feel safe it’s ok to just have an experience with another human even if it doesn’t go as expected.
Hopefully helpful, fellow demisexual mild kinkster
✌🏽 🖤

[Ministra]

I feel that. Its hard to date for demis as it is, but it's even harder to date when kinky stuff is needed AND it's online dating because you're not able to find someone in the wild like me. Mehh! And I simply cannot have a 'casual' relationship.. grml!

[Iv****]

5 minutes ago, Sweetnesss88 said:

Its the absolute worst. Its so hard finding people that understand sometimes. Like truly understand. That its like nails on the chalk board feeling kinda to try and *** ourselves to be like everyone else. Atleast thats how I feel. If u find the cheat code share it girl. I wish you so.much luck but I understand ur ***.

You’d swear I’m asking for their hand in marriage. I’m NOT , I quite literally just don’t know you! Let me yearn a bit and vice versa. But If I find it I promise I’ll share

[Al****]

It’s extremely frustrating for sure. I have 2 ideas to experiment with, neither of which is a very good idea: 1) objectify and try to be as satisfied as you could be with a toy, 2) pretend you’re renting a boyfriend for the day/night.

[wa****]

It's easier being able to kink with someone that you're *** and emotionally safe with I get it

[Ba****]

If you’re anywhere near Atlanta hit me up 678-410-2499 Vince

[wa****]

4 minutes ago, BadboyJoey said:

If you’re anywhere near Atlanta hit me up 678-410-2499 Vince

Probably not the best place to do that. Would recommend you take this down.

[Zis]

Demisexual as a femdom might be a little bit easier, because i hold the session.
When im searching for a new sub, ill take my time and build a connection in the beginning. Without a relationship outside the dynamic, im not interested.

[uv****]

I have been dealing with the same issue, but from a dudes angle. Whoreing myself isnt sn option, nor would I want that. Just know, I understsnd somewhat. 45 m demi straight

[he****]

Trust you are NOT alone 😭 I have that I'm Demisexual with the definition EVERYWHERE on my profile, trust I would love nothing more than to be a whore, but it's so hard and almost impossible to actually meet people who actually want to put in the effort to form a bond and dynamic 🫠 the only thing you can really do is to keep your boundaries, one of the things I do that helped was make a Google doc that has all my kink info, my kinks, pet names, boundaries, ect. It makes having the conversation of kink a lot easier and definitely helps with all the mental stuff as well🫶

[Th****]

“I'd love to be a whore, I physically cannot do such things”
If it were easy, everyone would do it

[Ll****]

I feel this. I wish I could just let myself hook up with whoever but it just wouldn't feel right. I REALLY need to get to know people first, and with everyone wanting to hook up and never talk again, it feels impossible.

[ju****]

I've also had this issue. Lube really helps if you do end up going the ONS. But for me, I found I could sorta overcome the hurdle of being physically uninterested by leaning really hard on the kink side.
Kink kind of lets me *** a feeling of deeper intimacy with the other person because we are translated into specific roles, roles I know and am comfortable with and that mask the lack of true emotional intimacy. So as a demi, kink helped me be able to be more sexual, it has become a tool I can use to unlock my sex drive.
Is the kinky sex better with a true connection? Yes, absolutely, there's no comparison. But if you wanna be treated like a whore, 'fake it til you make it' is what worked for me.

[Ic****]

33 minutes ago, justalilshy said:

I've also had this issue. Lube really helps if you do end up going the ONS. But for me, I found I could sorta overcome the hurdle of being physically uninterested by leaning really hard on the kink side.
Kink kind of lets me *** a feeling of deeper intimacy with the other person because we are translated into specific roles, roles I know and am comfortable with and that mask the lack of true emotional intimacy. So as a demi, kink helped me be able to be more sexual, it has become a tool I can use to unlock my sex drive.
Is the kinky sex better with a true connection? Yes, absolutely, there's no comparison. But if you wanna be treated like a whore, 'fake it til you make it' is what worked for me.

I deal with this Demi & kinky issue. I used to be very promiscuous. You’d never guess I’m a dom by the way I converse leading up to sex. Even in conversing it’s not the first thing on my mind…even when sex is the topic…sure it’s there, but curiosity dominates until it’s go time. Even then, if there are gaps in information…I’m just not as into as I would be if said gaps were filled. No pun intended. I’m certainly a switch D/s within limits. I want a beautiful mind & heart, and swing the pendulum of passion/worship/kink. All in all I can’t just jump right into fuckin like I used to. No real definitive reason why the shift happened…it just did.

[ka****]

Same friend. I’m aroase and struggle with really noticing flirting actually but if I’m ever with someone I would prefer with someone that is in the same enjoyment as me because I am still willing my thing is that I don’t feel love or romantic feelings towards someone or ever rarely and if I do it’s extremely rare I’m not Demi at all I have never been with anyone I honestly am repulsive about sex but I am very open to it with a partner who wants to connect through it. You’re all ok just have to find your person friend.

[br****]

What is demisexual?

[sh****]

Same boat, and semi recently single and I feel girl, I feel. Sometimes I like, push through and do it anyways because the craving is so strong, but then in the moment I'm just waiting for it to be over because I'm not having a good time. My only advise would be to not do that. I'm good about just saying "well that was gross and it suckrd but it's my own fault we'll do better tomorrow" and moving on, but depending on the person it could really mess up your head. My other advise would be, and it's going to sound prudish but, use this app less, watch less porn, pleasure yourself less, less steamy romance novels, hell even less dating apps period. Any of that that is applicable. The less exposure to the thing you're craving will help you crave it less. Think of it as detoxing or a tolerance break. Rest your mind from it all to get some clarity on your feelings and needs for a time. Fill your cravings with hobbies and exercise until you feel a bit less feral. That's all I can say that helps me.

[TripleXHexxx]

As a demisexual, I'm a whore for the people that end up in a relationship with. Hookup culture hasn't interested me. Hell.. men don't interest me.

HOWEVER, as a woman who is in Cougar Puberty, my desire to enter my 5th ho phase is strong and my demisexuality takes a backseat. Thankfully, there are no genders in my area that interest me enough to hookup.

[Li****]

Honestly, not from my experience. People see "sub" or the likes and then instinctively message some dumb line or paragraph that's probably copy and pasted (if not, near enough from every other chat they've had) which indicates to me, they clearly are on here for a quick hookup and equally didn't care to read my profile or the fact I'm demisexual which again, signals they care about getting their end away...and that's about as much to them as a person there is.
It's incredibly deflating, frustrating, makes you constantly on the defence as they clearly just don't care what your profile displays, the effort you've put into it to show what you do and do not like and are interested in.
You've either got to learn things yourself and be kinky that way, put up with the horrendous scene that is "dating- you won't be dated, will be shown zero effort and expected to put out, keep holding on and waiting for your actual match (I hope you find a decent person) or try to enjoy hookup culture- lots of drinks help but it's just crap in general 😹

[Go****]

I feel you.

I don’t mind being single and just not having sex I guess.

But I want the real deal,
Mind body and soul.

I want our hearts on fire for each other.

And all the freaky ish too.

[We****]

I’m what you could call fraysexual not that I like labeling myself (personal opinion) I have a high sexual interest at the start but as the emotional side grows I really struggle. I can’t even link it to a trauma or anything. It affects me with relationships and kink. I often feel like I’m broken not wired right I don’t want a ONS but I also can’t provide what people want for long term

[Ba****]

I’ve got a few years on you but think I can relate to your outlook as I too have to build an understanding / trust with the other before I feel able to let loose in any way.

The brutal truth is that you just have to put yourself out there, meet lots of people ideally into kink and just don’t feel pressured to jump into a brief or indeed lasting relationship. Take your own sweet time and don’t overthink it basically.

Eventually, a spark will form with the right person- that could be after 1 or two meetings or it could take some time. Either way, don’t jump into a relationship unless you feel something - easy said, harder to get right.

[is****]

Its really rough. I'm into all kinds of things, i crave some of them so so hard, but then everyone who contacts me is just looking for shallow relationships based solely on my kinks. and those i truly fall in love with are looking for something else.. it's so disappointing.

makes me feel broken too, but I'd rather stay asexual than to *** myself to be with someone im not really into