Use of Titles

[Mo****]

I have a belief or opinion on this original post, and no one has given me any information to warrant me to think of changing that.  Now you lot live by your own opinions in life and so do I.  So attack away because I disagree with you, but I won't be changing any time soon.

[meretrixV2]

6 minutes ago, MossyBoy said:

I have a belief or opinion on this original post, and no one has given me any information to warrant me to think of changing that.  Now you lot live by your own opinions in life and so do I.  So attack away because I disagree with you, but I won't be changing any time soon.

Your opinion is much like an arsehole, but ya know what it's yours enjoy it, just lose the misogyny coz it's sad and it does you no favours

[qu****]

And you are right to defend your beliefs and opinions, they are yours and are important, nobody agrees with everyone all the time, it's more a case of just saying I respect your opinion even if mine is different

[qu****]

And there's no need for what in effect is name calling, by anyone

[ge****]

12 minutes ago, MossyBoy said:

I have a belief or opinion on this original post, and no one has given me any information to warrant me to think of changing that.  Now you lot live by your own opinions in life and so do I.  So attack away because I disagree with you, but I won't be changing any time soon.

If you want my honest opinion, I've not actually seen anything said that I would consider an "attack" on your opinion, challenges to it perhaps but that's different and is commonly known as "debate". You on the other hand have used pretty confrontational terms of expression at best and have made some fairly wild assertions and called them "fact" without actually backing them up - to say "most" young women are out to find cash pigs is not only insulting to younger women but largely inaccurate too, likewise the assertion that younger men are out for "kinky sex not BDSM" - sure there will be some, if not many that fall into those categories, but there are also some if not many of an older generation who are no different. When I first stepped into the swinging/kink scenes I was shocked how many men in their 40s and 50s were ill educated about sex generally and kink specifically. Age is NOT the limiter here - sexual maturity, respect and consideration are.

[Mo****]

Good night all and enjoy your discussions/debate.

[Je****]

Okay. So, erm.... Wow. What a shit storm this post reads as. Somehow a topic on honorifics has resulted in people just basically insulting each other towards the end... dear dear.

 

 

To try and stay with the OP comment, I have noticed a lot of people 'wrongly' using honorifics. Now I say this and let me give an example.

A newbie had came into the lobby... maybe on a 3 day old profile. Started chatting up all the men and being wayyyyy out there. Then she started to address the guy as 'Sir'. I was like wow hang on who's your 'Sir'. A guy replied that it was him and she said no one, she was just messing about. I was embarrassed for the guy. Because that particular woman was doing the EXACT same thing to two other men when they came into chat when the first gent wasn't there, yet he thought he was working on something with her... 

I said to be honest I think using honorifics so soon was a bit direspectful and mocking this community and those who genuinely have built relationships and use titles respectfully. I was told I was just whinging and it should be between those two people and to ignore me. Fair enough. It is between them if they want to take the piss.... but they were doing it in the lobby.... So to me, it wasn't okay, or kept between them both. I'm sorry if I'm wrong here, but 3 days isn't long enough to have genuinely built up trust and respect and got to know someone to have even earned the use of that title. But if I'm a whinge for that, then so be it. 

 

Same goes for those who come in and say "any slaves"? they just want anything or anyone and it screams disrespect. Those people to me, are just after a quick hook up and don't understand a thing about the use of titles in my opinion (yes i gave one, sue me).

 

Moving on to me. I have a detailed profile. I switch and I am in a relationship. What I do with my partner stays between us and our titles or honorifics are between us. We do not use them outside of scenes or anything intimate, (though i have called them 'Ma'am' on occasions). But this is something established and not over used. 

People approach me, and the first thing they say is "hi Mistress." its an automatic no from me then. They haven't read the profile, they shouldn't be calling me that at all. I am not their mistress nor do I even wish to be called one by anyone for that matter. It's like there's no thought into it, they just assume. Doesn't seem like they take it seriously and just feels ***d. 

I hope one day to have my own D/S dynamic and if and when that time comes then honorifics may or may not be used. It just depends on the agreement between the two involved. It's not always essential.

 

As for capitalising names, if someone want their name to have a capital at the start then so what?! It's a simple request, I don't know why anyone would kick off about that?! It sounds reasonable to me.

 

As for those randoms who seem to message men, someone said they scream fake, well to me this may be true. If anyone appraoches someone in an inbox wihtout knowing them and says "you will call me 'sir' or mistress', you can bet they probably aren't real. This is from myexperience, having people try to en*** me calling them Daddy before I have even finished reading their first initial message! But a lot of scammers can come in and assume if they give off a dominant stance that men or women will obey no matter who they are, in the hope to scam, but that's just not the case. Most people have a good gut sense and know when something isn't right. But to the guy who says most women are golddiggers, I found that a very unfair comment. Not every single woman who's on here or uses a titles, means she's after ***! Some people just want to be respected and greeted a certain way, which is not unreasonable!

A guy approached me thinking I was fake. I told him i wasn't and he searched my images to try and "catch me out" and when he found I was real then he assumed I wanted to sell him something.... all because my pictures were too nice. Nothing about honorifics was mentioned. It saddened me that some men think this is the case with women on here. I am very real and I am here to find MYSELF (yeah so what) but also to learn and grow in the lifestyle and community. I am no expert and I have no shame in saying, I have a ton i don't yet know or have experience in, but thats ok. I will some day when I grow and learn with others. Titled or not I am a human being and equal to anyone I choose to be a partner or friend. If you approach me demanding me call you certain things or pushing a title on me then yes i repsect myself more than they clearly respect themselves. I don't know what else to say so I'l wait and see if I've offended anyone or if I've made any sense or not. 

[Je****]

And to address the age thing. I can see how an 18yr old "daddy dom" may be a bit of a joke to some people that age is obv going to lack in most experience but that's not hard to see after 5 mins of talking to them. But older men and women don't always know more than someone who's 20 something and that doesn't mean that a 20 something knows more than someone older. Age shouldn't even be an issue tbh. I've been approach by older and younger, most full of shit so I don't believe makes a positive difference here.

 

But it is unfair to assume that every young man wants sex and hook ups, because there are some genuine younger guys who want to learn and have something meaningful. Same with the younger ladies, not all of them are out for cash pigs *eye rolls*.

 

I judge the person by how they engage and speak to me, and their content. I live by the person not the kink. To me you get to know someone then great, but if all your focussed on is the kinks it won't progress to anything in a longer setting from what I've seen, and it's not something I would be interested in (hook ups) so I can't give much of an opinion there on what those people who are after quick flings, are generally thinking. But each person is different and don't assume one person is like the next based off age. 

[Je****]

Also I might be a bitch and add that "mossyboy" also blocked me.... 

Why?! Because he left disgusting degrading and inappropriate sexual remarks on one of my photos and I told him he can fuck right off with that attitude, next thing he deleted the comment and blocked me. Doesn't seem to like women answering him back it seems, and this thread further points. So yes. I have no respect for his comments on here at all. 

[Phoenyx]

OK, everyone needs to "chill!"  If y'all don't cool-it, the Mods are gonna shut this shit down!

That said, on the topic of "honorifics" (titles) here is a bit of "old school" thinking:  Back in the 90's, the public use of an honorific generally meant that someone had gone "pro"---or, was intending to go pro.  This was not a hard-and-fast rule.  It was more viewed as an indicator.  Sure, there were a lot of wannabe pros that weren't worth a damn, just as there are a lot of wannabe doctors that aren't worth a damn.  I understand that the usage of honorifics has changed over the years.  Still, I feel that it should indicate some level of skill and/or experience.

On the question of experience, "years" often doesn't mean much.  A smart person may learn in months, knowledge that took someone else years to acquire.  So, "mine is bigger than yours" is hardly the best indicator.  Further, I have too-often found that when someone resorts to barking, "I have been doing this for ____ years!", they are trying to hide their own incompetence.  This is not always the case.  Nor, is it limited to just the BDSM realm.  No disrespect to those who have learned from their experience.  This is more of a caveat about using that statement.

Yes, even now, I am still learning.  No one can know everything.  I suspect that a certain other posting member of my age would be shocked by this statement (no names, but we now all know who it is).

[ey****]

I think (and help nudge/keep it back on topic)

in things like the chat lobby there should no insistence of honorifics nor pushing onto others - I guess exceptions being if someone is referring to *their* partner or if addressing someone by username 

I think an often thing which I know folk have touched on is that honorifics are pretty much self-appointed : which I'm not saying is terrible in some ways - it is generally what you prefer.   But obviously. Well.  Some honorifics do come with a meaning or expectancy.

We might scoff a little at, say, a 22-year old Daddy.  But I've known 22-year olds who were in a DDlg relationship : their partner they used babygirl for and they were Daddy.  That ended and they wanted similar.  In this case it wasn't about an agegap but about someone who would take the similar babygirl role.

A young Master for example we might eyebrow a little bit - but, like, when I was a child bank accounts for young boys were addressed to 'Master' obviously in kink terms we might have an expectation that those choosing a role Master might have an area of expertise, a role model, or community leader type figure - but, I dunno - I think it can be a title with other uses.

Mind, then titles like Princess...   there are bratty Dommes who use Princess but then also some subs, especially sub littles - so yeah

I guess somewhat within all this, they might have a preferred title but the other person also has to kind of see it for it to work.  Incidentally, I don't usually use honorifics.  There are two play partners I have call me Sir.

One of which is someone where it helps their headspace - they like a lot of military based Senior Officer, or Captor, kind of role play.  So it fits with what we do.

Another... I've had her do protocol because she hates it but also loves to do things she hates.  And, I am sometimes a horrible person.

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

To be honest I think the point of the original forum has been lost in translation. It's now become a pissing contest. Can't we all agree to disagree. I think as long as the dynamic is agreed upon between all parties whatever titles are used is up to them. We, of the Kink community, get enough score from non Kink people so should really be more supportive of each other. As long as things are safe, sane and consensual that's all that matters.
Instead of changing every forum into a Jerry Springer Show shouldn't we embrace the positives of fetish. At least show newbies a better example.

[Du****]

Call me Duchess because it’s my username, but I’m no-one’s “mistress” (or anything else) until we’ve agreed on how we want our association to go. If a guy is moving into that too quickly, I can be pretty sure the next thing is going to be “am I allowed to touch myself mistress” - and boom, there it is, I’m basically just wank-fodder again. Knock yourself out, mate, it’s not my concern. If both parties are cool with it that way, have a ton of fun, just not what I’m here for.
It was a great question, and the answers are mostly thoughtful and showing mutual respect. Fascinating hearing how others see the dynamic. Though in one case… let’s just say every suspicion I had turns out to be true. Whaddyaknow. 😂

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

Okay. So, erm.... Wow. What a shit storm this post reads as. Somehow a topic on honorifics has resulted in people just basically insulting each other towards the end... dear dear.

 

 

To try and stay with the OP comment, I have noticed a lot of people 'wrongly' using honorifics. Now I say this and let me give an example.

A newbie had came into the lobby... maybe on a 3 day old profile. Started chatting up all the men and being wayyyyy out there. Then she started to address the guy as 'Sir'. I was like wow hang on who's your 'Sir'. A guy replied that it was him and she said no one, she was just messing about. I was embarrassed for the guy. Because that particular woman was doing the EXACT same thing to two other men when they came into chat when the first gent wasn't there, yet he thought he was working on something with her... 

I said to be honest I think using honorifics so soon was a bit direspectful and mocking this community and those who genuinely have built relationships and use titles respectfully. I was told I was just whinging and it should be between those two people and to ignore me. Fair enough. It is between them if they want to take the piss.... but they were doing it in the lobby.... So to me, it wasn't okay, or kept between them both. I'm sorry if I'm wrong here, but 3 days isn't long enough to have genuinely built up trust and respect and got to know someone to have even earned the use of that title. But if I'm a whinge for that, then so be it. 

 

Same goes for those who come in and say "any slaves"? they just want anything or anyone and it screams disrespect. Those people to me, are just after a quick hook up and don't understand a thing about the use of titles in my opinion (yes i gave one, sue me).

 

Moving on to me. I have a detailed profile. I switch and I am in a relationship. What I do with my partner stays between us and our titles or honorifics are between us. We do not use them outside of scenes or anything intimate, (though i have called them 'Ma'am' on occasions). But this is something established and not over used. 

People approach me, and the first thing they say is "hi Mistress." its an automatic no from me then. They haven't read the profile, they shouldn't be calling me that at all. I am not their mistress nor do I even wish to be called one by anyone for that matter. It's like there's no thought into it, they just assume. Doesn't seem like they take it seriously and just feels ***d. 

I hope one day to have my own D/S dynamic and if and when that time comes then honorifics may or may not be used. It just depends on the agreement between the two involved. It's not always essential.

 

As for capitalising names, if someone want their name to have a capital at the start then so what?! It's a simple request, I don't know why anyone would kick off about that?! It sounds reasonable to me.

 

As for those randoms who seem to message men, someone said they scream fake, well to me this may be true. If anyone appraoches someone in an inbox wihtout knowing them and says "you will call me 'sir' or mistress', you can bet they probably aren't real. This is from myexperience, having people try to en*** me calling them Daddy before I have even finished reading their first initial message! But a lot of scammers can come in and assume if they give off a dominant stance that men or women will obey no matter who they are, in the hope to scam, but that's just not the case. Most people have a good gut sense and know when something isn't right. But to the guy who says most women are golddiggers, I found that a very unfair comment. Not every single woman who's on here or uses a titles, means she's after ***! Some people just want to be respected and greeted a certain way, which is not unreasonable!

A guy approached me thinking I was fake. I told him i wasn't and he searched my images to try and "catch me out" and when he found I was real then he assumed I wanted to sell him something.... all because my pictures were too nice. Nothing about honorifics was mentioned. It saddened me that some men think this is the case with women on here. I am very real and I am here to find MYSELF (yeah so what) but also to learn and grow in the lifestyle and community. I am no expert and I have no shame in saying, I have a ton i don't yet know or have experience in, but thats ok. I will some day when I grow and learn with others. Titled or not I am a human being and equal to anyone I choose to be a partner or friend. If you approach me demanding me call you certain things or pushing a title on me then yes i repsect myself more than they clearly respect themselves. I don't know what else to say so I'l wait and see if I've offended anyone or if I've made any sense or not. 

@HenniferTP - I completely agree with you that communication about a topic should take place without naming and shaming. In any case, it was not my intention to provoke this. Unfortunately my topic didn't go into protocol. I tried to point out that eroding the protocol leads to strange developments. As far as I'm concerned, old-timers should take responsibility for taking responsibility for guiding new ones in the right direction, and newbies should also be grateful if they were steered in the right direction. This way the community remains clear, educational, safe and cozy

[Deleted Member]

36 minutes ago, ChastityPup said:

To be honest I think the point of the original forum has been lost in translation. It's now become a pissing contest. Can't we all agree to disagree. I think as long as the dynamic is agreed upon between all parties whatever titles are used is up to them. We, of the Kink community, get enough score from non Kink people so should really be more supportive of each other. As long as things are safe, sane and consensual that's all that matters.
Instead of changing every forum into a Jerry Springer Show shouldn't we embrace the positives of fetish. At least show newbies a better example.

@ChastityPup's - I completely agree with you that communication about a topic should take place without naming and shaming. In any case, it was not my intention to provoke this. Unfortunately my topic didn't go into protocol. I tried to point out that eroding the protocol leads to strange developments. As far as I'm concerned, old-timers should take responsibility for taking responsibility for guiding new ones in the right direction, and newbies should also be grateful if they were steered in the right direction. This way the community remains clear, educational, safe and cozyde

[Je****]

14 minutes ago, FreeUrMind said:

@HenniferTP - I completely agree with you that communication about a topic should take place without naming and shaming. In any case, it was not my intention to provoke this. Unfortunately my topic didn't go into protocol. I tried to point out that eroding the protocol leads to strange developments. As far as I'm concerned, old-timers should take responsibility for taking responsibility for guiding new ones in the right direction, and newbies should also be grateful if they were steered in the right direction. This way the community remains clear, educational, safe and cozy

No no it wasnt your intention at all to make it turn out how it did. thats why i was so shocked at what i was reading. There are some good comments on here which were to your point and some just went way off that. Its a very good one you brought up and its been an interesting read. 

And yes its definately good to guide people so they learn, stay safe and grow in this community along side us  youre 100% right. x

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

It's cool @FreeUrMind. I think you're topic is a valid one to discuss. And I know you wanted it to be discussed in a mature manner. That's what forums are for. I respect freedom to be able to discuss a subject in a respectable way. Don't let things stop you posing other questions. Enjoy you fetish journey. As this is what we're all on a journey. ☺ 👍

[meretrixV2]

I'm sorry if I derailed your thread, but I did answer it first... It wasn't my intention to derail you

[Deleted Member]

15 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

No no it wasnt your intention at all to make it turn out how it did. thats why i was so shocked at what i was reading. There are some good comments on here which were to your point and some just went way off that. Its a very good one you brought up and its been an interesting read. 

And yes its definately good to guide people so they learn, stay safe and grow in this community along side us  youre 100% right. x

@JenniferTP - What my intention was and is I can best judge for myself. The more so because I am 100% sure that no one can read my thoughts, and therefore my intention of this topic. I made my intention clear after the naming and shaming broke out. Too bad some people stoop to this level. In my opinion due to a lack of substantive contributions and/or arguments. In any case, it does not contribute to a positive atmosphere, the passing on of knowledge and information, and the maintenance of a safe environment. I have reasons enough not to provoke, as you can see. I cannot be held responsible for the choice of words of other members, and I also disapprove of it.

[Je****]

1 minute ago, FreeUrMind said:

@JenniferTP - What my intention was and is I can best judge for myself. The more so because I am 100% sure that no one can read my thoughts, and therefore my intention of this topic. I made my intention clear after the naming and shaming broke out. Too bad some people stoop to this level. In my opinion due to a lack of substantive contributions and/or arguments. In any case, it does not contribute to a positive atmosphere, the passing on of knowledge and information, and the maintenance of a safe environment. I have reasons enough not to provoke, as you can see. I cannot be held responsible for the choice of words of other members, and I also disapprove of it.

Yes i dont doubt it at all. i dont think anyones intention on this topic would have been what it seemed to have become. i will look back at when you intervened amongst the madness. But definately should know it is a great topic and i hope you bring more, not every topic ends in arguments, that is disheartening. ive seen many go beautifully and respectfully.  il look forward to seeing what you bring if you decide to do so, to the forums again! 

[Je****]

6 minutes ago, FreeUrMind said:

@JenniferTP - What my intention was and is I can best judge for myself. The more so because I am 100% sure that no one can read my thoughts, and therefore my intention of this topic. I made my intention clear after the naming and shaming broke out. Too bad some people stoop to this level. In my opinion due to a lack of substantive contributions and/or arguments. In any case, it does not contribute to a positive atmosphere, the passing on of knowledge and information, and the maintenance of a safe environment. I have reasons enough not to provoke, as you can see. I cannot be held responsible for the choice of words of other members, and I also disapprove of it.

I do not see you stepping in after the mess broke out, can you quote or tag it? i may be missing comments. But il check one more time.

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

Yes i dont doubt it at all. i dont think anyones intention on this topic would have been what it seemed to have become. i will look back at when you intervened amongst the madness. But definately should know it is a great topic and i hope you bring more, not every topic ends in arguments, that is disheartening. ive seen many go beautifully and respectfully.  il look forward to seeing what you bring if you decide to do so, to the forums again! 

@HenniferTP - I intervened the moment I logged in again, and read the comments including yours. My intentions were and will remain pure. I only try to promote the passing on of knowledge, information and experience. Something that everyone benefits from, I think. My next topic is about the differences between the sub and slave. I am waiting for approval, and hope that the responses will now remain civil and constructive.

[Je****]

24 minutes ago, FreeUrMind said:

@HenniferTP - I intervened the moment I logged in again, and read the comments including yours. My intentions were and will remain pure. I only try to promote the passing on of knowledge, information and experience. Something that everyone benefits from, I think. My next topic is about the differences between the sub and slave. I am waiting for approval, and hope that the responses will now remain civil and constructive.

ahh i dont see one before that is what i meant. but im glad you had a good read! il look forward to the next one!

[Deleted Member]

39 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

ahh i dont see one before that is what i meant. but im glad you had a good read! il look forward to the next one!

@HenniferTP - :-) Glad I could help.

[Leisa]

Honorifics are titles that belong once an agreement had been reached and a dynamic has begun. Until such a time I’m Leisa and you’re whomever you choose to be called as long as it doesn’t contain what would be considered an honorific. The first portion of the word is “honor” and it should be an honor to be worthy of being addressed as such.