When is it acceptable to be a brat?

[CopperKnob]

A while back there was a post questioning whether or not bratting is intentional. Im not going to discuss that here, there were plenty of good responses on that thread. But, the comments got me thinking, when is it acceptable to brat?

It should go without saying, being a brat/bratting isn't an excuse to be an a-hole or a 🍆
It shouldn't involve upsetting, annoying or hurting anyone. If those are the outcomes, citing a kink label, saying 'oh, i'm just a brat' isn't acceptable.
Likewise, continuing the behaviour when asked to stop is violating their consent.
An error of judgement, making a mistake is fine, it's forgivable. If you weren't intending to hurt their feelings simply apologise and discuss.

Bratting should be consensual, collaborative and FUN!

So negotiate

Negotiate the bratting (when/how) based upon how you it to feel and what you're wanting to achieve
For example are you

- initiating play
- wanting to increase the intensity of the scene
- challenging authority to get into the submissive headspace that's bought about by dealing with the consequences
- needing structure/rein***ment of rules
- something else 🤷‍♀️

If you don't know what your motivator/s is/are, and you've not negotiated, chances are that you aren't going to get your needs met by bratting

[TheBookCollector]

Bratting is about all of the above depending on what the brat is.feeling, very much like a bratty child the brat is simply acting out to test the dominant. Never under estimate a brats intelligence.

Examples include, replacing the dominants toys with miniture replicas, or on being asked to get a glass of water the brat returns with a shot glass of water and innocent smile on their face.

In the later case what can the dominant do, the brat has completed the task.

[ey****]

I don't feel there's a black and white answer because brats (and Dominants who like them) are all different - and I think juggling is difficult at times

For example person a bratting to initiate play and person b genuinely not being in the mood or busy.  Person a persisting would be boundary pushing, but, in some cases that would work in the dynamic, in some cases they might find it difficult to come back down... though a potential work around is for person b to keep a tally of, say, how many cane strokes are owed.

Bratting within play/scene can be a little bit easier - but - there still can be limits and levels depending on how well you know each other - a bratty comment about "is that all you got" can be a signal they can take harder and to increase intensity.

Though, I remember seeing a Dominant walk off when a submissive she didn't know called her a bitch during a scene.  On communication afterwards he'd said it to try to add drama, to brat, to give a reason to be punished.  But at the time, as well as it being a not nice thing to call someone you don't know - there was also a little "did I actually do something I shouldn't?" here - like - had he asked her not to use a certain whip and she'd forgot...  so yeah, I think any form of bratting is very relationship and dynamic specific and it's important to balance within that.

[qu****]

I guess it depends if you're just naturally bratty, or, if you just turn it on at playtime with a particular partner, but if someone is attracted to you as a person they will know it's just a small part of what makes you you, and will accept it and behave in accordance with it

[Leisa]

As a brat let me answer. Bratting is about having fun and attempting to elicit a response from the D type. It’s not about being vicious or mean; that’s simply being a bitch and gives brats a bad name. Most brats are highly intelligent and mostly successful in all aspects of life and use that intelligence to know when to push the boundaries and when to stop. Personally my goal is to ask for attention because my Dominant at the time has been too busy or inattentive. It’s a means of getting attention that’s fun loving and funny. It’s never about annoying to the pint of aggravation and knowing when to stop. If I’m asked to stop I immediately show that I’m contrite offer an apology because that was not a appropriate time to allow my brat the opportunity to play. There are times when my brattiness comes out because I’ve not received any form of discipline for awhile and I feel a need for a rein***ment of the rules. Generally a spanking to put me back into the right headspace. I put my toes right up to that fine line but have only ever intentionally put the tip of my toe over it, still trying to be funny with a giggle on my lips. My intention is always to get my D type to laugh and either join in the fun or send me on my way after a few minutes of attention to get back to what I should have been doing before I allowed my imp out to play. The idea is not to annoy or aggravate but to garner laughter for both parties. I may be different or I could be the norm but when play begins in earnest I immediately stop bratting and turn into the obedient sub. I have never allowed my brat to come out once things turn serious because I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face to annoy a D type and play would end. That’s counter to what I want. I want that attention and to get into that headspace. For me bratting stops when it’s time to be serious.

[Deleted Member]

33 minutes ago, Leisa said:

As a brat let me answer. Bratting is about having fun and attempting to elicit a response from the D type. It’s not about being vicious or mean; that’s simply being a bitch and gives brats a bad name. Most brats are highly intelligent and mostly successful in all aspects of life and use that intelligence to know when to push the boundaries and when to stop. Personally my goal is to ask for attention because my Dominant at the time has been too busy or inattentive. It’s a means of getting attention that’s fun loving and funny. It’s never about annoying to the pint of aggravation and knowing when to stop. If I’m asked to stop I immediately show that I’m contrite offer an apology because that was not a appropriate time to allow my brat the opportunity to play. There are times when my brattiness comes out because I’ve not received any form of discipline for awhile and I feel a need for a rein***ment of the rules. Generally a spanking to put me back into the right headspace. I put my toes right up to that fine line but have only ever intentionally put the tip of my toe over it, still trying to be funny with a giggle on my lips. My intention is always to get my D type to laugh and either join in the fun or send me on my way after a few minutes of attention to get back to what I should have been doing before I allowed my imp out to play. The idea is not to annoy or aggravate but to garner laughter for both parties. I may be different or I could be the norm but when play begins in earnest I immediately stop bratting and turn into the obedient sub. I have never allowed my brat to come out once things turn serious because I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face to annoy a D type and play would end. That’s counter to what I want. I want that attention and to get into that headspace. For me bratting stops when it’s time to be serious.

This. As a fellow brat, absolutely every word of this.

Very well put Leisa x

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, Leisa said:

As a brat let me answer. Bratting is about having fun and attempting to elicit a response from the D type. It’s not about being vicious or mean; that’s simply being a bitch and gives brats a bad name. Most brats are highly intelligent and mostly successful in all aspects of life and use that intelligence to know when to push the boundaries and when to stop. Personally my goal is to ask for attention because my Dominant at the time has been too busy or inattentive. It’s a means of getting attention that’s fun loving and funny. It’s never about annoying to the pint of aggravation and knowing when to stop. If I’m asked to stop I immediately show that I’m contrite offer an apology because that was not a appropriate time to allow my brat the opportunity to play. There are times when my brattiness comes out because I’ve not received any form of discipline for awhile and I feel a need for a rein***ment of the rules. Generally a spanking to put me back into the right headspace. I put my toes right up to that fine line but have only ever intentionally put the tip of my toe over it, still trying to be funny with a giggle on my lips. My intention is always to get my D type to laugh and either join in the fun or send me on my way after a few minutes of attention to get back to what I should have been doing before I allowed my imp out to play. The idea is not to annoy or aggravate but to garner laughter for both parties. I may be different or I could be the norm but when play begins in earnest I immediately stop bratting and turn into the obedient sub. I have never allowed my brat to come out once things turn serious because I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face to annoy a D type and play would end. That’s counter to what I want. I want that attention and to get into that headspace. For me bratting stops when it’s time to be serious.

Absolutely, this is how I see bratting personally
Im aware however that some may use it as an excuse or may not understand themselves well enough as to why they brat

[mi****]

Never🤣🤣

[qu****]

Do you mean someone has to suppress who they naturally are? Outside of any agreed terms in a d/s relationship that is

[CopperKnob]

10 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

Do you mean someone has to suppress who they naturally are? Outside of any agreed terms in a d/s relationship that is

Me? No, that's not what i'm saying
I grew up in a family that uses wit/sarcasm/humour to show comfort with someone and affection. I'll brat socialky and I'll also brat at work but in all 3 scenario's for completely different reasons than for bratting in a dynamic
I'm saying, if you're a brat/need to brat, figure out your motivation and communicate/negotiate that in a dynamic because otherwise it'll go down the wrong way and needs won't be met

[qu****]

My apologies copper, I was questioning the post that said never, a vague response at best, I fully understand your original post, again my apologies 🤗

[CopperKnob]

22 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

My apologies copper, I was questioning the post that said never, a vague response at best, I fully understand your original post, again my apologies 🤗

No problem, I think missgigi was joking

[qu****]

The last couple of weeks it's been hard to tell with some of the arguements that sprung up from nowhere in some posts 🤷

[mi****]

Yep!! Laughing emojis typically are used for time, actually any emoji for that matter. So yup!!!! Winner winner chicken dinnnnerrrrr.

I WAS JOKING, I’ll now insert a serious smoky to convey my seriousness 🤨

[mi****]

5 hours ago, quietlysure said:

The last couple of weeks it's been hard to tell with some of the arguements that sprung up from nowhere in some posts 🤷

More importantly people can’t communicate diplomatically is what it is, everyone’s too much into their own heads, listen or read with either one ear or eye…. They’ll pick out one sentence and leave out the rest of the entire context. emotions high these days with Covid, politics etc… anxiety, loneliness, shame, confusion, sexuality or lack there of…. Now tie in a bunch of people into there phones or computers there’s not much human touch, eye contact so we can’t see the physical or social ques making ppl outta touch! Or not realize that there’s ppl with different personalities and communication styles like mine for example making light and playfully responding: “Never 🤣🤣🤣🤣” I think people’s projections or reaction to other people is more a self reflection than anything else.. I’m pretty social and like to take things lightly sometimes, can’t always be trying to solve things.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with most of the comments made in here, but would like to put forward a viewpoint that has built recently. After returning to the Life after a little break I have noticed that those identifying as a brat has increased quite considerably. The difference now is that it is not used to describe a personality trait, but is used more as a weapon. The increase in passive-aggressive behavior, snark, and downright rudeness under the guise of "brat" is on the increase. While I actually love a spark in a lady, and quick-witted banter to keep me on my toes, the instances where a simple hello generates a response akin to an immediate challenge is somewhat disconcerting. It may well be a sign of the times, brought about by the increase of men sending crass or disgusting mails as their way of an intro? That would justify the initial wariness? Or has there been a shift in attitude towards more demanding/controlling submissives? Maybe I am getting too old for this shit?  I don't have an answer, or a remedy, or the energy to fight a battle in the very first few seconds of contact being made. We all have something to bring to the table, and while it may not be for you the least we can do is treat each other with a little more respect. That is my 10p spent for the day.

[Deleted Member]

To me a brat is a sub with a sense of humour. It’s never malicious, just playful. Not meant to challenge, but enrich the dynamic.

[Deleted Member]

I think if it's seen as a fight, it's all gone wrong somewhere. I would like to think I'm good at reading tone, in person and over text, and it should always, to me, stay warm. I know instantly when it turns and I need to backtrack.

Having said that, I feel I've gone a bit too far with someone recently because they've thrown it back at me with a wink and a smile rather than an eyebrow and a caution, and I am probably in for a rude awakening next time we meet 🤣🤣🤣🙈

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, DarkSweetAngel said:

To me a brat is a sub with a sense of humour. It’s never malicious, just playful. Not meant to challenge, but enrich the dynamic.

Exactly my lady...there should be smiles even if an eyebrow is raised. It keeps one on their toes, and creates an intimate spark within the dynamic x

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, DarkSweetAngel said:

To me a brat is a sub with a sense of humour. It’s never malicious, just playful. Not meant to challenge, but enrich the dynamic.

I have a sense of humour (as may be observed on the forum 🤗) and I am very playful. Have never seen myself as a brat. 🧐

[Ch****]

My fave kind of batting is the flirty kind. Some people enjoy a sadistic brat, but that's not for me, I feel I deserve more respect than that has me feel, and I'm no masochist.

[Ch****]

On the other hand, primal and resistance play can be wonderful

[Leisa]

Yesterday at 03:36 AM, TheScribe said:

I agree with most of the comments made in here, but would like to put forward a viewpoint that has built recently. After returning to the Life after a little break I have noticed that those identifying as a brat has increased quite considerably. The difference now is that it is not used to describe a personality trait, but is used more as a weapon. The increase in passive-aggressive behavior, snark, and downright rudeness under the guise of "brat" is on the increase. While I actually love a spark in a lady, and quick-witted banter to keep me on my toes, the instances where a simple hello generates a response akin to an immediate challenge is somewhat disconcerting. It may well be a sign of the times, brought about by the increase of men sending crass or disgusting mails as their way of an intro? That would justify the initial wariness? Or has there been a shift in attitude towards more demanding/controlling submissives? Maybe I am getting too old for this shit?  I don't have an answer, or a remedy, or the energy to fight a battle in the very first few seconds of contact being made. We all have something to bring to the table, and while it may not be for you the least we can do is treat each other with a little more respect. That is my 10p spent for the day.

I actually think your observation is on point. While they identify as brats though do not make them the fun loving, impish brats of old. I think too many of the newer generation are of the me mentally and demanding more than they have a right to demand. They forgot or have not been taught that being respectful is something that still needs to occur and anything less is rude. I think they misuse the misnomer “brat” and are instead acting out as petulant children and frankly to those of us who really are brats in the true sense of the word, it’s an insult to the dimension of our personality. A true brat has someone in her corner who is actually encouraging the behavior because frankly it makes us adorable to our partner. Brattiness should always be light hearted and fun; not demeaning or disrespectful.

[Leisa]

Yesterday at 06:47 AM, Lady_Char said:

I think if it's seen as a fight, it's all gone wrong somewhere. I would like to think I'm good at reading tone, in person and over text, and it should always, to me, stay warm. I know instantly when it turns and I need to backtrack.

Having said that, I feel I've gone a bit too far with someone recently because they've thrown it back at me with a wink and a smile rather than an eyebrow and a caution, and I am probably in for a rude awakening next time we meet 🤣🤣🤣🙈

😂😂😂 I cannot wait to hear the outcome.

[mi****]

Brat is whatever TF you want it to be. Next question!