How to fail at meeting women on Fet and how we women go from giving a duck to not.

[CopperKnob]

Most women on Fet, get a ton of messages. When you see so many messages it becomes really easy to note the trends that happen over and over.

So heres an example of what not to do

Please don't get offended, its meant to be funny! Im only posting to give you guys what a typical day on Fet looks like for women.

Acronyms:

• TM - Thirsty Man - aka the man/boy that struggles to meet women

• OOD - Object Of Desire - What Thirsty Man imagines he wants, but doesn't realize is actually a human being with both a vagina AND a brain.


The Thirsty Intro

The first info given is his Fet name, his age and location

TM1960 (name changed to protect the unwise) 56M Timbucktoo

TM fails to grasp that OOD's can do basic math. Is TM 56? or 61? TM already has us removing 1 duck from the duck bank

Breaking Down The Rest

"I find you Extremely Sexy 🌹"

Oh do you? Why? That's right, "emoji rose" is why. Well done TM, we just withdrew another duck from the duck bank.

"I am looking for a woman that can appreciate intense multiple Squirting Orgasms! And someone that knows how to eat pussy and work the clit just right! (Yes That’s Me)"

Instantly going into what you want and telling us upfront what we need to appreciate, bold move TM. When combined with such horrendous grammar and, tsk tsk one more duck has been removed.

"Just imagine being tied and blindfolded and ball gagged. Not being able to Move, Scream and See.
Your hot Pussy dripping Pre-Cum as you anticipate blah blah blah blah......."

TM, dude, you blather on and on we have checked out, man. You have zero clue what interests us. This reads as shooting in the dark, while blindfolded, standing on one leg, armed with all the things you believe sound amazing. OOD has now been ***d to borrow ducks from friends, to have any ducks to withdraw from the duck bank.

"( I hope I got your ATTENTION ! )
Meet Me and find out how this actually ends. I think you will Enjoy it.
I Am Clean , Safe, Respectful and would never harm a woman !"

No TM, you did not get our attention, OOD is preoccupied with the Sahara-like dryness in our panties. Nope, we know how this ends, with the OOD getting violated! We translated your last sentence into - I Am Disgusting, Unsafe, Definitely Not Respectful, and would totally harm a woman. Also why do you randomly use CAPS?? Odd.

"Not into giving *** / Only Kinky Erotic Foreplay and Hard Squirting Orgasms".

Wait what? On your profile... yes TM, of course we looked at your profile. You should try doing that too.

"The more you resit to me the more *** you will be induced too.
I would want to give my Partner Mind Blowing Squirting Orgasms along with *** >giving my Partner the best of two Worlds !"

TM, you need to sort your story out dude. Learn to spell check. Seriously, good grammar alone can cause wet panties. Contradicting yourself only causes more ducks to be withdrawn. We're now resorting to digging in the couch cushions for loose ducks.

"Blah blah blah here is a bunch of my personal info"

We will only need this information should you actually meet us. Don't ever give this until we ask for it.

"PS - I am also looking for a real relationship"

No TM, it is clear you are not even close to actually  being ready for a relationship with a real live woman. Besides, on your profile you also share this:

"P.S> I would prefer to have a full time partner move in with me that wants ME and Me Only".

Oh, so that is how you think "real relationships" work? We live (get locked in your basement) with you and only "wants" you. Oh, that's right, it doesn't matter what submissives want. Duck bank is now deep into its overdraft.

TM, all you actually need to do to get a reply is show interest, have good chat and a bit of banter.

[Deseasedmonarch]

Well written and certainly parrels what I gave seen sent to freinds of mine. Hopefully it can educate the foolhardy.

[Deseasedmonarch]

Complete with my own spelling errors.

[He****]

Thank you never laughed so much. Yeah that sums it up. I also hate how you get messages when your profile clearly states that you already have a relationship, ooh and I'm monogamous so that means only one relationship. My Dom said it's okay to chat just friendly nothing more. Sometimes that works and other times not so much. It's the not so much that annoys me from 'I'm a Dom' clearly not, as a real Dom would respect my relationship and step back. I won't leave because of them, as I have met some nice people on here, and you can get good informative discussions on here, and have a laugh.

[LASTGIOVANNI]

This dating online thing to me is not new. But I am old school back in the day we had Hotmail I miss hot mail - a lot easier lol - dating sites like this want you to pay out the nose just to get something to the lady you want to talk to. I see that though in the forums I can post - So yeah what would be something that you would like to hear? More so then what you have heard. Trust me those lines get old real fast .  I mean I am very respectful man when it comes to women. I am not going to come out to you and tell you that I want you on all fours as my slave without something there that warrants that and saying that stuff all the time just kills the mood. The website is set up that you have to message so many women before your free trail runs out and I am not paying for every single dating site i try out. Yes I am looking for something awesome and fun and more but I got to pay out the butt for it - where is the good old "hi" and lets talk thing?

So what would be something that would blow you off your feet ? 

Edited September 24, 2021 by LASTGIOVANNI
missing word

[Deleted Member]

Humorous, in a sad way. Unfortunately, it happens to men, too. I'm fairly new here, but I've been on other sites, in the past. One thing that all sites have in common is their fair share of scammers and chatbots.

As sad as it may sound, I recognize many of the "members" from the porn that they have starred it. And, it's not obscure actresses, it's major stars. Apparently, Sarah Vandella is a member here, so are many other big stars of porn. I make it a point of reporting the ones that I see.

Another tip off of scammers is the desire to chat on an alternate site. Why? You can talk freely here. Why do I have to let you have access to other platforms that don't restrict copying pictures to use for blackmailing me? (And yes, this happens.)

And just how many people live in Ohio City? I've never heard of it, but there is an inordinate amount of women from there who are members. If anyone is from a city with the state name in it, they're probably a scam. There are exceptions, of course (New York, Oklahoma, Jersey, Kansas), but Ohio City? Florida City? Not that they don't exist, but the odds of one member from there are pretty slim. The odds of numerous members from there must be astronomical.

And bad grammar is a symptom of the declining value of education, but also the increased use of text-speak. "Am" is a big tip-off of a scammer, as in "Am looking for..."

So, ladies, don't be offended if a man asks for some kind of proof, before meeting, whether it be a video call or some other verification.

If a guy is offensive, report him. If a woman seems like a scammer, report her. Weed out the problems, for the betterment of the site and our enjoyment of it. Sadly, both male and female members are probably conversing with male creeps, who are ruining the site.

[BigPolly]

😂

[Potur78]

I respect your side of story but thinks on our side if we do what you saying we can't even start conversation. If i ask on first message "what you think about climate change? I don't think i will get any answer back

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, Deseasedmonarch said:

Well written and certainly parrels what I gave seen sent to freinds of mine. Hopefully it can educate the foolhardy.

Doubtful having checked my messages this morning 🙄

[Mo****]

42 minutes ago, Potur78 said:

I respect your side of story but thinks on our side if we do what you saying we can't even start conversation. If i ask on first message "what you think about climate change? I don't think i will get any answer back

I think it's not being taken seriously enough by a lot of people and, non climate friendly business makes too many people a lot of ***.  People who do try and do something about it through lifestyle/activism etc are written off as "annoying loons"....

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, Deseasedmonarch said:

Complete with my own spelling errors.

Dry panties everywhere 😂😉

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, LASTGIOVANNI said:

This dating online thing to me is not new. But I am old school back in the day we had Hotmail I miss hot mail - a lot easier lol - dating sites like this want you to pay out the nose just to get something to the lady you want to talk to. I see that though in the forums I can post - So yeah what would be something that you would like to hear? More so then what you have heard. Trust me those lines get old real fast .  I mean I am very respectful man when it comes to women. I am not going to come out to you and tell you that I want you on all fours as my slave without something there that warrants that and saying that stuff all the time just kills the mood. The website is set up that you have to message so many women before your free trail runs out and I am not paying for every single dating site i try out. Yes I am looking for something awesome and fun and more but I got to pay out the butt for it - where is the good old "hi" and lets talk thing?

So what would be something that would blow you off your feet ? 

Back and forwards banter, someone who understands a joke/sarcasm
Its that simple

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, Fidget said:

Humorous, in a sad way. Unfortunately, it happens to men, too. I'm fairly new here, but I've been on other sites, in the past. One thing that all sites have in common is their fair share of scammers and chatbots.

As sad as it may sound, I recognize many of the "members" from the porn that they have starred it. And, it's not obscure actresses, it's major stars. Apparently, Sarah Vandella is a member here, so are many other big stars of porn. I make it a point of reporting the ones that I see.

Another tip off of scammers is the desire to chat on an alternate site. Why? You can talk freely here. Why do I have to let you have access to other platforms that don't restrict copying pictures to use for blackmailing me? (And yes, this happens.)

And just how many people live in Ohio City? I've never heard of it, but there is an inordinate amount of women from there who are members. If anyone is from a city with the state name in it, they're probably a scam. There are exceptions, of course (New York, Oklahoma, Jersey, Kansas), but Ohio City? Florida City? Not that they don't exist, but the odds of one member from there are pretty slim. The odds of numerous members from there must be astronomical.

And bad grammar is a symptom of the declining value of education, but also the increased use of text-speak. "Am" is a big tip-off of a scammer, as in "Am looking for..."

So, ladies, don't be offended if a man asks for some kind of proof, before meeting, whether it be a video call or some other verification.

If a guy is offensive, report him. If a woman seems like a scammer, report her. Weed out the problems, for the betterment of the site and our enjoyment of it. Sadly, both male and female members are probably conversing with male creeps, who are ruining the site.

Write the male version!!

[CopperKnob]

52 minutes ago, Potur78 said:

I respect your side of story but thinks on our side if we do what you saying we can't even start conversation. If i ask on first message "what you think about climate change? I don't think i will get any answer back

Probably not, it needs to be based on something in their profile, a commonality

[qu****]

In regards of commonality women need to be careful how they word profiles as well as men, lost count of the amount of times I've seen female profiles saying in opening message tell me exactly what you'll do to me, only to either get blocked or be told how dare you talk to me in such a disgusting way, ( early on in online experience I ashamedly say, guilty,) but have seen loads of guys saying wtf why say it if you don't mean it, the same goes with in particular younger members saying I'll do anything at all, only to find there's a lot they won't do, all I'm saying is be very careful in what you say in your profile

[Wo****]

@CopperKnob,thank you for all the recent ,laugh out loud posts. Brilliant opening of perspectives ( hopefully?lol!). Humour may not soothe the ravaged ego, but is a perfectly adequate coping mechanism in this warped dark place , REspect( goota luv parody?)😉🙏

Ooops ,duck down?🦆

[ey****]

4 hours ago, LASTGIOVANNI said:

So what would be something that would blow you off your feet ? 

I think this is often the problem and ties in with the original post.

There is a mentality in the guy that is thinking if he writes some bad erotica it will leave the recipient turned on and desperate to jump into bed with him.  Ha.  But even if it was good erotica, what the recipient would find genuinely interesting or hot would vary from person to person and even still feel like it was a bit of a copy/paste job

There is no magic arrow which pierces the heart - but blasting a shotgun into the woods and hoping for the best is still... hopeful at best

Perhaps a case of avoiding obsessing over a perfect approach that will get an immediate response, and taking time to see if the person is a potential match for you and, that, they are a potential match for you.

[Ju****]

I did read this last night and sort of nod and laugh, before I passed out cold but I found it again this morning (yay!).

 

So I can totally relate to this post and sadly I have many more like it in the past in regards to approach.

 

So from my womanly point of view if it's worth anything:

 

I agree on username being the first impression. Someone who is called "Imyourdomobeyme", I very fast scroll past, or "Hereforanyslut", again a big nope from me. I've seen some before named as such and at times curiosity gets me and I decide to snoop and see what their profile entails. 

To be met with "I am a master and demand respect" to the next line or status update saying "I am slave for any woman, hit me up on kik at slavemaster123" and I'm mirroring some of them gifs which are a head tilted 'Huh?!'

To look at the profile and pictures of said person just to see they joined 18 minutes ago and have one random dick pic on there... again adding to the 'gif face' confusion. At times I look back on my visited profiles and find they no longer exist. From that I can safely say it's happened more often than not, you can bet your bottom dollar someone is a fake or just on here for hook up reasons. 

A lot of men who check me out are newbies, though some are longer term members but I also look at their interactions listed on profile, if any to see and gage what kind of person they are. Some seem very mature and educated and some profiles on the flip side are just blank to not even a bio filled out. Those ones I just kind of avoid. 

 

Messages I have got are just full of tripe to be fair. Some, well very few, are actually respectful and polite or taking an interest in me and what I'm into or looking for kink wise. I say that I am looking for friends, as I have a relationship and personally at this moment am not practising a poly lifestyle for my own personal reasons. Listing 'not single'. 'monogamous' and 'looking for friends' doesn't seem to keep these people at bay. Not to mention the 'dick pics' I've randomly received in messages, without even a hello in the message... Well.. I think we all know how those go down. 

 

A couple of days ago in the Lobby I sat and lurked watching one new male member try it on with a couple of our beautiful ladies who regular there, trying each of them in turn. He was politely turned away and told to place an ad and the usual advice... So here I enter... within minutes he was trying the exact same thing with me. That's the first turn off. "Oh I'm not specially suited for what he wants or needs, I just so happened to walk in..."

Second turn off, he starts to compliment me. Saying he enjoyed my profile and my pictures etc.... (Yet my profile says I hate compliments but okay..). So I politely thank him and continue on with chat. 

Being new he asked the general, "How do I send a private message on here?" So in a bid to help advise him a bit better, I ask well, 'Who do you wish to mail?'.. (As people in chat typically like someone to ask first so I could inform of this, or outside of the chat room I would guide him of the steps to follow).

He says "You." So I double take, like erm, 'Why would you do that?' He repeats he likes my profile, and I query him, "So you enjoyed my profile which states I do not want to PM if I am in the chat, yet here you are asking the chat as a whole how to pm me, a chat I'm actively speaking in?!" (Third turn off already and it's only been 5 minutes). 

His reply was pure gold for me. "Yeah well I prefer to chat in private so that's what I want to do". 

Me being angsy about people being disrespectful in this sense as it's the one rule I ask interested people to respect, decided to tell him that "You have ignored the wish of respect I've asked for. I am not single. And does it not matter what *I* want or prefer? Which you are clearly ignoring to suit you?"

His only response was, "Isn't this an adult sex site?!" 

He was informed, 'Yes it is but that doesn't mean every female on here is single, or open to your advances or wanting to engage with sexual stuff with someone who joined an hour ago!' He left very fast and I never seen him again. This is the sad reality of a lot of men who are on this site. They assume the nature of it means women are game and they are entitled to get their end off. I am very observant, investigate and watch behaviours of people to gage what they are like and their intent, a safety mechanism of sorts for myself. This is just a few snippets of my experiences or encounters.

 

Now that being said. This is the same with women who approach men. Very much so. They message men like they are their property. No respect for the men and most (but not all) seem to be bots or scammers. Most of the 'women' profiles who do this have 'MistressWonga456' or something like that as a username. Something that doesn't sound like a real genuine lady or Domme would put tbh. And a quick perv on the profile will show they are asking 'Where are my pay pigs?' or 'I just want to be spoiled and adored, nothing physical'. It's really sad but men get caught up in this, some for not reading profiles, some for being excited to have a reply from someone local or some who just see the photo and think 'Fucking hell she's amazing'. Yes a lot of those profiles have fake or stock images. This is NOT the man's fault, perhaps the not reading bit is, but the men are genuine people wanting a connection and put good faith and the benefit of the doubt in some people. I've also seen a more *** member question a lady he was speaking with as she took him off site in a matter of hours and I sit thinking, 'How can we protect these *** members, its not fair'. 

 

Personally I think if this site had a stricter vetting process it would massively help. Just a paid account in general, an immediate verification and 18 check then it would certainly weed out 80% of the scammers, timewasters and trolls. But sadly, I know this isn't the way sites and apps work or make their ***. But it would help life on the site be more genuine and pleasant for everyone. 

 

But, I personally found what I was looking for and I hope to explore dynamics (not necessarily romance) with people I've got to know and trust through interaction on here. People with zero flags or inappropriate behaviours so I guess I will see how that goes and just enjoy the random messages from 'JazzyJeff' asking me to "stick a cucumber down my throat to see how far I can go without choking, while im naked in the bath". 

 

 

Sorry for the vent but this post is bang on in a lot of regards. 

Hats off to @BigPolly who just put a laughing emoji as this was my inital reaction last night haha. 

 

Love to all. 

Edited September 24, 2021 by JenniferTP
Had my coffee, fixed the typos.

[Ju****]

33 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Perhaps a case of avoiding obsessing over a perfect approach that will get an immediate response, and taking time to see if the person is a potential match for you and, that, they are a potential match for you.

Patience is a virtue lost on most sadly. 

[Deleted Member]

First of all, @CopperKnob: in humor, there is truth, and now a post that you intended to be humorous, has awakened the crusaders and reformers. Second of all, @JenniferTP: I have thought about how the site can vet members, as well. During the last scavenger hunt, I contacted PixieDust for help on how to find the items. Being new, at that time, I had no idea how to play. She was a great help, so later on, I contacted her for help with questions on the validity of members who were messaging me. They sounded like scammers, and I wanted to know if there was a way to identify them. She told me about the verification checkmark next to members who had undergone that process. This info, alone helped me weed out a lot of the "women" who seemed suspicious. I agree with you that as part of registration, all prospective members should have to verify through a photo, or live video. I would do it, and I think that all real members would, as well. And I don't think that a small "introductory" membership charge would negatively affect the site. Sure, scammers wouldn't pay, and some real people might be turned off, but if it were explained that the purpose of the fee was to increase the overall legitimacy of the site, I would pay it. In contrast, I would be more inclined to leave a site that is full of fakes, so the site would lose ***, in the long-run. I do think that this site is more diligent about checking members than any other sites that I've been on. Many times, I've seen the notice that I cannot view a person's profile because they're being verified, which is great. But scammers still get around that process. As for the original intention of CopperKnob's post, there is no process for stopping people from being desperate creeps, unfortunately. But again, a membership charge might deter some of the younger or more desperate people from joining and wreaking havoc on the chats and messaging.

[Deleted Member]

I sent a suggestion that site administration should read this post and the comments to see the problems mentioned, and how members would improve the site. Hopefully, some good will come from this, and we all can enjoy the site even more.

[Deleted Member]

This, while being funny is also full of truths- most of the time the name of the individual texting is pretty telling. Most of the time people messaging do so while thinking we OOD (lol this cracks me up) owe them something, a response, a desire….. I will try not to generalise really BUT most of the time messages start on a sexual or kink related note - not the funny one mind you but the intrusive one. And then starts the weeding out : certains words used snip, stories not checking out snip, people wanting to see your parts after one hi snip, people asking “how would you dominate me” on a first message snip (this one occurred and ugh). OOD are ***ps and using simple conversation, witty banter and good chemistry could do what all the dirtiest messages we receive can’t.
I remember a guy went into my dms and was a dom. He was all over like “ I will make you an object, you will serve me and I will use you like I see fit. I hate feet so you will be ***d to lick and worship mine etc etc you will be my slave blah blah” as a first message ?! I was like ? What is wrong with him ? Why on earth would he think that this is appealing ?!!!!!! Smh. Needless to say that the individual was blocked but this raises a question: what about our needs ? And if this question too them is irrelevant then it’s all the vetting we need (among other things)

[DarkArts1066]

Outside of Kinkworld, there is this thing called ‘active listening’ - which for me, is where most men fail and fall at the first hurdle. Yep. I am rubbishing my own sex here .. and was probably guilty of same as a young lad, with too much testosterone coursing through me.
No. I am not going to now make excuses for my sex.
Men can be incredibly stupid when horny. Sadly I believe that the OP’s comments are supremely accurate. We (That is to say ‘Men in general’) don’t read profiles properly, or attempt to understand the actual context of what is written by the OOD - as you describe her/them or whichever pronoun is preferred.
I believe that Kink, and Fetish fun are quite often seen by testosterone overloaded Males as a back door (pun intended) to simple sexual gratification.

These Males believe that those interested in the naughtier side of sex

(yes, I know that Kink and Fetish, especially in the BDSM world doesn’t automatically equate to sex - but we are talking about a specifically deluded demographic here)

exhibit behaviours similar to Pavlovs dog … and will cum on command, at the mere suggestion of a rope or paddle or a good thrashing.

The point I am making is that most Men fail to read profiles fully in the first place, and are largely typing messages one handed - whilst scrutinising the pictures of their intended muse.

I wish I had the golden egg here - I really do.
The answer to this problem is not immediately apparent.
Better screening for members of sites like Fet ? - maybe. But how that would work I am not sure. I run a (free) group for doggers and swingers as an aside to my usual vices. It’s a bit of fun, and I get to chat with, and meet people occasionally who want to dip a toe into the BDSM world. We have around three hundred members, spread across the South UK, and the only way I have found to weed out the idiots and chancers, is to actually physically meet newbies… or have one of my trusted inner circle do the same… usually over a coffee, and then rely on my own instinct.
Not massively practical when your demographic is worldwide though.

The only other way would be (as mentioned above) - a paid account, with some form of age verification… but even that won’t entirely discourage the over 18 chancers - ie, most of them. 🙄
I have had three people booted out of here as they contacted me to inform me of their “professional services” so to speak. One even messaged and offered to be my personal slave for life and sign a contract to that effect, if I sent her the equivalent of five thousand or so pounds to allow her to travel into the Country. 🥴

Until the solution is found, I *** the only way forward is for genuine members to report scammers and chancers, and perhaps some kind of ‘Red List’ for those who flag as a real
risk to others.
However that in itself comes with its own set of risks.

[BigPolly]

8 minutes ago, DarkArts1066 said:

Outside of Kinkworld, there is this thing called ‘active listening’ - which for me, is where most men fail and fall at the first hurdle.

The point I am making is that most Men fail to read profiles fully in the first place, and are largely typing messages one handed - whilst scrutinising the pictures of their intended muse.

 One even messaged and offered to be my personal slave for life and sign a contract to that effect, if I sent her the equivalent of five thousand or so pounds to allow her to travel into the Country. 🥴
 

As the saying goes ‘people don’t listen to hear, they’re just waiting for their turn to talk’

 

My days seem to be running out of hours continuously lately, do you reckon she’ll help with mundane chores for £25 😬

 

Humour, manners & a big smile, that’s how we get through to others I reckon. 

[LASTGIOVANNI]

It looks as though as always we make this out to be more than it is in some points and not enough in the other points that really matter. Honestly yes men can and are stupid when it comes to knowing what to say to the matter. That is the real chance of being brave. Where it is nothing for a woman to talk to a man on the other hand it is the end of the world for the man to even try. *** pushes men to say nothing and do nothing or in a lot of cases go the other way. while *** in the female will push for them to either play games trying to figure out the man that is pursing them. Or The super sexy shy girl will do the same as the scared male and doing nothing and say nothing until this *** of "Hi!" is overcome there is nothing happening. 

 

Meaning a Million miles is only started by the one step. 

I just do not like the fact that the males can not simple dm the females unless we pay ***. That in some cases can be looked at as hooking Virtual Hooking but still hooking. (This is coming from a website designer) 

 

I would happily do tasty storylines with any young lady that wants to dm me. (What type of hunter would I be if I didn't offer to my prey?) That I do not see is the answer to the question because after the fun I am not a one night stand type of guy. I like knowing my prey. 

 

The answer to relationships is not sex. If it was this would be a whole different world. The answer to relationships is trusting and loving the person next to you no matter the good and bad. If you really want to be with someone you will pay the price. In truth that is why our society is so broken. Boys trying to be men and not knowing how to be men hurting women and in a lot of cases girls not knowing how to be women . That is sadly why divorce is so high. but I could go on with that point. 

 

If you want FUN Dm me