Is it just me?

[Fetishlover45]

I was just wondering if its just me and my sort of personality.

Ever since i can remember, even when I was young, I have found making friends incredibly hard (possibly due to lack of common interests to talk about i.e. music, sport etc.). So i can honestly say i have never had more than 3/ 4 friends at any one time. 

I have joined loads of social groups/ activities to meet people. Every time i tell myself this time it will be different but its all ways the same. I loose interest after a while or i feel like i don't quite  fit in i.e. a square peg in a round hole etc.

 So i feel really really lonely most of the time, frustrated with those around me  but unable to put into words my feelings and how it affects me deeply. 

The best way i can describe it is like i am seeing the world through an invisible wall, i can view/ interact with everything but not quite touch it

So tend to come across a bit rude/ abrupt occasionally to those i don't know in social situations 

So what i would like to know i guess, has anyone got any advice for me? Or been in a similar situation?

 

 

[Co****]

Know the feeling, perfect description!

[Deleted Member]

Not just you. I was an only child, so grew to be comfortable in my own company, but not so with other people. I'm still a natural introvert and have no problem with that.

As I grew up, I had to force myself to mix, especially for work. I have a handful of true friends and am still considered quiet, even among them. But, they're true friends, so don't care. If I have nothing to say, I just don't say anything - something I wish some others would follow 😆.

At school, one teacher wrote in a report that I was 'insular and self-opinionated,' something I've worn as a badge of honour ever since. Maybe just own it? Dunno.

[Deleted Member]

I have felt like that, as has my son. We both found out we have ADHD and ASD. There are online questionnaires for both that are worth having a look at. Finding out for me was a huge relief. I now know why I struggle with certain things, I have met loads of people with similar struggles, both in forums and in person (some of whom have become my closest friends because they get it) and I have learned about coping strategies. 

[ey****]

Over the years I've had similar - and - it may very well be undiagnosed ADHD

I guess a question is - what *are* you interested in?  Is there anywhere you can find common ground?

[ol****]

I think that feeling of being slightly out of step with the rest of the world or seeing the world as if behind a pane of glass is more cimmin than we might think.

I also think the worst thing you can do is try to pretend to something you are not simply in order to fit in.

 

[ca****]

I can relate to some of this - and I 'think' many people experience similar - through their own experience / take of it.

"The best way i can describe it is like i am seeing the world through an invisible wall, i can view/ interact with everything but not quite touch it" - is a nice way to put it across.

 

The ADHD  /Asperger's (unsure of the differences)  is probably worth a look into ( if you like)...  and exploring 'coping strategies' (i dont know what they are ;), then I can also relate to the concept of 'owning it' to some degree....  I know for me gaining some awareness helped my take on it.

 

SO a couple of things that opened my eyes a tad were:

Book - emotional intelligence by daniel goleman  - not all of it but one page had me thinking feckin hell that could be me they are describing !!!!

Then also: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4tLlIzMGjM   a watched this and there was a lot of it that I could relate to... and also liked his attitude to it (which I hope is in this video -- if not it maybe one of his others on the subject!!! - all fairly easily found on youtube 

 

Currently I deal with best by knowing in myself and allowing myself to feel that way and realise that guess what it is OK to feel that way.......  

 

[Fetishlover45]

Thanks everyone, its given me a lot to think about.

 

But i would really appreciate any more views, thoughts or advice 

[Deleted Member]

3 or 4 friends is a good amount of close friends small circle, how many do you think is enough? I’ve never had more than 2 close friends that I trust, everyone else is an “acquaintance” and it’s not bad to have some alone time to yourself. Why not go to events of things you’re interested in? That way you’ll guaranteed meet ppl that share at least that one common thing if not more.

[so****]

It's better to have 3 close friends youve known your whole life who are like family, than to have 20 shallow acquaintances who just call themselves "friends" lol I'm the same btw. I've always been socially awkward & felt different from everyone else. But the older you get, the more you realize how that's actually a good thing. You don't want to be like everyone else, at least I don't. Especially right now with the world the way it is. I'm happy to go against the grain & follow my own conscience. But yes 3 lifelong friends who you can trust your life with are orders of magnitude better than 30 shallow acquaintances 👍

[Deleted Member]

It's better to have 3 close friends youve known your whole life who are like family, than to have 20 shallow acquaintances who just call themselves "friends"
Yes, THAT! 👌

[Fetishlover45]

I would love to have 3 friends, but what happens to me (or it seems to have done in the past), is that i seem to get to know someone we chat while at work or socially when i have joined a group.

 

Then we swap contact details etc, but nothing ever really goes beyond that, i try to arrange stuff but never hear back from them (i know thats probably a good thing as they were not going to be my friend anyway).

Or its just that i dont have any thing in common with the others or at least dont seem to.  

 

I always tell my self to be brave and be open but my self confidence has always been an issue with me 

[RAMB]

I had the same thing growing up but the kids were gang bangers and i didnt feel left out i actually had friends with the toughest kids on the block the gangs would not even bother them and i was friends with there family but school was rotten and believe me guy sometimes it is best you dont have those kinds of friends

[Gh****]

hey, first thanks for sharing your thoughts is very courageous and also tell that is not only you feels this way. I wasn't born in UK, growing up here was extremely hard as I couldnt speak English to interact I was isolated and bored. everyone thought I was strange and never said much to me and my interaction skill didn't mature as it should becoz I felt embarrassed not able to to speak well. only way to escape this was to train my to escape the isolation by playing football and do things like and become very good at it. I knew I was very good at fixing problems mechanical and love of technology ie machines. so joined classes metal workshop where I made little cars and animals to express where I came from and where I went to be. my advise is DO Not give up on yourself and others you will find a spark where people will see you and want to know you. do activities that you enjoy throughly and doesn't bother u if no one talks to you. u see people will see you and want to know you becoz how good you are..

[Leisa]

For me personally I’ve found I’d rather have a handful of close friends than a bunch of social friends.