What are women sexually unwilling to do for you?

[DesMiHa]

Some women like giving oral. I am one of them so it could be your type, or possibly something else. Make sure you are clean, and trimming is preferable. I haven't met anyone that likes choking on pubes.
With anal you should understand that those of us who aren't into it may just not like it. I do not like anal sex as every single time it has been ***ful. I've tried anal ease, and other numbing things but it is ***ful. There is also an increased risk of bacterial infection for women solely based on proximity and the likely scenario of contamination. I do however like anal play. It's nice for stimulation and can be extremely enjoyable.
I'm not saying this to give you bargaining points. Just stating fact. If that is not something someone is into you should accept that and maybe seek out partners who are. Discussion at the beginning eliminates a lot of these issues. You shouldn't be shamed for wanting what you want. So I would maybe ask myself if there is something I can change to find better fulfilling relationships.

[MissTakenDeep]

EVERY woman you’ve been with has shamed you for wanting any kind of anal play or a blowjob? EVERY ONE?? I know plenty of women who aren’t too keen on anal play, but also plenty who are, so they’re definitely out there. I’m more intrigued by the shaming of wanting a blowjob? I thought men wanting blowjobs was standard procedure that all women were aware of? That obviously doesn’t mean it’s something women HAVE to do or should even want to do, but it is surprising to hear that EVERY woman you’ve been with has had such a problem with it it’s made you feel ashamed.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, MissTakenDeep said:

EVERY woman you’ve been with has shamed you for wanting any kind of anal play or a blowjob? EVERY ONE?? I know plenty of women who aren’t too keen on anal play, but also plenty who are, so they’re definitely out there. I’m more intrigued by the shaming of wanting a blowjob? I thought men wanting blowjobs was standard procedure that all women were aware of? That obviously doesn’t mean it’s something women HAVE to do or should even want to do, but it is surprising to hear that EVERY woman you’ve been with has had such a problem with it it’s made you feel ashamed.

A lot of women treat them as some sort of special treat to win someone over romantically. When the frequency goes down from once a week to once a year, we do notice! Also when they go from a stand-alone sex act (eg to completion) to it always only ever being foreplay - we notice!

There are definitely women out there who think that because men can usually consistently cum from PiV that wanting other things is a kind of toxic entitlement - my last GF was like this. Sex pos culture tells you you don’t have to do anything you don’t enjoy - which is right - but I also remember a few ***age years of not enjoying eating pussy and I ***d myself to get over it because being its important.

People are allowed to have limits, but other people are also allowed to reject someone based on those limits too!

[ey****]

17 minutes ago, daddy_warlock said:

People are allowed to have limits, but other people are also allowed to reject someone based on those limits too!

Absolutely - although rather than seeing it as rejection but seeing it as a compatibility thing

if activity x is extremely important to you; but a limit to them - you won't work, so move on.

[ar****]

I don’t like rimming guys and I don’t like receiving anal it’s ***ful and I don’t particularly enjoy ***

[ey****]

18 minutes ago, daddy_warlock said:

A lot of women treat them as some sort of special treat to win someone over romantically. When the frequency goes down from once a week to once a year, we do notice! Also when they go from a stand-alone sex act (eg to completion) to it always only ever being foreplay - we notice!

I can tell you the psyche here.  

Men are often sexually selfish.  Not always. "Not all men". So on.  

And women get kinda tired of it.

Most women don't really get anything out of blowing someone to completion.   At least, not as a totally regular thing.   They want something they will enjoy.

The concept of "I went down on you, so you owe me a BJ" is a kinda entitlement - and it also doesn't stack : because the quality of oral you gave her might not be so measurable - especially if it's not something you enjoy.

Like... a big thing here is generally communication in making sure that she is enjoying sex with you (and not just goes through with it as some form of duty or to get it done with) because someone who is enjoying sex with you is more likely to do things you enjoy.

So when you have a partner who goes from giving you weekly blowjobs, to less often on special occasions - you need to kinda ask if they are enjoying sex with you and what would make it better for them.  This might not just be doing certain things for them, but learning how they like them done.

[Deleted Member]

31 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I can tell you the psyche here.  

Men are often sexually selfish.  Not always. "Not all men". So on.  

And women get kinda tired of it.

Most women don't really get anything out of blowing someone to completion.   At least, not as a totally regular thing.   They want something they will enjoy.

The concept of "I went down on you, so you owe me a BJ" is a kinda entitlement - and it also doesn't stack : because the quality of oral you gave her might not be so measurable - especially if it's not something you enjoy.

Like... a big thing here is generally communication in making sure that she is enjoying sex with you (and not just goes through with it as some form of duty or to get it done with) because someone who is enjoying sex with you is more likely to do things you enjoy.

So when you have a partner who goes from giving you weekly blowjobs, to less often on special occasions - you need to kinda ask if they are enjoying sex with you and what would make it better for them.  This might not just be doing certain things for them, but learning how they like them done.

I know that what you’re saying here is the standard sex and relationships guidance for women-attracted men, but I’m talking about my specific experience. It’s ok to be a man and enjoy other forms of sex more than you enjoy PiV - that’s what kink is about!
It’s ok to be a straight or bi man and to psychologically be a “bottom” and want women to be active and enthusiastic.

The standard sex column type stuff will always say “are you clean? are you prioritising her needs? are you doing your share of the housework?” And sometimes the answer to all of those things is “yes” and the other person is just not very nice. Or they have other shit going on.

Either way, I think the way someone presents sexually early in a relationship is a form of promising, just like any other kind of behaviour, and whether it’s done consciously or not, offering something and then taking it away is not cool. The idea that sex is a specially intimate area of life which shouldn’t function on the same transactional logics as “you gave me a lift in your car so I’ll pay for lunch” is ideological and not really grounded in anything except for guilt and shame around sex.

I went poly so that I could separate my need for intense OTT sexual experiences from a romantic lover who I care about, and things have been great since then. My primary partner

[Deleted Member]

33 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I can tell you the psyche here.  

Men are often sexually selfish.  Not always. "Not all men". So on.  

And women get kinda tired of it.

Most women don't really get anything out of blowing someone to completion.   At least, not as a totally regular thing.   They want something they will enjoy.

The concept of "I went down on you, so you owe me a BJ" is a kinda entitlement - and it also doesn't stack : because the quality of oral you gave her might not be so measurable - especially if it's not something you enjoy.

Like... a big thing here is generally communication in making sure that she is enjoying sex with you (and not just goes through with it as some form of duty or to get it done with) because someone who is enjoying sex with you is more likely to do things you enjoy.

So when you have a partner who goes from giving you weekly blowjobs, to less often on special occasions - you need to kinda ask if they are enjoying sex with you and what would make it better for them.  This might not just be doing certain things for them, but learning how they like them done.

My last post cut off but another thing I will say is that I think there is a MUCH higher % of the population who are Demi or somewhere on the asexual spectrum and, while there’s nothing wrong with that, I think it’s fair to let new partner know if, after you’ve settled with someone romantically, you’re libido drops. People over a certain age should know themselves well enough to be able to disclose this stuff up front.

[ey****]

8 minutes ago, daddy_warlock said:

The standard sex column type stuff will always say “are you clean? are you prioritising her needs? are you doing your share of the housework?” And sometimes the answer to all of those things is “yes” and the other person is just not very nice. Or they have other shit going on.

yep - so... it could very well be any other factor including their own sexual selfishness - and then it becomes how much of an issue it is

I know this is kinda where I am in a good position.

There are things I enjoy that my wife can't or won't do for/with me - like they don't want to do sploshing, or be pissed on, or rim me.... but none of these are dealbreakers for me.   And, while they really enjoy seeing other people piss on me - their nervous bladder makes it impossible for them to do with me... but, again, not a dealbreaker - and I can also seek these out with others, providing my wife knows (and of course, they do other things they enjoy with others)

the stuff for me that maybe would be an issue if they didn't enjoy, they do enjoy.... so yep.    

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yep - so... it could very well be any other factor including their own sexual selfishness - and then it becomes how much of an issue it is

I know this is kinda where I am in a good position.

There are things I enjoy that my wife can't or won't do for/with me - like they don't want to do sploshing, or be pissed on, or rim me.... but none of these are dealbreakers for me.   And, while they really enjoy seeing other people piss on me - their nervous bladder makes it impossible for them to do with me... but, again, not a dealbreaker - and I can also seek these out with others, providing my wife knows (and of course, they do other things they enjoy with others)

the stuff for me that maybe would be an issue if they didn't enjoy, they do enjoy.... so yep.    

The nature of all of these incompatibility issues changes dramatically in a polyamorous situation. In monogamous ones I’ve felt like I was pushing myself to meet someone else’s needs and accommodate kinks which did nothing for me, but wasn’t met half way. Now it’s just a case of; no stress, that’s a playtime thing with other people.

Re: the OP, I have never really wanted to be an anal top and as such have never really asked women to do it as I’m not much of a sadist. However there are women who full-on enjoy it (and that’s kinda the whole point of being part of dating circles/communities where kinks are foregrounded instead of being a “fingers crossed” thing).

[DesMiHa]

I feel like this really just might be a communication issue. In any healthy sexual relationship a person should be able to calmly and rationally discuss what works for them and what doesn't and if there is interest but unwillingness to try.

Why is also something that I personally feel should be explained if it's something like reciprocation of oral. I am 0% attracted to sub guys and the thought of putting anything in someone else's anus turns me off completely. I also don't cum vaginally so for me oral and toy play is a must and is non-negotiable.

Did you explain to these people that that's what you like, or that you feel it would be more fulfilling to you. You mention it's too physically demanding is there an accommodation you can both work out? You could fuck her mouth and she does way less work for example.

If these people are people you have to keep around like a wife or someone you care deeply for, then my suggestion is a deep conversation that is completely open and honest. If they are just people you are dating then cut them loose. There is no point in continuing it if you are unfulfilled. That leads to resentment.

Going into anything though that trust should be there and not trying to change or fix someone. That's so toxic. If someone says they aren't into it, they aren't and are unlikely to change that stance.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I can tell you the psyche here.  

Men are often sexually selfish.  Not always. "Not all men". So on.  

And women get kinda tired of it.

Most women don't really get anything out of blowing someone to completion.   At least, not as a totally regular thing.   They want something they will enjoy.

The concept of "I went down on you, so you owe me a BJ" is a kinda entitlement - and it also doesn't stack : because the quality of oral you gave her might not be so measurable - especially if it's not something you enjoy.

Like... a big thing here is generally communication in making sure that she is enjoying sex with you (and not just goes through with it as some form of duty or to get it done with) because someone who is enjoying sex with you is more likely to do things you enjoy.

So when you have a partner who goes from giving you weekly blowjobs, to less often on special occasions - you need to kinda ask if they are enjoying sex with you and what would make it better for them.  This might not just be doing certain things for them, but learning how they like them done.

This!

[Rob2519]

I am not but I totally agree, because don't know as much about sex than women. Women take it all in and enjoy what ways to be turn on. Most men just want to shoot there load and be done. It turns me satisfying a woman's body with my touch and lips and tongue and saliva. I make sure a woman gets loads of pleasures first because once I cum all the stress is gone and I feel relaxed. Later maybe go again but not straight away lol xxx on *** I can go for ever and get extremely horny. Pleasures are everything. Any one fancy a chat, send me a text x