Becoming a Dom

[Deleted Member]

So I’m very new to the whole kink scene, I was led ti this path after researching sex work for my psychology degree last year. It opened my eyes and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I have a authoritative background and I enjoy exerting authority & control. I’m also very interested in the psychology of language, both verbal and non verbal, and the behaviours it elicits in others. So my question is this, how does one go about becoming a Dom? I get there are classes and courses but most subs I see are , understandably, looking for experienced Dom’s. Even experienced Dom’s must have have learned somewhere?

[MissTakenDeep]

I’d maybe go to some events, start networking, find a mentor perhaps.

[Winston60]

Try finding a friend/play mate and gradually exercise and exert control in your relationship. Always do it with communication and consent. Basically just try to explore what you like and, as importantly, what your friend might like. My advice would be not to set your sights on becoming a dom. Rather, try to find yourself and create your own kinks, desires, and see where that takes you. I consider myself a dom, or top, but a fairly soft, pleasure orientated one. I'll happily spank or flog someone, but would be mortified if I felt that I'd done something without their consent, or that they didn't like.

So explore your desires and see where it takes you. Don't let words or titles categorise you.

[ge****]

It very much depends on personal circumstance, level of interest, areas of interest and more but for anyone, regardless of whether they are dominant, submissive or switch the journey starts with themselves and more importantly understanding themselves and their interests.
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What is it that makes them dominant or submissive or switch? What kind of dominant, submissive or switch do they think they'd be? What kind of partner do they think they'd be looking for? What are their motivations? Are they looking for a committed D/s relationship or just occasional play? And many more similar questions are things to be considered.
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Having gained a level of self-understanding you can then move on to learning about the things that interest you - and you can do that through reading as much as you can, getting involved with sites such as this, getting along to munches and kink events and making connections with like minded others, all the while increasing your levels of knowledge and self-awareness etc.
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There are also of course many levels and different flavours of kink - for some it's relatively mild added spice in the bedroom, for others it's the other end of the scale with extreme and/or committed relationships that live and breath it 24/7 so it's about finding your place on that scale as much as anything and that will guide your journey too.

[Ch****]

Certainly there are classes to learn skills, theres researching how to do things, being safe ect.
Ive never known anyone go to dom classes as i dont personally think its something you teach, its inside. Same as i didnt go to sub school to learn how to be submissive. I read lots of info on the things i enjoyed/thought about ect.
All you can do is be honest with the person you are with and say what you have done or not.
Communication is going to be your teacher x

[ey****]

The kinda concept of the experience paradox is one that comes up very often - there's other threads on it on here, and, probably lots of blogs

 

Particularly online people will say they are looking for experienced Dominants; but, sometimes, what does this even mean?  Because someone could have lots of skills and experience but all in areas or dynamics that doesn't interest them.

So there then becomes two questions

1) Is what are they looking for in a Dominant ? An authoritative background might be the relevant experience for some people (but not everyone) 

2) How do you want to Dominate, what do you want to learn? 

The second question is particularly important because - like - if you don't want to strike someone in impact play, you don't have to and so learning or understanding this is moot. You just would need a sub who also isn't into impact play.   But if that WAS something you wanted to learn, there are a lot of learning resources online, there are lots of workshops and demos - and - participating in a local community it's almost inevitable there will be someone happy to let you learn with.

You can pretty much swap out impact play for anything else.

But also the reality is if you can find someone to connect with outside of the idea of just kink - a lot of folk are happy for you to learn with them.  Obviously a lot of this would be on you to do research and learning - but there's not a shortage of resources these days.