Kink, BDSM and hook ups

[Pe****]

3 hours ago, kiseu said:

I do not know about the English speaking men. Being on the other side, some of the German men wrote to so many women, they cannot remember who they sent their message to. On Valentine's Day, a guy who I chatted with briefly before, sent me a message. I thought he wanted to wish me Happy Valentine's Day. Well, you can guess what happened. Before blocking him, I said thank you for making me feel so special on Valentine's Day.😂

Haha!!

[Pe****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Ha ha - well if I'm well endowed no-one told me about it 😜 🤣

And thank you 😉

Haha!! You’re welcome

[Deleted Member]

On 4/7/2022 at 1:50 PM, Honey_Cunt said:

Maybe instead of making negative comments about women, you begin to listen to what they have to say so you can actually understand their struggles? Only a recommendation.

What about negative comments about men? What about their 'Struggles'? Two sides to every story😃

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

I'm not sure it is a numbers game to be honest - certainly not in the retail sense you suggest - love comes down to things like attraction, connection, chemistry and more and I come back to the thing that you can't possibly be truly "attracted" to 100 people a month based on profile text and pics alone to warrant the mail shot approach, attraction is a lot more nuanced than that, so in that respect sending that volume of blind messages does strike me as being somewhat desperate.

@Gemini_man - Ahh... Yes, you are correct, my apologies, I meant from a base instinct perspective, pre-attraction, if you will, the part of the psyche that leads up to attraction, the part of a person that says, "I like that person's face, I'd like to know more"... That said, number's game does still apply at that level, when you think about it... Imagine being in a pub, there's maybe 200 random people around you, 140 are male and you're straight, immediately those 140 people are discounted by your radar, 60 left, 20 are dark haired and you only like redheads, 40 left, 30 are wearing trainers and you like them in heels... 10 left... 9 are married... And so on... What I was, (rather poorly), attempting to explain is that until such a time as emotional connection or chemistry kick in, it is still just all about the numbers and a process of elimination... We vet by nature, sadly... 😕

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I'm not sure it is a numbers game to be honest - certainly not in the retail sense you suggest - love comes down to things like attraction, connection, chemistry and more and I come back to the thing that you can't possibly be truly "attracted" to 100 people a month based on profile text and pics alone to warrant the mail shot approach, attraction is a lot more nuanced than that, so in that respect sending that volume of blind messages does strike me as being somewhat desperate.

But that is the whole point of the site, to try and connect to people. The 'norm' seems that the Dom/Dommes have to do all the chasing as the only people who message me are scammers. So I have to go looking or nothing happens. The lady from Germany saying that she wants an intellectual conversation with an educated man...how is that supposed to happen if your messages aren't even read? If everyone sat around waiting for someone else to contact them then fine. It's not how this place works for Dom/mmes you have to get out there and make an effort.  I see plenty of folks whining about the abysmal quality of their received icebreaker messages so I put an effort into it. 
And I especially make a point of reaching out to the lost lambs here who state quite clearly that they are new to both kink and the site and need help. I've lost count of the Subs who said their previous Dom was a horrific ***r along the lines of 'You  agreed to be my Sub, I can do what I want"

[Pe****]

1 hour ago, VKD said:

But that is the whole point of the site, to try and connect to people. The 'norm' seems that the Dom/Dommes have to do all the chasing as the only people who message me are scammers. So I have to go looking or nothing happens. The lady from Germany saying that she wants an intellectual conversation with an educated man...how is that supposed to happen if your messages aren't even read? If everyone sat around waiting for someone else to contact them then fine. It's not how this place works for Dom/mmes you have to get out there and make an effort.  I see plenty of folks whining about the abysmal quality of their received icebreaker messages so I put an effort into it. 
And I especially make a point of reaching out to the lost lambs here who state quite clearly that they are new to both kink and the site and need help. I've lost count of the Subs who said their previous Dom was a horrific ***r along the lines of 'You  agreed to be my Sub, I can do what I want"

As a submissive I reach out to Dominants and I sometimes get totally blanked. You are few and far between. If you message someone offering advice to newbies then that’s awesome! The whole point of this post is that there should be more people like you who understand the lifestyle. There are many people that don’t and it gives way to *** and I know this first hand

[se****]

Well... I live in Germany, but never said "Intellectual, educated man".😨 At this point, I would be happy with a honest, non game playing guy I can at least kiss. Not intelligent is ok too!👍😂

[se****]

I can be the Brain, and he can be pinky!😂🤣

[ge****]

3 hours ago, MoricoWillin said:

@Gemini_man - Ahh... Yes, you are correct, my apologies, I meant from a base instinct perspective, pre-attraction, if you will, the part of the psyche that leads up to attraction, the part of a person that says, "I like that person's face, I'd like to know more"... That said, number's game does still apply at that level, when you think about it... Imagine being in a pub, there's maybe 200 random people around you, 140 are male and you're straight, immediately those 140 people are discounted by your radar, 60 left, 20 are dark haired and you only like redheads, 40 left, 30 are wearing trainers and you like them in heels... 10 left... 9 are married... And so on... What I was, (rather poorly), attempting to explain is that until such a time as emotional connection or chemistry kick in, it is still just all about the numbers and a process of elimination... We vet by nature, sadly... 😕

Of course personal preferences come into it and in that respect it *is* a statistical numbers game that actually plays into my point about initial attraction to people you pass in the street as well as my point to VKD that the 5% "hit" rate he's getting from his 100 messages a month actually being quite good 👍🏻
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Either way and to come back to the OP what many guys fail to miss, when they're bemoaning lack of response etc is those basic statistics that show quite clearly why they cannot expect a positive response from everyone they contact, particularly if they are basically mail shotting hundreds of people.

[ge****]

2 hours ago, VKD said:

But that is the whole point of the site, to try and connect to people. The 'norm' seems that the Dom/Dommes have to do all the chasing as the only people who message me are scammers. So I have to go looking or nothing happens. The lady from Germany saying that she wants an intellectual conversation with an educated man...how is that supposed to happen if your messages aren't even read? If everyone sat around waiting for someone else to contact them then fine. It's not how this place works for Dom/mmes you have to get out there and make an effort.  I see plenty of folks whining about the abysmal quality of their received icebreaker messages so I put an effort into it. 
And I especially make a point of reaching out to the lost lambs here who state quite clearly that they are new to both kink and the site and need help. I've lost count of the Subs who said their previous Dom was a horrific ***r along the lines of 'You  agreed to be my Sub, I can do what I want"

Is it the "whole point of the site" though? We each have our own way of using it, and whilst I enjoy interacting with others on the forums etc, I don't have "meeting people" as my primary aim, though if I do happen to do so it's a pleasant bonus.
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As I said in my earlier post I certainly wouldn't be sending 100 messages a month in the hope of connecting with someone.
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I don't think there's a particular onus on any particular category, dominant or submissive, to do all the chasing either - though arguably the men regardless of their dominant or submissive nature may believe they have to do so because of the number imbalance between men and women.
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Yes of course an effort has to be made, but it comes down to how you make that effort, and finding an approach that works for you as an individual - and for me personally that doesn't come down to sending hundreds of messages to people I've not interacted with in the hope of getting a reply - as you said yourself I would find that pretty soul destroying, especially if I had high expectations from it.
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As I started by saying though, we each have our own way of using the site - if you find your way works for you, then that's great - just as I'm happy with the way that my way works for me.

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, mycocksafloppin said:

What about negative comments about men? What about their 'Struggles'? Two sides to every story😃

Tell me about the struggles of men on sites such as this...happy to discuss rationally

[ey****]

4 hours ago, mycocksafloppin said:

What about negative comments about men? What about their 'Struggles'? Two sides to every story😃

One of the problems... men most want to talk about their struggles to talk over women who talk about theirs

I've done threads in the past on men's struggles and very few men actually contribute

The next problem

Some men confuse entitlement with struggles

I'm not saying women can't be entitled - but - there's a big line here.

Then also

There's been times when men have been dejected and made posts seemingly in good faith and when people have tried to reach out with help or suggestions; or pointing out where their expectations are unrealistic - it turns out it was a front anyway. They didn't want actual advice or support, they wanted someone to pityf*ck them.

Obviously, as a man I have struggles and men's struggles are a real problem - but if you only want to highlight them when women are talking about their struggles then it's not about men's struggles but about talking over women and that's is disrespectful to men as well as women. 

 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, kiseu said:

I can be the Brain, and he can be pinky!😂🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣💀👌

[Deleted Member]

Oh... Hang fire, I tagged the wrong person, (I will get used to this site, I will, I promise?). 🤣🙄
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@eyemblacksheep - My apologies...
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@mycocksafloppin - I mean absolutely no offense here, but, I suggest you may wish to reconsider your approach, this is not the debate for a gender war... And while both sides of said fence do screw up... It's called a DP and not a VP for a reason, sadly... Blaming one gender or the other will only draw a divide where unity is what is required... We are discussing the matter of educated versus uneducated relating to matters of kink and how many are actually ill equipped within the scene and claiming expertise and not point blaming on gender... 😳

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, kaycie said:

As a submissive I reach out to Dominants and I sometimes get totally blanked. You are few and far between. If you message someone offering advice to newbies then that’s awesome! The whole point of this post is that there should be more people like you who understand the lifestyle. There are many people that don’t and it gives way to *** and I know this first hand

My pitch... for what it's worth. Then make your minds up....

Edited April 10, 2022 by Deleted Member
Please remove

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, VKD said:

My pitch... for what it's worth. Then make your minds up....

This being said pitch:-

Hello profile visitor,

Welcome to the site. I'm here as your friend, guardian and mentor. Be warned, this place is infested with clueless Fake Doms and nasty, controlling narcissists. Any jerk rocking up demanding that you call them Master or Sir from the off. Fake. If it is accompanied by lots of ridiculous things that they would do to break, destroy, own or ruin you - dangerous Fakes. The narcissistic ones are harder to spot but any kind of controlling behaviour is a red flag. Chatting elsewhere is fine, being told to leave here is not. So please be extremely careful. Do not be rushed into anything. “No!” is your best friend. Delete and block every stupid weirdo. There's no point trying to be polite and reasonable with an abusive moron. xxxx

 

[ge****]

4 hours ago, VKD said:

This being said pitch:-

Hello profile visitor,

Welcome to the site. I'm here as your friend, guardian and mentor. Be warned, this place is infested with clueless Fake Doms and nasty, controlling narcissists. Any jerk rocking up demanding that you call them Master or Sir from the off. Fake. If it is accompanied by lots of ridiculous things that they would do to break, destroy, own or ruin you - dangerous Fakes. The narcissistic ones are harder to spot but any kind of controlling behaviour is a red flag. Chatting elsewhere is fine, being told to leave here is not. So please be extremely careful. Do not be rushed into anything. “No!” is your best friend. Delete and block every stupid weirdo. There's no point trying to be polite and reasonable with an abusive moron. xxxx

 

Whilst that's obviously a very laudable thing to do and hats off to you for trying to help people and welcome people to the site etc - to come back to your previous point about sending that, or customised versions of it, to up to 100 people a month, and only getting about 5% of replies, and finding it soul destroying...
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I wouldn't necessarily expect a response to that, in fact, and I am absolutely not saying you are doing so, but I can see how some people may see it as some form of "white knighting" in the hope of getting a response, or worse still that by warning people off others you could be one of those wolves in sheep's clothing.
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As I said, I am not saying you are either of those things, from your posts it obviously comes from a place of sincerity, BUT placing myself in the place of someone receiving that uninvited, from someone I've not had any kind of interaction with, I can understand why they may not respond or may see it as unwelcome even.

[se****]

@MoricoWillin... Yeah, it would be Pinky and Pinky takes over the world.🙈😂

[ey****]

11 hours ago, VKD said:

Hello profile visitor,

Welcome to the site. I'm here as your friend, guardian and mentor. Be warned, this place is infested with clueless Fake Doms and nasty, controlling narcissists. Any jerk rocking up demanding that you call them Master or Sir from the off. Fake. If it is accompanied by lots of ridiculous things that they would do to break, destroy, own or ruin you - dangerous Fakes. The narcissistic ones are harder to spot but any kind of controlling behaviour is a red flag. Chatting elsewhere is fine, being told to leave here is not. So please be extremely careful. Do not be rushed into anything. “No!” is your best friend. Delete and block every stupid weirdo. There's no point trying to be polite and reasonable with an abusive moron. xxxx

Oh jesus. that's awful.

Firstly - you assume friendship and a mentorship

You the continue by attacking other people on the site.

Then it gets absolutely no better...

You know one of the things ***rs do is try to ***t themselves as good guys and everyone else as the real villain?

[Ri****]

11 hours ago, VKD said:

This being said pitch:-

Hello profile visitor,

Welcome to the site. I'm here as your friend, guardian and mentor. Be warned, this place is infested with clueless Fake Doms and nasty, controlling narcissists. Any jerk rocking up demanding that you call them Master or Sir from the off. Fake. If it is accompanied by lots of ridiculous things that they would do to break, destroy, own or ruin you - dangerous Fakes. The narcissistic ones are harder to spot but any kind of controlling behaviour is a red flag. Chatting elsewhere is fine, being told to leave here is not. So please be extremely careful. Do not be rushed into anything. “No!” is your best friend. Delete and block every stupid weirdo. There's no point trying to be polite and reasonable with an abusive moron. xxxx

 

Too be brutally honest, if I received a message as this, I'd see it as a botpost or one of the individuals you warn them against. The phrasing is a bit much and a bit intense. I'm sure that is probably not your intention so if we tidy up your text a bit you'd get perhaps more response

[ey****]

I just showed this to my wife - and they said if they got a message like that they'd cringe, faceplant, and block you on the spot. 

[se****]

Before making comments, think carefully. Look at yourself first, before looking at others. Maybe you are born with more gifts than others. Maybe you are more attractive than most average, be taller than most, you are gifted with a beautiful body, lucky enough to have a special partner, have the intelligence of Einstein, have more *** than most, born with the gifts of luck, and have a talent with words... I think you get the point. This is harsh, but I have seen this. Some people are not born lucky. Yes, we can make our luck to a point, but to a point, not!

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Whilst that's obviously a very laudable thing to do and hats off to you for trying to help people and welcome people to the site etc - to come back to your previous point about sending that, or customised versions of it, to up to 100 people a month, and only getting about 5% of replies, and finding it soul destroying...
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I wouldn't necessarily expect a response to that, in fact, and I am absolutely not saying you are doing so, but I can see how some people may see it as some form of "white knighting" in the hope of getting a response, or worse still that by warning people off others you could be one of those wolves in sheep's clothing.
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As I said, I am not saying you are either of those things, from your posts it obviously comes from a place of sincerity, BUT placing myself in the place of someone receiving that uninvited, from someone I've not had any kind of interaction with, I can understand why they may not respond or may see it as unwelcome even.

I concur if I leave it at that it is the most supremely smug intro I could ever imagine. However, there is a part 2 (I find separation works better), but as it contained a shedload of links it was deleted, earned me a demerit point and a written warning from HR about my future conduct which may lead to dismissal. So to set the record straight I have removed all the links but left sufficient info for the majority to know immediately what I refer to or enough to Google to get close.
I can assure that I have no need of any White Knightery here. One question I ask once a rapport has been established is....have you had any traumatic abusive experiences in your life. The shocking thing is not the stories, appalling as they are but how few say no. The Alpha Sub, who undoubtedly exists, is from my experience very much in the minority. 

 

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Kink

The first thing to do is take the real quiz. Sign in, it’s harmless and will then keep your scores.

bdsmtest

Then go to this site, register but no pictures and ignore the questions, you are there to discover not advertise. Look for your home city or the nearest one, then search for the Groups. Munches are the safe way in to the scene, amongst the good people.

Fetlife

Here are some useful general links to Submission/Pet/Slaves.

Yourtango 12 pictures explain bdsm

Lovingbdsm types of submission

Old school and very comprehensive, there’s a lot here, don’t delve too deep at the start

Submissiveguide

Dominantguide
 

Littles….

littlespaceonline

Some ‘Slave’ stuff, based on the GOR series of books.

Wiki GOR

Ontariogoreanassembly the-gorean-philosophy-the-gorean-ethos-and-the-gorean-lifestylle

Spicesoflust submissive-positions

Ropes, shibari:-

esinem.com news
Guides:-

uberkinky essential-guides.html

Toys:-

Lovehoney

Porn:-

xhamster

Fetishes:-

badgirlsbible list-of-kinks-and-fetishes

anatomy:-

Guardian 3d model clitoris

DVZ G-Spot

Safe play…Sub is always in charge. Her word is final. Always. No ***. No breaking limits.

Safe words:-

Take no/stop/enough out of the equation, use the traffic lights:-

Green – good, going well.
Amber – at my limits, ease up and slow down.
Red – STOP!!!!! Immediately

Pink – boring. Optional.
Make sure you check frequently. 

One final thing. Warning signs for Fake Doms, Wife Beaters, ***rs, Narcissists.

Brainy medium narcissistic personality disorder

And the tell-tale signs that you've already met one.

rosglasrecovery signs-and-symptoms-of-narcissistic-***-syndrome 

There’s a lot there, skip what doesn’t interest you.

xxxx

Apologies for the outrage caused. Life is like that at times, a partial story.

[ey****]

I guess to be honest

- the site has greeters to welcome people to the site, this isn't something you should feel to do; it might also be seen as intrusive as if you're part of the site

- if someone visits your profile and neither spanks nor messages you then perhaps in whatever reason they visited your profile there was no interest in doing either

Sometimes I visit the profiles of people to see more about them and what they're about

Sometimes, perhaps I might be interested but then reading their profile there is perhaps clearly criteria I don't meet in what they're looking for (or, stuff that means they're not what I'm looking for) 

[Deleted Member]

@VKD - I get it, I see what you're trying to achieve, I've even been there once myself, (25yrs ago, but still?)... I had all the links setup, I had all the forums and infosites at my disposal and I was frontline entry, the second they joined, I was sending the dnds, (do's n don'ts?)...
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Because I was an actual mod on most of them...
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You are red-flagging yourself in today's world. You're not a mod, you're a customer, just like them and just like me and whether they are grateful or disturbed by your approach matters very little because it isn't your place to welcome them in that way to begin with, you're just setting yourself up for hardship...
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That's why mods became a thing...
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If they approach you first, then fire away with all the links, infosites and all the doctrine you can accumulate and more, (hell, I'll even take a few, most of mine are likely dead links now anyway, don't think anyone even remembers Zephyr's? 🤣😳 ).
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By all means don't stop helping, but a cold call with content of that nature is always going to be perceived as threatening, (and especially by a noob?), because that is the world we sadly live in now... Your helpful intent will not be appreciated, sadly... 🙄
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Best advice I have to offer is either stop the cold calling and wait for them to come to you or apply to become a mod but that's just my opinion and you may advise me to go shove it... 💔😕