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Ready to give up

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I'm a single mother of a son, have 2 crazy dogs and work 38 ish mental hours at work a week, with some extra at home when the shit hits the fan.
Mostly, I'm contacted by people that are not looking for the same things as I am, which is (eventually) a 24/7 TPE dynamic. A few times, I've hit it off with some but it's kinda fizzled out, genuinely because of distance more than anything else.

I'm kinda feeling like I might just give up on it. And almost like I'd struggle to fit it in, though I know you make time when things matter. I don't get out to munches or events, hell, I don't get out anywhere unless it's a dog walk...

I guess I'm just looking for a little reassurance that it will happen at some stage and my life isn't too full or crazy to allow it...?


Hi all

This is a thread for reassurance/advice.

So please no "I'll be your Dominant" comments and so on

Thank you 

4 hours ago, UnleashedChaos said:

I don't get out to munches or events, hell, I don't get out anywhere unless it's a dog walk...

I guess I'm just looking for a little reassurance that it will happen at some stage and my life isn't too full or crazy to allow it...?

Yep, that's exactly how it'll play out.

However, there may be places in your area still doing virtual munches, if that's an option for you.

Good luck, and hang in there!  I just came from a no-show coffee date, so it's certainly not just you. :grin:

I would love to offer you some reassurance but at present it feels the same from this dominant prospective too.
As an experienced sadistic dominant/daddy dom who is just seeking that someone who craves/needs and wants my attention, I’m continually met by or comes into contact with the ‘I’ve been naughty - spank me’ brigade or the fantasies submissives.

To discover a submissive that desires tpe, structure and rules to display her devotion to her dominant is fast becoming the new ‘unicorn’ of the kink & bdsm world.

I do hope after looking at your profile that you find your one and I’m sure he is out there….as long as you are willing to keep being open to him finding you.

Good luck on your journey.
Giving up won't make it better. There's no shame in trying your best and not getting what you want as fast as you want over giving up entirely. You can't *** these things, no matter how badly uou want too. Only time will tell and the more you keep trying, the more likely youl eventually get what you want. But no one has that timeline. Quitting would guarantee you don't get it though.
It's difficult, but stick with it. Given the lifestyle issues you describe, I would imagine that it would be difficult even some type of vanilla relationship. If you're going to struggle one way or another, that struggle might as well be in service of your dream, right? In the meantime, you're in the midst of a very supportive community that you can turn to when things feel too tough. As Griot wrote, look for online munch opportunities, as well.

I hope the person you're looking for arrives sooner, rather than later. Good luck!

If your only exposure to the community is via online media, you will get your fair share of people that are not a complete match. Even though, it is not impossible. I have had relationships that started off online.
In terms of discovering what floats your boat, so to say, it is always good to try to go to places where kinksters hang out (munches). If nothing, it will allow you to evolve your own preferences.

You mention that eventually you would like something that could evolve in the 24/7 TPE but that also has to start somewhere, plus your TPE is how you define it. This may not be the same as for someone else, but that is where talking with likeminded people come in.

So, I would say to stick with it. Yes, it will seem like an uphill struggle some days, but that is more than offset by the positive experiences you will have on other days.


Hang in there as I suspect that's it's just a case that you haven't met the right person yet. Compared to the 'vanilla' world, there's a more to finding the right Dom or Sub... physical attraction, that all important connection (or spark) and then the kinks that you're both interested in, and that' before we consider distance.

So it can be disheartening at times, it feels like we put a lot of effort (our heart and soul) into developing a relationship only for it to end before it's ever really got started. But there are people that have met on here and are very happy, so it can and does work. 

The only other piece of advice I would suggest it to take a break from time to time, maybe a few weeks. It's what I've done at times and generally come back re-invigorated. 

Good luck and take care.

I'm in a similar boat, work silly hours Monday through Friday, and Saturday mornings, also seeing my young son straight after work Saturdays, so I get little time. But there are others who are very much the same, so I'd say keep the faith, as I am, may take a little time but I'm sure you will find someone.
I know exactly where you’re coming from, I’m a bit of a workaholic if I’m honest and I don’t really switch off. I am a control freak my nature when working but as far as the bdsm scene is concerned I’m a sub and the thought of actually giving up control is such a big turn on. I am
Struggling to find a Dom who can work round my hectic work and problematic home life. I’ve managed a successful meet last week and a no show, but more importantly I was let down when someone I was supposed to be stating a dynamic with because my home life meant I had to cancel on them. I fully disclose the problems I have at home to anyone before we arrange a meet because unfortunately I may have to drop everything at a moments notice. Like me my advice is stick in there, there is someone out there for all of us, and it may just take time to find them. X
hey.. yah distance can be big factor for sure, but it shouldnt put you off, that will encourage you enjoy going to different partof the country and explore. maybe the connection with that person will be stronger
but don't lower your expectation on what you want but start somehere tho that both parties are happy with
Some thoughts
I work long hours more than those im contracted to, (my perception is i have to the reality is i dont) im busy with general life stuff as we all are but, i think that when we find our person that we re prioritise our responsibilities and commitments
Before the internet most of our communication with others would be IRL when you move it online, the haystack gets bigger and the needle harder to find. The pandemic exacerbated it. We've almost got too many options and maybe subconsciously we think, someone better will come along so we pass and wait. (To be clear im not saying any of us should settle).
Ive come close to giving up, because it is hard. Its hard because your searching for a relationship and adding all the kink bits too but when we get a flat tire, we dont go round slashing the other 3 we fix it and carry on.
I would ask yourself, what are you achievung by giving up? The outcome would surely be the same one you have now, no relationship, no kink if you keep trying you may just find what youre looking for

I really appreciate all the comments and words of encouragement 🖤 so thank you to all of you that have taken the time.
I haven't decided yet, I never rush into anything. Maybe I'll just take a break for a while. Maybe I'll just talk to people. Idk.
It's nice to know I'm not alone in this feeling though.
I'm 52, 53 this year and I seem to be able to talk to women but I either get put in the friends zone or blocked for no apparent reason. I definitely feel I should just give up.

I'd say to you to be yourself and things will happen when it's ready, for me I think I need just accept the situations and just be who I am.
  • 4 weeks later...
Somethings just have to take time, I believe that you will find someone compatible for you ! Life works in very weird ways, sometimes you just run into people even if you aren't actively searching. You will find someone to match your kinky self ;) Honestly in my experience most arent serious about TPE or 24/7 so you just have to keep searching for now but please dont give up or at least dont give up hope of finding someone :)
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