How do I know if I’m safe?

[Fangtastic]

I’m completely new to BDSM and hope to get some advice from experienced players. For a few months I’ve been experimenting with different sexual scenarios after having a fairly boring sex life for years. I was interested in trying to dominate men so I did for a while but it felt more amusing than exciting and I never got in any kind of lasting BDSM relation. 

While experimenting I joined some different dating sites although I’m not looking for a longterm romantic partner. I joined a sugardating site- not that I was particularly interested in being a sugarbaby but more interested in being controlled somehow. For a long time I chatted with a nice guy but he seemed too nice somehow and I couldn’t figure him out. We tried setting up meetings a few times but I was being difficult because I couldn’t figure out what he wanted. We set up a meeting to drink some wine together  but on the same day he blocked me. At that point I had developed a strong interest in him and I created a new profile using an alter ego and he wrote me very quickly and I told him that I was the same person. I had become kind of obsessed with having sex with him so I was being very forward and since I had to leave the country for 3 months 1 week later I wanted it to happen soon. He started explaining what he’d like to do with me and I quickly realised that he was more dominant than what I’d tried before.

The same night he came to my place. We had arranged what would happen and I felt very excited about everything. The whole thing was very new to me but I enjoyed being ordered around, blindfolded and chained. He left my place without a word which was also what we had agreed on and we texted briefly afterwards and then I left for 3 months. I was not expecting to hear from him again but while I was gone he started texting me asking when I was getting back and telling me what he wanted to do with me. The history of him disappearing and blocking my profile tells me that I shouldn’t trust him but even so I want to continue cause I really liked it and feel excited thinking about it. My problem is that I have no way of knowing if he is an actual psychopath which, unfortunately, thrills me too. 

Do I stay away or how can I know if I’m safe? Any advice would really be appreciated!!!

 

[Deleted Member]

His blocking of you in those circumstances does seem a little strange. I would say to be extremely cautious, especially as you are having doubts & concerns. In your head the idea of a psychopath can seem thrilling & exciting, however the reality of someone actually being one is a whole different matter, it goes without saying that thrilled & excited are not emotions you would be feeling should you find yourself in such a real life situation, the possible outcome does not bear thinking about. Of course, this does not mean he is one, it could all be innocent, but your concerns mean you should at the very least be extremely careful, as would anyone entering a new relationship of that kind, a precautions should probably be taken, certainly to start with. All the best to you & good luck whatever you decide

[3S****]

I've been in a relationship with a sociopath. There's no need to avoid such people unless they are abusive to you and/or don't respect you, they have control over themselves typically and can choose who they use/*** and who they do not. They won't *** people they are getting something from as they don't want to lose that (so ensure that he knows what you won't put up with or give him), if he puts you on a pedestal you are likely to be very happy while up there but he can knock you off it at any given time for whatever reason he chooses.

 Unless you're an enabler or co-dependent there isn't much reason to avoid such a person, he will try and make you become dependent on him but you don't have to submit to that (and i advise that you do not if you want to retain any self worth/ego). You might actually enjoy this game of power for a while too.

Idk if he is a sociopath or not, you haven't said much about him here and probably don't know him well enough to know for sure if he is one. If he crosses any boundaries you put in place then i would avoid for that reason mostly, dunno why him blocking you was a boundary you chose to ignore either but this suggests you are not very good at respecting others boundaries and may not be good at implementing any. You should work on that.

 

[Deleted Member]

if he dissapeared for long its prob becasue of his work pattern, driver long haul, offshore etc...he block yu becasue you prob prsstering him too much, very rare with men but could happen. If he was psychopath you wont write your question right now. There are way to check if hes ok by asking him his real identity and check on usa database or facebook etc. You could ask him to take a picture together and send it to a close friend the night you have a session. One sub took a picture of my car registration the first time she met me and sent to her friend. But the best its your gut, women usually are very good at it, something in his eyes, or body language.... next time meet him somewhere very crowdy...like a busy hotelwith a lots of security camera

[Deleted Member]

every time he visits i would tell a trusted friend. and get your friend to raise an alarm if you dont message them by a certain time. or keep your phone nearby so u can alert in case of an emergency xx