Growing up as a primal

[NarcissisticLove]

Form a very young age, as far back as my mind can remember, I was excited by the idea of chasing people. The sound of screams fill me with excitement and overpowering someone made my mouth water.

I was a quiet child, and not very emotive, that paired with my tendencies to stalk my prey and accidentally hurt them made my parents very worried.

i now understand that i am a primal hunter, less of a sexual predator and more of the Hollywood image of a vampire, werewolf or wildling.

Not knowing this growing up made for some quite serious telling offs, my parents, teachers and other parents would look at me in horror warning my mum that I will grow up to be a sex offender or worse, this horrified me, I am such a caring person but “maybe there is something wrong with me”.

the fear I had that i would one day lose control and be accused of something unforgivable ruled my life for a long time, I didn’t know about CNC or BDSM, I just knew that I shouldn’t like wrestling girls and giggling them until they scream or usually cry.

Flash forward to being in my mid teens and that hunger for girls burnt white hot, i was becoming stronger and faster and girls were becoming interested in me.

obviously none of us knew what we were doing, but a lot of girls knew what they liked and this quiet, dark brooding mess of hormones was ticking some boxes for their vibe checks.

i found that most girls i dated liked to bite and scratch, and a large group of them liked to be pinned down and subdued.

this was hot as hell but you have to remember I was scared by this idea that i might be a sexual predator in the making so I put a stop to it EVERY TIME!! Usually getting angry from a forced disgust passed down to me as a kid.

a decade later and im finding myself in dynamics, my love for roles and protection over others was a solid part of my personality, what i now know as littles were all I wanted, but now im taking care of them, they wanted spanks and tied up, some i did, some i didn’t.

throughout this stage I still felt a tremendous amount of guilt when i did oblige to these interaction, many felt very negative as I tended to need a lot of reassurance afterwards when it was the little who needed the aftercare so it went neglected for a long long time.

then I met a girl who wrote books on BDSM and all i wanted to do was please her, so when she sat me down and told me i am what they call a Dom, that there are communities and events out there to learn, share and play, I went into a Dom frenzy, i read the books, joined the groups, found out that I’m not abnormal at all and that i have a lot of catching up to do.

I still get Dom drop, new partners are always a delicate subject, but fuck am I free!