If You're A Dom - Own It

[Deleted Member]

There are as many different types of Doms as subs which makes for a remarkably fun and diverse world in BDSM. For instance, I am sexually submissive in the bedroom only; I have been a long time on my own, and cannot live this 24/7 or be a slave-sub. I state that in my profile.
But wow, I am tired of being approached here by guys who won't own their dominant side. No profile, not taking even that flawed little test, or being absolutely whiffy on who they are.
I cannot teach you to be Dom. You teach yourself. I have met some really good Doms on here, I would bet some of you could talk to and get advice from. You read, go to local munches - you train.
Being a Dom isn't about sitting back and having me create an erotic fantasy for you. You have to know where to take us, and I have to be intelligent enough to follow your lead and know what you are leading me to - so we both get what we want.
In the same vein, please stop approaching us without knowing our names, without reading our profiles, and 'slut' does not mean enforced prostitution or abuse. There is not a woman, trans woman, sissy on here who doesn't deserve your respect. Be nice!

[Deleted Member]

What the hell are you talking about?

[Deleted Member]

First off I am looking for a girl I can spend the rest of my life with him be happy sexually okay. I enjoy a woman that has a high sex drive like me and wants to enjoy making love all the time as much as we can for the rest of our lives there's nothing wrong with that stop being crazy

[Deleted Member]

Respect is the biggest thing for sure. Just like you are only submissive in the bedroom, that's the only place I am dominant. I'm just overall laid back about everything the rest of the time.

But even if you are a 24/7 dom approaching a 24/7 sub, you do not own that person. You have to establish the relationship and let it build to the point where you both agree it should be.

I can't say this with any real experience, but I would like to think that most doms know this already. But for all I know, it could be that I'm way off.

[Dy****]

LOL! I have to laugh because people who are lazy, and absolutely have no business in BDSM, expose themselves on here by the minute with lame approaches like that which you describe.

I like that we are an open community, but sometimes we receive a hefty price for that openness.

These guys remind me of young male wolves, who leave their familial packs to try and start their own. There are male wolves that are lazy and just join another, instead of figuring it out for themselves......kinda like male "doms" who can't get laid in their real life, and then come here to boss women around like they've got control in the matter of one sentence. Yikes!

[so****]

Dominants MUST be the most empathetic people. We have to empathize with our sub. To know them so well inside & out, that we can accurately anticipate their wants, needs & desires, even ones they didn't realize they had.... It. Is. Exhausting. lol Being dominant involves so much more than people realize. We constantly have to watch, observe, & diligently take mental notes. All this on top of all the safety awareness & financial responsibility. Being a proper dominant is a full time job in itself.

[Deleted Member]

I bring it to the attention anyway, knowing that I get a mountain of criticism over me. The knowledge and skills related to vetting are hard to find these days, just like that of communication.

[Mick-400]

I'm new to this. Clicked on this thread by accident but found it a real interesting read. 😂 I've come from this site from two he'll holes (fab swingers/guys) hoping to meet like minded people who are a bit more outgoing than the people on the two mentioned sites. Ie people on there talk the walk. But never do anything. Almost impossible to talk to woman in there. Men and trans are a bit more open but they come across as crass most of the time. - hopefully here I'll learn from people who are more genuine and open. Not just there to get their rocks off, c*m, and feel guilty so stop responding.....

[Deleted Member]

@DaddiesLove69thanks for publicly revealing just how much of a Dom you aren't. It's such a time saver.

[Ju****]

Bratty Dom n proud of it 😝

[Deleted Member]

When you say bratty dom, do you mean that you enjoy taming a brat? Or is it something else? Haven't seen that term before lol

[Th****]

I can't tell you how many "doms" I've given a verbal thrashing to for things exactly like this. It's ridiculous. Like they think all they have to do is just show up

[Catsailor69]

Very well said. Yes, there does seem to be a developing perception that being a Dom is just about being served and getting your way. It’s lazy and selfish IMHO.
Yet too, I’m finding more and more, misunderstandings from so many submissive types too. Take time to get to be known and know who you are interacting with in a dynamic. And always be honest with yourself and the other person. Just because things are online doesn’t mean we magically are different than we really are.
Respect, trust, communication and honesty are just as valuable in finding that kinky connection as they are in any face to face dynamic.

[Catsailor69]

13 hours ago, DyingForLife said:

LOL! I have to laugh because people who are lazy, and absolutely have no business in BDSM, expose themselves on here by the minute with lame approaches like that which you describe.

I like that we are an open community, but sometimes we receive a hefty price for that openness.

These guys remind me of young male wolves, who leave their familial packs to try and start their own. There are male wolves that are lazy and just join another, instead of figuring it out for themselves......kinda like male "doms" who can't get laid in their real life, and then come here to boss women around like they've got control in the matter of one sentence. Yikes!

Exactly!!! Very well written.
As a Dom, it almost makes me want to own an identifier that sets me apart from some of these “Doms” that come to the site.
Thankfully, their not getting their fantasy instant fix here, will lead them elsewhere and lose interest. Hopefully before inflicting too much damage in their wakes.

[Catsailor69]

13 hours ago, sonofthunder777 said:

Dominants MUST be the most empathetic people. We have to empathize with our sub. To know them so well inside & out, that we can accurately anticipate their wants, needs & desires, even ones they didn't realize they had.... It. Is. Exhausting. lol Being dominant involves so much more than people realize. We constantly have to watch, observe, & diligently take mental notes. All this on top of all the safety awareness & financial responsibility. Being a proper dominant is a full time job in itself.

Totally agree with you. It. Is. A full time responsibility. Sincerity, effort and dedication to being responsible and honorable takes time, patience and effort for a good Dom. Communication, honesty and empathy take time to develop.
So many seem to believe that just as any information can be found instantly, kinks can instantly be found online. The problem I find in that mentality is that people are most complex and instant connections for the depth of an actual, in person dynamic, takes time and commitment for more than a minute.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, randomsarcasm said:

When you say bratty dom, do you mean that you enjoy taming a brat? Or is it something else? Haven't seen that term before lol

Here you will find everything 😂

[ma****]

That's the thing about being a Dom, it (or so it seems to me) boils down to a matter of respect and trust. If you don't respect your sub(s) and provide a reason for them to trust you, or worse actively provide reasons to distrust, you're not a Dom you're just being a*usive and you need to stop what you're doing.

[gr****]

I find submissives experiences on here fascinating. Thank you for sharing.

[Pe****]

I totally agree. Too many men having absolutely no clue to what it involves being a Dominant.

[Deleted Member]

I agree respect and manners is a must! I am dominant in my daily every day life so when it comes to the bedroom I love to give up that control to the right person and become totally submissive. But it seems some men have no idea what it takes which is disappointing but we all have to start somewhere. It’s all about educating yourself of what it takes for both dom/sub and what feels right in terms of both your limits. I am not experienced enough to lead the way for the curious ‘Doms’

[Deleted Member]

Yup. Completely agreed. That’s the reason I created and teach a course “Primal Masculinity and Fundamentals of BDSM”

[Dy****]

3 hours ago, CaptianNemo said:

Yup. Completely agreed. That’s the reason I created and teach a course “Primal Masculinity and Fundamentals of BDSM”

Hey, I'm always interested in education. Where can I attend said course?