Best adult website??

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, Pleasurecalculus said:

Lately, I've only been redirected to the membership page, and when I try to leave, the site has the audacity to ask why I stopped. Oddly enough, there's no option to say I was redirected against my will. 

I have to admit, this is an aspect of the site which I have found frustrating too.

But to answer the OP - four days? Are you kidding? No, FET is chock-full of real users. Few profiles disappear; when they do it's for reasons such as users leaving the site, or FET closing down people who break site rules.

As has been said already, you don't need to pay to upgrade in order to have a fruitful and productive time here. I've been here for at least three years and never upgraded (other than with temporary free upgrades) once.

[Deleted Member]

I pay for premium and I have done since I joined two years ago. I see this as a BDSM community site, though, and I use it a lot. It is therefore very much worth the price it me. I want full functionality. I don't pay for the straight up dating sites bc they are nothing but cesspits and I am not looking to get laid.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

one thing that was suggested some time ago was for there to be "greeters" to welcome new members to the site and a first point of contact for anyone who was lost or finding their way around

and then it seems people now feel that greeters are pushy

I guess do people want support or not?

I think for some, men especially, the greeters can be a bit confusing after other sites, they've been contacted before no doubt, on certain sites, with the usual gumph about upgrading as soon as they sign up & being greeted here when you sign up could ring alarm bells about is this another scam sales pinch.

 

Maybe the greeting could highlight more to new members that there is actually no need to ever upgrade to search for members & message them & they can chat & post on the forums, actually list what they can do for free (I know everyone can find this out relatively easy, but being laid out clear in a greeting would give people more confidence & bit of a relief of OK these guys are cool, they're not just gonna snatch my *** taking advantage of my kinks)  & they will never have to pay anything & in fact can earn points, especially the treasure hunts, to gain extra features, even a short premium membership to try before, before you buy, so no1 ever actually has to pay for anything if they don't want to whilst a member. 

[6b****]

In my opinion, this is with all dating sites. They continuously flood you with fake profile likes and once you subscribe, they don’t even respond back even through they liked you first.
This isn’t really the app or site developers that do this, it’s mainly due to people using bots and fake accounts to reel in men and try to scam them or increase their following on OF or with the Fake Sherif BS (if you don’t know what a fake sheriff is in a dating world, Google it). The apps and developers don’t really do much about it because even if it’s not directly by them, they still allow such shady users to increase revenue for them.
I mean even Match is a big scam right now and you can’t even do anything without paying for a subscription there (unless they made changes since I last used it).

Like some people have mentioned here, they don’t see this app as a dating site but more of a community site and that justifies them subscribing to the service.
I personally have been subscribing to the FetLife for over a year, now that site is definitely more active than this app and it gives me more benefits than what this app would.

Bottom line, if this justifies your subscription, then get it, otherwise don’t. It’s really up to every individual and everyone uses the app/site for different reasons.
Another way you can find out is by getting a month and seeing for yourself if it’s what you’re looking for.

[ey****]

the greet messages don't do upsell 

and, I think also info dumping on new members is the least helpful thing 

[te****]

If you want what fet has but better in a way, I recommend fetlife

[ey****]

one kinda thing on fetlife is it depends on entirely what you want

in terms of the community element it is larger (more people) and it has a good directory for events.

But, while people have found partners through there it's always stressed as not being a dating site and as such doesn't have dating site tools (you can't search and set filters etc) 

 

there's also just as many guys complaining about 'fakes' or "how everyone wants ***" (and people ARE allowed to ask *** or give you OF links etc on fetlife) as anywhere else.

[si****]

Fet life is good

[birdwalk]

18 hours ago, Haircutter156 said:

It all seems pretty dead to me. No replies to anything!

yeah no one even has the courtesy to reply back to say not interested

they need to delete accounts inactive for over a month

 

[ge****]

4 hours ago, birdwalk said:

yeah no one even has the courtesy to reply back to say not interested

they need to delete accounts inactive for over a month

 

But here's the thing - why is it a "courtesy" to reply to every message to say "not interested"? Especially when that message is unsolicited or is just one of hundreds (which can be the case for some women) received and a polite "no thank you" often results in abusive responses?
.
Or to look at it another way, when you receive an email or leaflet through you door from your local pizza or double glazing company do you respond to each and every one saying you're not interested? Same principle here.
.
No response is as good as a "no thanks" - expecting one suggests a level of entitlement on the part of the sender.

[ey****]

11 hours ago, birdwalk said:

they need to delete accounts inactive for over a month

 

this argument gets used here and on fetlife - and - there's a fair few reasons why it's a fairly sh***y suggestion if nothing else

1 - sometimes people take breaks, either cos they're busier with work, burntout, social, so on - so it's a bit unfair to purge someone just cos they need a timeout

2 - just because it looks like someone is inactive, doesn't mean they are - whether it's because they're logging in 'invisible' or only doing things you don't see in their history.   If you know there's a deletion policy of whatever time period, and it looks like someone has been inactive for longer then it removes their privacy as you know that they have been logging in.  

3 - It's only served purpose is to make fewer profiles for people who harvest to message - the only people who really ask for this are people who you know take a scattergun approach to messaging women which, in itself, is a telling reason why you get no/few replies cos women tend not to like that approach. 

 

In saying this - on this website there is a filter to sort by "last active" which should do the trick without you having to call for mass purge. 

[Gb****]

Bro in London are 4.5 milions of womans and 4.4 milions are gold diggers with cheap goals in life hunting only ***

Bro ,womans here like everywhere no answer bcz they are looking for the big fish ,just image how many guys send to them message,they don t need even to search for the fish bcz is coming by them self.
Another thing i don t understand why woman have expectation u to say more than "hi","how are you",or "how it s your day?"
This is stupid thing ,how u van approach someone if not like that ?
If the internet die woman are dead too and u will see them on the street hunting guys 😉.

[ey****]

5 hours ago, slboy said:

Another thing i don t understand why woman have expectation u to say more than "hi","how are you",or "how it s your day?"
This is stupid thing ,how u van approach someone if not like that ?

If you don't know how to approach folk it's no wonder you don't get replies and make outlandish assumptions.

The problem with small talk is it never goes anywhere and it's not conversational.  

It's also lazy and low effort.  It's basically as if you're reading off a script, rather than trying to connect or interact with someone.   

The other problem with small talk is that guys in particular don't know where to go after the formalities 

"Hi," he said, hopefully - finding someone who hadn't set a filter

"Hi," she responded, feeling underwhelmed but hoping the follow up might go somewhere. She had read a thread on how hard it was for guys, so give this one a chance.

"How r u?" he asked, it's a live one! she's on the line!"

"I'm OK," she replied. She wasn't. But wasn't about to discuss this with a stranger, especially one who still thinks he's sending text messages on a 1990s mobile phone deal.

"How has ur day been?" he said, feeling he was really onto something now. Despite dropping the yo from your unnecessarily.

"Ah, it's been ok" she said, again, she's had better days but not something she wants to talk about with an internet stranger who can't be bothered to write in complete sentences.

And then what. ? The guy has used his basic questions up.

So then what usually happens is one of

a) he rushes to proposition i.e. "wanna f**k?", "do you want a sub", whatever.

b) He then replies something non conversational. She doesn't reply. He then complains about being ghosted or whatever.

c) he repeats this another time, so returns a day or two with again "how are you, how is your day" until she stops replying through boredom and is then accused of ghosting.

d) he continues with further small talk "So what you looking for from the site?" (despite it being on her profile) until she stops replying through boredom and is then accused of ghosting

it's not impossible, but sometimes rare, that the guy will actually then come up with something conversational - but he could have done that in the first message rather than saving it for the 4th or 5th 

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, slboy said:

Bro in London are 4.5 milions of womans and 4.4 milions are gold diggers with cheap goals in life hunting only ***

Bro ,womans here like everywhere no answer bcz they are looking for the big fish ,just image how many guys send to them message,they don t need even to search for the fish bcz is coming by them self.
Another thing i don t understand why woman have expectation u to say more than "hi","how are you",or "how it s your day?"
This is stupid thing ,how u van approach someone if not like that ?
If the internet die woman are dead too and u will see them on the street hunting guys 😉.

Men having this perspective is what's going to kill online dating, and since that's 'apparently' a bigger problem for men than it is for women, men ought to start educating other men, encouraging them to behave like respectful humans, for their own good.

[ge****]

6 hours ago, slboy said:

Bro in London are 4.5 milions of womans and 4.4 milions are gold diggers with cheap goals in life hunting only ***

Bro ,womans here like everywhere no answer bcz they are looking for the big fish ,just image how many guys send to them message,they don t need even to search for the fish bcz is coming by them self.
Another thing i don t understand why woman have expectation u to say more than "hi","how are you",or "how it s your day?"
This is stupid thing ,how u van approach someone if not like that ?
If the internet die woman are dead too and u will see them on the street hunting guys 😉.

Blimey I needed a degree just to translate most of that!!!
.
And having done so have to say you're completely wide of the mark, make sweeping and inaccurate generalisations and manage to disrespect a section of the membership in doing so - do you want to shoot your other foot while you're about it?
.
So 98% of women in London are golddiggers who are only interested in ***? Can I ask what you base that one on? Have you met each and every woman living within the M25 to come to that conclusion? Or are you basing it on a small sample and extrapolating from there? Either way pretty disrespectful to the vast majority of women who are most certainly not golddiggers!! Yeah there's no denying there are *some* women that are like that but they're very much a minority.
.
Women are looking for the "big fish"? I guess that depends how you define "big fish" - if it's a man who matches what they are looking for, who is respectful and considerate, who they are attracted to and have a connection and chemistry with then damn right they're looking for the "big fish" just as we men are for similar reasons. Suggesting the majority of women are shallow and looking for gym fit adonises who are loaded however is again wide of the mark and disrespectful.
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Yes, it's true women don't necessarily need to search because they could pick and choose from the volume of contact they do get - BUT just because they get a quantity of contact doesn't necessarily mean they get a quality of contact - so yes to an extent they do have to search themselves to find what they are looking for.
.
Why would women be looking for something more than "Hi" "How are you?" etc on sites like this? Precisely so they can judge if the person contacting them is someone they want to engage with, or is just another chance trying his luck. Sure it doesn't have to be more than a few lines, but at least make some effort to make yourself stand out.
.
Invariably message strings that start with just "Hi" go something like this:
.
"Hi"
"Hi"
"How are you?"
"Good thanks, you?"
"OK thanks, what you up to?"
Etc etc ad nauseum and get very tired very quickly
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Besides why should it be incumbent on the recipient to open the conversation up?
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Add to that some women may get fifty plus messages daily and ask yourself which you'd choose to reply to? The one that is engaging and respectful, or the one that says "Hi"?

[UK****]

8 hours ago, slboy said:

Bro in London are 4.5 milions of womans and 4.4 milions are gold diggers with cheap goals in life hunting only ***

Wow, not often I am speechless but you've done it!  Mind you, with the quality of your observations I'm really not surprised you aren't getting what you expect.

[ol****]

Why does the phrase undateable spring to mind?

This site is not perfect but it's pretty good. Reporting Fakes and gold diggers works.

i assume reporting creepy guys works as well.

As others have said it is a ommunity.

Navigating the why don't you upgrade message is quick and simple. Are there come- ons when your premium membership expires - yes but they are blatant and the guys who run rhe site need to eat! 

Overall this site is better than most IMHO.

 

[Ar****]

On 8/7/2022 at 1:32 PM, birdwalk said:

they need to delete accounts inactive for over a month

If they did that I wouldn't be here. So frankly - and for a myriad of other reasons too - that attitude can c**k right off.

[birdwalk]

I almost always start off by saying hello

if they reply back and say no, I thank them for their time and tell them to have a good day

[LeoVirgoCusp]

On 8/5/2022 at 11:15 PM, hugo133 said:

FET doesn't have to be the best I guess the question is is it worth it is it reality I've been a free member for about 4 days now and I was thinking about upgrading my package however in the last 24 hours they have tried everything in the dirty book to make themselves look appealing and I know the second I pay all these profile that are close to me will disappear, I say profiles because another of them are fake.

Please help, am I right? Please set me straight, if anyone, employee or member can move my needle just a little bit in favor of FET's validity I'll gladly upgrade to the fullest and promote enthusiastically.

Fetlife's owners do not try to trick you. All they do is to continually improve the site with new or user requested features and back of house (hardware & software) enhancements. Members run their own discussion groups. 

There are however as we are finding, scammers & catfish are coming online but many are getting removed as well. I haven't found a website in the last three years that aren't being invaded by such people. 

As far as membership goes. ALL FREE except members do get the ability to see member created videos and a larger amount of the Activity Log of people's profile. Other than that, free! But I renew on my own each year because it is the world's largest BDSM site and despite the negatives, is worth it for me to support them to keep it running. 

I have my friends and those who I communicate regularly. No membership needed for that either. Many people place personal ads even though it is not designed as a dating site. You can learn a lot from the hundreds of discussion groups. Even the inactive ones because of the history of the discussions, questions, and answers.

I am on it every day, many times a day 7 days a week.

[LeoVirgoCusp]

22 hours ago, gemini_man said:

But here's the thing - why is it a "courtesy" to reply to every message to say "not interested"? Especially when that message is unsolicited or is just one of hundreds (which can be the case for some women) received and a polite "no thank you" often results in abusive responses?
.
Or to look at it another way, when you receive an email or leaflet through you door from your local pizza or double glazing company do you respond to each and every one saying you're not interested? Same principle here.
.
No response is as good as a "no thanks" - expecting one suggests a level of entitlement on the part of the sender.

I often hear from my female contacts that men who don't get immediate responses or no thank you's from the women they wrote to often get hit with toxic masculinity. Indeed it was un-called for and only serves to keep women repressed or make them want to quit the site (Fetlife) or to hate all men, not just those who are toxic.

Men as so damned insecure which is why all throughout history it seems that they shame and repress rather than learn about them and how to give equality, understanding, nurture, sexual pleasures, and just plain fun. 

Furthermore, narcissists and psychopaths are using sites as their hunting grounds to catch, use and *** women while hiding behind the trappings of BDSM. In my own area, my BFF's life was absolutely ruined by a narcissist. Another young woman and her young son were even shot to death by another narcissist out of rage because she left him before he was able to process her out (what narcissists do in the end once they've used you up).

These people are also turning up in the BDSM community dungeons or play spaces to do the same. I try to warn newbies but I *** my warnings fall on deaf eyes and ears.

[ge****]

10 hours ago, birdwalk said:

I almost always start off by saying hello

if they reply back and say no, I thank them for their time and tell them to have a good day

Thing is, *you* know that but a recipient of your message won't *know* whether you're going to do that or send back *** (which happens a lot) and as said above, sending just "Hello" often leads to a conversation that gets tired very quickly.
.
You don't have to send War And Peace but at least send something that goes a little further than "Hello" and gives a recipient something to reply to, as well as a sense that you're genuinely showing an interest, back it up with a profile that gives them a little more and you'll improve your chances of getting a response, though won't guarantee one.
.
Once you realise not to expect a response you'll find it a lot less frustrating.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, LeoVirgoCusp said:

Fetlife's owners do not try to trick you. All they do is to continually improve the site with new or user requested features and back of house (hardware & software) enhancements. Members run their own discussion groups. 

There are however as we are finding, scammers & catfish are coming online but many are getting removed as well. I haven't found a website in the last three years that aren't being invaded by such people. 

As far as membership goes. ALL FREE except members do get the ability to see member created videos and a larger amount of the Activity Log of people's profile. Other than that, free! But I renew on my own each year because it is the world's largest BDSM site and despite the negatives, is worth it for me to support them to keep it running. 

I have my friends and those who I communicate regularly. No membership needed for that either. Many people place personal ads even though it is not designed as a dating site. You can learn a lot from the hundreds of discussion groups. Even the inactive ones because of the history of the discussions, questions, and answers.

I am on it every day, many times a day 7 days a week.

You're talking about a different site? This post was about Fetish.

[ey****]

Comparing Fetlife and Fetish though in terms of payments.

Both sites can be used without payment with no issue.  Both have some extras to try to entice people to pay.  There is currently a bug on Fetlife which means non-paying members are getting more than agreed; but it is being worked on so users will start to see less in their feed.

In both cases some people pay because they want the extras.  Some people pay because they want to support the site.

[Deleted Member]

Saturday at 09:15 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

one kinda thing on fetlife is it depends on entirely what you want

in terms of the community element it is larger (more people) and it has a good directory for events.

But, while people have found partners through there it's always stressed as not being a dating site and as such doesn't have dating site tools (you can't search and set filters etc) 

 

there's also just as many guys complaining about 'fakes' or "how everyone wants ***" (and people ARE allowed to ask *** or give you OF links etc on fetlife) as anywhere else.

You can search on fetlife. Not sure why you say you can’t