Lo**** Posted August 13, 2022 Posted August 13, 2022 14 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: I think that generally no it's not a bad thing, but for people with NPD, they will have created a persona/fictitious world to mask the deficits they think they have. I also think, and again heading in another direction, that generally no one is genuinely happy (or content ☺️) with contentment, Maslows hierachy of needs indicates that we're all striving for that top level of his triangle, maybe at different rates or with different levels of determination, but that we're all looking to better ourselves, improve our situations. Maybe, arguably, there's an element of narcissism in that? Only if, in order to get to the top, you’re trampling over other people.
ey**** Posted August 13, 2022 Posted August 13, 2022 24 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: we're all looking to better ourselves, improve our situations. Maybe, arguably, there's an element of narcissism in that? I think so; this ties in with what I said above about - that we all have narcissistic traits but, I guess, it is how we use/manifest these.
PhantomFlogger Posted August 13, 2022 Author Posted August 13, 2022 I feel that in order to feed off the praise and increase status, you have to be liked. You dont get promotions unless you show results, you dont raise in popularity unless you are liked, i mean for so many people to have exs with a NPD they must have qualities we all like. How do you feed off other people's love and adoration if you aren't liked? Wouldn't the most proficient narssasisit be the one who achieves the attention and respect they need? Maybe the biggest narcissists are the ones who are loved, give to charity, have high respected jobs and a partner who adores them.. inside they do it for the love and respect, but externally they seem selfless and in tune with everyone around them.. maybe its not that the biggest narcissists dont know that they have NPD, but in fact the biggest ones are the ones YOU dont know have a NPD.
Lo**** Posted August 13, 2022 Posted August 13, 2022 (edited) 14 minutes ago, PhantomFlogger said: I feel that in order to feed off the praise and increase status, you have to be liked. You dont get promotions unless you show results, you dont raise in popularity unless you are liked, i mean for so many people to have exs with a NPD they must have qualities we all like. How do you feed off other people's love and adoration if you aren't liked? Wouldn't the most proficient narssasisit be the one who achieves the attention and respect they need? Maybe the biggest narcissists are the ones who are loved, give to charity, have high respected jobs and a partner who adores them.. inside they do it for the love and respect, but externally they seem selfless and in tune with everyone around them.. maybe its not that the biggest narcissists dont know that they have NPD, but in fact the biggest ones are the ones YOU dont know have a NPD. You’re not far off the mark. Narcissists tend to be utterly charming, generous and giving to everyone around them apart from the person they’re currently destroying. If that person raises a finger to try to alert his loving fans as to what’s going on, he will charmingly convince them it is the victim who is mad. Edited to say, the victim is normally their partner. Edited August 13, 2022 by Lockfairy
Quiltykitten Posted August 13, 2022 Posted August 13, 2022 1 hour ago, SirArchA said: I have to say that both of my interactions with narcissists resulted in me feeling sorry for them for missing out on so much........ but they still think they have it all. I think there is a difference here to be highlighted between someone believe they have it all - as in have an aggrandising self image, and actually being content. I’ve never met a content person showing narcissistic traits, they always think they are owed more in some shape or form.
CopperKnob Posted August 13, 2022 Posted August 13, 2022 27 minutes ago, PhantomFlogger said: I feel that in order to feed off the praise and increase status, you have to be liked. You dont get promotions unless you show results, you dont raise in popularity unless you are liked, i mean for so many people to have exs with a NPD they must have qualities we all like. How do you feed off other people's love and adoration if you aren't liked? Wouldn't the most proficient narssasisit be the one who achieves the attention and respect they need? Maybe the biggest narcissists are the ones who are loved, give to charity, have high respected jobs and a partner who adores them.. inside they do it for the love and respect, but externally they seem selfless and in tune with everyone around them.. maybe its not that the biggest narcissists dont know that they have NPD, but in fact the biggest ones are the ones YOU dont know have a NPD. Because narcissists typically promote a facade of confidence and in the dating world, as well as when interviewing for promotion (who would employ anyone in a leadership/senior/supervisory roles that protrays themselves as lacking confidence?) They also tend to have numerous friends. Initially that looks good, a green flag because how could so many be wrong about someone? The problems are that narcissists aren't truly confident in their capabilities and their relationships are generally superficial and short lived. They struggle to build a strong emotional attachments with people primarily because they didn't have this in childchood, they didn't learn empathy as a child and to do so would cause them to feel ***. It's why as soon as they detect a loss of attention etc, they move on to a new person/ people/job or create their own business in order to maintain that supply.
Lo**** Posted August 13, 2022 Posted August 13, 2022 24 minutes ago, CopperKnob said: It's why as soon as they detect a loss of attention etc, they move on to a new person/ people/job or create their own business in order to maintain that supply. I have been in a support forum with scores and scores of women who were with their narcissistic partners for decades. My mother was with my father for 12 years. They don’t move on if they lose good attention. They will stay for any supply, good or bad. It doesn’t matter how mad, bad or demanding the partner starts appearing to the outside world, it’s all good to the narcissist.
PhantomFlogger Posted August 13, 2022 Author Posted August 13, 2022 I agree, it makes more sense that losing a relationship would be a sign of failure, and being single might be a scary concept. Maybe having a long term partner is a good cover.. new relationships are perceived as volatile.
South1 Posted August 13, 2022 Posted August 13, 2022 I've net a few. I've not come across one that has good intentions whilst displaying narcissistic traits. It's all about them
PhantomFlogger Posted August 13, 2022 Author Posted August 13, 2022 Ive heard a lot about what a narcissist is, a fare bit about what they do and some personal experiences but do you believe there is such thing as a good narcissist? Lets do a poll....
PhantomFlogger Posted August 13, 2022 Author Posted August 13, 2022 Like this if you think there are NO good narcissists
PhantomFlogger Posted August 14, 2022 Author Posted August 14, 2022 Like this if you think there IS such thing as a good narcissist.
Deleted Member Posted August 14, 2022 Posted August 14, 2022 Phantom- As long as they are honest about who or what they are..,then yes I would say there is a possibility that there are good ones….but to be with a person diagnosed NPD…is extremely challenging to the partner if you do not buy into their perceived reality. If you can ride the waves with them, then it is more bearable. People with BPD do blend well with NPD…because of their penchant for delusions of grandeur on the manic side. But…if they are down together the narc will still expect much more of the BPD person than they are able to healthily give. -bamboo
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