To what degree is BDSM a hobby, or a lifestyle for you?

[Deleted Member]

From 24/7 dynamics, to purely sexual play, I’m interested in knowing what BDSM means to you chaps & chapettes!

[Deleted Member]

It means freedom in sexuality, and enjoying whatever you like in the world of kink. I believe that many people use it also to define themselves, also especially online where you can be whatever you want.

[Ie****]

247 (if I can find a lifestyle slave who isn't a fake)

[dirtibi]

for me it is always sexual and as I have got older I have realised that vanilla sex doesn't switch on as many lights

[ma****]

BDSM is a lifestyle for me. I'm a submissive who seek a D/s relationship (and a D/s relationship is 24/7; those who are just into kink/sex are called Tops or bottoms).

[ma****]

1 hour ago, Ieuan_Alarch said:

247 (if I can find a lifestyle slave who isn't a fake)

How do you know who is fake? There are no single slaves (those who are slaves are in M/s dynamics already) and a M/s dynamic is developed after a period of a few years of being in a D/s dynamic. If you expect someone to submit straight away, then it will most likely not happen. And they are not fake for not submitting to you.

[Ie****]

subs who are clearly not interested in exploring submission, but have other motivations which are against the code of conduct on here! Yes, you do build-up a 24/7 M/s dynamic over a number of years. You do, however, need to discuss it near the outset of the relationship to ensure you are both on the same page!

13 minutes ago, maryioni said:

How do you know who is fake? There are no single slaves (those who are slaves are in M/s dynamics already) and a M/s dynamic is developed after a period of a few years of being in a D/s dynamic. If you expect someone to submit straight away, then it will most likely not happen. And they are not fake for not submitting to you.

 

Edited November 17, 2022 by Ieuan_Alarch
Made a mistake and added a bit

[Of****]

It started as a kink just in the bedroom for me but as I got older I got more comfortable with power exchange outside of sex as well. Now I’m into submission and obedience as a cornerstone of any romantic relationship I have. Funny how things work out.

[DeviantInside]

My ideal is a version of 24/7 whereby the dynamic is always there but often just as an undercurrent, not necessarily played upon at any moment but that could be played upon at any moment, but I'm also aware that that only happens by building it up. I'm also fully aware that I'm not exactly going to be to everyone's taste, and I'm fairly picky myself. It's also not easy to find people into quite as much as I am who are also secure enough to differentiate play from reality and wanting to build an all round relationship and connection (which for me is the key part of bdsm anyway). Having said that I've been lucky enough to have found that more than once so am happy to be patient whilst searching. So just atm BDSM is talking to people, offering advice or opinions for whatever they may be worth and building up social connections in the kink world.

[Deleted Member]

Mostly in the bedroom at the moment, but perhaps paradoxically my kinks aren’t directly related to sex—it’s an element, sure, but if you remove the sex, I still really enjoy it. My ideal scenario is being a sub in the bedroom with some of those elements expressed outside the bedroom, discreetly in public, or openly in private. It’s an evolution for me.

[Deleted Member]

I want this to be more than a hobby. But it seems that in my area near DC, that there are a lot of women looking for a sugar daddy or acting as a FinDom. So while they “say” they are in the lifestyle, it’s not the same lifestyle. The lifestyle to them is having someone take care of them financially.

So as I navigate I find myself reaching out to lady’s I find interesting. And the reality is setting in that there is a barrier. Whether it be my age, my looks, what I am looking for, etc that keeps the lady’s from responding. So for now this will just be something interesting to pursue.

[dirtibi]

55 minutes ago, maryioni said:

BDSM is a lifestyle for me. I'm a submissive who seek a D/s relationship (and a D/s relationship is 24/7; those who are just into kink/sex are called Tops or bottoms).

That's a pretty black or white comment? For you it may be 24/7 but for others it doesn't have to be. It is up to the individual to decide what they are into. Being dismissive is not helpful to be honest.

 

[ma****]

3 hours ago, Ieuan_Alarch said:

subs who are clearly not interested in exploring submission, but have other motivations which are against the code of conduct on here! Yes, you do build-up a 24/7 M/s dynamic over a number of years. You do, however, need to discuss it near the outset of the relationship to ensure you are both on the same page!

 

A 24/7 can also be D/s. It doesn't have to be M/s.

[ma****]

3 hours ago, dirtibi said:

That's a pretty black or white comment? For you it may be 24/7 but for others it doesn't have to be. It is up to the individual to decide what they are into. Being dismissive is not helpful to be honest.

 

If it's submitting/dominating just during sex/play, that is bottoming/topping. A 24/7 means that the Dom has always control in the areas that have been agreed on during the vetting process (it isn't like in one day they have and in another they don't). Dominance is not a game for them. The same goes for submissive. It is not about being dismissive. It's about using the right titles.

[Di****]

Sexual preference, as is Swinging

A part of our life , not all of it.

[Ie****]

42 minutes ago, maryioni said:

A 24/7 can also be D/s. It doesn't have to be M/s.

I quite agree that a 24/7 lifestyle dynamic can be D/s - in fact any type of dynamic can be 24/7 if the partners agree to that! The reason I was apecifically talking about an M/s dynamic was contextual based on the earlier exchanges.

Edited November 17, 2022 by Ieuan_Alarch

[ey****]

just cos someone isn't your definition of 247 doesn't mean they're either a hobbyist or 'fake'

we really need less of this gatekeepery attitude. 

[un****]

when i was in a relationship it was 24/7 DD/LG and i took care of her all day when i’m not in a relationship its usually limited to the bedroom it really just depends on my current life situation

[MrJim]

I think it really depends on the people involved, some only want it in the bedroom and are vanilla with the rest of their lives, some of us get satisfaction from living the lifestyle all the time, as said above it’s personal choice made between two partners. To some it’s a lifestyle to others just a sexual aside. It all depends on you…

[Deleted Member]

I would prefer a 24/7 dynamic inside of a relationship. But I’m learning that not many people are into that. I’ve also been told that because I’m not into all things BDSM & am only a brat/little that I shouldn’t be on this app or be considered “involved in the lifestyle”…

[dirtibi]

17 hours ago, maryioni said:

If it's submitting/dominating just during sex/play, that is bottoming/topping. A 24/7 means that the Dom has always control in the areas that have been agreed on during the vetting process (it isn't like in one day they have and in another they don't). Dominance is not a game for them. The same goes for submissive. It is not about being dismissive. It's about using the right titles.

It appears titles matter to you. Not people then.

[Be****]

It's a lifestyle

[Ba****]

I want it to be closer to 24/7, but right now, with how life is, its just a bedroom thing unfortunately.

[fe****]

Tbh. Just what gets me off Ay. I’m not really looking for a long term relationship yet soooo

[fe****]

16 hours ago, Deleted profile said:

I would prefer a 24/7 dynamic inside of a relationship. But I’m learning that not many people are into that. I’ve also been told that because I’m not into all things BDSM & am only a brat/little that I shouldn’t be on this app or be considered “involved in the lifestyle”…

That’s ridiculous. You’re accepted.