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Spotting Scams


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Spotting Scams

There's been a fair few queries on the forum about assorted scenarios which are scams.

I have a longer blog on spotting scams and staying safe, but can't external link so here is me keeping things in summary.

First off, it's not just men who get approached with a scam - anyone can be.  There are assorted common scams that do the rounds because they're easy to execute.

As a general rule... *** should never come as a surprise.

But here is a few I will talk through.

The Hotel Room Scam.

Seems to mostly be guys targeted for this, but I have seen attempts on couple also.
The scenario is simple - you are presented with someone who is interesting in playing with you, perhaps even being your Dominant - and - doesn't "want paying" they may even make a point of this.

However, the chosen location for you to meet will be at a hotel/B+B/Dungeon (or combo thereof) that you are expected to pay for.

Sounds reasonable - and in a lot of cases the "packages" these non-existent properties seem to offer are in-line/cheaper than some actual similar premise.

Of coure, the properties don't exist.  You basically pay for the booking and get the confirmation but when you actually turn up you find the address doesn't exist, or it's a chip shop, or somebody's house.

Again, varience of this is that the properties are targeted to couples as a "cheap/discreet" getaway or local dungeon hire.

Now. Of course, there are a few properties which do *really* exist - the Hoxton Dungeon Suite is a prime example.  But your general rule here is "if something sounds to good to be true..." and why is a stranger so/too trusting towards you?

Perhaps also there's been very little discussion in means of activities and limits and it's all a little quick to get you to meet, but it *has* to be at a dungeon.  

"Buy up front" scam.

Same kinda deal, someone professing to be willing to play with you (or be your Dominant) will ask for a gift up front for you to prove your worth.
This could be an expensive piece of equipment you are to use between you, or clothing, whatever.

Now... in a lot of online Findom it is often common to present with a tribute/gift up front and this can shade things a little bit.  And also, yeah, you feel you are genuine and that this may seem reasonable.

The question of course is can you verify who they are?  Was there at any other indication that they would require proof of your dedication and were they otherwise 'happy' with you prior to the point of meeting?

If they are asking for the cash for something then there's no way to see where it goes - and if they're asking for you to buy a certain item from a wishlist, then the site may be another one where the *** just disappears (see the hotel above) or perhaps it does buy the item... which then goes to some guy to give someone else pretending it's from him.  Who knows?

It's ironic actually that if you are happy to spend to prove you're probably a lot better with a Pro than just some random on the internet that seems too good to be true.

Can you even have any form of evidence they are who they say?

Long-Distance Scams.

Usually, ones that target women are from gentleman claiming they are away with the military (also explains eratic contact) but are otherwise local and coming home.
Otherwise any form of distance relationship "you seem cool, wish you were closer" and then an offer for them to visit you (note, the option for you to visit them seems to be off the cards)

In all variations of this, something will go wrong regarding the meeting.

Examples could include
problems with laptop for communication
Car trouble
Unexpected bills
Leave being denied without paying for a release
So on.

In all circumstances the hope is for you to fork out.
Sometimes this could be a big lump - thousands or high hundreds.
Sometimes it could be just a series of smaller things... 

Now. I did know a friend who often used to get cold contact from guys about play and she basically started turning around and saying "Before we even discuss further, if I was to come to play with you - you live *here* would you cover my £40 petrol" and the majority of guys would quickly clam up.
However, she was being honest up front and this does play a little bit into male simpledom (if you're contacting someone long distance, do you have the financial means to actually travel to meet them, or do you expect them to do everything at their expense?!) 
Again, things you're looking at here involve how quickly things get arranged and what else you can do to verify.

Pro/Fin Dom(me) is not a scam

However, it is not a scam if someone is clearly a Pro or Fin Dom(me)

on this site, if you are contacting someone with a € in their profile you should not be surprised if they ask for *** at any point.

If however you are having a conversation with someone without one and *** suddenly is brought up as a surprise then, context permitting, it's time to step away.


Fabulous list of things to look out for :)

Can I just add, if you have someone here at fetish.com asking you for *** and they don't have the Euro sign next to their name, please take a moment to report the profile for 'financial interests', there is a report profile button on the left side of all profiles.  Thanks!


Good post. I had an incident a bit like this on another site. Someone claiming to be a woman approached me as a Mistress, demanded I cancel my membership and talk via email.i did this as a sign of my commitment. She sent me some really hot emails and I was enthralled by the dominant tone and strict instructions. This person knew about fem Dom.However small things didn’t quite stack up. Firstly their profile said they were in Colchester but an email later said south London. The profile picture didn’t match the video they sent me. The video showed a sensuous young woman which seemed at odds with the email.Then they asked me to join a session with them and their other female slave. Would I pay to have my name embroidered on my Mistresses slaves panties and my Mistresses name embroidered on my panties. £100.00 should cover it. Can I pay now? Call this number. I requested that we meet and have a coffee first but then heard nothing. This was strange given what they had promised me, to become their dedicated slave. A few weeks past and I got a ‘how are you?’email asking if I was ready to play by their rules’. The moral of this story for me is trust but take precautions. Self identifying as a submissive doesn’t mean you can’t establish clear ground rules for any relationship. 


there was someone on another site did the location thing - profile had her listed in London but "soon to relocate" and "wanting a slave when I arrive" I'd expected it to be a long distance scam (i.e. oh, no - I can't come and now a train ticket will cost £100) but it was pretty simple "send me £20 to prove your worth" - and while there are many who do the "don't bother contacting me without a tribute" (not designed to make ***, designed to put people off contacting) there was nothing to suggest this was anything above collecting £20s.

Kinda small enough that people will be like "OK" - but - it adds up...

I think an often golden rule is *** should never come as a surprise.  And certainly there should be apprehensions if it's raised and it's someone you've never spoke to (in real life, over the phone, or any form of video chat) or cannot easily verify.

Like you say if photos/videos don't balance up that's a massive red flag - and if you do get sent, particularly photos, if you have suspicions run a google image search on them.  I found someone who was using a profile copied from a Pro-Domme in LA and a photo taken from a model from France.   


An excellent post with some great advice @eyemblacksheep.
Good to have a quick read even if you believe you’d never fall for a scam.

It’s a sad situation but scams are a part of life in general. They prey on people’s desires, whether that be for companionship, to get rich or the chance to indulge in something you’ve long fantasized about.  It’s in these situations where you get so focused on the end goal you’re willing to do things that ordinarily you wouldn’t.

Ideally you need to pause, step back and try to look objectively at the situation.  Easier said than done I know, I’ve been there myself but not with a scam.  In my younger (and stupider) years I put my personal safety in jeopardy chasing new experiences.  With the benefit of hindsight I was an idiot and thankfully nothing bad did happen.

I wish I’d had someone to confide in about what what I was doing, someone to ask the questions I knew I should have been asking myself. So if you’ve even an inkling that something isn’t quite right then discuss it with a friend, ask for advice on the forum or even reach out to someone on here whose views or opinions you respect.

That said, the vast majority of people aren’t scammers so be careful but don’t let it spoil your fun either.


Dating Scams are amongst the most common and they can be targeted to anyone, so basically either preying on others loneliness, desperation, insecurities, or want for quick results.   

It's something I think - it's not limited to one website or another and one of the worst parts about relationship scams is that depending on the size/hope of the goal they can go on over months.

I think it's something whereby I'd be wary in any form of relationship that's "text only" - on even long distance relationships there's opportunities to phone or video call, even if it's just for a chat.   


Thank you for the advice. Will definitely keep in mind. I have come across one ot two scams already and i did report them but nothing has happened yet. Do i need to report them again? 

9 hours ago, Sid636 said:

Thank you for the advice. Will definitely keep in mind. I have come across one ot two scams already and i did report them but nothing has happened yet. Do i need to report them again? 

Did you get a response at all to your reports? If not, they might not have been investigated fully yet. However, if you're still concerned, feel free to report the profiles again. 

  • 1 year later...

I was sent a request from an On-line Mistress to meet, but I needed to book a Dungeon room. I am 99.9% sure it is a scam, But, the desire to meet a Domme is strong.  This is a very elaborate sceem. 

4 hours ago, Rich66 said:

I was sent a request from an On-line Mistress to meet, but I needed to book a Dungeon room. I am 99.9% sure it is a scam, But, the desire to meet a Domme is strong.  This is a very elaborate sceem. 

yeah - that comes under the 'hotel room scam' which was my first point.  I'm not sure of anyone who has actually fallen for it - but, yeah, on paper it seems fair "you book the room, I'll come play"

if anyone does do this and you want to verify - suggest your own neutral properties or have an idea what dungeons actually exist (and that you're on their proper website) 


I wouldnt mind being sugar-daddy for someone who actually needed financial support. I got hit with this kind of story from someone just 70km away. But I wasn't putting out until we actually met in person. Contact didn't last long after that.

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