How do you spot the fakes & Scammers

[Vi****]

Hey all, please forgive me if this has been asked a million times before. I'm on the mobile app and can't seem to see anywhere I can put it in a search to take me to the relevant info.

I've been here a couple of weeks got chatting with some lovely people but also had my fair share of idiots. But my question is how do you know whose a fake? You seasoned kinksters must be really good now.at spotting them. What sort of scams do they catch you out in?

I had a guy today trying to get me to go to a link or site but I just replied that I wasn't interested. Was he genuine about his offer of a course and helping me, or just full of bullshit.

Cheers in advance.

[Shenna]

1 if they try and lure you away from the site to another social media account thats a red flag unless you know them really well.
2 they ask for tributes I.e ***, gift cards any form of transaction.
3 never send nude pictures of yourself to a stranger till you know them better, as some say they make profit from your pictures. So it would be easier to say on your profile and state it that they are not to be used or affiliated with media, magazines etc... as its your property and make it clear to them also that what you share you will bring legal action. But keep photos to here than another site or messaging services.
4 never share where you live till you k ow them better.
5 never listen to their black mail sating I know who you are or I know where you live anything like that you report to a site.
6 if they have a picture do a reverse image on their photo some use photos from media, or catalogues so get them to take a picture of them selves next to something like today's date.
7 they will try and get you to do things very easily very good at manipulation to get you to do something that you may regret.

I would help you with more but you can look on the forums on safety and the site can only help you for the site only anything else off site they can't really protect you only for Fetish.com

If you suspect a scammer report their profile and screen shots of anything suspicious they say or do.

If they are genuine people they will treat you with respect like you would meet a friend.

You can also look at Internet safety as well online

[TheBookCollector]

The only other fetish social media site i would recomend is Fetlife.com as it is the best way to find an upto date list of events and munches.

To see if someones profile picture is real ask them to post a picture holding a piece of paper with username and date on, most fakes will try and put you off.

You can also video chat with them through the app,.very difficult to hide who you are.

As to whether someone is just interested in a notch on the bed post or looking for cyber they will start to get very sexual very quickly.

They will want to meet for play immediately, rather than a public meet for a coffee and face to face with no chance of play.

They will match exactly what your kinks are.

Ask if they are on fetlife,.check them out there,.look at the people they friend, on a mans profile if all friends are women of a certain age group/range and geographically diverse not clustered they are a player.

Even then you cant be 100% sure, so trust your gut instinct about whether they are genuine or not. That feeling that something isnt right in what they are saying.

[ey****]

yep - the scams are pretty much apparent as it feels like they're following a script and they will often quickly try to get you off site

the scams usually are based around giving you everything you want for a small one-off fee.  So, when you consider a Pro-Domme session might be £100-£200 per hour, when someone is "Hey, I will be your Mistress - you just need to pay me £100 for (a) membership to my dungeon (b) your personalised collar and butt plug (c) your slave contract (d) whatever other snake oil" then people fall for it as they think it's everything they want for very little

---

For fakes.

There's a lot of men who are not quite who they say - for example lying about experience or playing on naivety.  This is sometimes why it's also important to, kinda, get some of your own understanding : the thing is, of course, even the most genuine of person might not be suitable for you if their preferred way of play or dynamics is different to yours - so it's good, of course, to have conversations on how you both enjoy dynamics before engaging in play

--

One other thing.   People generally get annoyed about being asked to verify by someone they are talking to.  Not only that, but scammers were asking women to "prove they were real" so they could take the photo of the woman holding the sign or doing a pose and using it as verification on another site.   

So if someone asks you to prove you are real by doing this - don't

They might just be wary, they might be trying to scam you, but either way they don't trust you despite whatever other evidence you are real exists.

[ge****]

Some very good advice already given - the biggest and best tool available to you though is good old fashioned gut instinct - more often than not if it smells fishy it is fishy - so if you have any doubts whatsoever back away, or at the very least have your guard up and keep things neutral - tell them you want to spend time getting to know them as a person before getting sexual in any way, or sharing pics etc - if they're genuine they'll understand, if they're not they'll back away and look for someone else to scam.

I can honestly say in almost 6 years of being around sites like this one, I've not been caught out once by people not being who they say they are, and that's mostly been by applying some common sense and gut instincts - sure sometimes things haven't worked out for other reasons, but that's different.

[TheBookCollector]

31 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yep - the scams are pretty much apparent as it feels like they're following a script and they will often quickly try to get you off site

the scams usually are based around giving you everything you want for a small one-off fee.  So, when you consider a Pro-Domme session might be £100-£200 per hour, when someone is "Hey, I will be your Mistress - you just need to pay me £100 for (a) membership to my dungeon (b) your personalised collar and butt plug (c) your slave contract (d) whatever other snake oil" then people fall for it as they think it's everything they want for very little

---

For fakes.

There's a lot of men who are not quite who they say - for example lying about experience or playing on naivety.  This is sometimes why it's also important to, kinda, get some of your own understanding : the thing is, of course, even the most genuine of person might not be suitable for you if their preferred way of play or dynamics is different to yours - so it's good, of course, to have conversations on how you both enjoy dynamics before engaging in play

--

One other thing.   People generally get annoyed about being asked to verify by someone they are talking to.  Not only that, but scammers were asking women to "prove they were real" so they could take the photo of the woman holding the sign or doing a pose and using it as verification on another site.   

So if someone asks you to prove you are real by doing this - don't

They might just be wary, they might be trying to scam you, but either way they don't trust you despite whatever other evidence you are real exists.

I hadnt comsidered the 'proof picture' being used elsewhere. Although thats why i suggested the post it to thier profile pictures and not send it, even mark it as private so they can control who can see it.

[Matttster]

A lot of good advice about scammers. But I think that there are many “fake” Doms/Dommes out there. Submissives seem pretty open to saying they are new to kink, but it does not seem to be the same with Dominants. There are too many people that have watched some bdsm porn, think it’s hot and want to do it. There are also those abusive people that claim to be kinky to partake in their abusive ways.

To avoid these people, I think you need to be educated and take your time getting to know the people.

So educate yourself about kink and what you are interested in; don’t just expect some Dominant to teach you.

Get to know people; treat this like any relationship. Relationships are built on mutual trust and respect. If someone does not want to get to know you and just starts asking for things (like pics), than they are likely not interested in a relationship.

[Phil_Sir]

It is so much easier to meet people at a munch .. saves so much time and helps to avoid idiots & scammers

Also - use messaging like Kik or Telegram where you don't have to give your phone number or email.

[ey****]

there's a lot you can gauge from meeting people at munches - you can see they're real people and it's easier to often talk with - but - remember of course that munches are not designed as pick-up events and that also just because you meet someone that seems nice : they still could be someone who is... problematic.

it's still best to go in open minded.

 

also while you don't need to give personal details for kik or telegram, neither do the scammers.  Scammers also like kik, haven't yet moved to telegram.   

[Deleted Member]

Wake up call. This app is a revenue model for imposters, scammers and fakes. Here you will not find a genuine Dom or sub.

[ge****]

5 minutes ago, FreeUrMind said:

Wake up call. This app is a revenue model for imposters, scammers and fakes. Here you will not find a genuine Dom or sub.

As with your similar post on the other thread, on what are you basing that sweeping statement? Whilst the site, like others of its ilk does attract fakes, scammers etc, there are also many genuine people too - perhaps you've just not come across them - although the majority of regular forum posters would certainly fall into that category.

[ey****]

36 minutes ago, FreeUrMind said:

Wake up call. This app is a revenue model for imposters, scammers and fakes. Here you will not find a genuine Dom or sub.

I can confirm I'm just a computer generated algorithm 

[TheBookCollector]

42 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

there's a lot you can gauge from meeting people at munches - you can see they're real people and it's easier to often talk with - but - remember of course that munches are not designed as pick-up events and that also just because you meet someone that seems nice : they still could be someone who is... problematic.

it's still best to go in open minded.

 

also while you don't need to give personal details for kik or telegram, neither do the scammers.  Scammers also like kik, haven't yet moved to telegram.   

I think the thing with munches is that they are self regulating and one of two things happens, the fake stops going because they dont get anywhere quickly or the group regulars sus them out and they get banned.

The problem is when the group close ranks around someone, especially if its the munch organiser or a friend of thiers, thats why going to other munches is a good idea as someone will be straight with you.

[Vi****]

Hey all thanks so much for all your advice and input, FreeUrMind I don't need a wake up call as I'm already with my eyes open thanks, thats why I'm gauging others experiences and checking in.
Not everyone on here is fake.

I shell definitely cross ref a few pics and there is one guy who turned our chat around very quickly to be sexual, when I ask him questions he avoids them, I'm very wary of him.

[TheBookCollector]

10 minutes ago, Vic1077 said:

Hey all thanks so much for all your advice and input, FreeUrMind I don't need a wake up call as I'm already with my eyes open thanks, thats why I'm gauging others experiences and checking in.
Not everyone on here is fake.

I shell definitely cross ref a few pics and there is one guy who turned our chat around very quickly to be sexual, when I ask him questions he avoids them, I'm very wary of him.

Evasion is another tell tale sign of someone who is not being honest unless its about specifics like workplace, address etc.

Scammers are getting clever with images and they dont always show up on A google images or tineye search. What they do is ask people to send pics on kik or sc*** facebook/instagram pics which may not show up.

Eventually you start to spot the patterns they use.

[ol****]

While @FreeUrMind has a point there are some genuine folks here as well.

Lots of good advice so far but if looking at a guy on this site here are some more:

• How long have they been a member.
• How much seroius contribution have they made to discussion.
• Are their responses generally unhelpful or indicative of a troll.
• Do they have friends here?
• Does their profile match what they say in messages or forum posts.
• Are they on here regularly e.g. every day or so? Beware the permenant lurker, you're looking for regular log in's.

BTW happens for the guys as well. The number of beautiful girls in ther 20's who want me to be their daddy is amazing!

[ge****]

8 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

Evasion is another tell tale sign of someone who is not being honest unless its about specifics like workplace, address etc.

Scammers are getting clever with images and they dont always show up on A google images or tineye search. What they do is ask people to send pics on kik or sc*** facebook/instagram pics which may not show up.

Eventually you start to spot the patterns they use.

The thing to remember about Google Reverse Image, Tineye and the like is it can't possibly search everything on the Internet in the time it takes to respond to a search, and definitely can't get behind paywalls and password protected sites such as FB, Instagram etc - so whilst they are "useful" tools the fact a pic doesn't get a hit doesn't automatically mean it's not "borrowed"

Conversely just because you get a hit doesn't mean a pic is borrowed either - some people do post their pics on multiple sites - so some due diligence and common sense is called for too.

[Vi****]

Interestingly OldFellow I checked the profile hardly any info, no pic, and joined 3 months ago. No interaction on Any threads either. Hummm.

[TheBookCollector]

21 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

The thing to remember about Google Reverse Image, Tineye and the like is it can't possibly search everything on the Internet in the time it takes to respond to a search, and definitely can't get behind paywalls and password protected sites such as FB, Instagram etc - so whilst they are "useful" tools the fact a pic doesn't get a hit doesn't automatically mean it's not "borrowed"

Conversely just because you get a hit doesn't mean a pic is borrowed either - some people do post their pics on multiple sites - so some due diligence and common sense is called for too.

I get quite a few wanting me to be their sugar daddy, although a lot less scince i put that i am not looking for a sugardaddy role.

[ey****]

37 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

I think the thing with munches is that they are self regulating and one of two things happens, the fake stops going because they dont get anywhere quickly or the group regulars sus them out and they get banned.

Depends. 

It's definitely worth remembering that munches are self regulating and that munch leaders are (usually) self appointed.

But yeah there's people who will start going with the wrong idea and then stop going because they don't have the partner of their dreams after 3 munches.  

But then there's also the kinda... 'missing stair' folk who circulate in some scenes.  I've seen cases when people have taken action and it's caused all sorts of dramas and splits - and then those who've maybe not taken action for *** of said split or repercussion - or that (they argue it) is better to keep these people where they can be kept an eye on

I certainly wouldn't discourage anyone from going to a munch (the opposite in fact) but just not to put too much trust in any form of 'vetting'

[TheBookCollector]

33 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Depends. 

It's definitely worth remembering that munches are self regulating and that munch leaders are (usually) self appointed.

But yeah there's people who will start going with the wrong idea and then stop going because they don't have the partner of their dreams after 3 munches.  

But then there's also the kinda... 'missing stair' folk who circulate in some scenes.  I've seen cases when people have taken action and it's caused all sorts of dramas and splits - and then those who've maybe not taken action for *** of said split or repercussion - or that (they argue it) is better to keep these people where they can be kept an eye on

I certainly wouldn't discourage anyone from going to a munch (the opposite in fact) but just not to put too much trust in any form of 'vetting'

Agreed, no vetting is 100%, and the local communities are one part of it, going to an event and watching how they play, how someone ties at a rope jam, class, or peer rope. Is another aspect.

I get it about cliques, and you only have to watch some of the shit storms that crop up on FL every now and then, the one that seems to keep giving is between members of SafeScene and Cosmic & friends. Thars been bubbling for about 3 years with the odd ertuption.

[DarkArts1066]

Vic1077 - The whole subject is a minefield. Time and experience enables me to catch the fakers and scammers - MOST of the time. One or two still slip through the net from time to time though. The best advice I could give is - follow your instincts. If it feels bad, sounds bad, or makes you question it, then it probably is bad. I don’t click through anything that anyone sends me. I am on here because I want to be on HERE. Yes, I do chat on Kik … but that is usually following a question like “shall we chat on Kik ?”
Not - I don’t sign in here much, let’s go to WhatsApp (where your phone number is displayed for anyone to see) or “follow me to http:// bit. Ly - whatever bullshit address they decide to use”

You learn, over time what is real and what is fake…
And if you are in doubt, start typing any address that they give you into google - and before you even hit enter, if it’s dodgy, you’ll probably see half a dozen notifications saying that this website is unsafe - or it’s security certificate has expired ….. or ……..

You get the picture ….

[Mz****]

3 hours ago, Vic1077 said:

Interestingly OldFellow I checked the profile hardly any info, no pic, and joined 3 months ago. No interaction on Any threads either. Hummm.

He posts..its just always the same message..and he wonders why no one wants to engage with him..go figure. 🤷‍♀️

I'd repeat everything everyone else has said, and add check out not just their profile..but how they interact with others, especially those they disagree with, what pictures they like is a huge clue, if they don't engage and just bombard you with questions ask yourself why, what are they worried about revealing, look at everything..don't be rushed on site or off, or bullied into showing pictures if you're not comfortable, do they offer any of their own , do they want more details of what you do for a living or your finances,  where you live etc way in advance of any potential meets, ask questions, more questions and the same questions in different ways, make sure the answers tally..liars are shite at remembering what they've already said, scammers tend to have a script they rarely divert from you'll soon pick up the signs..and start noticing more subtle warnings. Continue to check out the forums and the real people shine out, ask any questions you have, raise any concerns, and remember you're here for you, not A/anyone else..go at your in pace, and if someone doesn't like that..their loss.

[Deleted Member]

As I keep trying to make the same point on different topics, we are all different. Can we please stop generalising and putting everyone under the same umbrella? .‘ Fakes are definitely all people who are new here, haven’t written much in their profiles, don’t have photos, don’t comment in the forums, don’t have friends, are full time lurkers etc etc etc ‘. Seriously, I can’t stress this enough - we are all different and are here for different reasons. You can take the above under advisement but don’t be judge and jury . Use your gut feeling. Not everyone knows what to put on their profile initially, not everyone knows why they are here initially, not everyone has the confidence to comment publicly in the forum, not everyone knows what’s the right or expected way to start a conversation. So many posters on here complain of not finding what they are looking for. If you robotically follow a list and not use your common sense, the chances are , you are going to miss out on that one special person.
So please put away your long lists with things that ring a bell as someone ticking some of the items on the list has a much higher chance to simply be shy, new, unsure , than be a fake.

Edited November 30, 2021 by Deleted Member
Spelling

[Mz****]

3 minutes ago, DarkSweetAngel said:

Fakes are definitely all people who are new here, haven’t written much in their profiles, don’t have photos, don’t comment in the forums, don’t have friends, are full time lurkers etc etc etc ‘.

I can't speak for A/anyone else, but for clarity that's not what I said..nor what I meant. If someone asks for pictures but won't share any of their own that's a flag. If someone who's messaging others hasn't filled in any profile and refuses to do so in the most generic terms, yes, I personally find that a red flag too..similarly if they're asking questions but not answering any, or swerving them that's a flag..the friends thing I didn't mention, but yes, depending on how long they've been here that could be a flag.

Unfortunately giving someone the benefit of the doubt can be dangerous to either your pocket, mental health or your life..E/everyone is different, people should be treated on an individual basis absolutely, but whether we agree or not, flags are flags.