The internet is a wonderful place to meet fellow kinksters, and Fetish.com is a great forum for connecting with other people into the same fetishes as you. However, not everyone is who they appear to be, so we asked Victoria Blisse to give you some tips on how to avoid scammers.

 

It's sometimes mind-blowing how connected we are with people all over the world through the technological wizardry of the internet. Making friends knows no borders and we can meet potential partners to get kinky with.
 

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While the upsides of the online world are extensive, there are some major drawbacks too. The anonymity offered by a screen does mean that people can use the internet nefariously, catfishing people and pretending to be someone they're not. And unfortunately, there is an abundance of people using dating site scams to con people out of money.

Online scammers cause damage by pretending to be the person of your dreams. In Kinky and BDSM dating circles, they often pretend to be the perfect Mistress or the Domliest Master, or the most submissive of subs, just to get into your wallet. So, how to avoid scammers?  

 

Never give out personal details

Online scammers with fake profiles want to get hold of personal details, addresses, and phone numbers and email, in particular. Some online scammers also want your details to get you off the platform and onto a different chat medium, like Google Hangouts.
 

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Be very cautious about disclosing any details to someone you haven't met IRL; in a perfect world, it's best to wait until you've met in person. If someone is pushing you for this kind of information, it's a definite red flag and one to avoid.  

 

Too good to be true  

If your interaction feels too good to be true, it probably is. Trust your gut instinct! If a profile has photos of someone that looks like a model, you can do a reverse Google image search to see if they are stock photos or pictures of an entirely different person. If the person likes everything you do and fits your fantasy precisely, err on the side of caution too. Fake profiles capitalize on telling you just what you want to hear. If you're suspicious about the responses you're getting, you can also Google search the person's username, or even snippets of the conversation, to check if they are doing the same thing a lot or even if other people have written about them being online scammers.  

 

Learning fake profile red flags will protect you online.
Learning fake profile red flags will protect you from online scammers. 

 

Super responsive  

Life happens to us all and we can't always respond quickly to messages. If the person you are chatting with always responds immediately or within a short timeframe, then you may be talking to a bot with a fake profile. Check the language they're using. Does it seem real and natural like a casual online chat?  


Scammer sob story

Online scammers often pull on the heart strings to con money out of people. So, if you're chatting to someone and they're telling you about some great tragedy in their life, an emergency, a sick relative, or some kind of trouble, beware! Especially if they ask you to help them by sending money. Never send money to a stranger who may be a fake profile.  


Tributes

It is customary for Mistresses to ask for tributes, so you might not think it's unusual. However, if someone insists on it before any other interaction, it could be a red flag. Many Mistresses will ask for tributes in gift vouchers because services like Paypal have terms and conditions that forbid their use for sex work. But if a Mistress is asking for a lot of money and isn't willing to send you any kind of proof of who they are, you may be dealing with an online scammer. If in doubt, don't pay it! True Mistresses will understand. If the Mistress turns nasty, this is probably because they're a catfish.

 

Catfishers often use images of models to con people out of money
Catfishers often use images of models to con people out of money. 

 

Practical tips on how to avoid online scammers from our moderators

  1. Pay attention to when the person joined the site or FET app, and the description on their profile. If the member only joined a few hours ago and they have already sent a lot of messages, it's normally a sure sign they are up to no good. Read what they've written in their description too, and if it feels familiar, it's probably a copy and paste job from a fake profile.
  2. Most online scammers pose as a Mistress or Domme – although it's not unheard of that fake profiles pretend to be Subs – to look for financial tributes. There are some common tactics to look out for, such as pushing for a gift card, offering to play if you book a hotel or dungeon that may not even exist, sending you to a fake online shop to a collar or sex toy that will never arrive, or sharing a deep personal tragedy that needs support.
  3. Check out the location of someone you suspect of being a catfish. If they are on another continent, it could be an online dating scam. Of course, they might just want to chat, but if you're seeing other red flags, then location can be a deciding factor. Also be mindful if they suddenly claim to be working away, visiting, or relocating to an area near you (especially in Covid-19 times).
  4. Look for green ticks and set your message filters to verified members only – that stops online scammers in their tracks.
  5. Beware of the romance scammer! They appear to have no clue what kinks and fetishes are, and they're here looking for the love of their life or a soulmate. These fake profiles can cause a lot of emotional damage, as well as financial.
  6. Why are they in a hurry? Opening messages like, "Are you ready to submit to be my slave?" should be a red flag. Genuine mistresses don't behave in that way.
  7. It's not all about female fake profiles, either. Lots of male scammers will say they're doctors currently deployed overseas for the UN or the Army. Suddenly, they've had an accident or been injured and need money to get home.
  8. Watch out for comments on your Wall. Online scammers love to leave notes about how they must speak to you off-site on Google Hangouts or email, for example. This is a huge red flag.
  9. If you do end up being lured by a scammer, you're likely to be added to a list of 'easy targets'. Giving away an email address or telephone number as part of this exchange may well bring other phishing calls, texts, and messages from elsewhere, so be vigilant.
  10. Report, Report, Report! If you suspect the person you are chatting to is an online scammer, report their profile and the Support Team will investigate.


Remember, if an interaction doesn't feel real or something feels off to you, listen to your gut. If you have any concerns about other members being online scammers in the FET universe, you can report them and the team will take action. If you don't want to talk to someone, you can use the 'No thanks' automatic message option or block the user. Your safety and kinky happiness is our number one priority! •

Victoria Blisse was an erotic author and sex-positive Reverend. She helped shape fetish.com and FET from the very beginning and we're eternally grateful for her passion and creativity. Sadly, she passed away in January 2024. We hope that whenever her articles are read, she'll be honored.
 

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Need someone to kink with? Sign up to Fetish.com today and find like-minded kinksters near you
 

Join the discussion on online scammers in the BDSM forum | Fetish.com

All images: via Shutterstock.com

 

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Posted

I've currently got one on the go by email. It's hilarious. First she asked me to some training equipment for me off a well known kinky site and she knew a lady who worked there and gave me her email address to get a discount. I replied saying the lady didn't reply (I never wrote) and that I bought them anyway direct from the site. (I didn't).

Then "mistress" praised me and said she's coming up at the weekend. On Saturday I had an email from her saying she can't come because she won't get paid til Tuesday and asked for £100 to see her through for food and "gas" for the car to get up here (I live in the UK, we call it petrol). I replied, devastated, saying I had no money left because I've had big household bills and gone into debt for the "training equipment". 🤣

Since then I've asked if she's still coming Tuesday. She said yes. It's Tuesday tomorrow, if you're reading this later. 

I'm so excited for her arrival and my training with the equipment I haven't bought 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Seriously guys, never do hangouts, , email, or give them your real number or real address or real photo in the first few exchanges. Real Mistresses do not ever ask for money (unless they're a pro Domme with a website, they always want a deposit first). 

Never believe you've hit the jackpot if all they talk about is kink, owning you, etc, etc.  You should know what an authentic conversation looks like. 

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topher-2411

Posted

You mean people don’t want to hook up over Apple iTunes giftcards? Lol.

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qu****

Posted

Even Google admits hangouts isn't safe

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Posted

As soon as anyone of these so called mistresses mentions Hangouts.RUN! RUN RUN.AWAY

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Posted

I was very lucky to have my first,, and only, Mistress warn me against paying "tribute" after she released me. If Domes ask for or gift cards they are more than likely crooks, or men 😃 As much as I miss being under the control of a Mistress , I'd feel worse if I allowed myself to be conned. There are some honest Mistresses out there, but they are vastly out numbered by crooks, in my, humble, opinion 😉

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MartynMentor

Posted

Hi folks, I have just been reading your tales of woe. I've only been one this site a week. The 3 sites I was on prior to here were saturated with scammers. The golden rule I live with is I NEVER give money, gift cards, steam cards or high end valued goods over the internet even if I know and 'love' that person. It's the only way not to be scammed. However in my early days of on line dating I got suckered into believing a few of these fake/false profiles. The months of investment I put into them at the determent of possibly chatting to a real profile and I felt extremely hurt, foolish and exposed. I few tips I'd share and learnt the hard way is never trust anyone on hangouts as the accounts are so easy to make that it is easy for fake profiles. Another way to spot someone fake is in the African continent the £/$ sign is at the end of the monetary value ie 100$ instead of $100. Be very wary of business accounts as scammers can get hold of UK accounts so their numbers are +44 and not +233 which is Ghana for instance. I personally have found anyone who says they are looking for a 'God fearing' person Ive found a real tell tell sign. Please don't feel I'm knocking religion in anyway just that phase. Unfortunately desperate people will do desperate things. A very good friend works in an acute brain injury ward. One of her patient's gave away £150,000 in 18 months and they were powerless to stop him. So as long as scammers can get money they will carry on scamming. For the scammer it's a numbers game so they will give you very short replys every 8-10 minutes as they have another 30-40 other people to reply too. If you get to call them on video call and catch them unaware you'll often glimpse the person and see they are not who they are. If the camera switch off just block and walk. I hope my advise helps someone somewhere, if you have been a victim either financial or emotionally, your not alone and forgive yourself. I meet some truly wonderful people through on line dating who to this day I'm proud to have as my friends so PLEASE PLEASE don't give up folks Love & Light MartynMentor x

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Abigailbarrybbw

Posted

People dont understand... its about the sub getting a feeling of comfort from giving responsibility to someone else... its not about bullying, its about being dominant, theres a big difference.

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Posted

When I first started my journey 7 years ago a similar experienced happened, fortunately I had my whits about me so the “Tribute” was a £10 gift card.
I was lucky..many are not.

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Posted

I too was scammed, but was more annoyed with myself being fooled - rather than of them.

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MrLoverman

Posted

I hate scammers there all the same no matter what form of con they try

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5a****

Posted

I was just scammed by someone posing as a Mistress. I’m really new to this and I wish I had some stuff first. I feel kinda dumb because they sounded so good. They always say if it sounds too good to be true it probably isn’t. I even sent a couple gift cards like an idiot! This person used hangouts. 

 

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Mr****

Posted

Thank you very helpful with regards from a lonely master

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qu****

Posted

Yes, things seemed much safer when it was just dial up chat lines, not that I used them, hang on a minute, that's where brother met his now wife, perhaps things weren't so safe after all.....

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qu****

Posted

Unfortunately it's not a case of sites doing more, as soon as one holes closed the scammers find another way, always one step ahead,

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Re****

Posted

3 hours ago, Gidorra said:

Sounds great, but I have little confidence that moderators actually do something about fake profiles. So I have stopped reporting them. There is also no feedback, so if a profile gets reported does that mean they took note but don't care, don't agree or are simply busy and will look in to it 3 weeks later, when it is too late anyway? We will never know.

I agree, what is actually done over scammers, they are just blocked?

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Gidorra

Posted

Sounds great, but I have little confidence that moderators actually do something about fake profiles. So I have stopped reporting them. There is also no feedback, so if a profile gets reported does that mean they took note but don't care, don't agree or are simply busy and will look in to it 3 weeks later, when it is too late anyway? We will never know.

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li****

Posted

Cheers for this, I wish I'd seen this prior to getting scammed earlier this month by a supposed daddy

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qu****

Posted

The only real way is not to trust till you've met a couple of times, even some verified members can turn out to be scammers, and remember it smells fishy and looks fishy it is fishy,

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Trump-4345

Posted

Great advice 👍

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BlushingMess

Posted

A good site to reverse image search that I use alot is Tineye, it scans alot of sites and it's helped me catch fakes from other sites alot.

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Posted

Very good reading. Quite informative.

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sh****

Posted

Reverse image search is a good tool, if the photos are extremely blurry is a good giveaway, if they have a phone number, or googlehangout in their profile or ask you to add them on google hangout. Most of the “dommes” on this app are scammers and fake, always some of the profile names have the same things in them. If the conversation doesn’t sounds like a normal conversation between someone, like they sound robotic thats also a good sign.

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Iich

Posted

I remember, back in the day another site, pre-Fet. It was amazing and a great community. I recently signed up there and it was full of scammers. We have a responsibility to report it so it can be investigated properly and we can keep our community safe.

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Posted

Don't send any money or pay for cards etc to anyone you have not met in person.Google image is a must to check out anyone's photo is real,not fake.My rule of thumb is.The internet is great if you're careful,but anyone on the internet is not real until you have met them in real life.

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Foxter

Posted

Reverse image search is a very powerful tool to finding out if people are fake. I use it a lot especially on Twitter and BDSMLR where they are some very convincing fake members. However on the flip side, it can be dangerous for genuine users as well. If you have pictures say on here, that are also on other personal accounts. People may be able to those personal accounts by looking the up the pictures you posted here. So do be careful and play safe.

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Posted

This should be pinned to every profile

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Nylon-Nellie

Posted

Romance scammers, been there and done that. He is still at it now, conning women out of money. Google reverse image worked well for me. Thankfully, he is not on this site. He is married, two kids, well paid job, is not short of money and has a luxury lifestyle. Certainly has opened my eyes, as to what the minority of men are capable of. Not just women who scam men, the minority of men are just as capable.

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