Inexperienced and Nervous after Toxic Relationship

[adeadmanshand]

I don't even know if I intend to stay on at this site, this is literally throwing something out into the universe and seeing what it gives back

At this moment I am only indulging my curiosity and looking to do this in a safe and healthy way.

I have always found myself attracted to being "submissive" but have never acted upon this.

I just got out of a disastrous and toxic relationship that has got me in a horrible way as it relates to my self-worth... There was damage done here and as a result this has me moving on anything new... Slowly... Very slowly. During this relationship I did open up to her my.... Curiosities... and this information was used against me. I was made to feel... Lesser as a man.

Make no mistake, that aspect of things was NOT the primary reason of the failure of the relationship.... So many OTHER things to speak of to that end, but it speaks to the toxic nature I'm coming from, that a person that I opened up to and shared such intimate details with later betrayed and used that against me. Abusive In ways I definitely did not want.

Still, the curiosity remains, but my willingness to be open about it is compromised. It's going to take me a while to even regain my ability to connect with someone on a "normal" level and meet someone, probably even longer past that to open up all the way to reveal these interests.

So what do you do? You "research". You look around which is hard... No I'm not plunking money down on ANY site... And this site comes up as fairly "legit" so... Ok let's just see. Seriously if there was anyone "Local" that I would meet via here it would be something like meeting at a Starbucks to get to know each other as a person. (ladies I'm just as worried about my safety here as you would ever be... Public location, easy ways to "escape" LOL) it may even take a few of these meetings before I move any further.

Otherwise, I'm just leaning into the knowledge of the community... There has to be some people who can at least be empathetic, and if this is not the kind of place where that happens, point me another way.

[SubmissiveToy4her]

I have found that you must not find yourself in a relationship that you have to pay a price for being trusting of your wife or girlfriend and making them realize that you are not just like a person who is not a worthy cause for you to be put down on for you are a different kind of a man. I am a submissive slave and I wanted to be understood by myself first thing and after I had invested my time and my trust in understanding myself what I was most interested in. I opened up my mind and I trusted a open minded individual lady escort who was a very good actress in playing a role as my professional Domanatrix. She knew alot about how a Domanatrix was involved in acting like a real life Domanatrix. She had a awesome leather wardrobe of very nice and beautiful ladies leather outfits.. I just didn’t want to hear my lady make fun of me in public places. We split up because my lady knew she was being under rated and she had no real idea how she was supposed to be involved in my punishment and my love of having pain inflicted on my nipples and my private body parts being burned with a cigarette. When we were finished with each other, I was just finding out that I could really enjoy a domanation session with a professional leather Domanatrix and she would not be making fun of me. That’s when I discovered what my real interest was and how I was going to enjoy it..
It was so much easier than hopeing I was going to enjoy my time.
My lifestyle is going on now with me having no fear of being imberested and I love having a regular relationship with my lady in leather now.
It just took me time to figure out what I was feeling and I loved it and I still do love it..

[Lord_Talion]

My x wife physically and verbally abused men for the better partner our 7 yr marriage.

1. Know exactly what you want
2. Don't let anyone get in your way
3. YOLO

[Fa****]

I’m not 100% sure what exactly your question is here.

If it is that you are nervous about a new relationship and trust then don’t look for anything at the moment. Work on dealing with what sounds like a previously horrible experience and “healing from that”.

But also use the time to learn more about what you think you might want. Read the forums and information on here, read blogs and books. There are other sites others will likely know more of them than I do (fetlife is one).

Make friends.

When you feel ready maybe think about attending some local events so you meet people with similar interests in your local community.

Above all, take it slow.

[Deleted Member]

It can be hard to find your place in your own interests regarding sex and/or BDSM after a toxic relationship, I'm going through the same thing myself, and it can be difficult to distinguish for me between what they wanted from me and what I actually want to give to others, I'd say keep reading, engage in the community, and possibly if you feel the need to, seek support in whatever way you want to heal from leaving that toxic situation, regardless of how bad others might think it was, its impact on you is what matters, and healing from that can give you more space to experiment with what you want for yourself in sexual and kinky situations.

[Go****]

I can empathise, to a degree. I joined the other fetish site following the end of my marriage, which was also abusive. I didn't know what I wanted at that time, but 2+ years later, I've spent time learning about kinks, myself, the community, and making friends, not to mention healing from past experiences.

Perhaps you could, when you feel ready, find a munch or market you can attend with a view to making friends, or even just meeting people in a relaxed atmosphere, rather than attempting to date or meet if you aren't sure you're ready.

Alternatively, if you plan on staying here a while, it is possible to make friends here, often by getting to know people/regulars in the forums etc. You will find a lot here that have.

Last of all, if you aren't sure of something or something feels off about a situation, ask in the forum. The only silly question, is an unasked question. Good luck!

[littlemiss37]

I'm out of a long term relationship which was toxic . When I told him I wanted sex I was called everything under the sun . When I look back I notice how toxic it was . Even got to know someone as a friend . I would suggest work on getting some help about the mental abuse . Because it does tear u down as u will know . U will get there . All the best x

[ey****]

there's bits I get two minds on - as I want to encourage people to move on, but also accept a bit that it can be very difficult.  

There's definitely things I would look to work on yourself (or with professional help) from trauma or self esteem or anything like that it will genuinely make things less difficult when approaching kink