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The 'Alpha' Submissive - Updated


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**UPDATE - Setting the ‘Alpha Submissive’ Record Straight.**
The term 'Alpha Submissive' has in recent years caused much debate, because many mis-apply the term to suggest that they are a 'strong-willed' submissive when the term actually refers to the lead sub in a Poly relationship.
Several years ago, I wrote 'The Alpha Submissive' which was based on a generalisation from my own interactions with people in the lifestyle. Although it's written from a male Dominant with a female submissive perspective, gender is irrelevant. Its purpose was to help my then submissive, who was struggling to clear the fog in her mind about what she was and help her come to terms with the fact that as a strong minded 'Alpha' female she could still let go and submit. It was very much written from the perspective of mindsets rather than trying to create a new role.
People related to what I wrote and in turn liked, shared, re-posted, linked to it and it spent several weeks on Kinky and Popular. Many in turn began to identify as "Alpha Submissives" because they recognised in themselves that they found it unnatural and difficult to let go and fully submit.
It's clear that anyone who submits is giving up control and it really doesn't matter how strong minded they are, submission is an equaliser. The reason so many people could relate to what I'd written is simply because it's written to show that it doesn't matter how strong-willed someone is, as a submissive, they are equal to every other submissive.
People the world over are now calling themselves "Alpha-subs" and are defensive whenever someone tries to explain the correct meaning of the term. It was never my intention to create a new definition of the 'role' and in hindsight I wish I'd called it something else; perhaps 'The Strong-Willed Submissive' would have been a more appropriate title.
So, I wanted to set the record straight and explain that the term Alpha Submissive refers to the lead submissive in a house/poly dynamic and you've now heard it direct from the author's fingertips. I'm aware there are now other writings and others who have re-posted my work as their own however I must hold my hands up and say that some of this confusion is down to me - sorry about that!
Before I summarise, the original writing is below if you'd like to see what all the fuss is about - I hope you enjoy.
**The Alpha Submissive**
If you ever meet an alpha, you could be forgiven for assuming that you’ve met a Domme. You might be forgiven for making the mistaken assumption that you’re talking to a complete man-eating bitch that is willing to walk all over everyone and everything to get what she wants. To an extent you’d be right. An alpha usually knows exactly what she is, what she wants, what she needs and has a fair idea about how she’s going to get it. This doesn’t mean she’s not respectful however, because she is. It certainly doesn’t mean she’ll use her ‘personality’ as an excuse for being rude, bratty or ignore protocols within the lifestyle. A newbie might make mistakes, but that’s true of anyone who’s new and learning, no matter what role you’re in so allowances should be made for this. She will often come across as very direct and will leave you in no doubt about her intentions. She’s confident, commands respect, has high standards and is usually very proud of her accomplishments. 

An alpha wants to be owned, taken even, but only by the right dominant, one that knows exactly how to handle her, how to push her buttons and how to control her. She’ll test you to your limits, and she’ll do it quickly. She’ll ask the same question in a number of different ways; questions that you might not be comfortable answering. She might even make you feel like you’re in an interview at times, because she doesn’t want to waste any time. She wants to see any sign that the Dominant she’s talking to isn’t for her early on. If she feels that you don’t have what it takes to really give her what she needs, she’ll walk away. Unfortunately, this can often result in her being seen as a fake or playing games. This is far from the truth; if you’re not the right Dominant for her, then it’s better for both of you that you find out sooner rather than later.

An alpha isn’t a Dominant, far from it in fact. She wants to surrender to her Dominant, she wants to be treated like the property of her Dominant to be used for his pleasure, just like any submissive. That doesn’t mean that she’ll allow herself to be abused, she is no push over, she knows a true heart and will only allow herself to be controlled by someone who’s shown that they really deserve her submission. In return, the Dominant gets a loyal, devoted submissive who’s right for them and wants nothing more than to please her Dominant. But if she thinks you’re just ‘playing at being a Dom’ she will chew you up and spit you out so fast that you won’t know what hit you.

An alpha wants and needs attention, maybe not constantly, but you must challenge her intellectually and discipline her if she steps out of line. Don’t ask her, TELL her what you want. If you show any sign of weakness, she’ll take control, and that’s no fun for an alpha because they don’t want to be in control; REALLY, THEY DON’T! She needs you to be assertive, sometimes even aggressive, and impose your will. She wants to be tamed, she needs you to make her WANT to let go and submit whilst at the same time she wants the loving, nurturing companionship found in any other D/s relationship. 

An alpha is often (but not always) in a dominant position in their vanilla life. It could be they have a senior position at work for example. This doesn’t mean that every submissive in a good job is an alpha, and this is a generalisation. You will usually find that an alpha has some form of responsibility and as a result, they can find it hard to ‘switch off’. It takes a very strong Dominant to make her his captive. The problem for the alpha female is that most men are brought up to be gentle and respectful towards women and when they come across a strong woman, they often overcompensate on the nice, polite, softly-softly approach. This is the opposite of what the alpha needs. She wants to be manhandled, she wants to be “taken”, she wants to be overpowered (consensually of course). She wants her man to ‘be a man’! 

An alpha will fiercely protect her Dominant and his ‘property’, including any others within the dynamic, like they’re her own. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s good for the Dominant too as he knows his property is under the watchful eye of someone that will stand up for what’s right. He also knows that his submissive is more than capable of looking after herself should the need arise. In fact, the alpha will need her Dominant to trust her to do so, safe in the knowledge that she can call on His help if it’s needed.

All submissives have their ideas of what they look for in a Dominant and that Dominant must continue to display those qualities and give their submissive what they need. It can be hard for any submissive to find the right Dominant because they know (or at least should know) exactly what they’re worth, they should hold out for “the one” and in the end their patience will pay off because by waiting for the right partner, who’s worthy of their submission the rewards for the submissive are just as intense as the rewards for the Dominant. It can be more difficult for an alpha because they have such a strong personality they need a Dominant that can handle them, and this can lead to the alpha feeling that they will never find “the one”.

The rewards of being involved with an alpha are immense. If you can break through that tough outer shell and break down the walls you will find a fascinating, intelligent, sensual, loving, passionate and loyal submissive that will be everything you ever dreamed of and much more besides. Once she finds the right Dominant, the chemistry, the trust, the companionship, and the sense of belonging together are second to none. Once you’re deemed to be ‘the one’ and you win that submission that your 'alpha' is so desperate to give, then your relationship will go from strength to strength, like an unstoppable tsunami causing you to feel like the ultimate match made in heaven.

Copyright © 2016 Arch Angel

The world is made up of a massive melting pot of different personalities ranging from completely Dominant to completely submissive. Some people have a natural ability to lead, whilst others are natural followers. The default state of an alpha generally tends to be somewhere closer to the leadership end of the scale. This doesn’t mean that they are a Dominant in denial, they really do want to submit, but the right person can seem elusive.

Alphas don’t think they’re above other types of submissive and are certainly not saying “hey look at me I’m better than you”. Everyone is equal, a submissive is a submissive regardless of the ‘type’ of submissive they identify as, be it sub, slave, little, brat or whatever. I’ve seen comments such as “well if you’re an alpha sub, does that make me a beta sub?” NO IT DOESN’T! 

When it comes to labels, for the love of all that is BDSM, I have no idea why some people need a label to identify or pigeonhole themselves, but some do. In my opinion, there is no need, and personally, I don’t label myself other than to say I’m a Dominant. If I were to attempt to explain the ‘type’ of Dominant I am I would be sat here for hours trying to write it and there is absolutely no way I could even attempt to put a label on it. Nor should I have to. There’s no right or wrong way, and if a Dominant and a submissive get on, it really doesn’t matter what they label themselves as (if they try to put a label on it at all), what’s important is that the dynamic, and the relationship work for them.

As you can see, an alpha personality can be just as submissive as anyone else is when they are with the right Dominant, as can a brat, a slave, a little and a switch, but if you call yourself an 'alpha' when you’re not poly - expect a raised eyebrow or two. So perhaps we should dispense with labels altogether and just say that the right Dominant with the right submissive are the ultimate match made in heaven.

Edited by 4RCH
Well said and correct
Language changes and meanings alter or alternative meanings are added ... we're now saddled with irregardless as a word, after all. You may just have to live with what you have spawned lol The wrongness of of/have and "I seen" are hills I will die on, however.

Generally. I hate the term Alpha.

It is pretty much always misused especially as we don't really have Alpha in humans the same way we do in the animal kingdom, it's not how we operate.

The assumptions, also, on what made some the alpha of their group actually turned out to be wrong.   And is actually more about team work, making sure no one gets left behind, caring for any injured in the group, making sure everyone has food etc.

Whereas those who call themselves Alpha - are usually the exact opposite.

Funnily enough. The first person I know who called himself an alpha sub was a knobhead.  His idea of alpha submission was, despite being in a mixed groups of Dominants and submissives, was to find ways to push other subs (and sometimes Dommes he didn't care so much about) out of the way.  Rather than helping the group as a whole to succeed.

At one point I did do a bit of research into use of Alpha Submissive and like a lot in kink, there are wild ideas based on individuals journeys and their territory.  So there are those who use it who are perhaps management in business, or "muscle guys" or whatever who use it as some means of fragile masculinity as if being submissive makes them lesser - when actually submission requires a great deal of strength.  

But I think one of the older uses of the term came from some of the household structures, as mentioned in the first post, which aren't quite as common these days - but of course you would have a head of the household or family who may very well be a Dominant and it might be that there is a submissive who has the most experience or has been their the longest who, as part of their role within the household or family would be helping support, nurture or mentor some of the newer/inexperienced people - to give help and support above what the Dominant alone could give.

To be honest if I am ever someone in that position, I'll shun the term alpha ;)

I’ve not seen this writing before but thank you for it and its clarification.

I have previously been called an alpha submissive because someone thought I would try to “top from the bottom”. I was rather upset/irked about what they said and discussed it with an old friend who reassured me that was not the case. He basically said kind of what you have - I have a strong personality, I’m not for everyone and I need someone who can handle me.

And in terms of describing what sort of Dominant/submissive one is surely that depends on the relationship somewhat. I’m not convinced I could define myself, nor am I sure I want to, as my submissiveness is “fluid” in that different people bring out different elements of it.
As someone who identifies as an “Alpha-sub” my understanding of the role is that it either describes the top sub in a poly group as described above or a sub who is given the authority by the Dom(me) to lead or top in a scene which generally includes another sub.
I have heard that is situation is sometimes compared to Dom/me training where the Alpha-sub is learning some Dom/me or top skills but still under the authority of another.
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