Serious question

[ga****]

All relationships have this problem ranging between friends, relationships, sexual partners, etc. if the other person means enough to you, you should be willing to sacrifice a little in order to make something work. But your partner, friend, etc should be willing to bend a little as well in regards to other points. Being flexible, communication, and meeting your partner halfway is very important in building trust and a good foundation. If it’s something you both can’t negotiate on, then you should just go separate ways.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, searchingformyslave said:

Ok I don’t know if everyone read the whole thread. But as I’ve mentioned before, everything cannot always be perfect. Plus things change during any type of relationship, you can discover new limits or fantasies. But I’m seeing a lot of “the conversation should’ve been had before” and i agree, but telling someone “you shouldn’t have done that” doesn’t solve the current problem. The question here is what happens next, not what should’ve happened before. We’re trying to figure out if there’s any other way to get through that situation, without simply just splitting. Because again, the world is not perfect. No relationships would end if everything was done perfectly, I don’t expect there to be a guaranteed solution, just advice and thoughts to help anyone who comes across this problem. I really don’t think “just find a new partner” is the best advice, because then we’re just normalizing leaving whenever you don’t get what you want. And that’s a bit childish.

"I really don't thinj 'just find a new partber' is the best answer"
.
You've answered your own question.
.
So, it literally comes down to the two people discussing what they will and won't accept/do and needing to accommodate the others needs.

[QXX666]

1 hour ago, searchingformyslave said:

 The question here is what happens next, not what should’ve happened before. We’re trying to figure out if there’s any other way to get through that situation, without simply just splitting. 

Every Ds relationship are different. We don’t know what’s yours and we don’t know what you actually want from your sub so it’s difficult to give another solution than either give up your fantasy or your Ds relationship, which is a bit extreme. 
For me a sub who’s been collared and accepted the submission terms can’t say no to Me. She will be punished accordingly and she knew in advance…. 

[ey****]

here's a simple suggestion

whatever it is she doesn't want to do.  drop it.  

accept that it is a boundary and assume you will never, ever, do it with her.

Then ask what is more important to you.  The thing (in which case, end the relationship and find someone into it) or her (in which case drop the thing)

And you might be a bit - hold up - why you asking this of me and not of her - why doesn't she have to make the choice of which is more important - you or not doing the thing - and the answer is simply if you are not willing to change it for the relationship then why are you expecting it of her?

[se****]

To everyone once again, this isn’t a current issue. I don’t post threads anytime I’m dealing with an issue in any of my relationships. My threads are usually just random thoughts of my, or maybe issues I’ve dealt with in the past. This specific topic I have dealt with before a few years ago, and i don’t mean to blow your minds buts i was the one who suggested we drop it. She didn’t want to drop it, but also wasn’t willing to change her stance and neither was i so as most of you are saying “just drop it” is what i did. And she didn’t want to. I said “compromise” that’s the key word here. These aren’t answers i need just for me, this is for anyone that is having or might have this issue. Thank you for the opinions but this isn’t just for me lol.

[CopperKnob]

9 hours ago, searchingformyslave said:

To everyone once again, this isn’t a current issue. I don’t post threads anytime I’m dealing with an issue in any of my relationships. My threads are usually just random thoughts of my, or maybe issues I’ve dealt with in the past. This specific topic I have dealt with before a few years ago, and i don’t mean to blow your minds buts i was the one who suggested we drop it. She didn’t want to drop it, but also wasn’t willing to change her stance and neither was i so as most of you are saying “just drop it” is what i did. And she didn’t want to. I said “compromise” that’s the key word here. These aren’t answers i need just for me, this is for anyone that is having or might have this issue. Thank you for the opinions but this isn’t just for me lol.

Then you need to word your posts in a way in which that's clear rather than add passive aggressive comments when others have taken their time to give thought to their responses

[ey****]

so asking a question based on looking for a solution to a problem that doesn't exist?  I'm not sure others can relate if there's nothing measurable it's against.

[we****]

When you can't find a midd byround to agree on, a discussion can be had by offering consideration to each of their standards. The standard test would be to allow themself to work over it. If there is no more disagreement then a healthy f**k and truce should be accepted

[we****]

I'm a real thug who has found time to lay nust of my principles to the side side. I'm now finding time to reach a reevaluation of myself and consider how to make some one else happy.

[se****]

To a problem that doesn’t exist? Just because you haven’t had the problem, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. If you haven’t had to deal with it, good for you. there’s really only like 2 of you here who didn’t get it. Second a few people here actually understood that this is a problem in all kinds of relationships, not just bdsm. We can sit here and act like we’re all just super humans and we don’t have these problems, and we never make mistakes because we always do everything right. But no Again, reality isn’t perfect. So if I didn’t word my “perfect” enough for you to understand, oh well. My next thread might not be perfect to you either. But if you don’t understand something, all you have to do is ask questions. There’s no shame in admitting you just misinterpreted something. This just a friendly conversation to help people 🖤

[ki****]

A hard limit is a hard limit. Trying to negotiate around a hard limit because *you* want something is selfish, boundary pushing, and is just disrespectful of your partners boundaries. If you want things your partner doesnt or deems a hard limit, you either accept it and live without, or move on. Not rocket science.

Of course theres also the nonmonogamy option of having extra partners that potentially fill those gaps, but that depends on the boundaries of your relationship 🤷‍♀️

[li****]

Are they needs or wants, a want I could set aside for the right Dom but a need would be hard to negotiate, I suggest communication on what is acceptable on both parts.

[se****]

@lizzard27 they’re wants. Needs are definitely much harder to negotiate, but yes I’m this example they’re just wants. In the random example in the thread i made that clear, somehow a few people came up with hard limits and requirements haha

[li****]

Yeah, I would put aside a want for the right Dom, I would hope he would do the same for me

[SubLove]

It sounds like a situation in which compromise could be the solution.  Usually, a concern or issue is not black and white, it's complex.  When you want to be with someone, I think you should accept that U don't get everything the way you want because another person is involved.  So you may accept that your partner has blond hair when you prefer red heads because there are other parts about her that make it worth it.  In the situation you described, if the couple wants to stay together, then learn how to compromise with each other and see the bigger picture.  You mention sacrificing, kinda like that's a bad thing, but I think sacrificing for someone you care about is a way to show love.  This can be taken too far, I'm not suggesting sacrificing your principles.  Just suggesting flexibility.