Leading ladies

[Bwantsmore]

Good morning guys and gals. I have a real interest in FLR and traditional role reversal. I appreciate this may be hard to live full time in reality but I'm interested to know how realistic this type of relationship is? I love the thought of being locked and having orgasms controlled as way to aid my submission and service to my partner. I believe I'm well rounded and good partner for the vanilla elements of a relationship but this is something I am keen to experience in a loving partnership.

For the ladies out there, is this relaistic or is it off putting? Does it seem exciting or just too much hard work for you, both full time or in extended play periods. I genuinely want more than the kink side of things but having this as a steady part of it seems exciting and bizarrely soothing to me.

[ey****]

the kinda balance is to juggle the fantasy and the reality.

different shades of 24/7, FLR, etc are all feasible and possible but they rarely match the fantasy or eroticism

the whole concept of "role reversal" in itself put things into defined roles - which is sometimes driven from a form of misogyny. It's important to get away from that idea

You kinda acknowledge the shortfalls when you mention it being extra work - which it often is, which makes it often off-putting.  There's a saying around more women would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them, and again, that more would be open to the idea of Female Led Relationships if they were *actually* allowed to lead the relationship.  Pandering to a subs fantasy scenario isn't really leading.

There were some fascinating studies about what women want from a FLR - and while common kinks were there, most of them were second fiddle to things like... Domestic Servitude (this isn't helping with the housework, a key part of any functioning household, but proactively taken on the majority), Final Authority (i.e. having the last call in any decisions), Financial Control (this doesn't mean 'Findom' as such - but kinda control of where the household budget is spent - so this could mean spending prioritising things that benefits her rather than the man - i.e. sports channels, game passes, pub after work, sandwiches to work or lunch money, etc)

Of course - as I say, common kinks are there - orgasm control was indeed pretty common in the study but doesn't hold much as a standalone.

So, the kinda problem is that a lot of men SAY they want FLR or role reversal - but mostly on their terms.

For it to really work, the male has to learn to relinquish control and that is not in the sense of "tie me up and do what you want" (as hot as that may be) but in handing over autonomy. And of course, not falling into the other trap of wanting to hand over responsibility.

incidentally - this is why a lot of the guys who moan loudest about folk asking money rarely get anywhere with those who don't - because they're already drawing a line that they're not willing to relinquish control; their submission comes with caveats. 

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

the kinda balance is to juggle the fantasy and the reality.

different shades of 24/7, FLR, etc are all feasible and possible but they rarely match the fantasy or eroticism

the whole concept of "role reversal" in itself put things into defined roles - which is sometimes driven from a form of misogyny. It's important to get away from that idea

You kinda acknowledge the shortfalls when you mention it being extra work - which it often is, which makes it often off-putting.  There's a saying around more women would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them, and again, that more would be open to the idea of Female Led Relationships if they were *actually* allowed to lead the relationship.  Pandering to a subs fantasy scenario isn't really leading.

There were some fascinating studies about what women want from a FLR - and while common kinks were there, most of them were second fiddle to things like... Domestic Servitude (this isn't helping with the housework, a key part of any functioning household, but proactively taken on the majority), Final Authority (i.e. having the last call in any decisions), Financial Control (this doesn't mean 'Findom' as such - but kinda control of where the household budget is spent - so this could mean spending prioritising things that benefits her rather than the man - i.e. sports channels, game passes, pub after work, sandwiches to work or lunch money, etc)

Of course - as I say, common kinks are there - orgasm control was indeed pretty common in the study but doesn't hold much as a standalone.

So, the kinda problem is that a lot of men SAY they want FLR or role reversal - but mostly on their terms.

For it to really work, the male has to learn to relinquish control and that is not in the sense of "tie me up and do what you want" (as hot as that may be) but in handing over autonomy. And of course, not falling into the other trap of wanting to hand over responsibility.

incidentally - this is why a lot of the guys who moan loudest about folk asking money rarely get anywhere with those who don't - because they're already drawing a line that they're not willing to relinquish control; their submission comes with caveats. 

So well said!

[Bwantsmore]

Thank you eyemblacksheep.
That is really clear and useful information and is one of the reasons I've enjoyed asking questions here.
I certainly didnt mean to come across as mysoginistic though in hindsight I can appreciate how selfish the request might be. I guess I'm trying to find a balance between some of my desires and a way of living. Ultinately I want a relationship that works for two, not just one (else it will be doomed of course). Researching both FLR and femdom has taught me they are two very seperate ideas and though they may cross over for some couples I guess this is my way of trying to find what is realistic/genuine idea and what is just fantastical.

[ey****]

the other thing outside of this as well - is that, the vast majority of kinky couples are just that - and some people try to imply they're not "true" or fully committed or whatever, but they're in a relationship that works.   
A starting point of finding a partner with compatible kinks (often easier said than done!) and then seeing how you can relinquish control can have much better results

[Bwantsmore]

Indeed!
Well you know what they say 'the path to true love never runs smooth'.

[Deleted Member]

You know what’s interesting to me, as a woman who intends (hopes?) to practice a FLR lifestyle is that what it simply is is a reverse of the traditional. Yet nobody thinks the traditional is difficult or hard to balance. But in reality, long before I ever heard of this I was already practicing it to a degree just we didn’t know that’s what it was or that it could be pleasurable! My second husband was a veritable child who literally could not make a sensible decision to save his life. I handled all the finances, all the decisions, and I was a stay at home mom, handling the children, the cleaning and everything else. Saturdays when he was not at work were chore days where I had to had him a list and then hound him all day to get anything done. Sex? Haha not likely. It sounds as awful as it was. What I hope for is a boy who will enter this with his eyes open and take responsibility for his desires and willingly let go of his misogynistic behavior. So that we are free to love and play.

[Bwantsmore]

Love this PillowPrincess1.
I certainly don't want to behave like a child and I don't want to be the partner that needs to be nagged or hounded to get things done. Yes, we all need encouragement from time to time but in the right relationship, built on love, trust and a desire to do right by your partner I would hope if not expect to feel that motivation within me/us as a couple.

[Lord_Talion]

Very realistic, hence why fhe cock cage was made.

[Pa****]

20 hours ago, PillowPrincess1 said:

You know what’s interesting to me, as a woman who intends (hopes?) to practice a FLR lifestyle is that what it simply is is a reverse of the traditional. Yet nobody thinks the traditional is difficult or hard to balance. But in reality, long before I ever heard of this I was already practicing it to a degree just we didn’t know that’s what it was or that it could be pleasurable! My second husband was a veritable child who literally could not make a sensible decision to save his life. I handled all the finances, all the decisions, and I was a stay at home mom, handling the children, the cleaning and everything else. Saturdays when he was not at work were chore days where I had to had him a list and then hound him all day to get anything done. Sex? Haha not likely. It sounds as awful as it was. What I hope for is a boy who will enter this with his eyes open and take responsibility for his desires and willingly let go of his misogynistic behavior. So that we are free to love and play.

Honestly I find it quite easy. Most people I've met enjoy when I just noticed things need to be picked up, Trash taken out, Dishes done etc. It's actually pretty rare when I'm not met with appreciation for simply doing housework. Although occasionally it's a problem, (which I'll never really understand?) But I back off and stop doing things to help if it isn't wanted. Speaking from the perspective of vanilla relationships anyways. I rather like the idea of a FLR with or without the dynamic being involved.

[ba****]

I think that there is a piece of this that often goes unsaid, if not unrecognized.

 

Many women (even those professing dominance) wait for the men to express interest and risk rejection.  They don’t want to do it.  So men start off with control subject, obviously, to the woman’s veto by disinterest/rejection.

 

Next, men frequently come to the relationship (as they are often expected) with the money (house, higher salary, etc.).  Their “value” is often measured in those terms.  Women often become economically dependent.  Men may “give over” control, but as long as they are surrendering control, they can take it back, and so haven’t really given it up.  It’s a game of woman-plays-boss, played as intensely or superficially as the players like, with each side negotiating what they want.

 

When the woman comes to the relationship dynamic with her own wealth, and appreciates her power and that she doesn’t “need” a man to take care of her, she can then pick the man she wants and set the rules she wants, to which the man can then either surrender or be gone.

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, bailor said:

I think that there is a piece of this that often goes unsaid, if not unrecognized.

 

Many women (even those professing dominance) wait for the men to express interest and risk rejection.  They don’t want to do it.  So men start off with control subject, obviously, to the woman’s veto by disinterest/rejection.

 

Next, men frequently come to the relationship (as they are often expected) with the money (house, higher salary, etc.).  Their “value” is often measured in those terms.  Women often become economically dependent.  Men may “give over” control, but as long as they are surrendering control, they can take it back, and so haven’t really given it up.  It’s a game of woman-plays-boss, played as intensely or superficially as the players like, with each side negotiating what they want.

 

When the woman comes to the relationship dynamic with her own wealth, and appreciates her power and that she doesn’t “need” a man to take care of her, she can then pick the man she wants and set the rules she wants, to which the man can then either surrender or be gone.

That’s what I always say

[ey****]

money is a big power in any relationship and we do have this problem that men typically earn more which gives leverage.   Often whether the man is aware of this or not.   If two people pay equal amounts into a household account, the man will typically have more personal income.

This is something that men need to be aware of not use to their advantage, especially not in any type where they claim to be submissive or wish for a Female 'led' relationship.

There's actually just been an interesting case in Spain where in a divorce the court ordered the man to pay his divorced wife unpaid wages for housekeeping.  This wasn't a wildly extreme example but he was making a wage and expecting her to stay home and housekeep (and, also, do similar helping out at his business, unpaid) but while in the relationship she never had problem with food on the table - etc - she had no money of her own so became codependent.

And there's an awful lot of relationships have similar problems.

In any relationship.  No person should be dependent on the other in the sense that they cannot afford the relationship to end if it no longer works.

 

[ThumperG]

On 3/7/2023 at 3:39 AM, Bwantsmore said:

Good morning guys and gals. I have a real interest in FLR and traditional role reversal. I appreciate this may be hard to live full time in reality but I'm interested to know how realistic this type of relationship is? I love the thought of being locked and having orgasms controlled as way to aid my submission and service to my partner. I believe I'm well rounded and good partner for the vanilla elements of a relationship but this is something I am keen to experience in a loving partnership.

For the ladies out there, is this relaistic or is it off putting? Does it seem exciting or just too much hard work for you, both full time or in extended play periods. I genuinely want more than the kink side of things but having this as a steady part of it seems exciting and bizarrely soothing to me.

YES~it absolutely positively does exist. 💜

[ThumperG]

On 3/7/2023 at 9:27 AM, Bwantsmore said:

Love this PillowPrincess1.
I certainly don't want to behave like a child and I don't want to be the partner that needs to be nagged or hounded to get things done. Yes, we all need encouragement from time to time but in the right relationship, built on love, trust and a desire to do right by your partner I would hope if not expect to feel that motivation within me/us as a couple.

Yes all of this and open communication at all times is what is necessary. Otherwise this is absolutely a waste of everyone's time. It also should be noted that studies shouldn't be given the weight that some put on to them. They are not all inclusive of different peoples cultures. When people talk about societal norms, it's not just within the society that they live but also within their family that they are raised. Some of this has to be adopted according to what society they live in, if it is not one of their own you see? We are not just some box to be ticked off. Often times you got left out of the equation even though we are also a multifaceted people. Feel free if you like to message me I'm always open to friends here.

[Do****]

I think that’s perfectly possible. Many are looking for that.

[Bwantsmore]

Hi DommeDelight, it's great to hear another positive comment and feedback. I've found it's hard to find but I'll keep putting myself out there (within reason!) and see how I go. I find profiles such as yours encouraging! Thank you.

[ThumperG]

On 3/7/2023 at 8:44 AM, Bwantsmore said:

Thank you eyemblacksheep.
That is really clear and useful information and is one of the reasons I've enjoyed asking questions here.
I certainly didnt mean to come across as mysoginistic though in hindsight I can appreciate how selfish the request might be. I guess I'm trying to find a balance between some of my desires and a way of living. Ultinately I want a relationship that works for two, not just one (else it will be doomed of course). Researching both FLR and femdom has taught me they are two very seperate ideas and though they may cross over for some couples I guess this is my way of trying to find what is realistic/genuine idea and what is just fantastical.

Just to respond to your original post here. Yes it is absolutely doable FROM someone who's actually lived it AND never been under any kind of microscope since the 80s and without being studied like somebody else's insect on a pin board. So that's all I've got to say to anybody about that~Mistress 😉💜😎

[Bwantsmore]

Thank you ThumperG. Again, it's encouraging to hear from ladies who are interested in or live the lifestyle. I've always felt I'm a bit odd with my desires but I feel like I've learned a fair bit already on this in terms of porn vs reality which is great. Now it's just about being patient and find a compatible partner/relationship with the right balance of romance, support, love and leadership (and maybe a little discipline 😘)

[ThumperG]

7 hours ago, Bwantsmore said:

Thank you ThumperG. Again, it's encouraging to hear from ladies who are interested in or live the lifestyle. I've always felt I'm a bit odd with my desires but I feel like I've learned a fair bit already on this in terms of porn vs reality which is great. Now it's just about being patient and find a compatible partner/relationship with the right balance of romance, support, love and leadership (and maybe a little discipline 😘)

Honey... DON'T ever feel bad about your desires  ok? Understand that this lifestyle is all about safe sane and consensual. So your personal desires are  UNLESS it involves things with beings such as children OR animals. That is because they can NEVER fall under the umbrella of consensual~you see? My first introduction to this lifestyle was with dating and then later on I was legally married into the lifestyle when I was 19. So early on, I lived this every single day AS A D/s 24/7 relationship. We were also partners because we ran a side business together ok? So believe me when I tell you that there was no separation at all when it came to us. The marriage fell apart and SOME of it had to do with the lifestyle but also for other reasons also. That is something that you will find with people outside of this lifestyle. It is not exclusive to us that over time things don't work out or ppl fight too much, don't spend enough time together or don't communicate or whatever their issues are. ALL of that are things that can happen to all of us. That's why the divorce rate is so high, it has nothing to do with our lifestyle but it has everything to do with what you put into any relationship. I had found other partners later on and some I chose not to live with but most we did live together. Feel free to message me, I am ALWAYS open to having new friends 😉💜😎