How much of kink is sex?

[Deleted Member]

Is it very unusual for someone to be into the kink lifestyle, or at least kink as a hobby, without being especially interested in sex? I wouldn't quite describe myself as ace, but I have to admit I've never really had much interest.
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Take fantasies. I've had plenty of kinky fantasies of tying up a pretty lady and dominating her with toys and such, but the basic, penis go in hole stuff just never really gets me. Is that common?
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I guess I'm just interested in seeing what people think, how important sex is in a kink relationship and if there are many people out there in a similar position.

[ey****]

there's an awful lot of asexual folk in the kink community and kink lifestyles and part of the reason is that - I won't see kink either IS or ISN'T about sex (even if some folk will argue one way or another)

moreso

that

it doesn't *have* to be about sex.  So you can still effectively have an intimate relationship with someone without it involving penetrative or other sex 

[Deleted Member]

Honestly for me sex is the last act I care about about its everything else involved I love, being humiliated an spat on, kicked punched an, cut, scratched looked down on, called her little pup, ***d on an just used an on object, praising an worshipping her and just admiring her body, for me all of that is more important than the actual sex I love sex too don't get me wrong but it's not the main reason I do this it's more or a mind f**k than a physical f**k for me

[br****]

Definitely doesn't have to be about full on sex when kinky play is so erotic all on its own

[un****]

its different for different people for some its completely non sexual for others it is strictly sexual but if i had to wager a guess for the vast majority it lands somewhere in the middle wherever that may be

[ph****]

I’ve always seen kink as more of an erotic activity rather than a sexual one. Nothing in BD, D/s, or SM “screams” sex to me. Eroticism, sensuality, etc., absolutely!

That being said, there is little doubt that kink is stereotyped (not wrongly) as hyper sexual but I think recent media or a lack of understanding/grooming has created an idea that that is what’s to be leaned into.

It’s easy for people who have a sincere interest in the activities of kink to get buried under the cesspool of hookups and flings. For sure, everyone started off with at leas some semblance of a tourist. Of those, some stick around and grow but most either hang around and plateau or move on and probably perpetuate the stereotypes through conversation with other normatives.

But the rub is that kinksters themselves may be contributing to the misunderstanding. If I swipe through users here on FET, I’m more likely to come across body parts than faces, pics than words. As such, I feel like I’m looking for needles in haystacks. Frustrating? At times. Disappointing? Maybe. But the hunt is sometimes more exhilarating than the capture.

Keep your head up you’ll find people that want to share genuine experiences, genuine conversations, and incredible sex.

Yeah, maybe I’m guilty too.

[Bi****]

1 hour ago, Naffa said:

Honestly for me sex is the last act I care about about its everything else involved I love, being humiliated an spat on, kicked punched an, cut, scratched looked down on, called her little pup, ***d on an just used an on object, praising an worshipping her and just admiring her body, for me all of that is more important than the actual sex I love sex too don't get me wrong but it's not the main reason I do this it's more or a mind f**k than a physical f**k for me

Great insights. I feel the same way on the femdom side. I love playing with my subs, and I almost never have penetrative sex with them.

[Bi****]

The thing that I love about the kink community is that it shows you that the largest sex organ is the brain. And that there’s so much more to pleasure than just penetrative sex. 

[Ar****]

I might suggest that there is often a somewhat natural crossover that comes simply because the two fields are - or at least ought to be in most instances - ones in which a great level of trust and intimacy are generated, which can easily predispose and open a person up to the other with that same person. Furthermore, a tremendous number of kinks are sexual, so you can't really avoid some intertwinement in those instances.

But do they have to go hand-in-hand? Not at all. Some of my most memorable kink experiences have been non-sexual, and I never approach kink assuming sex is involved unless/until it gets discussed. Some people don't share that outlook, many others do.

Is it important/important to me? I can't answer that, because each relationship is different and has it's own parameters and boundaries. I'd like to be getting my fill of both experiences, and for convenience's sake as well as so as to not push myself when I've got health issues, it makes sense to me for those experiences to come from the same partner. But objectively they wouldn't have to, especially if I was with a partner who wasn't interested in one or the other.

[Leisa]

Sex is such a small part of most scenes so it would be fairly simple to leave off the act itself if both are not into it.

[Deleted Member]

See sometimes I find my kinks disgusting after I cum and that post-orgasm shame. But the more I see that I’m normal I am so relieved my interests aren’t that weird

[Sw****]

💯 percent. Actually sex ruins the illusion that is kinj

[Deleted Member]

I’m on here looking to just have fun without sex but who knows if it happens it happens but not what I’m seeking

[ch****]

First, you have to understand “your” kink. There are many times when orgasm play and toy play doesn’t entail any “sexual” activity by me. You don’t have to “f**k” or receive a blowjob to have a sexual encounter. In fact, the act of giving to another that pleasure is amazing. For titling, pleasure dom is a thing. It’s totally okay….heck, I love to dominate and subjugate with the intent of having my s/s orgasm until she can’t anymore and then have her do it one more time.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks for all the responses, soms encouraging answers here!

[Charms]

I'm often told kinknis sex. But to me it's not.

I'll go to a dungeon an watch people play and there's no sex involved. 

Most of the times at a dungeon an I'm on my lead being lead around by my master. Is it sex no is hot hell yes.

 

I love people knowing I am masters an I'm his to do as he pleases . 

[Deleted Member]

..like..all of it is sexual for me , I don’t *** on a girl cus I can’t make it to the bathroom yknow?

[profile_08653]

I’m the same man, for me it’s the whole reason for kink. Sex in hole, not so much thanks :)

[ge****]

The thing is just as "kink" has no single definition once you get past the generalised dictionary one, neither does "sex" - what may be "kink" or "sex" to one person may not be the same for another - so they can either go hand in hand, or be intertwined, or totally separate depending on individual interpretations and no single interpretation (within the bounds of legality and consent etc) is "wrong".
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I've had experiences that are wholly kinky to me that some would say aren't kink, or experiences that are sex to me that some would say are kinky.
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Ultimately if all involved are happy is *all* that matters

[ki****]

Kink isnt inherently sexual - there are some kinks that *are* sexual in nature, but kink as a whole isnt. Personally I engage in kink both sexually and nonsexually. For me an impact or rope scene with a friend is intimate, but nonsexual - the goal isnt an orgasm or penetration, but enjoying the shared energies and sadomasochism and power exchange. No touching of genitals - its intimate, not sexual. Everyone engages with their kinks differently, and for some there is no interest in kink outside of the bedroom - which is absolutely okay, if kink is foreplay for sex for you, then rock on. But its not like that for everyone - for many kinksters, kink and sex arent inherently linked!

[Deleted Member]

58 minutes ago, kit_ said:

Kink isnt inherently sexual - there are some kinks that *are* sexual in nature, but kink as a whole isnt. Personally I engage in kink both sexually and nonsexually. For me an impact or rope scene with a friend is intimate, but nonsexual - the goal isnt an orgasm or penetration, but enjoying the shared energies and sadomasochism and power exchange. No touching of genitals - its intimate, not sexual. Everyone engages with their kinks differently, and for some there is no interest in kink outside of the bedroom - which is absolutely okay, if kink is foreplay for sex for you, then rock on. But its not like that for everyone - for many kinksters, kink and sex arent inherently linked!

I think this may be approaching one of the difficulties I've had. With sexual kink, the end goal is usually an orgasm. Easy enough to plan a scene around. But I've felt kind of lost trying to approach it without that. I'm just not sure what to do once the initial bondage is done

[ey****]

48 minutes ago, StretchTA said:

I'm just not sure what to do once the initial bondage is done

a hug, a cup of tea and a biscuit 

[profile_08653]

Once initial bondage is done, this is when fun begins. You’re not released, you may beg for unshackling, or be teased as if released and then bound even more tightly/uncomfortably. The point is you’ve lost control and must evolve with the situation!

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, london250490 said:

Once initial bondage is done, this is when fun begins. You’re not released, you may beg for unshackling, or be teased as if released and then bound even more tightly/uncomfortably. The point is you’ve lost control and must evolve with the situation!

Good point, I guess that's where the other interests come in. Spanking, tickling, even just watching tv haha.

[Deleted Member]

12 hours ago, charlotte34534 said:

First, you have to understand “your” kink. There are many times when orgasm play and toy play doesn’t entail any “sexual” activity by me. You don’t have to “f**k” or receive a blowjob to have a sexual encounter. In fact, the act of giving to another that pleasure is amazing. For titling, pleasure dom is a thing. It’s totally okay….heck, I love to dominate and subjugate with the intent of having my s/s orgasm until she can’t anymore and then have her do it one more time.

Oh! I missed this one before. This feels really close to what I like to do. Both the enjoyment of just giving the pleasure, but also control of having it be by my say, so to speak