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I want more attention from my dom

ti****

By ti****
in Kink Academy

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ti****

ti****

Posted
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Basically I seem to be a bit more sexually frustrated than anything, my dom knows what I want we have spoken a lot about it but I still feel like I want more, I crave more attention and I crave more rules and discipline and sternness any advice?
mi****

mi****

Posted
Communication is the biggest part of any dynamic, but it's not the only part.

I would suggest voicing your concerns or frustrations with your Dom again, and seeing if more can be done to satisfy you. And if it can't be within the dynamic but you still want that dynamic, see if there is some way that your Dom would be alright with you seeking whatever meets the additional needs you have.

And if they aren't alright with that, you will need to reflect to decide what is more important to you, the attention you crave or the Dom you are in a dynamic with.

The plain truth is that while some things are great most of the time, there are always going to be things that come up that mean that they aren't perfect in every way. But that's where we decide whether or not perfection is what we're looking for.
DominicKernows

DominicKernows

Posted

Has you Dom given you concent to post this? I'm curious as it could reflect on your dynamic. Is your Dom in a position to be able to give you what you desire if you have discussed it?
I tend to agree with @mitten2112however I would also say in addition to ***fully honest communication a Dom and Sub grow and develop together and that may mean one or both of you gaining insight.
We give things titles but each of us is different and nuances required growth and adaptation.
If you have exhausted all discussions and still can't resolve then as @mitten2112mentioned perhaps your Dom will agree to something which meets both your needs.
Good luck and I do hope you gained permission for the question

mi****

mi****

Posted
Not every dynamic requires permission for every action. Remember that we are all people first and have our own will to determine our actions and choices. That's what makes the gift of submission so powerful, because the active choice is made by the submissive to give another the power over their choices in that moment
ge****

ge****

Posted
What you want and desire can only come through open and honest communication, and being clear to him about what you are looking for - if a scene is leaving you wanting more, tell your dominant what could have been done to achieve that, but do so in such a way as it doesn't come across as criticism.
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Maybe make a discussion about how you both think things went part of your aftercare.

Deleted Member

Posted
I agree with all the above, talk to your dom again and if this is something he can't give, he may be open to you seeking what you desire elsewhere. But that's something not everyone is open to or comfortable with. I hope you manage to work it out, whatever the solution
AKA_Copper

AKA_Copper

Posted
Perhaps you could explain the why. It's ok to say I want more attention, rules and sterness but without explaining why you need that it's a want rather than a need.
Have they had the opportunity to explain why they can't give you that with their why? It may not be their style or it may be too much
And so then you have to compromise. Just like any relationship.
If neither of you can compromise, perhaps it's not the right relationship? But, no relationship will ever be perfect
And, my last point, if a Dom ever stops a partner from seeking advice from outside a dynamic, I would question their motives. The question isn't detrimental to the Dom, nor is it derogatory towards them. It's simply a question about meeting wants/needs

Deleted Member

Posted
Yep, i agree with all that its a communication thing. If he isnt listening, as in, youve told him again and again, it could be part of his way of controlling and dominating you. Listening to our partner is one of the most neglected things in this age of narcissism. If you have told him many times over, then tell him that youve reached you limit. As a Dom i play with a consistent few - if he is listening enough, he can anticipate what you want through your behaviour. So he could be inexperienced.
Ha****

Ha****

Posted
Discuss this in a calm manner and without reproaches. There is nothing wrong with you giving your D feedback. Any self-respecting D type appreciates feedback.

Deleted Member

Posted
If talking isn’t working how about showing him? There’s nothing quite like sitting down and watching some of your favourite kink porn with your partner to find out what makes each other tick. Good luck!
ge****

ge****

Posted
26 minutes ago, braintree107 said:
If talking isn’t working how about showing him? There’s nothing quite like sitting down and watching some of your favourite kink porn with your partner to find out what makes each other tick. Good luck!

Trouble is kink porn isn't often very representative of reality - and whilst it *can* give ideas to open and informed minds, it can also give totally the wrong idea to those who aren't so informed or aware of how unrealistic it mostly is.
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However another option for the OP may be to use some of the on-line BDSM checklists (Google those two words and you'll find loads) - the kind that lists literally hundreds of activities and elements of BDSM and have you rank them 1-5 in terms of interest/importance - maybe both complete them and then compare notes - can use them to stress the things that are important to you.
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Do think CK's point about explaining why things are important is a very good and valid one though, and may help your dominant understand better OP.

Deleted Member

Posted
1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Trouble is kink porn isn't often very representative of reality - and whilst it *can* give ideas to open and informed minds, it can also give totally the wrong idea to those who aren't so informed or aware of how unrealistic it mostly is.
.
However another option for the OP may be to use some of the on-line BDSM checklists (Google those two words and you'll find loads) - the kind that lists literally hundreds of activities and elements of BDSM and have you rank them 1-5 in terms of interest/importance - maybe both complete them and then compare notes - can use them to stress the things that are important to you.
.
Do think CK's point about explaining why things are important is a very good and valid one though, and may help your dominant understand better OP.

Totally agree! I was thinking more along the lines of using it to open up channels of conversation as to the Subs interests and requirements from their dom.
conversation is key that’s for sure.

AKA_Copper

AKA_Copper

Posted
13 minutes ago, braintree107 said:

Totally agree! I was thinking more along the lines of using it to open up channels of conversation as to the Subs interests and requirements from their dom.
conversation is key that’s for sure.

The thing is, none of the things the OP outlined as wants will necessarily be addressed through sexual acts unless of course porn is now depicting rule setting or forms of attention other than, sex

Kar_som

Kar_som

Posted
In simple words,
It is same as asking how to make your boy/girl-friend more attentive.
AKA_Copper

AKA_Copper

Posted
37 minutes ago, Scottishdombull said:
Should really discuss this with your dom as you coming here moaning by advising that you demand this that and next thing is very poor form.

Where's the moaning? I seem to have missed it

ge****

ge****

Posted
1 hour ago, Scottishdombull said:
Should really discuss this with your dom as you coming here moaning by advising that you demand this that and next thing is very poor form.

That's a little harsh - I'd hardly say the OP was "moaning" about anything, or even demanding it, more asking for advice how to deal with a specific situation, which is something we see people doing on a daily basis

Th****

Th****

Posted
You need to explore w a new dom. 👌
Dynamics are important and if you are to this point it's time to push your limits and find your perfect dom to put you in place. 😈

Deleted Member

Posted
6 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

It's ok to say I want more attention, rules and sterness but without explaining why you need that it's a want rather than a need.
 

Just learned a better way to explain "want vs need".👍

Deleted Member

Posted
You state you have spoken to your dom & they know what you want but don't say if they are reluctant to, or can't, give you more, to fulfill your craving for more input from them.
ti****

ti****

Posted
  • Author
Yes I am only looking for advice not a new Dom I am not " moaning" about him. Thank you to everyone who has spoken with kind words ☺️ he says that he sometimes forgets what we have discussed as he suffers from ADHD but he will try his best.
Ha****

Ha****

Posted
15 minutes ago, tinybaby said:
Yes I am only looking for advice not a new Dom I am not " moaning" about him. Thank you to everyone who has spoken with kind words ☺️ he says that he sometimes forgets what we have discussed as he suffers from ADHD but he will try his best.

It's nice that you worked it out 👍✌

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