If you've been through trauma, read this!

[Deleted Member]

I recently came across advice for those who have endured trauma, specifically in childhood /complex PTSD. First, as a adults, we are now our own parent. We must protect ourselves when no one else will. Second, our standards must be higher than normative dating. The opinion presented was that having CPTSD means we are more prone to triggers, disassociations and a slew of related symptoms. What I loved most about this perspective was the bold acceptance of knowing ourselves. It's so important to understand that admitting your strengths and weaknesses help building safe boundaries and standards to the best relationship. Love yourself where you are at now.💕

[littlemiss37]

This is so true x

[Deleted Member]

I needed to hear this today, thank you x

[SteveStark]

Sometimes I ‘know’ I may never truly heal. The scars may fade and soften, the night terrors and crushing thoughts may abate for the time being yet the slightest pressure will cause the cascade and weeks, months of dedicated work is undone in moments.
You have to let it pass, have to tell myself that it WILL pass, allow it to pass, let go(easier said than done) of the *** and stop trying to tackle or fix the moment, only then can I attempt to resume working on ‘me’.

[littlemiss37]

14 minutes ago, NIchattelBreeder said:

Sometimes I ‘know’ I may never truly heal. The scars may fade and soften, the night terrors and crushing thoughts may abate for the time being yet the slightest pressure will cause the cascade and weeks, months of dedicated work is undone in moments.
You have to let it pass, have to tell myself that it WILL pass, allow it to pass, let go(easier said than done) of the *** and stop trying to tackle or fix the moment, only then can I attempt to resume working on ‘me’.

Wow that is so strong and I had to hear this thanks x

[Deleted Member]

56 minutes ago, NIchattelBreeder said:

Sometimes I ‘know’ I may never truly heal. The scars may fade and soften, the night terrors and crushing thoughts may abate for the time being yet the slightest pressure will cause the cascade and weeks, months of dedicated work is undone in moments.
You have to let it pass, have to tell myself that it WILL pass, allow it to pass, let go(easier said than done) of the *** and stop trying to tackle or fix the moment, only then can I attempt to resume working on ‘me’.

Beautiful words. I think accepting ourselves completely where we are at right now is in fact healing!

[Setrion]

On 4/18/2023 at 4:55 PM, 165Sw33t said:

Beautiful words. I think accepting ourselves completely where we are at right now is in fact healing!

If you're very careful about what you mean by "accepting", then sure. It's important to distinguish the acceptance of being where you are from where you are itself. The English language doesn't do us any favors here, it's actually quite difficult to talk about one without the other. 

If you're at a point in your life where you can't hear the word "mother" without getting angry, it can be useful and healing to understand this as a natural result of your trauma and not to blame yourself for it. But it is also important not to accept that status quo and leave yourself that way forever after. You only fix something by wanting to change it. You want to, not necessarily reject this anger, but to continue to view it as an obstacle to overcome rather than accept it as a permanent part of yourself.

Humans are capable of an incredible amount of self-change, and you can rewrite more of your scars than you would expect. Although like scars, sometimes this means making further small cuts to stimulate the healing. Acceptance without complacency; keep your goals of a healthier you in mind. 

 

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, Setrion said:

If you're very careful about what you mean by "accepting", then sure. It's important to distinguish the acceptance of being where you are from where you are itself. The English language doesn't do us any favors here, it's actually quite difficult to talk about one without the other. 

If you're at a point in your life where you can't hear the word "mother" without getting angry, it can be useful and healing to understand this as a natural result of your trauma and not to blame yourself for it. But it is also important not to accept that status quo and leave yourself that way forever after. You only fix something by wanting to change it. You want to, not necessarily reject this anger, but to continue to view it as an obstacle to overcome rather than accept it as a permanent part of yourself.

Humans are capable of an incredible amount of self-change, and you can rewrite more of your scars than you would expect. Although like scars, sometimes this means making further small cuts to stimulate the healing. Acceptance without complacency; keep your goals of a healthier you in mind. 

 

Yes! What I meant by "accepting ourselves where we are at" has many different meanings. Definitely love 98% of your comment--just hope you're not cutting yourself.

[Setrion]

6 hours ago, 165Sw33t said:

just hope you're not cutting yourself

For sure; metaphorical cutting of the psyche only! I, uh, have a bit of a melodramatic flair  I was just looking at actual surgical techniques recently, so that comparison was on my mind. It really is a treatment for physical scars to make controlled incisions to promote healing, and I find this is fairly accurate with emotional scars as well. You have to reopen that wound and go address those feelings and issues in order to resolve them. But uh, it's very different to have a surgeon/therapist make some directed action to help you out, than taking a machete to your own arm. Avoid that latter action.

[Deleted Member]

Agreed ☺️

[Plaything69]

On 4/18/2023 at 5:43 PM, 165Sw33t said:

I recently came across advice for those who have endured trauma, specifically in childhood /complex PTSD. First, as a adults, we are now our own parent. We must protect ourselves when no one else will. Second, our standards must be higher than normative dating. The opinion presented was that having CPTSD means we are more prone to triggers, disassociations and a slew of related symptoms. What I loved most about this perspective was the bold acceptance of knowing ourselves. It's so important to understand that admitting your strengths and weaknesses help building safe boundaries and standards to the best relationship. Love yourself where you are at now.💕

 

[Plaything69]

I was bullied as a kid but learned to get my way through  !!

 

 

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Plaything69 said:

I was bullied as a kid but learned to get my way through  !!

 

 

I'm sorry you went through that hardship. We learn coping skills to survive, don't we?!

[Chaos_bean]

Thank you

[Deleted Member]

Bullied my God

[Deleted Member]

I was abducted for 3 days beaten ***d and left to die if your bullied punch the person square in there face

[SteveStark]

1 hour ago, west-davenport646 said:

I was abducted for 3 days beaten ***d and left to die if your bullied punch the person square in there face

If you want to play trauma olympics, I’m more than game. Trust me, I will win.

But that’s not the reason why people are here, trauma takes many forms and affects the individual in many different ways.

It’s not about comparing scars or how you got them but how you were able, if you were able to address and heal said wounds.

[Deleted Member]

I highly doubt it

[Deleted Member]

But I suppose you can be the winner that wasn't my intentions I'm saying that youths today are given so many excuses to ve able to run from there problems instead of having to pick your ass up and keep moving I don't condone bulling but the end of the day you stand up for yourself and it's over or you don't and your whole life is a grovling wreck the greatest travesty was when we stopped teaching kids how to survive and taught them to run or tell or hide I'm truly sorry if I offended anyone but that's the easiest thing to do nowadays offend.

[Deleted Member]

59 minutes ago, west-davenport646 said:

But I suppose you can be the winner that wasn't my intentions I'm saying that youths today are given so many excuses to ve able to run from there problems instead of having to pick your ass up and keep moving I don't condone bulling but the end of the day you stand up for yourself and it's over or you don't and your whole life is a grovling wreck the greatest travesty was when we stopped teaching kids how to survive and taught them to run or tell or hide I'm truly sorry if I offended anyone but that's the easiest thing to do nowadays offend.

I disagree. "Strength" does look one way. Pushing forward and "picking up your ass" doesn't make you strong or a survivor. That method can actually cause worse issues. And identifying one's hardship isn't an excuse to run from their problems.

Most ***rs have been victims as well....the difference is empathy. For me, this community is about support and encouragement for others to grow.

[Deleted Member]

Let's agree to disagree the world is in a pretty shit state from working about damage

[Deleted Member]

Excellent knots though

[Deleted Member]

Sure thing and thanks

[Deleted Member]

Know yourself, that’s the thing.. I was on the receiving end of physical, Psychological and sexual *** as a child and adult. One thing that really helped was keeping a diary of my feelings around my fetish(s). It helps make sense of things and put things in perspective + also helped with feeling joy instead of shame, this was after professional therapy.

[Do****]

That is really interesting! I think this is why I haven’t indulged my submissive side because I need to be able to trust that person. I really struggle to see how anyone can participate in the things I want to do without it being in a relationship, I don’t understand how anyone would want to give their submission to a stranger/a casual partner