Mental health and dating

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Cain88m said:

They say I have PTSD, depression and some shit called a adjustment disorder. Tried my on all kinds of meds. Non worked and often left me feeling worse. I found that through good friends and the excitement of exploring new alternative life/relationship styles helps keep my mind under my own control mostly. @YesDaddyYes Please don't give up on your search for what you desire. Look, I haven't been with a woman in over a decade because of my issues which is what had lead me here to find a way past them. Given my past history I should have ever reason to give up on relationships. But being alone sucks. So let's not give up okay.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Things sound tough for you. What's adjustment disorder? Have you had therapy? Thanks you're sweet. That's a long time, and I think it's amazing that you're on here looking for someone special because you deserve it. You can message me anytime if you need someone to listen. That goes for all of you. 💖

[Bo****]

I would like to be there to listen if you want someone to talk to about anything you are feeling. I kind of see us in this site as kin folk who all need to support each other in our interests providing it is fully respectful of all parties. I want us all to find what we seek and be happy in our plight

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Wolf_Eyes said:

Tbh not really the *** kinda helped keep everything atrt bay, but at the same time physically Im not as bad. Problem I have with meds is I work nights part time and can't take them at a consistent time, which then screws my sleep pattern an my moods

 

2 hours ago, Cain88m said:

They say I have PTSD, depression and some shit called a adjustment disorder. Tried my on all kinds of meds. Non worked and often left me feeling worse. I found that through good friends and the excitement of exploring new alternative life/relationship styles helps keep my mind under my own control mostly. @YesDaddyYes Please don't give up on your search for what you desire. Look, I haven't been with a woman in over a decade because of my issues which is what had lead me here to find a way past them. Given my past history I should have ever reason to give up on relationships. But being alone sucks. So let's not give up okay.

That's amazing. They managed to do a trial in the UK recently that shows it helped people with long term depression. It's tricky for researchers to get funding and permission through here because of psychocyllibin drug classification.

 

[Bo****]

Yes Mushroom therapy works

[Deleted Member]

49 minutes ago, Lady-6657 said:

@YesDaddyYes I too have BPD and what you wrote is me too. I am open about my BPD and in true BPD style, I over explain it and the therapy I had to become more stable. On one hand, I keep thinking it's the adult and grown up thing to do to declare it like we should be on some register with warning sirens. Not only is that one of symptoms but also the battle to thwart the sensationalised social media's take on people with personality disorder. On the other hand, I personally believe that I should let a potential partner know about it so they can make their own informed decisions about whether they wish to continue with me. Also, note, I expect as a bare minumum, the same respect in return.

Some have been overwhelmed by my intensity and some have seen it as part of something I deal with repeatedly throughout the day, all day.

With regards, to dating or dynamic (or both), learn to embrace it as part of you, love yourself inspite of it and if someone doesn't appreciate you as you are, BPD and all, it's good and bad times, then are they really someone you want to invest in when you could have spent that time on loving yourself? All of this is just my opinion and if you want someone to talk to a bit more about it, then please message me. I may be in England but I do love cwtches too!

Hi thanks for your, it's so nice to talk to other people with it. My bestie has it too. I do that too! I speak in such a circuitous was about that by the time I'm done it seems like a big deal. Do you feel the need to over compensate. I do I'm like I'm in therapy or had loads of therapy and doing my O.T walks to get some of my independence back etc. Anything to make me sound less of a mess lol.

 

How did you feel about getting your diagnosis?

 

I think you and I deal with telling people the same way. 

Someone I cared a great deal about ghosted me because of how full on I am. He liked me for how I was until the negative symptoms showed. He thought we were soulmates and I still destroyed it simply just by exhibiting my symptoms.

 

Thanks sending a cwtch back 💖

 

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, BostonBrat67 said:

I would like to be there to listen if you want someone to talk to about anything you are feeling. I kind of see us in this site as kin folk who all need to support each other in our interests providing it is fully respectful of all parties. I want us all to find what we seek and be happy in our plight

That's kind of you. I really appreciate the offer.

[Deleted Member]

43 minutes ago, BostonBrat67 said:

Thank you for your bravery to discuss candidly and openly your heart ❤️

Thanks for the lovely compliment:)

[De****]

38 minutes ago, YesDaddyYes said:

Thank you and thank you to everyone that has validated my experiences and been brave enough to share theirs. I would do anything for boring. BPD is exhausting, on top of the abandonment issues, the incessant mood swings, the dramatic highs a lows, dissociation, depersonalisation, paranoid ideation, *** ideation (mods sorry if that's not allowed, I can edit it needs on order to post it) and an unstable sense of self, it's exhausting as in could sleep for a week exhausting.

 

Do you suffer too? 

You're very welcome and I totally understand the desire for boring too, and the need for it sometime. I do suffer sometimes but find it very hard to talk about as all things considered I've not endured much hardship in my life and I know there are those out there to whom my mental troubles would rightly seem laughable but generalized depression has coming knocking on my door for a few prolonged periods of my life when I tend to cocoon myself away with social contract limited to family and the closest of friends, but even the friendships can be difficult. I also studied psychology in my twenties which I think might have made things worse in a twisted way, certainly fueled the overthinking and overanalyzing traits. Gonna run but thanks for the topic and sharing your experience

[Deleted Member]

I had a relationship with a girl who was bpd for almost 2 years so I can give you my perspective. She was great. She was crazy, crazy for me. She ran through traffic and almost got shot by the cops because she felt she needed to be there for me when i got pulled over bybher house (not smart)...

When we met she told me straight up that was was crazy, incompetent, and needed somone to make decisions for her, but that she had trust issues. She explained her issues and that she needed help. Most guys can't maintain frame control with someone with bpd, or simply dont care to help others in need. Men with weak frame control would run fast (after using her which makes trust difficult).

The problem I had with her was her impulsiveness, she was addicted to external validation to an unhealthy degree. She burnt herself out trying to be someone she was not for validation and did something impulsive that crossed the line so I left.

If you are like my last girl I would say your best option is for you to find a strong man, be calm, and if he gives you his love to accept that he loves you for you, the good and the bad.

Also a 24/7 tpe dynamic was the best thing for my last girl. When she was comfortable letting me make decisions for her she was so much happier and I was proud of her for getting her shit together even though I was pulling the strings (helping people is kind of a fetish for me). When I left she fell apart. She still calls me to this day and I will give her advice, but certain lines cannot be crossed. Wish you the best of luck, my DMs are open if you need a friend.

[Deleted Member]

16 hours ago, Aftermath said:

I had a relationship with a girl who was bpd for almost 2 years so I can give you my perspective. She was great. She was crazy, crazy for me. She ran through traffic and almost got shot by the cops because she felt she needed to be there for me when i got pulled over bybher house (not smart)...

When we met she told me straight up that was was crazy, incompetent, and needed somone to make decisions for her, but that she had trust issues. She explained her issues and that she needed help. Most guys can't maintain frame control with someone with bpd, or simply dont care to help others in need. Men with weak frame control would run fast (after using her which makes trust difficult).

The problem I had with her was her impulsiveness, she was addicted to external validation to an unhealthy degree. She burnt herself out trying to be someone she was not for validation and did something impulsive that crossed the line so I left.

If you are like my last girl I would say your best option is for you to find a strong man, be calm, and if he gives you his love to accept that he loves you for you, the good and the bad.

Also a 24/7 tpe dynamic was the best thing for my last girl. When she was comfortable letting me make decisions for her she was so much happier and I was proud of her for getting her shit together even though I was pulling the strings (helping people is kind of a fetish for me). When I left she fell apart. She still calls me to this day and I will give her advice, but certain lines cannot be crossed. Wish you the best of luck, my DMs are open if you need a friend.

That sounds like a scary experience. She sounds loyal though.

Not all borderlines want that. 24/7 wouldn't suit some people I know with it. I'm fiercely independent because my mental health strips me of a lot it, like being able to go out for a walk by myself etc. The 24/7 dynamic would work for me in the respect of having a Daddy Dom to cheer me on when I am brave and attempt those things. It's great that it worked for the two of you.

What did she do? Impulsivity is a nightmare to deal with too.

 

My issue is trying to find one that wants to stick around after my symptoms show 😂 

 

It sounds like you were very accepting and accommodating of her needs and very patient. Not everyone is like you.

It's a shame the two of you didn't work out asmit sounds like you got a lot from it.x

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, YesDaddyYes said:

That sounds like a scary experience. She sounds loyal though.

Not all borderlines want that. 24/7 wouldn't suit some people I know with it. I'm fiercely independent because my mental health strips me of a lot it, like being able to go out for a walk by myself etc. The 24/7 dynamic would work for me in the respect of having a Daddy Dom to cheer me on when I am brave and attempt those things. It's great that it worked for the two of you.

What did she do? Impulsivity is a nightmare to deal with too.

 

My issue is trying to find one that wants to stick around after my symptoms show 😂 

 

It sounds like you were very accepting and accommodating of her needs and very patient. Not everyone is like you.

It's a shame the two of you didn't work out asmit sounds like you got a lot from it.x

She complied so everything was fine. Lesson learned, we don't run up on cops making a stop...

Accepting? No, I worked with social needs students in high-school and I learned when you hold people to a standard they will generally fall just short of it, but if you place the bar high enough you can see peoples true potential.

Perhaps I do have a way with my words when encouraging people. It feels good to see someone realize how strong they are, so I'm fairly motivated and persuasive.

Last I checked domination is for my pleasure and the subs benefit. Sometimes things require a little finnese, but no good thing comes easy.

Perhaps I should admit I am a Psych Nerd and know a thing or two about NLP. I love my guienea pigs and crave to see them shine.

Out of respect for her I don't want to say what she did I was appaled and I had to move on.

Everything is hevel, that is to say that nothing is permanent. Only the record of the past stands still, but every movement in the now comes and goes. If you are careful, some moments last longer than others.

What is important to know about what she did is that everyone has problems. We are not defined by our problems, but rather how we react to them.

[littlemiss37]

Hi I have bpd and In mentalization based therapy now. If u ever need to talk im here for u. I understand that when u have lost someone it feels severe like really intense. I'm now in a much better dynamic now xx

[Deleted Member]

12 hours ago, Aftermath said:

She complied so everything was fine. Lesson learned, we don't run up on cops making a stop...

Accepting? No, I worked with social needs students in high-school and I learned when you hold people to a standard they will generally fall just short of it, but if you place the bar high enough you can see peoples true potential.

Perhaps I do have a way with my words when encouraging people. It feels good to see someone realize how strong they are, so I'm fairly motivated and persuasive.

Last I checked domination is for my pleasure and the subs benefit. Sometimes things require a little finnese, but no good thing comes easy.

Perhaps I should admit I am a Psych Nerd and know a thing or two about NLP. I love my guienea pigs and crave to see them shine.

Out of respect for her I don't want to say what she did I was appaled and I had to move on.

Everything is hevel, that is to say that nothing is permanent. Only the record of the past stands still, but every movement in the now comes and goes. If you are careful, some moments last longer than others.

What is important to know about what she did is that everyone has problems. We are not defined by our problems, but rather how we react to them.

Thanks for your input. It's interesting hearing your perspective of dating so with it and how you managed longevity and the how kink made helped it too.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, littlemiss37 said:

Hi I have bpd and In mentalization based therapy now. If u ever need to talk im here for u. I understand that when u have lost someone it feels severe like really intense. I'm now in a much better dynamic now xx

Hi, thanks for your lovely comment. How are you finding MBT? Thanks I really appreciate that. Same here (I'll need to tinker with my message settings though) It is the worst. The thing that inspired this post was a short knees and them not wanting to get into an emotional rollercoaster of a relationship, but I think I sound so wounded because of a longer interaction with someone who thought we were soulmates and I destroyed it... it's been months since I heard from him and I still get upset about it sometimes now.

 

I'm glad you're in a good dynamic. Does your kink side help when managing your symptoms? Sorry of that's too personal xx

[littlemiss37]

23 minutes ago, YesDaddyYes said:

Hi, thanks for your lovely comment. How are you finding MBT? Thanks I really appreciate that. Same here (I'll need to tinker with my message settings though) It is the worst. The thing that inspired this post was a short knees and them not wanting to get into an emotional rollercoaster of a relationship, but I think I sound so wounded because of a longer interaction with someone who thought we were soulmates and I destroyed it... it's been months since I heard from him and I still get upset about it sometimes now.

 

I'm glad you're in a good dynamic. Does your kink side help when managing your symptoms? Sorry of that's too personal xx

Thats ok. I got over my first dynamic but had to accept it. I attracted toxic pple. I had to start getting strict with finding a new Dom. U r worthy of waiting for the right person xx

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, littlemiss37 said:

Thats ok. I got over my first dynamic but had to accept it. I attracted toxic pple. I had to start getting strict with finding a new Dom. U r worthy of waiting for the right person xx

I feel you on the toxic people front. The last guy I dated was so awful. Lied and lied and got nasty when I called him on it. It's great that you have met some amazing.xx

[littlemiss37]

8 hours ago, YesDaddyYes said:

I feel you on the toxic people front. The last guy I dated was so awful. Lied and lied and got nasty when I called him on it. It's great that you have met some amazing.xx

I will sort out my filters if u would like to talk. Give me about 20min I'm not very technical xx

[msouthwales]

Well done for your honesty and braveness in posting this <3 I have suffered with mental health problems for over 20 years, and even though people often say they don't mind and will be understanding, the reality is often very different.

Emotions and emotional attachments can be hard for a lot of us as we often need to keep things in check a lot of the time for our own good, and just to be able to function day to day.

We will be fine though, after all 'it's all in our heads'...

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, msouthwales said:

Well done for your honesty and braveness in posting this <3 I have suffered with mental health problems for over 20 years, and even though people often say they don't mind and will be understanding, the reality is often very different.

Emotions and emotional attachments can be hard for a lot of us as we often need to keep things in check a lot of the time for our own good, and just to be able to function day to day.

We will be fine though, after all 'it's all in our heads'...

Thanks for your kind words. And thanks for sharing your own experience too. I think you put it in a more concise and direct way than I did, because it's so true when symptoms show. Most people are not ok with it.

 

One person said to me "Your moods have been all over the place today". Erm yeah that will be the BPD I told you about 🤷🏼‍♀️

 

Sorry to hear you struggle too. Oh god the "It's all in your head" is so invalidating. 

 

[msouthwales]

My ex wife was a great one for the 'its all in your head' quote. When she had a broken wrist I really wanted to tell her to stop complaining because 'it's all in your wrist dear'...

 

[Deleted Member]

🤭That last bit made me giggle sorry. I'm sorry you had such an invalidating experience.

[littlemiss37]

My ex always blamed my bpd and used that to make out it was always me never him xx

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, littlemiss37 said:

My ex always blamed my bpd and used that to make out it was always me never him xx

Sorry to hear that. It is always us and never them right 🙄Shit, message settings. Sorry I keep forgetting x

[littlemiss37]

Thats ok xx

[Nocturne]

I don't have a clear diagnosis, but am receiving the same therapy that someone with BPD does. I find it very difficult to make good connections with people, especially since I tend to attract people who also struggle with mental health, especially attachment issues. This tends to end with things getting too close, too fast, and an amount of pressure that shatters the relationship in one way or another. 

I love to have kinky connections, but I also love to have someone I can be calm around, hold them gently and give and receive affection. It's difficult to find something like that however, given people tend to seek romantic contact, often at a high speed, which is not something that has felt comfortable for me. The dynamic I've cared about most was broken by it becoming romantic, because it made me feel actually attached to them outside of the D/s dynamic, and soon they stopped talking to me at all. Now I see what would work well for me, but unfortunately it doesn't seem that there's a high chance of me getting it.