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Problems with being submissive?


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Hello guys. I'm 20y old, male, and straight. Since I was a kid, I had many fetishes and I liked being submissive. I have foot fetish, trample fetish, I like being  slapped by a woman, facesitting, spit fetish. I many normal relationships and only one with a dominant woman. She liked rough sex and she had a crazy libido.  She was riding my face all day, she was sleeping with her feet on my face, I cleaned all her body with my tongue when she was sweaty,  some days she trampled me and danced on me, It was a dream.

But the problem started when she begins to *** be verbally and physically  when we weren't in bed (I tried her to stop because I don't like that when I saw that but she insisted she likes that very much) then one day, when I was with my homies, she called me "her bitch", and tried to slap me but I catched her hand at the right time. It made me angry and nervous and I pushed her away. I abstained to not hit her, and I ended screaming at her. After that, we broke up :)

I'm not that typical submissive guy. I have an aggressive behavior towards men and women whey they try to tell me what to do and to control me.  I got involved in many fights during my life, I got expelled 3 times from school because I beat some guys. I'm also doing bodybuilding. I like feminine women. But I like being a slave in bedroom. Only in bedroom. But when we're not in bedroom, If a woman is trying to show me who's the boss, screaming at me or insult me, I can't stand that. It's pissing me off to the point where I can become violent. And the problem is, the majority of the dominant girls are dominant in the daily life too.  With all other girls I have dated, it was very simple. Some feet massage,  kiss their feet sometimes (they knew I had a foot fetish, but they didn't like the idea of trampling or gagging me), and a lot of pussy eating. Nothing special. I was not that satisfied in bed, but I had great relationship with them. I wanna get married till I hit 30' too. 

I don't know what to do. I like BDSM and rough sex, but if she tryna dominate me  in other place than bed, it will be not okay. I like a a basic relationship, but I don't wanna cheat on my girlfriend because I'm not enough satisfied. Any advices?


So you're interest is basically bedroom/role-play rather than lifestyle - that's OK : it's something probably easier to raise with a girlfriend than looking within a wider kink community where Dominants might be generally Dominant.

However - more crucially - you need some form of help to manage your anger because whatever the circumstances the traits you say there are not good/positive ones to have.   This is going to end badly one way or another if you don't deal with it.

As always, correct me if I am wrong, please. From what I think I have understood, Submissives are people who enjoy kink in the bedroom, while Submissive Slaves are kinksters extended beyond the bedroom. 24/7 slaves and non-24/7 slaves is another conversation. My advise would be to communicate with your (potential) partner and explain (in this context) that you are not a slave, just a Submissive. Other than that, I believe that there is someone for everyone, so patience is a virtue as always.
11 minutes ago, DanteReign said:

As always, correct me if I am wrong, please. From what I think I have understood, Submissives are people who enjoy kink in the bedroom, while Submissive Slaves are kinksters extended beyond the bedroom. 


There are different roles to the right of the slash  - slave, sub, bottom, masochist, spankee, etc. 

And of course different times you might want to do it.   It might be this is just in the bedroom (but that's OK), as and when you can or full 24/7

You can be a slave for the purpose of an evening.  You can be a 24/7 sub.  It's not simple and binary.

I am submissive too but only in bed, maybe some people do not understand that in bed one is a different person. In my city there are no relatively dominant women, and it makes a relationship difficult. do not understand how on the street can be male (I'm tall) and in bed a submissive puppy who loves to lick feet, be insulted and humiliated by my penis and my sexual performance. but we all have a different way of feeling and experiences.
  • 4 weeks later...

In some ways I am a contradiction to my self.

I am primarily a sub / bottom in the bedroom, but day to day Vanilla and Dominant when I have to be, but, when I'm around someone that is naturally Dominant by nature, I automatically take the submissive role to a point.

I think for me it stems from living alone for so long so only myself to rely on, but if I found a lady I was really happy with and we were living together as a couple, and she happened to be Dominant both in and out of the bedroom, I feel after a bit of time once I knew I could really trust her on that kind of level, I would happily go submissive 24-7.

For me personally: submission in the bedroom is a kind of stress release, to be pushed so far that I release all my emotions till I'm totally numb inside.

To live it outside the bedroom I would need an emotional connection far deeper than any normal relationship could provide, but if it was there, I'd happily go for it.

  • 2 weeks later...

Well she simply was not right for you

  • 4 weeks later...

Not much to add. I do suggest that you have a sit down. Communication is key. The time to do it is important. Don't do it after your frustrated. I been with my wife for 34 years. We have coffee Saturday morning its then we talk about what is going on. There are time if we something is bothering one of us we sit and talk it out. But during play time or when we have entertain. Not when one feel hurt or neglected. But we talk about it with clear heads and we always find a fair solution. 

You need to not put your hands on anyone in anger. Putting your hands on her in anger is not love its ***. She shouldn't put her hands on you in anger it's ***.  Neither one of you should put up with I. This lifestyle is not about *** it about understanding. The only way to understanding is communication. 

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