Yuking someone else’s yum

[ld****]

Just saw a Domme profile that said she finds Dom men unattractive so far so so. But the reasoning was that usually, she felt, if you are Dominant in the bedroom it is because you lack control in your real life.

I wanted female and male perspectives on this. From both sub and Dom practitioners. My feeling so far has been that the Freudian idea that we might project ***s and weaknesses into the bedroom has been unfounded.

I’d like to know what sub women think in generally about Dom men and their normal lives. I’d also like to hear from sub men regarding their lives and wether they’re all over achieving billionaires? Or is it as I imagine a relatively varied mix? Also from Domme women are your lives spiralling out of control? Is that why you seek power in the bedroom?

Thanks in advance for any anecdotal insight.

[Deleted Member]

I think you her view exactly what it is….an opinion. One I don’t share.

[De****]

For myself and my Dom we are both dominant in everyday life. I am submissive to them, but outwardly I have a high paying job as director of a scientific laboratory. My Dom owns their own business. In our case that rule doesn’t hold, because my Dom is pretty much never submissive to anyone, ever. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

She is a domme herself? So she is saying she lacks control away from the bedroom. Or is it just a double standard? I think she says this due to the fact she will not be able to dominate them.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been a submissive man. I’ve been a dom. I’m currently much more of a dom, but with the right partner, I switch around. I’ve always found the relationship with the partner and that dynamic to be more relevant than control in one’s life outside of the bedroom.

That said, when I’ve been in relationships with high achieving women, highly competitive women working high paying professional jobs, I’ve personally found they WANT to be submissive, even if they struggle with surrendering the control. The reverse has also been a pattern I’ve picked up on. A lot of the women I’ve been with who don’t have that high achiever mentality in their workplace have often wanted to take on the power and control.

The one other pattern I’d add I’ve picked up on, is the number of previous partners. The higher the number of their previous partners, the more they seem to want to play the dom.

It should go without saying these patterns aren’t 100% of the time, just seem to be patterns I’ve picked up on. I’m interested in what other’s experiences have been too.

I’ll add that when I comfortably fell into the submissive man category, it was definitely NOT because I had control over my life, and that as I gained more confidence and control in life, that confidence and control brought me towards being a dom in the bedroom… which I now am by default regardless of life circumstances.

[Deleted Member]

She's just uneducated. You just have to ignore and move on. There are different ways you can be a dom for a sub.

I my case I choose girls willing to submit to me guiding or controlling her: emotional, mental, & spiritual stability in order to better her overall lively hood.

Some people just need some extra help in life. Someone who can take on the responsibility of healing you while you cope with the world around you.

I love to show compassion.
I love nurturing someone's mind.
I love making sure my sub is eating right, sleeping right, and enjoying life. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in work, marriage, taking care of kids/family that they forget to take care of them selves or they don't have the will to do it on there own, and they require a Dominator who's willing to take in all the negativity and spit out positivity.

Don't misunderstand, I can be a bedroom Dom, but I choose to help and guide Instead. It feels more satisfying to me.

[Je****]

She just sounds like a judgemental, ignorant eejit tbh.

[su****]

I'm a typically soft dom with partners, and I've found in the past that subs I've been with want to give control over to me and are almost asking for permission to do so. I don't believe that applies to all subs, and I'm sure there are dom/mes with fulfilling and intense careers that enjoy extending that power to the bedroom too.

[Charms]

Bull shit . My master is pure dom when in kink mode.  But away from that he's 1 of the most caring kindest people I know. 

 

After day surgery to have teeth out he took me back to his. Put me to bed an checked on me every half hour. 

 

There's been other times due to my disability I have needed help. Master as run me a bath washed me and my hair then dried me , put me in pj's then put me to bed an looked after me. 

 

Master can be very dominant especially when we go to a dungeon.but away from kink time he's just a normal  person.

[Deleted Member]

I’m a natural submissive woman what that means for me what I seek I want a Dominant in the bedroom first and foremost but in my case I need a strict hand so I also have to have a Dominant who wants to be out of the bedroom also I’m not sure where those types are but they are not around so I choose to help other subs and learned how to be a domme so when asked I could help someone achieve their happiness until I find mine. Not sure if I answered the question I don’t want power I just want to make sure they find their pleasure now for me I want my dominant to take my control.
Lee

[se****]

Umm so far I think that with dominant and submissive men this has rung true more often than not- in my experience. Most dominant men in the bedroom have had pretty chaotic or troubled lives and want to exert control where they can, it seems. And the submissive men I’ve known have been more successful and type A personalities that want to let go of control in the bedroom. Now are there exceptions to the norm….yes, of course.

As far as women, I’ve not experienced this. It’s been more hit and miss- I’ve known submissive women that are a wreck and seeking a Dom to straighten out their life and give them boundaries and structure. But I’ve also known submissive women that are power bosses/uber independent and want to let go in the bedroom. I’ve met Domme’s that are a mess and want to control others to feel better about it all and Domme’s who are very put together and just love control that much that they extend it into the bedroom. So women seem to be the anomaly. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Spankaholic-3595]

As in life you will also on the web find people that have no idea what they're talking about 

Edited August 4, 2023 by Spankaholic-3595

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, Spankaholic-3595 said:

As in life you will also on the web find people that have no idea what they're talking about 

I wrote out a huge response to OP explaining in detail how the domme he speaks of is dead wrong on this stuff and it's a common mindset on the 'left' and how it can lead to danger. but you my friend got it in just over two lines.... people be just plain stupid, talking on topics with very little understanding as if it's factual. They've No idea what they are talking about.

[na****]

I think I’ve talked to everyone on the spectrum (young/old new/experienced well off/ not so well off, cocky/insecure, distant/clingy hard/soft etc.)to me the consensus of feeling control weather they are used to being in control in everyday life or the lack the control they want. But believe I’ve come to find a varied mix as you put it.

[Firefox_]

My Daddy is naturally a daddy dom in everyway. The way he holds himself day to day, he has a good job, hes naturally caring and protective of me, always keeps me safe. He is very good with long term goals and certainly has a better handle on life than I do lol. So for me, no I do not see this.

[xF****]

Only speaking from experience as my last Dom was very much a successful guy (good job, top floor apartment, nice cars, fancy red room etc) but then I've also spoken to Dom's that live with their parents, jobless etc. The latter doesn't appeal to me but I wouldn't really say they're all the same for that reason 🤷‍♀️

[Rikylynn]

Why is it all redhead girls that are talking about this shit 😂????! Lol gotta love redheads !💖

[CagedClitLvr]

On 8/3/2023 at 1:57 PM, metlife said:

Just saw a Domme profile that said she finds Dom men unattractive so far so so. But the reasoning was that usually, she felt, if you are Dominant in the bedroom it is because you lack control in your real life.

I wanted female and male perspectives on this. From both sub and Dom practitioners. My feeling so far has been that the Freudian idea that we might project ***s and weaknesses into the bedroom has been unfounded.

I’d like to know what sub women think in generally about Dom men and their normal lives. I’d also like to hear from sub men regarding their lives and wether they’re all over achieving billionaires? Or is it as I imagine a relatively varied mix? Also from Domme women are your lives spiralling out of control? Is that why you seek power in the bedroom?

Thanks in advance for any anecdotal insight.

I believe all of us here have desires, interests, unique to us. We're viewed outside as extreme or out the norm. Some of us are more in tune with why we like what we like and others ponder n some just accept it n think no further. To really answer ur question u need to ask the one you're with. Keep in mind some of these responses are going to be possible trauma, or from exposures, some things are never spoken and some will come after trust. It's awesome to feel invested in enough to answer. Be sensitive, open minded, and offer aftercare when asking.     

Personally I'm a switch I possess the extremes of both Dom and sub. There was a younger more *** me she loved guidance, accountability, and to be all accommodating without need to request. She's my sub side 15 yrs ago. 

I am now the head of my household, I'm independent, nurturing, and possess the tact to include my needs and wants. I am the one everyone turns to I solve all problems and take on each need as presented. I am the queen, the boss, and the leader of my unit. This is my boss status now. 

 

In a relationship I show I care by all I do. And yes that means owning that whore. But I respect my partner and dream of long term goals where we build an empire. I still value and respect a man. I give him his space and role accordingly. But also I ask the same in return. And in bed I can b the boss or switch it up. It all comes natural. But the trip here took much life experience and feeling extremely limited. But this bitch b out now in full effect.