Do any other littles purge their little stuff.

[YesDaddyYes]

Do any other littles purge their little stuff? Has anyone had the same sort of experiences as me. 

 

I've had some really negative experiences with people that have led me to either binning all of my little stuff in a fit rage and hurt, often whilst crying my eyes out or using words that shouldn't come out of a littles mouth, or at the very least bagging it all up and stuffing it in the storage cupboard far away from my bedroom. It's often done in the mindset of "if I was "normal" it would've worked" or "I hate it, no one ever wants me". Under my old account I wrote a piece about mental health and how having BPD is proving detrimental to finding someone, but I think the fact that I'm a little is too. 

 

I don't like feeling vulnerable, I associate it with being unsafe, but I hit it off with the occasional Daddy Dom and rather optimistically or naively I allow myself to be unguarded as it strengthens that bond. We connect over things that make us tick, the deep shit that make us who we are, that makes us feel, and then when the inevitable happens my symptoms get too much, and they leave (like other people with BPD/EUPD my ronto medial prefrontal cortex is not active, and not capable of coping with that abandonment) So I hate my little side, I hate it for making me need someone, I hate it for making me feel vulnerable, I chuck it all in a bag, my hello kitties went, anything remotely cute got shoved in that cupboard. It makes me even more sad.

 

Any fellow littles experience the same issues when they face rejection, binning it all I mean and that cycle of hurt? I'd really like to hear from people with BPD/EUPD especially. *Please note that i'm not implying that littles aren't normal, I'm referring to my brain, which is not normal.* 

Edited August 29 by YesDaddyYes
Typos and missing sentences

[Deleted Member]

I’m sorry you’ve experienced such treatment leaving you feeling this way. For this deeply personal part of yourself to be violated like this is very unfair. You’re right to be upset. Feeling unsafe is awful for anyone but someone little… I’d say this would be worse for anyone little. I hope you’re able to find some peace from airing your thoughts.

[YesDaddyYes]

Thanks. It's not slating anyone. I'm just curious as to whether or not any other littles do this when they experience rejection. Thanks for your lovely words though. X

[Deleted Member]

I think it’s a normal response to abandonment. I’ve also moved my delights out of reach when hurt.

[Lu****]

I‘m really sorry for your experience. Some people are Dom because it’s natural and some are Dom out of insecurity. Sounds like you might have been unlucky and met the second type. Men who are seriousl about wanting a ddlg relationship will be willing to take it slow. It might be scary because you‘ll fear them getting bored and leaving but it would at least sift out the low-life. And a little bit of tolerance should be expected from both sides. I really hope you find a good guy. Don‘t give up on your little side. If it’s part of who you are then it won’t go away completely anyway. And when you find the right guy it will be beautiful.

[YesDaddyYes]

Thanks. I think my mental health prevents anything from growing. It's why I'm alone at 38 x

[Deleted Member]

Just remember that there are plenty of guys out there that are 100% compatible with your little side, exactly as it is. If some guy you meet makes you feel bad for who you are then let that be his problem, not yours. He’s not the right one for you. When you can be completely open and honest with your feelings and your daddy accepts you that way and adores you that way then you’ve found the right one. I think there are a lot of fake daddies that don’t really get this dynamic and don’t realise the complexity of a true ddlg connection.

[YesDaddyYes]

Thanks but this post isn't about throwing jabs at the people that rejected me. I'm just curious as to whether any other littles purge theor little stuff in the face of rejection.

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, YesDaddyYes said:

Thanks but this post isn't about throwing jabs at the people that rejected me. I'm just curious as to whether any other littles purge theor little stuff in the face of rejection.

Good point, I was way off the mark on this one! I’ve never known a little to do this, but I guess if they did it they wouldn’t let me know. But I’ve also not rejected a little either

[YesDaddyYes]

No worries. :) x

[st****]

I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong, our glitch or flaws are what makes us Us. As for vulnerability slowly but steadily we tend to grow a coping mechanism. Sometimes no matter how badly we want things to work, no amount of love, money or time can win over destiny.

[bu****]

I have bpd and I regress into a little. I have never purged my littles stuff. But my Littles also don't come out for just any daddy. In fact most of my doms have never nor will never meet that side of me. I am extremely protective of that and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable when my Littles do decide to come out. I honestly fucking hate it. Because it is rare for them to come out I don't purge any of their things. 

 

Are you open about your bpd with your partners and how to avoid triggers with them? It honestly sounds like your spilting in little space. Splitting is 100% avoidable. 

[YesDaddyYes]

4 hours ago, buckley887 said:

I have bpd and I regress into a little. I have never purged my littles stuff. But my Littles also don't come out for just any daddy. In fact most of my doms have never nor will never meet that side of me. I am extremely protective of that and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable when my Littles do decide to come out. I honestly fucking hate it. Because it is rare for them to come out I don't purge any of their things. 

 

Are you open about your bpd with your partners and how to avoid triggers with them? It honestly sounds like your spilting in little space. Splitting is 100% avoidable. 

Thanks so much for your reply, this helped a ton. I didn't even realise I was splitting (1-0 to unstable sense of identity 😂)

 

Do you mind if I ask why you hate your little side and why they don't come out for your Dom's? 

So like I was messaging someone and we were going to meet, it was really full on and I called him Daddy because that bond was so strong and it felt right, he stood me up and that's when my little stuff got relegated to the storage cupboard. It just made the abandonment even worse. 💖

[bu****]

Oh I'm so sorry! That must have been gut wrenching, I can see why you spilt. Going from online to irl can be extremely difficult because people pretend to be shit they are not. 

 

My littles were trained to stay inside by my mother. She hated them and was extremely embarrassed by them. I eventually was able to keep them locked away. However, when they need to protect me or really really like someone they will come out. I don't have much say at the point. I hate it because I have zero control and often times don't remember anything when they are out. It's periods of my life I will never get back. It also means that they have relationships with people I have no say in. 

They don't come out for every dom because every dom isn't worthy of their attention. They don't make them feel seen or heard so why would they come out. I protect my littles as best I can. They are a peice of me that most people will never understand. Nor do I want them to. Maybe I will never have a dom that gets all 3 of us, I'm OK with that. Especially if It means I don't have to spilt. Spilting is the worst. The mental and emotional pain of spilting hurts so unbelievably much I'd rather be punched by Mike Tyson. 

 

Hang in there, remember that you protect your littles as well. Doms need to earn your trust and your little space. Submission is such a gift and is so incredibly beautiful. Then you throw in that a little is wanting and needing to, it's the sweetest. You deserve more than asshole doms that have zero clue what they are doing. My dms are always open. 

[YesDaddyYes]

4 hours ago, buckley887 said:

Oh I'm so sorry! That must have been gut wrenching, I can see why you spilt. Going from online to irl can be extremely difficult because people pretend to be shit they are not. 

 

My littles were trained to stay inside by my mother. She hated them and was extremely embarrassed by them. I eventually was able to keep them locked away. However, when they need to protect me or really really like someone they will come out. I don't have much say at the point. I hate it because I have zero control and often times don't remember anything when they are out. It's periods of my life I will never get back. It also means that they have relationships with people I have no say in. 

They don't come out for every dom because every dom isn't worthy of their attention. They don't make them feel seen or heard so why would they come out. I protect my littles as best I can. They are a peice of me that most people will never understand. Nor do I want them to. Maybe I will never have a dom that gets all 3 of us, I'm OK with that. Especially if It means I don't have to spilt. Spilting is the worst. The mental and emotional pain of spilting hurts so unbelievably much I'd rather be punched by Mike Tyson. 

 

Hang in there, remember that you protect your littles as well. Doms need to earn your trust and your little space. Submission is such a gift and is so incredibly beautiful. Then you throw in that a little is wanting and needing to, it's the sweetest. You deserve more than asshole doms that have zero clue what they are doing. My dms are always open. 

I swear it's the worst. We spoke after that but then he vanished and is leaving me on read. It's savage, hr knows he's causing me pain- we're both borderlines, we both read the article on the ronto medial prefrontal cortex. It fucks me up and because he won't block my number I can't let it go. We have each other blocked on here so we don't see each other around.

 

Do you have DID if you don't mind me asking?

 

I totally agree on the splitting. Borderline bullshit on general hurts. I hate that I'm so sensitive. 

[bu****]

No, I don't have DID. I have BPD, in some cases it can lead to age regression. 

I know a ton of BPD find releife in age play, I haven't found age play to be helpful for me. 

 

Have you deleted his number and every way you can access it? I know it's painful to think about and that having that one route left seems like it's helping but it's not. Once you get rid of the last thing keeping you tied to him, you'll be able to finish your spilt and move on like he never exsisted. That's where the real blessing with bpd comes in, is once you finish the spilt the person might as well never existed. Fuck I can't even remember half of my relationships because they ended in a spilt. I literally don't even remember their names and we were together for years. Finish the spilt girl!!

[YesDaddyYes]

16 minutes ago, buckley887 said:

No, I don't have DID. I have BPD, in some cases it can lead to age regression. 

I know a ton of BPD find releife in age play, I haven't found age play to be helpful for me. 

 

Have you deleted his number and every way you can access it? I know it's painful to think about and that having that one route left seems like it's helping but it's not. Once you get rid of the last thing keeping you tied to him, you'll be able to finish your spilt and move on like he never exsisted. That's where the real blessing with bpd comes in, is once you finish the spilt the person might as well never existed. Fuck I can't even remember half of my relationships because they ended in a spilt. I literally don't even remember their names and we were together for years. Finish the spilt girl!!

I think it'll happen when I meet someone else. It's so annoying as he said some flawless things that make me swoon. The messed up thing was I was discussing the day before with my bestie about parting ways with him for myriad of reasons...he ditched first and I've been a mess. Even though on paper I can see he's bad news. Urgh stupid BPD brain. I love your look by the way! Your hair is hair goals.

[bu****]

Either way he did not handle it nicely. Doms should not just ghost like that. They have a huge responsibility and d/s relationships are not like normal fucking relationships. You don't actively put your life into someone else's hands like you would in a d/s relationship. Based on that alone it's more than enough to disconnect from him. Maybe write a list of all his shitty behavior then when you feel that pull, just read the list out loud until it goes away. 

 

Thank you, your hair is pretty awesome too. 😍 

[YesDaddyYes]

18 hours ago, buckley887 said:

Either way he did not handle it nicely. Doms should not just ghost like that. They have a huge responsibility and d/s relationships are not like normal fucking relationships. You don't actively put your life into someone else's hands like you would in a d/s relationship. Based on that alone it's more than enough to disconnect from him. Maybe write a list of all his shitty behavior then when you feel that pull, just read the list out loud until it goes away. 

 

Thank you, your hair is pretty awesome too. 😍 

Yeah there's like a 20 bullet point list in my diary of all the reasons it's a good thing he behaved the way he has. It won't be him that ends up single though, women are always way more accommodating of mental health than men are. I feel like I'm doomed.x

 

Aww you're welcome and thanks. I'm loving being purple. I've had it for a year now x

Edited September 6 by YesDaddyYes
Forgot to add the last part on

[bu****]

You're so right! Women do tolerate a lot more than men do. You are not doomed. There is someone out there for you, I promise. Just don't settle on them being understanding of your mental health and hard nos, absolutely everything else can be worked around. But I also say that as a pan- demisexual. 🤣 so looks and gender are at the bottom of my list when it comes to looking for a Dom. 

You are stunning and from our conversation here very sweet and vulnerable. Those are all amazing qualities. You'll find your person. 

[ey****]

I know this is not really what you're referring to - but I feel there's some overlap

kinda... if someone walked into a guys house and he had a collection of, say... Star Wars figures, Funkpops, Model Airplanes, Train Sets, so on - no one would really think anything of it

but women are kinda expected to mature out of perceived toys. 

[YesDaddyYes]

19 hours ago, buckley887 said:

You're so right! Women do tolerate a lot more than men do. You are not doomed. There is someone out there for you, I promise. Just don't settle on them being understanding of your mental health and hard nos, absolutely everything else can be worked around. But I also say that as a pan- demisexual. 🤣 so looks and gender are at the bottom of my list when it comes to looking for a Dom. 

You are stunning and from our conversation here very sweet and vulnerable. Those are all amazing qualities. You'll find your person. 

You are such a lovely soul. I really appreciate your kind words. I'm also a nightmare to date. :/ That's so cool. I didn't know what pan/demi sexual meant and I didn't want to offend anyone by asking so that's really interesting to know.💖

[YesDaddyYes]

19 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I know this is not really what you're referring to - but I feel there's some overlap

kinda... if someone walked into a guys house and he had a collection of, say... Star Wars figures, Funkpops, Model Airplanes, Train Sets, so on - no one would really think anything of it

but women are kinda expected to mature out of perceived toys. 

I think your point is valid, we are. I guess for me that's why I like my little side sometimes. I was never a girly girl but now I'm all about hello kitty and care bears and indulge that side of myself. Like I turn 39 a week on Sunday but I'll be sporting very cool Powerpuff girls nails 😂 and wearing my backpack 😂

[se****]

Happy Belated Birthday!🎂 I am not going to sugar coat this, and only my view. We can do everything perfectly in finding a partner, but luck plays at the end. Some meet faster than others. A video mentioned a woman going through 200 First dates until she met her hubby. This is not even the first chats. We need to think "How Long are we willing to wait, and going through so many frogs". Yeah, some of those are real biters! Long time ago, I threw away my collection of plush Sanrios, because I allowed a frog get to me. Learned my lesson. You hold your head up high, holding your beloved treasure, and walk with pride....💖

Edited September 9 by seonny
Misspelling

[YesDaddyYes]

23 hours ago, seonny said:

Happy Belated Birthday!🎂 I am not going to sugar coat this, and only my view. We can do everything perfectly in finding a partner, but luck plays at the end. Some meet faster than others. A video mentioned a woman going through 200 First dates until she met her hubby. This is not even the first chats. We need to think "How Long are we willing to wait, and going through so many frogs". Yeah, some of those are real biters! Long time ago, I threw away my collection of plush Sanrios, because I allowed a frog get to me. Learned my lesson. You hold your head up high, holding your beloved treasure, and walk with pride....💖

Thank you for this. Aww my birthdays not until next Sunday, but thanks. Christ I feel like I'm on my millionth. I am talking to someone I met on a vanilla dating site and we have plenty in common, but it's going to mean hiding all of my little shit. Aww you didn't! That sucks, I'm sorry fo hear that. Did you rebuild your collection? Mose importantly have you found the right frog? Thanks for your lovely words 💖