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Help with BF’s kinks?


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Hey kinky friends! 

I am a more submissive gal with a bf who likes to switch roles. I do also have a dominant side, but I haven’t experimented much yet. 

My bf has a humiliation, jealousy, and degradation kink. I have never experienced these kinks before. I’m extremely open minded and want to bring his fantasies to life, but I’m a bit lost. 

Our last “play time” he asked me to tie him up, to which I obliged. But then he asked me to be more intense and said that I could be as sadistic as I wanted. He mentioned that while we’ve had fun when I’ve tied him up before, I am too sweet and nice. 

I’ve definitely ramped up my dirty talking skills and am more comfortable saying things that feed his jealousy/humiliation kink, but the problem I am having is with the physical side of things. 

I am not sure how I can be more intense or let my sadistic side out. I did ask him how intense he’d like things (I asked if he wanted pornhub or xvideos level intensity, if you know you know 🤷🏼‍♀️) and he said that his limits are very high. We also have a safe word in case things ever cross a line. Regardless, I still struggle to ramp things up. 

For context, the most intense I’ve taken things is riding his face while telling him how much better another tongue would feel and whipping his thighs/fingering his ass. 

Any and all suggestions are highly appreciated!! 

Thanks in advance and stay kinky! Xoxo


Hiya there, as someone who’s a male switch I have these kinks as well. Communication is very key, so ask him in advance what he’d like. Ask him beforehand if he’d like some anal play with toys, spanking, slapping, choking,…
It is very important to have a good communicative relationship.
And if you feel like it’s too much for you then you should tell him that ass well.

I hope you guys will find and figure it out as soon as possible to get to enjoy each other more.
Put a collar around his neck with a chain attached to the bedframe, then stand just out of reach, leg cocked upon something so he has to stretch and lean as faaaar as he can just to get within a couple centimetres of your crotch while you laugh and say 'awh you're really trying aren't you', then walk forward and press his face right in, so much so he struggles to breathe for a few seconds. I made this up on the spot lmfao so I dont expect you to try it out but its an idea lol!
He wants a level that you are not comfortable with I think, he wants physical pain
Talk about these things beforehand, like hours or days. Get suggestions and note them down. Send him or have him send you some videos of scenes he finds a turn on… or get him to purchase a toy he wants you to use on him! 🤷🏻‍♂️
He wants you to be forceful with him, explicitly leaving him no choice or say in what happens, and making it uncomfortable and painful to ensure he realises how little control he has. That's the scary "lost control" feeling a lot of subs crave. That's obviously not your way, so perhaps its time to invest in some torture sextoys. Start with candles, get electro toys, maybe chastity devices and whips/canes/paddles. Ultimately though, if you're sub and not getting anything from this and he wants it a lot, then you are not going to be happy with this play arrangement. not unless you gfo full domme and find a bull boyfriend to satisfy your sub desires, cucking your bf. He might be good with that though, yuo have to decide if you are too.

I hate to say this but... everyone has limits and limits is not just in what people are willing to do, but in what they're able to do - what they're comfortable in doing

and that's kinda where you are.  I don't think this is going to work for you, it's just not you

I mean, there are still things you can do to help - but, it's not going to be play as he wants it. So one option is he needs to be happy with what you are comfortable and happy with and this might expand in the future, or it might not

and alternative is that you allow him to seek another for play, either specifically or generally - and this could include him looking for a play partner or going to see a Pro Domme on occasion.  You could even join in with the Pro sessions to see if there's anything that can help you and so you're still a part of it

But yeah, I'm afraid the current path isn't going to work for either of you


I highly recommend some education like an impact play class or a domination class. Read The New Topping book. Watch videos from reliable content creators. Consider finding a Domme to mentor you.

For impact play, start slow and ramp up slowly. Use a scale like 1-5 and have him give you feedback for awhile until you feel comfortable and then check in periodically or any time you switch implements. Tell him that 3 is the level of intensity he would want to be sustained for a long time, 4 being good but at an intensity that he wouldn’t want to have every time, and 5 being way too much.

Start impact play with just your hands do you can feel the force and only use implements you have practiced with and feel very comfortable using.

For any kind of domination, do your research, try things on yourself, talk talk talk to your partner.

And like @eyemblacksheep said, it’s ok for the Top/Domme to have limits. You can decide that there are things you just aren’t comfortable doing. Whether that’s for now or for the foreseeable future.
Oh, and have him fill out a bdsm check list and talk about his responses.
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