Fa**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 I’m wondering how common this phrase is with people who aren’t getting/don’t get what they want? It’s been thrown at me again tonight effectively because I haven’t opened my legs - although he don’t have the balls to actually say that. He confronted me and questioned whether I actually want to have sex anymore. My response being no I don’t when it is merely about penetration and the only time you’re nice/show me affection is when you want to penetrate me. He’s not used to me standing up for myself. Previously in our relationship I’ve done whatever was needed to keep the peace but recently I feel like I deserve more. His response to this was that if I won’t someone else will. Bizarrely despite not being in an open relationship of any sort this comment did not bother me in the slightest in terms of jealousy. It did however seriously piss me off. Nothing like proving me right when I am off the opinion that it doesn’t matter what hole he penetrates as long as he gets to thrust and cum that’s all he wants. The “threat” (and I’m proud of myself for calling him out on it) of him finding intercourse elsewhere didn’t, for once, make me roll over and beg him not to leave. It didn’t make me open my legs and apologise for not being a “proper wife”. I simply listened to his accusations about how I’m not good enough, do nothing, show my dogs more affection than I do him, and don’t act like a proper wife and stick up for myself. I’m done with being walked on. I’m done with being treated like shit for not opening my legs. I’m done with being the useless, lazy, ridiculous, stupid idiot I’m made to feel like. The scary part is that tomorrow will come and the apologies will start and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to stand my ground or give in for the sake of keeping the peace. Love, X
bu**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 This is ***. You may want to Google sexual *** and work thru that with a therapist. No one is entitled to your body. Anyone that threatens a relationship because you won't give them your body is not loving or caring.
do**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 Tell him someone else will treat you better too. Because the true is, someone out there will. Self care is the best care. Take care of you first and never settle for less than you're worth
Ceejayuk Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 Well done for standing up to him. Its about time he treat you properly. x
Bo**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 Good job in finding the strength and courage to say something. Stay strong it’s not easy but it’s necessary for your own health and self love. I hope you can continue to keep strong and send good vibes your way.
Will57Y Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 Stay strong - you deserve more than he's been giving.
Sm**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 “If you won’t, another will” Then let someone else deal with his BS, and find someone better for yourself. Whether that takes some improvement on your end, it will be for the better for you both in the course of your lives, as he may also be ***d to improve himself or clean up his act to find “another” who “will”—it may be far more difficult for him than he expects, which could lead to personal growth. . tl;dr leave him and let him find another, as it will likely lead to a more positive outcome for both of you
Pa**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 You’re so right. That’s absolutely a threat and no one deserves to be threatened like that, especially not by a partner. Stay strong
ar**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 Your relationship with him may be casual, or it could be rather serious. If it's casual, you should not have to deal with his behavior. . If you however are more involved, you may feel the desire or need to maintain your relationship. In that case, you now told him your requirements for that to happen. . If he values you enough and isn't an egocentric btard, he should be more than willing to step up. If not, you should consider breaking it off. Because you indeed deserve more.
DarkArts1066 Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 1 hour ago, arnhem961 said: Your relationship with him may be casual, or it could be rather serious. If it's casual, you should not have to deal with his behavior. . If you however are more involved, you may feel the desire or need to maintain your relationship. In that case, you now told him your requirements for that to happen. . If he values you enough and isn't an egocentric btard, he should be more than willing to step up. If not, you should consider breaking it off. Because you indeed deserve more. This pretty much sums up my thoughts on your situation. Without knowing more about your relationship with this person - and therefore what is actually at stake here, it’s difficult to comment with clarity, however, sex should be about more than just penetration. Intimate and personal desires and feelings come into play when one is in a ‘relationship’ with another human being. Now - if simple penetration is what works for two people, that’s fine….. clearly, you are not in that headspace. I feel that, for your own happiness and peace of mind, you need to stand your ground with this person. If there IS a bigger relationship at stake … ie: You are in an established relationship, perhaps through marriage, or with children, and a bigger plan, then you should find a way to talk, and explain your needs calmly and clearly, and engage with him to make sure you are both getting what you need from your situation. The statement - “someone else will” is, at best, a veiled threat. No one should have to accept threats within a relationship. If you do “keep the peace” as you put it, ask yourself now - how long will you be able to do that - if things don’t change ? No one likes confrontation, but you are not a toy to be used to empty his balls whenever he feels like it. You want - and need more, and better from him. You mention he accused you of “not being a proper wife, and sticking up for yourself ..” Well, he’s opened the lid on that particular Pandora’s Box - maybe now is the time to show him that YOUR needs are important..?
Fa**** Posted September 21, 2023 Author Posted September 21, 2023 1 hour ago, DarkArts1066 said: This pretty much sums up my thoughts on your situation. Without knowing more about your relationship with this person - and therefore what is actually at stake here, it’s difficult to comment with clarity, however, sex should be about more than just penetration. Intimate and personal desires and feelings come into play when one is in a ‘relationship’ with another human being. Now - if simple penetration is what works for two people, that’s fine….. clearly, you are not in that headspace. I feel that, for your own happiness and peace of mind, you need to stand your ground with this person. If there IS a bigger relationship at stake … ie: You are in an established relationship, perhaps through marriage, or with children, and a bigger plan, then you should find a way to talk, and explain your needs calmly and clearly, and engage with him to make sure you are both getting what you need from your situation. The statement - “someone else will” is, at best, a veiled threat. No one should have to accept threats within a relationship. If you do “keep the peace” as you put it, ask yourself now - how long will you be able to do that - if things don’t change ? No one likes confrontation, but you are not a toy to be used to empty his balls whenever he feels like it. You want - and need more, and better from him. You mention he accused you of “not being a proper wife, and sticking up for yourself ..” Well, he’s opened the lid on that particular Pandora’s Box - maybe now is the time to show him that YOUR needs are important..? 18 year vanilla marriage and please believe I’ve tried talking about it and asking for change. Got a long time I did keep the peace so I guess in a way I’ve made my bed and if I hadn’t changed to saying no when I really don’t want to fuck then things would be better.
Ho**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 I’m surmising that your husband is not your Dom and my response is based on that. Simply put, threats are ***. They leave marks on the psyche as real as the bruises that come from being stuck. When people use *** to gain control and then circle back to contrition if their efforts fail, they must be handled with a hard line. You seem to have reached a point where (at least from your side) it’s possible to engage in a dialogue that can lead to healthy change. If, of course, your husband goes along with it. Good on you for standing your ground and I hope you hold the line going forward.
so**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 Wishing you strength in holding to what you know you need to do today.
Je**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 Sounds like you know this isn't right. That you deserve more, and the fact you weren't bothered by his threat of finding it elsewhere, is to me, speaking that you have let go. You are standing up for yourself and he perhaps doesn't like that. This is not a good relationship and he sounds very toxic. Please keep the strength you have found NOW, for when the apologies come in. This is very narcissistic behaviour.
Je**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 1 hour ago, HommeEtranger60 said: I’m surmising that your husband is not your Dom and my response is based on that. Not every relationship has a D/s dynamic. And IF it was the case he was her Dom, fuck him in the bin there also. None of it is good. No Dominant would behave that way or speak that way. I agree on the dangers and scars threats can leave on the mind and mental health. Absolutely.
Co**** Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 13 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said: I’m wondering how common this phrase is with people who aren’t getting/don’t get what they want? It’s been thrown at me again tonight effectively because I haven’t opened my legs - although he don’t have the balls to actually say that. He confronted me and questioned whether I actually want to have sex anymore. My response being no I don’t when it is merely about penetration and the only time you’re nice/show me affection is when you want to penetrate me. He’s not used to me standing up for myself. Previously in our relationship I’ve done whatever was needed to keep the peace but recently I feel like I deserve more. His response to this was that if I won’t someone else will. Bizarrely despite not being in an open relationship of any sort this comment did not bother me in the slightest in terms of jealousy. It did however seriously piss me off. Nothing like proving me right when I am off the opinion that it doesn’t matter what hole he penetrates as long as he gets to thrust and cum that’s all he wants. The “threat” (and I’m proud of myself for calling him out on it) of him finding intercourse elsewhere didn’t, for once, make me roll over and beg him not to leave. It didn’t make me open my legs and apologise for not being a “proper wife”. I simply listened to his accusations about how I’m not good enough, do nothing, show my dogs more affection than I do him, and don’t act like a proper wife and stick up for myself. I’m done with being walked on. I’m done with being treated like shit for not opening my legs. I’m done with being the useless, lazy, ridiculous, stupid idiot I’m made to feel like. The scary part is that tomorrow will come and the apologies will start and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to stand my ground or give in for the sake of keeping the peace. Love, X In response to the original question.......Omg Girl.......you ARE strong enough NOT to put up with this Toxic Male Behavior anymore. It shows weakness on his side, and sounds like abit of a childish Tantrum . He cant go around demanding your Physical Love,..... or any Love........he has to earn it, by giving Love and Respect to YOU. YOU are Important. Be kind to YOURSELF, and start to practice SELF LOVE. DON'T let him disrespect you anymore. Tell him, You know your worth. LOVE to You Xxx
GeneGrey Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 Please leave him. He certainly doesn’t seem to care about your feelings or your values. If he’s been hurting you, and you’ve explained to him over and over about it, it’s time to cut the rope.
CopperKnob Posted September 21, 2023 Posted September 21, 2023 Proud of you for standing up for yourself . Funny how he's not found himself 'someone else'. . Sensing some 💩 gone down in the comments...🤔
Fa**** Posted September 22, 2023 Author Posted September 22, 2023 7 hours ago, CopperKnob said: Proud of you for standing up for yourself . Funny how he's not found himself 'someone else'. . Sensing some 💩 gone down in the comments...🤔 lol you think 😘
d0**** Posted September 22, 2023 Posted September 22, 2023 Best of luck here, relationships are complex and need more than one person to make it work. Perhaps a visit to the foundations are required, what initially attracted you together and where you are now. New contract so to speak, maybe even poly, he can go disappoint someone and you can join the wonderful bdsm world?? Good luck, it's not easy
Deleted Member Posted October 17, 2023 Posted October 17, 2023 On 9/21/2023 at 1:27 AM, FatefulDestiny said: I’m wondering how common this phrase is with people who aren’t getting/don’t get what they want? It’s been thrown at me again tonight effectively because I haven’t opened my legs - although he don’t have the balls to actually say that. He confronted me and questioned whether I actually want to have sex anymore. My response being no I don’t when it is merely about penetration and the only time you’re nice/show me affection is when you want to penetrate me. He’s not used to me standing up for myself. Previously in our relationship I’ve done whatever was needed to keep the peace but recently I feel like I deserve more. His response to this was that if I won’t someone else will. Bizarrely despite not being in an open relationship of any sort this comment did not bother me in the slightest in terms of jealousy. It did however seriously piss me off. Nothing like proving me right when I am off the opinion that it doesn’t matter what hole he penetrates as long as he gets to thrust and cum that’s all he wants. The “threat” (and I’m proud of myself for calling him out on it) of him finding intercourse elsewhere didn’t, for once, make me roll over and beg him not to leave. It didn’t make me open my legs and apologise for not being a “proper wife”. I simply listened to his accusations about how I’m not good enough, do nothing, show my dogs more affection than I do him, and don’t act like a proper wife and stick up for myself. I’m done with being walked on. I’m done with being treated like shit for not opening my legs. I’m done with being the useless, lazy, ridiculous, stupid idiot I’m made to feel like. The scary part is that tomorrow will come and the apologies will start and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to stand my ground or give in for the sake of keeping the peace. Love, X This is *** and a form of sexual ***, if you feel ***d to comply due to actual or threatened consequences should you say No. My ex husband would whine, pout, say I didn't love him, threaten to quit work ( why should I provide as a husband if you don't provide as a wife), be horrible to the kids and even the dog, give me the silent treatment for days, yell, storm out, punch and kick objects or throw them against the room to land next to me, and yes threaten to get it elsewhere and even to *** random women and it would " be my fault". You can bet your ass I filed for divorce. Don't let it happen to you. Make him understand that *** is a relationship killer and ***, or find a man who is able to seduce you rather than threaten you into submission. Hugs xx
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