Broken trust, ignored safe word.

[Ra****]

Long story short. My heart is broken. I left my dom today. Once a long time ago he "ignored" my safe word in a scene. He claimed it was by accident and he didn't hear me. Which given the scene at the time....was possibly true.

However a week ago he completely disregarded my safe word. He clearly heard me. And refused to stop pushing me past my limits. I gave it a few days for the hurt to calm. But made the decision to leave today. I took off my collar. And went to his to hand it back.

I feel so so broken. And completely alone. I dont have many bdsm friends so many of my friends just don't really understand. I'm somewhat doubting if I made the right decision. He has apologised a lot since. He didn't really have an excuse. Just that he thought I wasn't at my limit really and needed pushing further. I needed teaching what was right. Did I do the right thing?

[I-see-Angels]

When the trust had gone it’s gone…,

[NorseRhune]

Absolutely you are in the right!

[Ae****]

You did the right thing. He made a mistake. The trust is broken and should take a huge amount to repair. Do not let it be repaired easily.

[ja****]

I’m sorry for that loss. It’s tough. Your better off now it seems. My heart goes out to you.

[ir****]

A safe word is a safe word for a reason. Trust is the most important thing in a dom/sub relationship. When you hear the safe word you stop, end of question, then you have a conversation with your partner about why the word was used and what they felt uncomfortable with. The moment someone ignores the safe word they lose your trust and it becomes very difficult if not impossible to give yourself over to them as a sub. While this is BDSM all forms of sex require consent. Using the safe word is the established was of saying “I don’t consent” in BDSM role play where it’s very common in things like CNC to say Stop or don’t do that and not mean it. You took away your consent and he chose to ignore it. I think you did the right thing, even if you went back to him it would be incredibly difficult to have the same relationship as before now that you don’t trust him to stop

[Eastbourneguy]

Just like the others have said, you were in the right. How can you submit to a person you can't trust?

[SwitchMade]

I'm sorry. It's unacceptable for a partner to decide "Nah, I don't think you're there yet" when you safeword. Your limit is your call, period. Feelings of doubt are natural and you're making the right move. 

[Wo****]

You are absolutely right for ending the relationship. Respect is so important in any relationship and even more so in this dynamic. Keep your head up and stay strong. You deserve to be able to trust your Dom and know that he will respect!! Best wishes♡

[LatexSwitch94]

I agree your limits are your call I hope you are able to find someone new and hopefully make more bdsm friends

[LatexSwitch94]

You did make the right decision

[La****]

I’m so sorry you have had this heartbreaking experience but you know what! Use it! Use this to show you your worth and at least now yiu know, exactly what you are not looking for. Everything happens for a reason. You will be okay… because you are fabulous. Out with the old, you n with the worthy new x

[MasterDarcy1979]

You did the right thing.

Can ignoring your safe word once be understandable? No. I can't envisage a scenario where I wouldn't be able to hear.

That brings up all sorts of issues. If he can't be aware enough to hear you or respect you I'm afraid he sounds like a sexual predator.

Ignoring you once is bad enough but twice? Unforgivable.

He lost your trust and he disrespect you. Twice.

If the first time was a legitimate mistake or error in judgment then he would've made a conscious effort to never let it happen again.

You gave him the benefit of the doubt and he ***d your forgiving nature.

It might not feel like it, but this is a good thing. You'll nod go out there and find someone who loved and respects you.

You're stunningly beautiful. You'll have a lot of suitors to choose from

[FWDB]

No youndid the right thing.

[FWDB]

No you.did the right thing

[Deleted Member]

There’s no doubt in anyones mind here, you absolutely made the right decision.

[Da****]

You’ve given the “Dom” the benefit of the doubt and taken another chance, you’ve made the right call for your own safety, you should never be ignored at all and never mind when a safe word is used that’s the whole idea of it, your safety should be paramount and the safe word respected at all times, Just be careful out there and look after yourself.

[Li****]

You made the right decision.  You must protect yourself. I'm sorry you're hurting but he broke your trust and not just once. 

[GB****]

As much as it hurts your to walk you’ve done the right thing. The safe word is there for a reason and it should always be honored. If it’s not, then what is the point of having a safe word. I’m sorry you went through this, I know it hurts but you made the right call.

[Zhurendragon]

You made absolutely the right decision. He doesn't know when you have hit the point you need to stop, hence the safe word. If he ignored it once, he likely will again.

[Da****]

As all have said... you did the right thing. I second the notion that you can't go back to this Dom. Take some time to mentally heal before moving fforwardwith anyone...please be safe and take care of yourself first

[Th****]

You did the right thing. He ignored your safe word, that's serious. How can you trust someone who did that to you?

[gi****]

First, you did the brave thing by ending this relationship. I can only imagine how difficult this was for you, particularly as you were collared. Secondly, you did the courageous thing by reaching out to the people on here. I know you can feel alone, but I invite you to see all of the people who have responded. You have a community of people who are here to support you. Finally, I will say what I say to people I work with when they have a rupture in their relationship. To repair a rupture, he would need to first own his behavior, then own its impact on you, and finally work to regain your trust. His "apologies" as you describe them are not an owning of his behavior. They are not an acknowledgement of the damage that he did. He did this twice now, and it doesn't sound like either time he truly acknowledged his behavior. I want to say, as a Dom, if a sub and I play in a way that will make it difficult for me to hear their safe word, then it is on me to make certain we have discussed how she will signal in a way that I can acknowledge, and I am much more cautious with checking in with her to make certain that she is safely within her limits. Pushing limits should only be done when I am absolutely certain that the sub can signal the need to pause and check in, or the need to stop. I wanted to add these thoughts to support and affirm that you made a good decision. It is the hard decision, as it often can be in situations such as this. But, it is the good one. And, I hope you can see the community of individuals who support you.

[au****]

You did the right thing for your heart and body. You’re a sub, which means you ultimately hold the control…the concept is supposed to be “giving control” to someone who is TRUSTWORTHY and Attuned. A true respectful dom does NOT push past safe words because THEY think YOU can do more. Not this toxic disconnected control freak business that permeates the LS, and muddies up understanding what it takes to have the proper connection and relationship for a D\s dynamic. If a dom felt that way they can discuss it with you later, at another time, checking in with you outside of a scene to see if you’re up for more or not.

[Li****]

This "needed teaching" and "he thought I wasn't at my limit really and needed pushing further" hit a nerve. Apologies always come after consequences and I definitely think you've done right for you.