KINKY APPROACH

[Du****]

It’s lovely to start with a compliment, but that’s not quite enough to stand out - sorry, Gents, but most of the women here probably get told we have a gorgeous pair of something-or-others at least twenty times a day. If you follow with a comment or a question about our profile, now we know you took the time to read it. You paused long enough to invest half a minute. Where you go next is up to you: brash and dirty is a risk, but you might prefer women who like it that way. If not, leave a little to the imagination - then perhaps we won’t be put off! Who doesn’t love a bit of intrigue? I do…

[UKRomeo]

It is a simple politeness to read through the profile first and ask a question or make a suggestion towards what the person is looking for.

If the profile is empty and the person is new on FET, feel free to experiment but do not expect much, because it’s not always up to the sender, if the message comes through.

Sometimes it is the receiver who will have other reasons not to react to your perfectly built ice breaker.

Just keep calm and keep trying!

[CopperKnob]

If people are sending messages to others as they suggest in some of these comments then I can see very clearly why there's so many individuals not receiving replies.
There is no one size fits all. All I can say is, any message from a stranger will need to evidence that they've read my profile, that they've shown an interest in anything other than my photo's. It needs to be well thought out, share a little about themselves, tell me why they decided to message me. Humour goes a long way.
But, even messages which achieve all of the above may not get a response from me and that will be down to the fact that they have nothing in their profile, no photo's, their 100's of miles away and because we've never interacted in the forums and I've not got a sense as to who they are. Lastly, whether I respond or not will depend wholly on what mood I'm in/what else is going in in life and whether I have the energy to spare in starting and sustaining a conversation with someone.

[ke****]

Just say hi. I don't know why women need a list of requirements that need to be met. Just say hello and ask questions. If it doesn't flow then no stress. We all know that those requirements aren't set in stone for every guy if the guy just looks right

[LD****]

Seems like everything is coming with a formula when it should just be a both parties giving a chance to the potential experience

[ge****]

18 minutes ago, keishio said:

Just say hi. I don't know why women need a list of requirements that need to be met. Just say hello and ask questions. If it doesn't flow then no stress. We all know that those requirements aren't set in stone for every guy if the guy just looks right

Shouldn't everyone have a list of requirements to be met though? Regardless of their gender?
.
To suggest otherwise would suggest that it doesn't matter who you message in the hope of getting a reply.
.
Or looking at in another way, lets presume when you choose to message someone you do so because you think that person meets the requirements you are looking for - so how is that so different from a recipient applying their own requirements in reverse to decide whether to reply or not?

[CopperKnob]

4 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Shouldn't everyone have a list of requirements to be met though? Regardless of their gender?
.
To suggest otherwise would suggest that it doesn't matter who you message in the hope of getting a reply.
.
Or looking at in another way, lets presume when you choose to message someone you do so because you think that person meets the requirements you are looking for - so how is that so different from a recipient applying their own requirements in reverse to decide whether to reply or not?

Agreed.
Not having requirements as to who you message is dangerous territory.
Moving on from a message and into a potential relationship, aren't boundaries requirements? Aren't limits requirements? Isn't aftercare a requirement? Etc etc

[Du****]

24 minutes ago, keishio said:

Just say hi. I don't know why women need a list of requirements that need to be met. Just say hello and ask questions. If it doesn't flow then no stress. We all know that those requirements aren't set in stone for every guy if the guy just looks right

Dude, the first thing you said to me was “hey” - which proved you hadn’t read my profile!

[ke****]

I know, I said hey and asked a question which is exactly what I said I'd be happy with for an approach.

[pe****]

I don't usually make the initial contact but if I did, I would always begin with "Hi, I noticed you put in your profile this(.....) And I would like to learn more about you?" This way, you have a respectful introduction. They know that you took the time to read their profile and you have a sincere interest in them.

[ke****]

13 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Shouldn't everyone have a list of requirements to be met though? Regardless of their gender?
.
To suggest otherwise would suggest that it doesn't matter who you message in the hope of getting a reply.
.
Or looking at in another way, lets presume when you choose to message someone you do so because you think that person meets the requirements you are looking for - so how is that so different from a recipient applying their own requirements in reverse to decide whether to reply or not?

I don't want to mix things up with dating requirements. I'm talking about starting a conversation. If someone approached me in real life I wouldn't snub them off for not asking a question in an exciting or outstanding way. 

[CopperKnob]

4 minutes ago, keishio said:

I don't want to mix things up with dating requirements. I'm talking about starting a conversation. If someone approached me in real life I wouldn't snub them off for not asking a question in an exciting or outstanding way. 

And this comes down to individuals. For me, I get to deal with a lot of vicarious trauma during the day and I'm generally done people-ing come 6pm. As long as its understood that for a lot of people it's a real effort to respond to a message from a stranger when it's clear that there is low effort re it's content then that's fine.
It's when people become angry and resort to aggression albeit online that it's an issue.

[ke****]

13 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

And this comes down to individuals. For me, I get to deal with a lot of vicarious trauma during the day and I'm generally done people-ing come 6pm. As long as its understood that for a lot of people it's a real effort to respond to a message from a stranger when it's clear that there is low effort re it's content then that's fine.
It's when people become angry and resort to aggression albeit online that it's an issue.

The retaliation is a different issue which of course I wouldn't agree with

[DonnaH]

The worst way is to not even bother to read my profile! I’m very sub. I get tons of guys asking me to dom them. WTF ?

[ge****]

50 minutes ago, keishio said:

I don't want to mix things up with dating requirements. I'm talking about starting a conversation. If someone approached me in real life I wouldn't snub them off for not asking a question in an exciting or outstanding way. 

Yeah maybe so - but here isn't real life - real life you have visual cues to go off, and give context - here you don't have that, so you have to be engaged by a message to have any interest in responding to it.
.
Being bisexual I get my fair share from men that start "Hey" and don't get beyond that, or if they do it's something trite like "What you up to?" - so I totally understand why women won't respond to such things.
.
And that's before you even consider that invariably a simple "Hi" conversation starter quickly degenerates into vulgarity or claims of being horny etc - so again I totally get why women expect something "more" - in fact I'd expect most people would want something more

[ke****]

8 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Yeah maybe so - but here isn't real life - real life you have visual cues to go off, and give context - here you don't have that, so you have to be engaged by a message to have any interest in responding to it.
.
Being bisexual I get my fair share from men that start "Hey" and don't get beyond that, or if they do it's something trite like "What you up to?" - so I totally understand why women won't respond to such things.
.
And that's before you even consider that invariably a simple "Hi" conversation starter quickly degenerates into vulgarity or claims of being horny etc - so again I totally get why women expect something "more" - in fact I'd expect most people would want something more

Civility doesn't end at the absence of visual cues and I'm not suggesting people should try talk to everyone tha messages them. My point is the entitlement of a person to suggest a stranger should excite them right out the gates for them to even consider speaking to them is pure narcissism. I think it boils down to knowing it's not the message but the picture that brings the excitement and we're just pretending it's not as shallow as that

[eR****]

As a new person, a month just existing logging in sporadically with no commitment and not really spending time in the app to learn and taking the plunge 2 days ago @ and getting a membership. I ran across a few nice men who were very welcoming. My favorite is the one who took it upon himself to be welcoming and explain the lifestyle almost like a mentor/guide. He asked tactful open end questions to me from his observation and offered himself as a resource. He even asked about my hesitation possibility of a walls (smart man), and my responses and questions got more personal and i now feel more comfortable. I finally asked, what does this mean to you since waterboarding is considered “breath play” in some articles and i asked about his prior Ds relationships. He was honest/respectful and matter a fact. I personally like that. I think “requirements” are important since age is definitely a dealbreaker for me. That encounter has actually made me more curious, more accepting among other things. Oh i came across my first fake profile which was obvious to me even if this person wasn’t a fake profile but started talking about “love “ on the first 2 bubbles or dick pic definitely adds them to wall of block.

[Ma****]

The old: Hi How are you, today? Is perfect.

[Du****]

8 minutes ago, MarMiami said:

The old: Hi How are you, today? Is perfect.

Not for the 17th time in a day it isn’t. Sorry, it’ll probably go in the bin with the rest of them.

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

Not for the 17th time in a day it isn’t. Sorry, it’ll probably go in the bin with the rest of them.

Accurate 😂

[St****]

I suspect we are too far away but you have the most stunning eyes

[su****]

Usually it has to do with something one their profile that is unique

[Th****]

58 minutes ago, keishio said:

Civility doesn't end at the absence of visual cues and I'm not suggesting people should try talk to everyone tha messages them. My point is the entitlement of a person to suggest a stranger should excite them right out the gates for them to even consider speaking to them is pure narcissism. I think it boils down to knowing it's not the message but the picture that brings the excitement and we're just pretending it's not as shallow as that

It's really not narcissism in the least, it's exhaustion and conservation of energy and time. The reality is that women here often get literally dozens of hi, hey, how are yourself a day, very many to most from a nearly blank profile. All of which is low effort which is often an indication of what that person will continue to offer. You've unfortunately demonstrated another low effort move by not reading someone's profile before messaging them when theirs *clearly* says that a "hey" message means  an automatic non response from them. It doesn't matter that's how you like to be approached and it doesn't mean an initial message needs to immediately "excite." It's not difficult to be minimally interesting, respectful and considerate. 

As to your twice now mentioned implications that appearances are all that matters, if that were the truth I'd be swimming in play partners, and very frustratingly for me, that's far from reality. I feel pretty confident saying I'm pretty likely not the only one dealing with the same frustrations. 

Edited November 28, 2023 by ThaliaVirago

[Th****]

2 hours ago, keishio said:

I don't want to mix things up with dating requirements. I'm talking about starting a conversation. If someone approached me in real life I wouldn't snub them off for not asking a question in an exciting or outstanding way. 

You can't compare messages to in person. It's more like a phone call, which is an invitation to communicate, the reciever can look at the "caller id" (the initial message and maybe profile but not everyone is going to look at a profile every time for a "hi" or "hey") and choose to not pick up, that's not entitlement. Entitlement is getting pissed over no response. 

[Deleted Member]

Waiting to see if they read my bio- A person who follows my terms really lights my fire 🔥 🔥💋💋

Then & only then can my Fun spicy 🥵 side come out to PLAY. 💋