Gags and safe words

[Deleted Member]

I've told my partner when she is wearing a gag to only say yes Sir, no Sir, and our safe word. Anything else will get her whipped. However, she is such a chatty brat, and likes the whip. The problem we are having is when I start getting too rough, and she does use our safe word I don't understand it right away. She thinks I'm ignoring it.
Does anyone else have this problem? Or have any advice.

[Ap****]

I don't have any personal experience with this but just as a thought, it sounds like you two really need to establish a physical/non-verbal safe signal she can implement easily and clearly while gaged.

[Deleted Member]

In my experience, hand signals would be the best option... Closed fist for the all stop, Flat-Handed tapping on oneself or post or whatever they're tied to for more/faster, four index fingers tapping one's thumb to slow down. You could also add snapping into the mix if you need more signals. You could always have the sub/ partner do humming but in my experience sometimes that will get lost in the noise also. Hope that helps. Enjoy!

[Ar****]

You've got two options I can see.

This is not a criticism, kudos for reaching out for advice. You're responsible for making sure you don't get so carried away that you don't understand her signals, so option one is that you don't put yourself in that position again. You're compromising yourself and you're compromising her - you have to be able to keep enough attention and focus. If you can't, it's irresponsible to play. Either way you're looking at a self-discipline issue, where you can be resolved enough to not put her in a gag until you're in a position to not get too rough/carried away, or you can hold off on your own wants and desires during such a scene to save splitting your attention and put it where it needs to be.

Your other option might work better - ditch the safeword entirely and find an alternative. It isn't working. Safewords and gags rarely do work together. Dependent on other conditions (I'm thinking chiefly about restraints here) then I would be considering items you can give your partner to hold in her hands to use as a signal instead, for example a bell she could ring, a solid object she could drop on the floor, a buzzer to press, even just something as simple as a large eye-catching hair scrunchie you could watch for her to wave.

I would say the most important thing to do though is to talk to her. Reassure her that you aren't ignoring her, that you care about her, and that you want to find a solution, then see what she suggests. You'll probably find you come up with something that works for the two of you that nobody else has thought of, because nobody knows your connection like the two of you do.

Best of luck.

[MK****]

That is why I use a three-tap method along with a safe word, and a designated point in the room to stare at if they are completely restrained. As a DOM it's your responsibility to cover all the ways things can go wrong, and have a plan for them.

[Deleted Member]

Pay attention......drrrrrrr

[Li****]

You should really learn to know your submissive and her body language a lot better before engaging in this type of play!

[Deleted Member]

Useless glitching App this is ....
Can't even write a brief comment without it fouling up 7 out of 10....
I'm canning Fet for good....

[Deleted Member]

You all have a lot of good points. I really like the three-tap method. I'll let my wife read these and see what she likes.

[ey****]

totally understandable why you're having problems and really cool to look for a solution

yep, I'd recommend - especially if she is gagged - some form of non-verbal safeword.  This could include actually tapping, or given something in a hand to drop (at the worst, if it drops by accident, it gives a pause) 

[Deleted Member]

Use an other word, that u can understand everytime, a clear gesture or give her something she can drop

[DeviantInside]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

totally understandable why you're having problems and really cool to look for a solution

yep, I'd recommend - especially if she is gagged - some form of non-verbal safeword.  This could include actually tapping, or given something in a hand to drop (at the worst, if it drops by accident, it gives a pause) 

This. Things like keys or something similar that jingle or make a distinctive sound (especially over a hard floor) can be great for this.

[Deleted Member]

My friend tells me to flip him the bird when I want him to stop flogging me. Can't hear me well when I'm biting the sheets.

[Cu****]

A lightweight catball with a jingle bell inside, that fits in the palm of her hand. As soon as the ball moves, even whilst still being held, the jingle sounds. As mentioned by others, even if the sound is generated inadvertently, it’s done the job of attracting and alerting you to your sub’s need for help.

[s_****]

i agree with the suggestions of non-verbal signals, only adding another thought: she likes the whip and breaks rules to get it - if you want to change this, you could make the whipping a reward instead of a punishment. so like, she'll get whipped at the end of your session only it she managed to stay as quiet as you wanted her to ;) just a reminder that what rule-breaking, rewards, and punishments mean, is entirely open to your and your partner's needs :) well done asking for advice too! wishing you the best

[s_****]

1 minute ago, s_kay said:

i agree with the suggestions of non-verbal signals, only adding another thought: she likes the whip and breaks rules to get it - if you want to change this, you could make the whipping a reward instead of a punishment. so like, she'll get whipped at the end of your session only it she managed to stay as quiet as you wanted her to ;) just a reminder that what rule-breaking, rewards, and punishments mean, is entirely open to your and your partner's needs :) well done asking for advice too! wishing you the best

*edit: only if she managed

[MASTERKONRAD]

Use hand signs and body bumps( she slams her self to the right or left hard 1 to 3 X). These are part of the SAFE WORD system.⛓️

[DeviantInside]

9 hours ago, s_kay said:

i agree with the suggestions of non-verbal signals, only adding another thought: she likes the whip and breaks rules to get it - if you want to change this, you could make the whipping a reward instead of a punishment. so like, she'll get whipped at the end of your session only it she managed to stay as quiet as you wanted her to ;) just a reminder that what rule-breaking, rewards, and punishments mean, is entirely open to your and your partner's needs :) well done asking for advice too! wishing you the best

This is good. For some. I am possibly the worst Dom for a brat as I don’t react expectedly to brattiness. I am far less likely to give someone the thing they are trying to get if I feel they are trying to “play” or manipulate me towards it. I prefer to do those things when they are behaving in a mutually beneficial way rather than trying to provoke me.

[DeviantInside]

1 minute ago, DeviantInside said:

This is good. For some. I am possibly the worst Dom for a brat as I don’t react expectedly to brattiness. I am far less likely to give someone the thing they are trying to get if I feel they are trying to “play” or manipulate me towards it. I prefer to do those things when they are behaving in a mutually beneficial way rather than trying to provoke me.

That said there are many that enjoy the whole brattiverse and enjoy the whole give and take and play back and forth involved. Which is what works for them.

[Hy****]

Hissing huffs/sharp sudden exhales does the trick

[Redbottom***]

I agree having more than a word is essential. When I go to subspace I forgot to breath never mind be able to actually say a word. I have 2 safewords and 2 hand signals. One is to communicate am reaching my limit so tread carefully and second is stop
You could go as far as three to confirm all ok, especially when exploring new things

[Deleted Member]

Just wanted to give an update. We've decided to try out several different suggestions. So we can see what works best for us before bringing the gag back into play. I'm very thankful for everyone here. Joining this community has definitely made a difference.

[Leisa]

I’ve always used a hand signal when gagged. A simply tap and a held out palm in a stop signal did the trick. The purpose of the gag is to minimize vocal ability. I can see where their frustration comes in.

[Sweetestsadist]

When play partner is gagged, I give him a small squeaky toy to hold onto. If I hear the squeak, it's slow down. If he drops it, I stop