What makes a good Dom?

[DeviantInside]

Ok… I have been on the scene for a good 20 years or so. So hopefully I have learnt at least something…. Though I am always slightly wary of anyone that claims to be an expert. So this is opinion rather than gospel.

So what makes a good Dom? Someone who is able to understand what a specific sub needs. I can be an amazing Dom for one person… and completely incompetent for another. Neither makes me better or worse as a Dom from an objective perspective… and that’s the point. It’s all entirely subjective. What works with one person will be different with another, even if both enjoy it. Any connection you make will be different from any other you have made. And nothing will ever match up to an “ideal” you are ascribing. There is always compromise. So what makes a good Dom? Finding someone that you are a good Dom for.

Please feel free to criticise or dismiss as appropriate.

[Deleted Member]

Very good point in my perspective understanding limits to compatibility indicates a good grasp of what you need to feel dominant or to establish some level of dominance over someone with respect to their given situation. I like your point because it makes it more of a spectrum than a hierarchy .

[No****]

There are majority submissive men on here. Finding a dominant man is exxtremely frustrating as a woman. They dont like us anymore. They dont like our bodies. Its become man lays on back and asks what can you do for me? As if we dont already do everything. Anyhow. What makes a good Dom is the opposite. Its being a man. Grabbing her and dominating her and making her feel like an actual woman. Its one of the most rare types of men that exist now. However…. I wouldnt make her feel invalidated and mediocre by fucking multiple women. Thats where you have it wrong. When u put a good highly sexual queen a pedastel
She will take care of you forever and you should focus on dominating her snd not a community of women. When u entertain multiple women it makes you look like a boy and not man and immediately lose your credibility of anything else you did. Because you didnt get it. Womens vulnerability is about trust and being safe with the man when he acts like he doesnt care he loses that trust si good luck getting her to do every single thing you want now… if you want it all. Focus only on her and she will provide

[Punishersfury]

38 minutes ago, Nonnahs said:

There are majority submissive men on here. Finding a dominant man is exxtremely frustrating as a woman. They dont like us anymore. They dont like our bodies. Its become man lays on back and asks what can you do for me? As if we dont already do everything. Anyhow. What makes a good Dom is the opposite. Its being a man. Grabbing her and dominating her and making her feel like an actual woman. Its one of the most rare types of men that exist now. However…. I wouldnt make her feel invalidated and mediocre by fucking multiple women. Thats where you have it wrong. When u put a good highly sexual queen a pedastel
She will take care of you forever and you should focus on dominating her snd not a community of women. When u entertain multiple women it makes you look like a boy and not man and immediately lose your credibility of anything else you did. Because you didnt get it. Womens vulnerability is about trust and being safe with the man when he acts like he doesnt care he loses that trust si good luck getting her to do every single thing you want now… if you want it all. Focus only on her and she will provide

So you speak for a very small community of mono minded people, as somebody's been probably for a better part of 20 years, I'm telling you this now I treat 1 girl as good as I treat my other bro. There's no difference in my behavior towards one or the other. Now, with that being said Your statement of seeing it makes you look like a boy. It shows a very narrow-minded way of thinking. No, if that's the way you'd like to think that is on you, but do not push your personal views onto other people, that is just basics of kink, no matter which way you try it. The original poster had Write comments say about being a dog, so you might want to re-read his posts again. He never seeks anything about being Paul. You or anything else i'm speaking as me personally

[Punishersfury]

A Dom not a dog stupid autocorrect

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Punishersfury said:

So you speak for a very small community of mono minded people, as somebody's been probably for a better part of 20 years, I'm telling you this now I treat 1 girl as good as I treat my other bro. There's no difference in my behavior towards one or the other. Now, with that being said Your statement of seeing it makes you look like a boy. It shows a very narrow-minded way of thinking. No, if that's the way you'd like to think that is on you, but do not push your personal views onto other people, that is just basics of kink, no matter which way you try it. The original poster had Write comments say about being a dog, so you might want to re-read his posts again. He never seeks anything about being Paul. You or anything else i'm speaking as me personally

You know, I was thinking of a reply but I feel her point is a valid perspective . Not one that I feel is challenging anyone just responding to the original question while also shedding some light on her experience and frustrations. I also don’t want to speak for her but it’s something I would value knowing about the perspective of the person I’m engaging with. Again to the original point . She may need a very specific type of interaction that assures of certain things that may go unnoticed to others

[MasterDarcy1979]

The ability to listen. To communicate. To reciprocate. To grow and evolve and nor let your ego get in the way.

And most of all, what makes a good Dom is the ability to discriminate.

By that, I mean, I've seen subs sign up to here and other places and claim to have a Dom within hours.

What kind of a Dominant would collar a submissive within the space of hours? Unless said Dominant has a time machine or they possess the time stone, they're pretty much collaring a stranger. Which is just bizarre.

Personally, if a sub doesn't win me over, that's the end of that.

Edited August 20, 2024 by MasterDarcy1979

[Punishersfury]

15 minutes ago, tortoise-hand said:

You know, I was thinking of a reply but I feel her point is a valid perspective . Not one that I feel is challenging anyone just responding to the original question while also shedding some light on her experience and frustrations. I also don’t want to speak for her but it’s something I would value knowing about the perspective of the person I’m engaging with. Again to the original point . She may need a very specific type of interaction that assures of certain things that may go unnoticed to others

I'm not seeing her views wrong for somebody whose mono review is perfectly fine, but cast judgment on others is where my problem comes in with her statement.What works for one, like the original post said, Will not always work for another, And to throw shade onto somebody else's way of living or lifestyle is just, I don't know it's what's wrong with a lot of the community, Nowadays

[Punishersfury]

So my opinion on what a Dom is person. Is there somebody who helps? There's a mythm pro in a positive manner, and it's not a hindrance. A burden or another hurdle for them to jump now with that being said, but the original post said different strokes for different folks. So what might work for ASAP? I have. I mean, I've worked for another sub that somebody else has what my rules are. I may not work with another person's rules. With all that being said a good Dom, he learns about his sub. For months, b four ever, even thinking about collaring her And a lot for it that a caller are they going to play caller a real caller? It's the same thing as a wedding room. You take you with the same amount of seriousness as you do a wedding ring, but again, this is just my opinion

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, Punishersfury said:

I'm not seeing her views wrong for somebody whose mono review is perfectly fine, but cast judgment on others is where my problem comes in with her statement.What works for one, like the original post said, Will not always work for another, And to throw shade onto somebody else's way of living or lifestyle is just, I don't know it's what's wrong with a lot of the community, Nowadays

Agreed . It was point I failed to highlight and kinda regretted that I didn’t after the post. The judgement was a little much.

[Go****]

Well we can see from the two above responses that there are going to be as many answers to this as there are people. But I'll throw my two cents in here. First of all, Nonahs is correct in her assertion that the male population has been feminized. We have been beaten down and told that masculinity is bad by a few angry feminists. But they yell so loud that it seems like they were the majority. I don't believe that. I believe that most women enjoy being women and value what they bring to the world by being women. It is difficult for women to find a man who exudes masculinity because these outspoken feminists will put them down every chance they get. But on the opposite side, it is truly difficult to find feminine and even more difficult to find submissive women. We see for example on this site thousands of women claiming to be submissives, littles, etc. But the truth is that on the majority of those profiles, they also claim to be Brats. Can a individual truly be a submissive while also being a brat, acting out, refusing to submit? I think that the issue is on what we in the average kink world, not extreme but average kink world, think of when we think of a submissive. And what we think of as a submissive then in turn would reflect heavily on what we would think of as a Dom or a daddy. Let me give you a thought. If a submissive is told to do something that they want to do, are they being submissive? The very idea of a submissive is someone who is really a caregiver themselves. They like the act of servitude. Of doing things for someone. And by the very nature of submission, they many times would do things for their Dom that it would not normally do or would not want to do. It's also important to remember that they do this out of the gladness of their heart, not out of an obligation. In the relationship, the submissives gift is submission. How hard must it be to acknowledge that you're going to submit to a man and with very few limitations do whatever it takes to make him happy? This is her gift. I guess I shouldn't use the word her here because men can be submissives as well. But for the remainder of this I'm going to use her as the submissive. So, what would make a woman not only want to, but to get off on completely submitting to a man's will? And now we begin two untangle what I believe makes a good Dom. The first thing is that the Dom is responsible for everything. Think about it, how can the submissive be responsible for anything if the Dom made all the decisions. So one of the gifts that the Dom gives to his submissive is the freedom of knowing that she is free of responsibility. The buck always stops with the Dom. He's responsible for making good decisions in all aspects of their life. But it goes further. The Dom is responsible for his sub. He's responsible for lifting her up, praising her, guiding her, leading her, supporting her, being there for her in the way that she needs, and most importantly making her feel valued. But those are just words that unless put into actions will fail to build the trust between the Dom and his sub which is necessary for her to provide that gift of submissiveness. It's important to understand that everyone has different ideas about what is great and what is not. We saw that in the first response above and then we see on the response just above mine or she says that you should be in a monogamous relationship. While she's right that there are a lot of feminized men out there, she is wrong about whether it should be a monogamous relationship or not. Obviously this depends on the people involved in that relationship and what they want. My last sub loved going out and finding lasheses for Daddy. That was the term that he used for girls that she would meet and bring home. I like false lasheses, I think they look sexy and so the term was coined lasheses. What's she wrong for that? Of course not, does that make it right for everyone? Of course not it's all individual. So as we put all of this together, what we talk about is building a trust. So what makes a good Dom, it's really the same thing that makes a good sub. It's about communicating in the way that would be expected for your role. I had a conversation with a person tonight whose profile looked awesome. She was a person who was a sub, a little, and nowhere on her profile that it say anything about being a brat... For me so far this is good. In that conversation she indicated that she would never have other women and the relationship, that this was a hard limit for her and that if that was a problem for me that It would be a deal breaker. Play some rage The Red flag to me. Not that she was looking for monogamy. I told her flat out that while I love threesomes and enjoy having them, but that they weren't something that I had to have. If there is a good strong connection between the people and You find that joy with that person, why would you let one thing stand in your way. Plus, through communication you can find other ways of making it happen. For example you can share fantasies with that person, etc. So if my concern was not the fact that she didn't want to have threesomes or moresomes. What was it? Well the simple fact of the matter is that communication is key in all relationships and certainly more so in a relationship between a Dom and a sub where your building a roll, your own universe that each depends on the other to lift them up in that role. So here in this conversation where she's telling me that she is a sub., and in that same conversation saying adamantly, aggressively, in a demanding way that this is what she wants and she'll accept nothing else, then this is not the verbiage that a sub would use. She could in fact relay the same information by simply saying, Daddy I read on your profile that you really enjoy the threesomes. And I'm a really good girl and I would want to please you but this is something that for me really causes an issue. It really makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't know that that's something I want to do. Would it be okay if we just set that to the side and focused on other things? So now we get to the crux of what makes a good daddy. In my opinion a good daddy listens to his good girl. She is his princess and his life. His job is to lift her up and make her feel successful and loved and valued and supported and and and and and and. It's a fine line when we understand that sometimes we have to take our sub down a path on something that they wouldn't have chosen just so they can truly submit and on the other side of that line to listen to what they're saying so that they can trust and know that when something's really important to them that it's important to you as well. I am a Dom who takes my role very seriously. And when I hear my baby girl come to me and tell me something from her heart that's so important to her, I want to make that a priority. Sometimes, we'll just put that thing right out of our life. Sometimes we can find a mutual compromise that we both can live with. But it always starts with good communication with listening to each other and speaking to each other in a way that lifts the other person up in their role. As a Dom, as a daddy I would have the responded to her by saying; wow princess, it seems like that's really important to you when I'll be honest I really do love the threesomes. I don't need to have them but I would like to be able to have them once in a while. Can we agree that for now they're not going to be a part of what we're doing but that we can talk about them here and there throughout our relationship and if you become more comfortable with them that we can introduce those at a later time? So in this conversation I had with this potential sub tonight, she took great offense to two things. One is that I would not allow her to take complete control and dictate in a dominant fashion what she would and wouldn't do. That instead I insisted that she could communicate in a less demanding way and allow me to respond in a more caring way. And she took offense to my statement that hard limits was not my favorite term for a sub to use. But instead by using that communication you could get across the same thought processes, you could convey the same level of importance while still maintaining your role and allowing that Dom did not have to capitulate or take on the submissive role by agreeing. Communication is everything, it's what builds the trust that allows the Dom to act as a DOM and the sub to act as a sub. But it's not just words that matter, it's the way we convey those words. And in the conveyance of those words, always, always lifting your partner up

[Go****]

5 minutes ago, GoodDaddy4GoodGirl said:

Well we can see from the two above responses that there are going to be as many answers to this as there are people. But I'll throw my two cents in here. First of all, Nonahs is correct in her assertion that the male population has been feminized. We have been beaten down and told that masculinity is bad by a few angry feminists. But they yell so loud that it seems like they were the majority. I don't believe that. I believe that most women enjoy being women and value what they bring to the world by being women. It is difficult for women to find a man who exudes masculinity because these outspoken feminists will put them down every chance they get. But on the opposite side, it is truly difficult to find feminine and even more difficult to find submissive women. We see for example on this site thousands of women claiming to be submissives, littles, etc. But the truth is that on the majority of those profiles, they also claim to be Brats. Can a individual truly be a submissive while also being a brat, acting out, refusing to submit? I think that the issue is on what we in the average kink world, not extreme but average kink world, think of when we think of a submissive. And what we think of as a submissive then in turn would reflect heavily on what we would think of as a Dom or a daddy. Let me give you a thought. If a submissive is told to do something that they want to do, are they being submissive? The very idea of a submissive is someone who is really a caregiver themselves. They like the act of servitude. Of doing things for someone. And by the very nature of submission, they many times would do things for their Dom that it would not normally do or would not want to do. It's also important to remember that they do this out of the gladness of their heart, not out of an obligation. In the relationship, the submissives gift is submission. How hard must it be to acknowledge that you're going to submit to a man and with very few limitations do whatever it takes to make him happy? This is her gift. I guess I shouldn't use the word her here because men can be submissives as well. But for the remainder of this I'm going to use her as the submissive. So, what would make a woman not only want to, but to get off on completely submitting to a man's will? And now we begin two untangle what I believe makes a good Dom. The first thing is that the Dom is responsible for everything. Think about it, how can the submissive be responsible for anything if the Dom made all the decisions. So one of the gifts that the Dom gives to his submissive is the freedom of knowing that she is free of responsibility. The buck always stops with the Dom. He's responsible for making good decisions in all aspects of their life. But it goes further. The Dom is responsible for his sub. He's responsible for lifting her up, praising her, guiding her, leading her, supporting her, being there for her in the way that she needs, and most importantly making her feel valued. But those are just words that unless put into actions will fail to build the trust between the Dom and his sub which is necessary for her to provide that gift of submissiveness. It's important to understand that everyone has different ideas about what is great and what is not. We saw that in the first response above and then we see on the response just above mine or she says that you should be in a monogamous relationship. While she's right that there are a lot of feminized men out there, she is wrong about whether it should be a monogamous relationship or not. Obviously this depends on the people involved in that relationship and what they want. My last sub loved going out and finding lasheses for Daddy. That was the term that he used for girls that she would meet and bring home. I like false lasheses, I think they look sexy and so the term was coined lasheses. What's she wrong for that? Of course not, does that make it right for everyone? Of course not it's all individual. So as we put all of this together, what we talk about is building a trust. So what makes a good Dom, it's really the same thing that makes a good sub. It's about communicating in the way that would be expected for your role. I had a conversation with a person tonight whose profile looked awesome. She was a person who was a sub, a little, and nowhere on her profile that it say anything about being a brat... For me so far this is good. In that conversation she indicated that she would never have other women and the relationship, that this was a hard limit for her and that if that was a problem for me that It would be a deal breaker. Play some rage The Red flag to me. Not that she was looking for monogamy. I told her flat out that while I love threesomes and enjoy having them, but that they weren't something that I had to have. If there is a good strong connection between the people and You find that joy with that person, why would you let one thing stand in your way. Plus, through communication you can find other ways of making it happen. For example you can share fantasies with that person, etc. So if my concern was not the fact that she didn't want to have threesomes or moresomes. What was it? Well the simple fact of the matter is that communication is key in all relationships and certainly more so in a relationship between a Dom and a sub where your building a roll, your own universe that each depends on the other to lift them up in that role. So here in this conversation where she's telling me that she is a sub., and in that same conversation saying adamantly, aggressively, in a demanding way that this is what she wants and she'll accept nothing else, then this is not the verbiage that a sub would use. She could in fact relay the same information by simply saying, Daddy I read on your profile that you really enjoy the threesomes. And I'm a really good girl and I would want to please you but this is something that for me really causes an issue. It really makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't know that that's something I want to do. Would it be okay if we just set that to the side and focused on other things? So now we get to the crux of what makes a good daddy. In my opinion a good daddy listens to his good girl. She is his princess and his life. His job is to lift her up and make her feel successful and loved and valued and supported and and and and and and. It's a fine line when we understand that sometimes we have to take our sub down a path on something that they wouldn't have chosen just so they can truly submit and on the other side of that line to listen to what they're saying so that they can trust and know that when something's really important to them that it's important to you as well. I am a Dom who takes my role very seriously. And when I hear my baby girl come to me and tell me something from her heart that's so important to her, I want to make that a priority. Sometimes, we'll just put that thing right out of our life. Sometimes we can find a mutual compromise that we both can live with. But it always starts with good communication with listening to each other and speaking to each other in a way that lifts the other person up in their role. As a Dom, as a daddy I would have the responded to her by saying; wow princess, it seems like that's really important to you when I'll be honest I really do love the threesomes. I don't need to have them but I would like to be able to have them once in a while. Can we agree that for now they're not going to be a part of what we're doing but that we can talk about them here and there throughout our relationship and if you become more comfortable with them that we can introduce those at a later time? So in this conversation I had with this potential sub tonight, she took great offense to two things. One is that I would not allow her to take complete control and dictate in a dominant fashion what she would and wouldn't do. That instead I insisted that she could communicate in a less demanding way and allow me to respond in a more caring way. And she took offense to my statement that hard limits was not my favorite term for a sub to use. But instead by using that communication you could get across the same thought processes, you could convey the same level of importance while still maintaining your role and allowing that Dom did not have to capitulate or take on the submissive role by agreeing. Communication is everything, it's what builds the trust that allows the Dom to act as a DOM and the sub to act as a sub. But it's not just words that matter, it's the way we convey those words. And in the conveyance of those words, always, always lifting your partner up

One last thing. I want to make sure that I clarify that I in no way I'm saying that people should not have and say what their hard limits are. I have my hard limits on my profile as well. This is an easy way for people to share information which is a great way of starting communication. What I'm saying is that communication is everything and how we use our words either lifts our partners up and empowers them to be successful in their role as a Dom and or a sub, or it degrades and pushes them down.

[ey****]

Honestly, I think the original post is pretty much spot on.

I feel that... everyone has an individual idea on what a good Dom (or Domme) looks like to them, whether it's what they would seek for in a Dominant or if they are Dominant themselves, what attributes makes them feel like they are good at it.

And folk differ.  "This is my style of Domination" won't work for one person, but will be an "OMG yes" for another.  One thing I think that does make a good Dominant is knowing that they can't just be a Dominant to anyone, regardless of if they're approached and/or fancy the person.

I think other kinda universal things is that... all/most activities carry a risk, and they would know/mitigate this - but also never engage in behaviour which is reckless (I'm using reckless as a broad term here - but even for the extreme players, there's a difference between extreme and reckless)  and an acceptance that learning is a continuous process.

[Go****]

11 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Honestly, I think the original post is pretty much spot on.

I feel that... everyone has an individual idea on what a good Dom (or Domme) looks like to them, whether it's what they would seek for in a Dominant or if they are Dominant themselves, what attributes makes them feel like they are good at it.

And folk differ.  "This is my style of Domination" won't work for one person, but will be an "OMG yes" for another.  One thing I think that does make a good Dominant is knowing that they can't just be a Dominant to anyone, regardless of if they're approached and/or fancy the person.

I think other kinda universal things is that... all/most activities carry a risk, and they would know/mitigate this - but also never engage in behaviour which is reckless (I'm using reckless as a broad term here - but even for the extreme players, there's a difference between extreme and reckless)  and an acceptance that learning is a continuous process.

As a Dom, I'm more of a daddy and not into the extreme stuff. So I have very little that I can contribute other than to agree that there's a difference between extreme fun and reckless. In my post I talked about communication, and how important it is. But you can have all of the communication in the world and still take things a little bit too far... Out of the realm of extreme and into reckless. Like I said, the Dom is responsible for everything. He is responsible for all aspects of the relationship and the buck stops with him or her. At the point where we fail to focus on that point and just act without thinking or considering... Then I think you're right, we break our bond of trust and we would cause considerable damage to the relationship

[ey****]

17 minutes ago, GoodDaddy4GoodGirl said:

to agree that there's a difference between extreme fun and reckless.

by irony, extreme play isn't necessarily reckless.

and perceived tame play can be. All context.

[Se****]

2 hours ago, GoodDaddy4GoodGirl said:

Well we can see from the two above responses that there are going to be as many answers to this as there are people. But I'll throw my two cents in here. First of all, Nonahs is correct in her assertion that the male population has been feminized. We have been beaten down and told that masculinity is bad by a few angry feminists. But they yell so loud that it seems like they were the majority. I don't believe that. I believe that most women enjoy being women and value what they bring to the world by being women. It is difficult for women to find a man who exudes masculinity because these outspoken feminists will put them down every chance they get. But on the opposite side, it is truly difficult to find feminine and even more difficult to find submissive women. We see for example on this site thousands of women claiming to be submissives, littles, etc. But the truth is that on the majority of those profiles, they also claim to be Brats. Can a individual truly be a submissive while also being a brat, acting out, refusing to submit? I think that the issue is on what we in the average kink world, not extreme but average kink world, think of when we think of a submissive. And what we think of as a submissive then in turn would reflect heavily on what we would think of as a Dom or a daddy. Let me give you a thought. If a submissive is told to do something that they want to do, are they being submissive? The very idea of a submissive is someone who is really a caregiver themselves. They like the act of servitude. Of doing things for someone. And by the very nature of submission, they many times would do things for their Dom that it would not normally do or would not want to do. It's also important to remember that they do this out of the gladness of their heart, not out of an obligation. In the relationship, the submissives gift is submission. How hard must it be to acknowledge that you're going to submit to a man and with very few limitations do whatever it takes to make him happy? This is her gift. I guess I shouldn't use the word her here because men can be submissives as well. But for the remainder of this I'm going to use her as the submissive. So, what would make a woman not only want to, but to get off on completely submitting to a man's will? And now we begin two untangle what I believe makes a good Dom. The first thing is that the Dom is responsible for everything. Think about it, how can the submissive be responsible for anything if the Dom made all the decisions. So one of the gifts that the Dom gives to his submissive is the freedom of knowing that she is free of responsibility. The buck always stops with the Dom. He's responsible for making good decisions in all aspects of their life. But it goes further. The Dom is responsible for his sub. He's responsible for lifting her up, praising her, guiding her, leading her, supporting her, being there for her in the way that she needs, and most importantly making her feel valued. But those are just words that unless put into actions will fail to build the trust between the Dom and his sub which is necessary for her to provide that gift of submissiveness. It's important to understand that everyone has different ideas about what is great and what is not. We saw that in the first response above and then we see on the response just above mine or she says that you should be in a monogamous relationship. While she's right that there are a lot of feminized men out there, she is wrong about whether it should be a monogamous relationship or not. Obviously this depends on the people involved in that relationship and what they want. My last sub loved going out and finding lasheses for Daddy. That was the term that he used for girls that she would meet and bring home. I like false lasheses, I think they look sexy and so the term was coined lasheses. What's she wrong for that? Of course not, does that make it right for everyone? Of course not it's all individual. So as we put all of this together, what we talk about is building a trust. So what makes a good Dom, it's really the same thing that makes a good sub. It's about communicating in the way that would be expected for your role. I had a conversation with a person tonight whose profile looked awesome. She was a person who was a sub, a little, and nowhere on her profile that it say anything about being a brat... For me so far this is good. In that conversation she indicated that she would never have other women and the relationship, that this was a hard limit for her and that if that was a problem for me that It would be a deal breaker. Play some rage The Red flag to me. Not that she was looking for monogamy. I told her flat out that while I love threesomes and enjoy having them, but that they weren't something that I had to have. If there is a good strong connection between the people and You find that joy with that person, why would you let one thing stand in your way. Plus, through communication you can find other ways of making it happen. For example you can share fantasies with that person, etc. So if my concern was not the fact that she didn't want to have threesomes or moresomes. What was it? Well the simple fact of the matter is that communication is key in all relationships and certainly more so in a relationship between a Dom and a sub where your building a roll, your own universe that each depends on the other to lift them up in that role. So here in this conversation where she's telling me that she is a sub., and in that same conversation saying adamantly, aggressively, in a demanding way that this is what she wants and she'll accept nothing else, then this is not the verbiage that a sub would use. She could in fact relay the same information by simply saying, Daddy I read on your profile that you really enjoy the threesomes. And I'm a really good girl and I would want to please you but this is something that for me really causes an issue. It really makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't know that that's something I want to do. Would it be okay if we just set that to the side and focused on other things? So now we get to the crux of what makes a good daddy. In my opinion a good daddy listens to his good girl. She is his princess and his life. His job is to lift her up and make her feel successful and loved and valued and supported and and and and and and. It's a fine line when we understand that sometimes we have to take our sub down a path on something that they wouldn't have chosen just so they can truly submit and on the other side of that line to listen to what they're saying so that they can trust and know that when something's really important to them that it's important to you as well. I am a Dom who takes my role very seriously. And when I hear my baby girl come to me and tell me something from her heart that's so important to her, I want to make that a priority. Sometimes, we'll just put that thing right out of our life. Sometimes we can find a mutual compromise that we both can live with. But it always starts with good communication with listening to each other and speaking to each other in a way that lifts the other person up in their role. As a Dom, as a daddy I would have the responded to her by saying; wow princess, it seems like that's really important to you when I'll be honest I really do love the threesomes. I don't need to have them but I would like to be able to have them once in a while. Can we agree that for now they're not going to be a part of what we're doing but that we can talk about them here and there throughout our relationship and if you become more comfortable with them that we can introduce those at a later time? So in this conversation I had with this potential sub tonight, she took great offense to two things. One is that I would not allow her to take complete control and dictate in a dominant fashion what she would and wouldn't do. That instead I insisted that she could communicate in a less demanding way and allow me to respond in a more caring way. And she took offense to my statement that hard limits was not my favorite term for a sub to use. But instead by using that communication you could get across the same thought processes, you could convey the same level of importance while still maintaining your role and allowing that Dom did not have to capitulate or take on the submissive role by agreeing. Communication is everything, it's what builds the trust that allows the Dom to act as a DOM and the sub to act as a sub. But it's not just words that matter, it's the way we convey those words. And in the conveyance of those words, always, always lifting your partner up

There are many, many things I want to pick up on in this post however I’m tired and just finished nights short so I shall come back to the majority of it.

 What I NEEDED to say is that masculinity is NOT a/the problem it is toxic masculinity that causes problems. There is a very significant difference between the two. 

[Di****]

I will push my subs limits slightly and praise them when there being good.

Correcting when there acting up with a spanking time out.

But if they did everything Daddy wants I after care them with pets and praise 😊

[CopperKnob]

Yesterday at 10:23 AM, FatefulDestiny said:

There are many, many things I want to pick up on in this post however I’m tired and just finished nights short so I shall come back to the majority of it.

 What I NEEDED to say is that masculinity is NOT a/the problem it is toxic masculinity that causes problems. There is a very significant difference between the two. 

The comments here, especially the one that refers to a submissive as an "it" 🤦‍♀️
.
As a submissive who also has a strong feministic leaning (the horror! 😱), I'd suggest that those who have recoiled in shock that we exist take a look at the world around them and do the work on reading about what the feminist movement strives to achieve because it's not all about the women.
.
Deviant, your post is spot on, like I've said before, I can stand in a room of people identifying as Doms and not feel it. Everyone has their own perspective, needs and wishes as evidenced by some of the more sensible responses. It's the same for subs. Clearly there are those that do not believe that feminism and submission are symbiotic.

[DeviantInside]

4 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

The comments here, especially the one that refers to a submissive as an "it" 🤦‍♀️
.
As a submissive who also has a strong feministic leaning (the horror! 😱), I'd suggest that those who have recoiled in shock that we exist take a look at the world around them and do the work on reading about what the feminist movement strives to achieve because it's not all about the women.
.
Deviant, your post is spot on, like I've said before, I can stand in a room of people identifying as Doms and not feel it. Everyone has their own perspective, needs and wishes as evidenced by some of the more sensible responses. It's the same for subs. Clearly there are those that do not believe that feminism and submission are symbiotic.

I love the discussion of feminism. And although it was a male derived term I like egalitarianism (for all its faults). It’s about being equal… or rather equally valued with being expected to have the same qualities. As a woman or feminist you should absolutley want to support those that have the capacity and drive to explore the traditionally “male” realms… and we know that so much only exists because women have… but it should also be supported if women want to fulfil supposedly “traditional roles”. Both are valid. As they should be for men. Bother are every bit as important regardless of who fulfills them. Sub Dom Male Female NB Switch all have something to offer which isn’t the same but equally valid… everyone you ever meet has something to offer that you have never experienced and can learn from.

[DeviantInside]

Yesterday at 07:49 AM, GoodDaddy4GoodGirl said:

Well we can see from the two above responses that there are going to be as many answers to this as there are people. But I'll throw my two cents in here. First of all, Nonahs is correct in her assertion that the male population has been feminized. We have been beaten down and told that masculinity is bad by a few angry feminists. But they yell so loud that it seems like they were the majority. I don't believe that. I believe that most women enjoy being women and value what they bring to the world by being women. It is difficult for women to find a man who exudes masculinity because these outspoken feminists will put them down every chance they get. But on the opposite side, it is truly difficult to find feminine and even more difficult to find submissive women. We see for example on this site thousands of women claiming to be submissives, littles, etc. But the truth is that on the majority of those profiles, they also claim to be Brats. Can a individual truly be a submissive while also being a brat, acting out, refusing to submit? I think that the issue is on what we in the average kink world, not extreme but average kink world, think of when we think of a submissive. And what we think of as a submissive then in turn would reflect heavily on what we would think of as a Dom or a daddy. Let me give you a thought. If a submissive is told to do something that they want to do, are they being submissive? The very idea of a submissive is someone who is really a caregiver themselves. They like the act of servitude. Of doing things for someone. And by the very nature of submission, they many times would do things for their Dom that it would not normally do or would not want to do. It's also important to remember that they do this out of the gladness of their heart, not out of an obligation. In the relationship, the submissives gift is submission. How hard must it be to acknowledge that you're going to submit to a man and with very few limitations do whatever it takes to make him happy? This is her gift. I guess I shouldn't use the word her here because men can be submissives as well. But for the remainder of this I'm going to use her as the submissive. So, what would make a woman not only want to, but to get off on completely submitting to a man's will? And now we begin two untangle what I believe makes a good Dom. The first thing is that the Dom is responsible for everything. Think about it, how can the submissive be responsible for anything if the Dom made all the decisions. So one of the gifts that the Dom gives to his submissive is the freedom of knowing that she is free of responsibility. The buck always stops with the Dom. He's responsible for making good decisions in all aspects of their life. But it goes further. The Dom is responsible for his sub. He's responsible for lifting her up, praising her, guiding her, leading her, supporting her, being there for her in the way that she needs, and most importantly making her feel valued. But those are just words that unless put into actions will fail to build the trust between the Dom and his sub which is necessary for her to provide that gift of submissiveness. It's important to understand that everyone has different ideas about what is great and what is not. We saw that in the first response above and then we see on the response just above mine or she says that you should be in a monogamous relationship. While she's right that there are a lot of feminized men out there, she is wrong about whether it should be a monogamous relationship or not. Obviously this depends on the people involved in that relationship and what they want. My last sub loved going out and finding lasheses for Daddy. That was the term that he used for girls that she would meet and bring home. I like false lasheses, I think they look sexy and so the term was coined lasheses. What's she wrong for that? Of course not, does that make it right for everyone? Of course not it's all individual. So as we put all of this together, what we talk about is building a trust. So what makes a good Dom, it's really the same thing that makes a good sub. It's about communicating in the way that would be expected for your role. I had a conversation with a person tonight whose profile looked awesome. She was a person who was a sub, a little, and nowhere on her profile that it say anything about being a brat... For me so far this is good. In that conversation she indicated that she would never have other women and the relationship, that this was a hard limit for her and that if that was a problem for me that It would be a deal breaker. Play some rage The Red flag to me. Not that she was looking for monogamy. I told her flat out that while I love threesomes and enjoy having them, but that they weren't something that I had to have. If there is a good strong connection between the people and You find that joy with that person, why would you let one thing stand in your way. Plus, through communication you can find other ways of making it happen. For example you can share fantasies with that person, etc. So if my concern was not the fact that she didn't want to have threesomes or moresomes. What was it? Well the simple fact of the matter is that communication is key in all relationships and certainly more so in a relationship between a Dom and a sub where your building a roll, your own universe that each depends on the other to lift them up in that role. So here in this conversation where she's telling me that she is a sub., and in that same conversation saying adamantly, aggressively, in a demanding way that this is what she wants and she'll accept nothing else, then this is not the verbiage that a sub would use. She could in fact relay the same information by simply saying, Daddy I read on your profile that you really enjoy the threesomes. And I'm a really good girl and I would want to please you but this is something that for me really causes an issue. It really makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't know that that's something I want to do. Would it be okay if we just set that to the side and focused on other things? So now we get to the crux of what makes a good daddy. In my opinion a good daddy listens to his good girl. She is his princess and his life. His job is to lift her up and make her feel successful and loved and valued and supported and and and and and and. It's a fine line when we understand that sometimes we have to take our sub down a path on something that they wouldn't have chosen just so they can truly submit and on the other side of that line to listen to what they're saying so that they can trust and know that when something's really important to them that it's important to you as well. I am a Dom who takes my role very seriously. And when I hear my baby girl come to me and tell me something from her heart that's so important to her, I want to make that a priority. Sometimes, we'll just put that thing right out of our life. Sometimes we can find a mutual compromise that we both can live with. But it always starts with good communication with listening to each other and speaking to each other in a way that lifts the other person up in their role. As a Dom, as a daddy I would have the responded to her by saying; wow princess, it seems like that's really important to you when I'll be honest I really do love the threesomes. I don't need to have them but I would like to be able to have them once in a while. Can we agree that for now they're not going to be a part of what we're doing but that we can talk about them here and there throughout our relationship and if you become more comfortable with them that we can introduce those at a later time? So in this conversation I had with this potential sub tonight, she took great offense to two things. One is that I would not allow her to take complete control and dictate in a dominant fashion what she would and wouldn't do. That instead I insisted that she could communicate in a less demanding way and allow me to respond in a more caring way. And she took offense to my statement that hard limits was not my favorite term for a sub to use. But instead by using that communication you could get across the same thought processes, you could convey the same level of importance while still maintaining your role and allowing that Dom did not have to capitulate or take on the submissive role by agreeing. Communication is everything, it's what builds the trust that allows the Dom to act as a DOM and the sub to act as a sub. But it's not just words that matter, it's the way we convey those words. And in the conveyance of those words, always, always lifting your partner up

Ok… so… firstly I have never felt that my “masculinity” has ever been questioned or that I have been feminised… I honestly don’t care: I learnt to knit at 4, I have learned to tat and crochet. I love art and literature. I have no issue with showing caring or emotional. I genuinely don’t see any of that as not masculine. I also don’t care. I also have never found any difficulty finding submissives. Not all have worked out and sometimes we have found that (for various reasons) we weren’t a match. Which is perfectly fine. I am still on goofs terms with almost all of them (almost because sometimes it won’t be). I am not responsible for anyone else but me… all I can ever be is better. If you want to be liked… be likeable. If you want to be wanted… be desirable. If you want to be trusted… be trustworthy. If you want to find someone that you connect with… be you.

[NaughtyRuff]

On 8/20/2024 at 4:49 PM, GoodDaddy4GoodGirl said:

Well we can see from the two above responses that there are going to be as many answers to this as there are people. But I'll throw my two cents in here. First of all, Nonahs is correct in her assertion that the male population has been feminized. We have been beaten down and told that masculinity is bad by a few angry feminists. But they yell so loud that it seems like they were the majority. I don't believe that. I believe that most women enjoy being women and value what they bring to the world by being women. It is difficult for women to find a man who exudes masculinity because these outspoken feminists will put them down every chance they get. But on the opposite side, it is truly difficult to find feminine and even more difficult to find submissive women. We see for example on this site thousands of women claiming to be submissives, littles, etc. But the truth is that on the majority of those profiles, they also claim to be Brats. Can a individual truly be a submissive while also being a brat, acting out, refusing to submit? I think that the issue is on what we in the average kink world, not extreme but average kink world, think of when we think of a submissive. And what we think of as a submissive then in turn would reflect heavily on what we would think of as a Dom or a daddy. Let me give you a thought. If a submissive is told to do something that they want to do, are they being submissive? The very idea of a submissive is someone who is really a caregiver themselves. They like the act of servitude. Of doing things for someone. And by the very nature of submission, they many times would do things for their Dom that it would not normally do or would not want to do. It's also important to remember that they do this out of the gladness of their heart, not out of an obligation. In the relationship, the submissives gift is submission. How hard must it be to acknowledge that you're going to submit to a man and with very few limitations do whatever it takes to make him happy? This is her gift. I guess I shouldn't use the word her here because men can be submissives as well. But for the remainder of this I'm going to use her as the submissive. So, what would make a woman not only want to, but to get off on completely submitting to a man's will? And now we begin two untangle what I believe makes a good Dom. The first thing is that the Dom is responsible for everything. Think about it, how can the submissive be responsible for anything if the Dom made all the decisions. So one of the gifts that the Dom gives to his submissive is the freedom of knowing that she is free of responsibility. The buck always stops with the Dom. He's responsible for making good decisions in all aspects of their life. But it goes further. The Dom is responsible for his sub. He's responsible for lifting her up, praising her, guiding her, leading her, supporting her, being there for her in the way that she needs, and most importantly making her feel valued. But those are just words that unless put into actions will fail to build the trust between the Dom and his sub which is necessary for her to provide that gift of submissiveness. It's important to understand that everyone has different ideas about what is great and what is not. We saw that in the first response above and then we see on the response just above mine or she says that you should be in a monogamous relationship. While she's right that there are a lot of feminized men out there, she is wrong about whether it should be a monogamous relationship or not. Obviously this depends on the people involved in that relationship and what they want. My last sub loved going out and finding lasheses for Daddy. That was the term that he used for girls that she would meet and bring home. I like false lasheses, I think they look sexy and so the term was coined lasheses. What's she wrong for that? Of course not, does that make it right for everyone? Of course not it's all individual. So as we put all of this together, what we talk about is building a trust. So what makes a good Dom, it's really the same thing that makes a good sub. It's about communicating in the way that would be expected for your role. I had a conversation with a person tonight whose profile looked awesome. She was a person who was a sub, a little, and nowhere on her profile that it say anything about being a brat... For me so far this is good. In that conversation she indicated that she would never have other women and the relationship, that this was a hard limit for her and that if that was a problem for me that It would be a deal breaker. Play some rage The Red flag to me. Not that she was looking for monogamy. I told her flat out that while I love threesomes and enjoy having them, but that they weren't something that I had to have. If there is a good strong connection between the people and You find that joy with that person, why would you let one thing stand in your way. Plus, through communication you can find other ways of making it happen. For example you can share fantasies with that person, etc. So if my concern was not the fact that she didn't want to have threesomes or moresomes. What was it? Well the simple fact of the matter is that communication is key in all relationships and certainly more so in a relationship between a Dom and a sub where your building a roll, your own universe that each depends on the other to lift them up in that role. So here in this conversation where she's telling me that she is a sub., and in that same conversation saying adamantly, aggressively, in a demanding way that this is what she wants and she'll accept nothing else, then this is not the verbiage that a sub would use. She could in fact relay the same information by simply saying, Daddy I read on your profile that you really enjoy the threesomes. And I'm a really good girl and I would want to please you but this is something that for me really causes an issue. It really makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't know that that's something I want to do. Would it be okay if we just set that to the side and focused on other things? So now we get to the crux of what makes a good daddy. In my opinion a good daddy listens to his good girl. She is his princess and his life. His job is to lift her up and make her feel successful and loved and valued and supported and and and and and and. It's a fine line when we understand that sometimes we have to take our sub down a path on something that they wouldn't have chosen just so they can truly submit and on the other side of that line to listen to what they're saying so that they can trust and know that when something's really important to them that it's important to you as well. I am a Dom who takes my role very seriously. And when I hear my baby girl come to me and tell me something from her heart that's so important to her, I want to make that a priority. Sometimes, we'll just put that thing right out of our life. Sometimes we can find a mutual compromise that we both can live with. But it always starts with good communication with listening to each other and speaking to each other in a way that lifts the other person up in their role. As a Dom, as a daddy I would have the responded to her by saying; wow princess, it seems like that's really important to you when I'll be honest I really do love the threesomes. I don't need to have them but I would like to be able to have them once in a while. Can we agree that for now they're not going to be a part of what we're doing but that we can talk about them here and there throughout our relationship and if you become more comfortable with them that we can introduce those at a later time? So in this conversation I had with this potential sub tonight, she took great offense to two things. One is that I would not allow her to take complete control and dictate in a dominant fashion what she would and wouldn't do. That instead I insisted that she could communicate in a less demanding way and allow me to respond in a more caring way. And she took offense to my statement that hard limits was not my favorite term for a sub to use. But instead by using that communication you could get across the same thought processes, you could convey the same level of importance while still maintaining your role and allowing that Dom did not have to capitulate or take on the submissive role by agreeing. Communication is everything, it's what builds the trust that allows the Dom to act as a DOM and the sub to act as a sub. But it's not just words that matter, it's the way we convey those words. And in the conveyance of those words, always, always lifting your partner up

I couldn't read your entire essay sorry, but the point you made on being a brat, how can you say that a submissive isn't one if they act out. It's half the fun to act out at times and receive punishment for that behaviour. Let me give you the example...

We are both nearly finished work, He messages stating to be wet and ready the minute He arrives home. My reply "why don't you get me wet and ready then Sir" ...

You would have two options, play the game or don't.

Again this goes back to the type of person you are, to say she isnt a submissive is pretty narrow minded right there!

By playing the game it would absolutely enhance the connection. Reinforcing the dynamic telling the sub what the consequences are if they dont comply, giving them the option to continue being a brat and suffer the consequences or I fold and submit to His desire. Nevertheless they are suddenly not a submissive for being cheeky. 

 

On the other hand, again some Dom's like their submissive to be nothing but a brat, argue everything with fiesty passion and in turn be pounded and ***d in return. That's their dynamic and who are you to say they aren't a submissive?! 

[DeviantInside]

6 minutes ago, NaughtyRuff said:

I couldn't read your entire essay sorry, but the point you made on being a brat, how can you say that a submissive isn't one if they act out. It's half the fun to act out at times and receive punishment for that behaviour. Let me give you the example...

We are both nearly finished work, He messages stating to be wet and ready the minute He arrives home. My reply "why don't you get me wet and ready then Sir" ...

You would have two options, play the game or don't.

Again this goes back to the type of person you are, to say she isnt a submissive is pretty narrow minded right there!

By playing the game it would absolutely enhance the connection. Reinforcing the dynamic telling the sub what the consequences are if they dont comply, giving them the option to continue being a brat and suffer the consequences or I fold and submit to His desire. Nevertheless they are suddenly not a submissive for being cheeky. 

 

On the other hand, again some Dom's like their submissive to be nothing but a brat, argue everything with fiesty passion and in turn be pounded and ***d in return. That's their dynamic and who are you to say they aren't a submissive?! 

100 % brats are and can be submissive (not always there are brats and littlest bar thrive on being dominant too). But all are fine. Finding what you thrive on and someone that not just fits with but enhances that is what can be truly amazing.

[DeviantInside]

Just now, DeviantInside said:

100 % brats are and can be submissive (not always there are brats and littlest bar thrive on being dominant too). But all are fine. Finding what you thrive on and someone that not just fits with but enhances that is what can be truly amazing.

Brats and littles that

[DeviantInside]

7 minutes ago, DeviantInside said:

100 % brats are and can be submissive (not always there are brats and littlest bar thrive on being dominant too). But all are fine. Finding what you thrive on and someone that not just fits with but enhances that is what can be truly amazing.

Meant to say brats and littles… but apparently I can’t type

[Go****]

I think that perhaps we're intertwining things of different nature but calling them the same. And because everyone likes something different, I think that can cause confusion. There have been some comments made that brats can be submissive. Of course they can they can be brought sometimes and submissive at other times and of course there is lots of fun to be had for people who like disciplining brats. But not all submissives want to be brats and not all doms want to have Brats. I think it's important that when we all have these discussions and learn from each other that we keep in mind that we're coming from our place and our perspective but we're talking to a huge audience with each person having a different perspective. My post simply talked about the fact that when a submissive is acting submissive, then it makes sense that they are submissive. And it's not just important about what they say, but how they say it. It is huge.